To my core, my soul, deep down yada yada I know really don’t want to die by anyone or anything tragic like a fatal car crash or just whatever the circumstance.
I know a lot of people joke like “I wanna die” type memes and I feel like the majority of us that say that know that we don’t truly mean it and that saying “I wanna die” is just a state of how we feel in life at whatever we say that towards.
when I say “I wanna die” I never mean it seriously, although I’ve started noticing a little blip of that thought branch off and feel like it actually means it for a true split second and that makes me feel like an entire second of “yes that would be so nice to be dead and not have to deal w/ this shit anymore” and that piece even thinks “yeah it sucks youd put your family through that grief but it don’t matter to me cuz I’d be dead☺️” like wtf lol I want to say this thinking is just depression speaking but I don't know my brain is like half feeling like it’s that but also feeling like it’s using that excuse as self soother because my best friend committed suicide last year because her mental health had gotten so bad. This isn’t something I’d use an excuse for myself, I wouldn’t kill myself because she did (although it would be so nice to see her again but there’s no guarantee that I’ll even get THAT when I die) so I don't know it all really sucks because I’m certainly depressed if I’m thinking this way right? I’ve never been to therapy and I’m open to it now more than I have ever felt because I never use to feel like I needed it enough and was always pretty stable but I don't know life gets to wavy sometimes and the lows feel so smothering. that the fact i even have to question shit like this is obviously a good sign that I need help and I’ll get it but I’m just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way and if it was just bc of a temporary spike in depression?
I know a lot of people joke like “I wanna die” type memes and I feel like the majority of us that say that know that we don’t truly mean it and that saying “I wanna die” is just a state of how we feel in life at whatever we say that towards.
when I say “I wanna die” I never mean it seriously, although I’ve started noticing a little blip of that thought branch off and feel like it actually means it for a true split second and that makes me feel like an entire second of “yes that would be so nice to be dead and not have to deal w/ this shit anymore” and that piece even thinks “yeah it sucks youd put your family through that grief but it don’t matter to me cuz I’d be dead☺️” like wtf lol I want to say this thinking is just depression speaking but I don't know my brain is like half feeling like it’s that but also feeling like it’s using that excuse as self soother because my best friend committed suicide last year because her mental health had gotten so bad. This isn’t something I’d use an excuse for myself, I wouldn’t kill myself because she did (although it would be so nice to see her again but there’s no guarantee that I’ll even get THAT when I die) so I don't know it all really sucks because I’m certainly depressed if I’m thinking this way right? I’ve never been to therapy and I’m open to it now more than I have ever felt because I never use to feel like I needed it enough and was always pretty stable but I don't know life gets to wavy sometimes and the lows feel so smothering. that the fact i even have to question shit like this is obviously a good sign that I need help and I’ll get it but I’m just wondering if anyone else ever feels this way and if it was just bc of a temporary spike in depression?
