Why can't guy see past the "body"?

[Annie1313]

Hi

I'm a 26 year-old woman with a very pretty face but a "size 16" body. And I was with this guy who told me that he thought I had a great personality and that I was very pretty but he would only date me if I were thin. So I asked him that if had none of the other qualities and had a horrible personality but was thin, would he date me and he said "yes"! Since then I have become very complexed and think that all my qualities are useless because I am fat! Why do guys pay so much attention to the "body" than other things like a girl being warm, caring, considerate, fun to hang out with, and even being great in bed. It makes you feel so invisible and small:-(

[sa230e]

It's because attraction isn't a choice. We (and women too) don't make a conscious decision whether we're attracted to somebody or not. Attraction is the province of a deeper, more primitive part of our brains and it cares little for personality.

What it comes down to is evolution, the survival of the fittest. We're genetically programmed to be attracted to mates with characteristics that indicate they give us the greatest chance of passing down our genes to the next generation. That spark of attraction we feel towards somebody is our brain telling us that this is a person that can bear us healthy children.

For men, it's certain physical characteristics that thousands of years of evolution have programmed into us that create that spark. Things like the bodily symmetry, the hourglass figure have come to be subconsciously recognized to the male brain as indicators of good health and fertility.

It's not that men purposely rule you out as a partner. The don't consciously decide "Hey, she's fat, let's ignore her!". It's just that most of them just can't get that romantic feeling from you, even if they try, It's not something you can just talk yourself into.

And men probably do appreciate your personality but it creates a feeling of affection as for a friend rather than a feeling of romantic love. There are some men who are legitimately attracted to larger women but they're in the minority.

That doesn't mean that you have to be a size zero either. I've seen women that were around a size 10 that I found attractive. What the media considers attractive isn't necessarily what thousands of years of evolution programmed the male mind to find attractive. If you can drop some of that weight you can improve your luck with men significantly. Not to mention your own health.

I understand what you're going through, by the way. I always was a bigger guy, myself. I don't get much overt attention from girls even though I have a lot of qualities I think they'd love. In the last year I've lost about six inches around my waist but I'm still chubby. But I feel a lot better than I did and I intend to keep with it.

Best of luck to you!

[sinful1620]

Girls do this too. My first year in college I dropped about 50 pounds, and a couple girls from my high school who wouldn't give me the time of day then started flirting with me. I was intelligent, funny, sweet, caring, and trustworthy, but it wasn't til I dropped some weight that girls paid attention to me.

All people are shallow.

[Anonymous]

Because a guy has to imagine having sex with a girl before they can ever get to wanting a relationship. So, it works like this:

1. Guys sees girl and instantly feels either lust or indifference.

2. If he feels lust, he will pursue.

3. If you have a personality or other traits that don't work for him, he may still try to have sex and then move on.

4. If you are sexy to him and you have the other things he wants, he may end up starting a relationship with you.

Luckily for you, not all guys want slim women.. Some want women exactly as you are. Unfortunately, you fell for a guy who is not sexually stimulated by your physique. It happens. I would say regardless it could be a great time for you to consider getting healthier and in better shape for yourself and it could open up the door to more choices in men as well.

[Jonny_]

It's because random guys won't automatically know all the things about you, and can only judge by looks. Generally they're too lazy to get to know someone... its easy to see and want. As bad as it is we're all guilty of it.