Why does no one care if a man is in pain?

[mobiusforniner]

Let's preface this by saying, I consider myself has having a high pain tolerance. I've broken bones, had multiple surgeries, but would still would hammer through the pain and not complain.

Well... a few days ago I had my first experience with a kidney stone, resulting in renal colic. Quite easily the worst 90 minutes of torturous pain in my life. Nothing would make it better. I curled up on my bathroom floor, groaning, sweating, and heaving. I stretched my muscles so hard that days later I'm still sore. Pissed out blood. The pain was so intense I vomited uncontrollably and lost 3lbs just that morning. I never thought of committing suicide, but during those 90 minutes, I really felt death would have been a sweet release. Mind you, I didn't puss out and go the ER. I endured the stone's entire travel time from the kidney to the bladder until the pain subsided on its own.

During the episode my wife tried not to giggle as she watched me helplessly rolling on the floor. Later, my mother in law was like "oh, that's nothing, women have it so much harder. Now you know what we deal with". Like, I was very supportive and NEVER belittled my wife's pain during labor- who, by the way, was given an epidural for the contraction pains and said she felt "nothing" during labor/delivery.

Like, I'm not begging for compassion, this isn't a competition, but DAUUUM. Not a single bit of empathy. It's like "you're a man, deal with it."

There's my rant. Don't ever get kidney stones.

[anon171999]

It sounds like your wife is emotionally unstable and unwell. That's not a normal response to seeing someone in severe pain, let alone someone you love. Laughing at someone while they're experiencing extreme pain and symptoms like that is not okay, in fact it's a severe sign of being psychopathic.

The symptoms you were experiencing are quite severe and would cause most people to be worried and concerned about you, regardless of whether or not they even knew you. The fact that she was getting some level of enjoyment out of watching you go through pain shows that she isn't concerned about your well-being. When you care about somebody, you NEVER want them to experience any sort of pain, regardless of whether it's physical or emotional pain. I find it quite strange that your wife would respond like that.

If I saw my husband, or anyone for that matter, going through something like that, I'd be really concerned. I'd do everything I could to help them. However I would never find it enjoyable or amusing.

[mobiusforniner]

This is actually a problem for our marriage. I thought this was normal, women just dont have compassion or empathy for men, obviously you prove that wrong. Its not far from the tree, my wifes mom frequently reminds her that men only need sex and in return i should be giving her happiness. If I can't do that, im failing. So whenever im struggling, it sucks because in addition to zero empathy, its like "when are you gonna be done so things can go back to normal"

[MORPHEUS_12]

I am sorry you had to deal with a kidney stone. Actually, it takes from between 40 to 65 days for that kidney stone to transition from the kidney down through your ureter and on its way to the bladder. They say any stone larger than 5mm can not be passed. I passed an 8mm stone. Any kidney stone for a man is the equivalent to being in labor. Had you gone to the ER you would have known what size stone you were working with. They could have given you a shot of toradol, meds for vomiting etc. Those stones are rough and can and do cut ureter on the way down. This is why you were seeing blood. Sometimes they have to bypass the ureter altogether and put in a ureteral stent. The pee would go through the stent to allow your ureter to heal.

[mobiusforniner]

Can it be stuck in the ureter and no longer be in pain? Seems impossible because that entire side would back up and cause renal failure. The pains and blood is gone for me. But now I gotta pee a lot more

[MORPHEUS_12]

Yes, it can but you likely would have reduced urine flow. When I have gone to the ER they give me a male prostate pill called Flowmax. Its supposed to open up or dilate the ureter to allow that stone to slip right out. One stone I had was the size of a grain of rice with jagged edges. I do not like the fact that you have a frequency of urination. Men can get UTIs, however rare because men have a long urether so its longer for bacteria to travel down to the male bladder. This is why women get so many UTIs because we have shorter urethra and bacteria can get to the bladder and kidneys faster. Make sure you do not have a fever.

[tfan1]

I haven’t had them knock on wood but it’s better to have that micro laser or whatever they do without any surgery - somehow they can use a pulse laser I think to actually destroy the stone into particles.

[Gabriel-Chicanito]

Perhaps whisper "Jesus" name, to yourself in such situation.

[mobiusforniner]

Oh I said a lot more than that