I am not addicted to drugs. I am addicting to literally doing nothing.
I can stay in the house and do nothing absolutely all day every day.
When I do things, such as clean, workout, make plans, I feel sick. I feel depressed. My stomach gets sick and I get diahreah.
When I THINK about doing anything productive whatsoever, I get sick, I get diahreah, I feel depressed, my heart pounds harder and harder and harder until I either stop trying to plan activities or I stop doing any activity I am doing.
However at my JOB I am fine. I am the best employee. I work hard. If I ever need a new job, I have excellent work history and any employer would be extremely happy to have me.
And I've been working for years on having that excellent history. Because I want to be able to some day move up in the world.
But at home I am paralyzed. I can't move. I have a gym in my home and I don't even use it.
I do work out maybe once a week. But once a week is merely the best my pathetic ass can do and that's really doing my best to force myself to workout.
I can't clean my place. I can't take showers. I go months without taking a shower. Nobody at work knows because for some reason I don't stink. Got invited out by cute girls and told them I need to take a shower and they come sniff me and tell me I smell good. I guess I'm just lucky I don't stink.
I can't do any of the things I wish I could do. Like read or clean or workout.
I can't even go to the store most days. I will literally starve in my place because I can't get myself to go outside.
Again I'm fine to go to work and work. But anything else I am completely utterly paralyzed.
I feel like I'm utterly fucked.
I relate to addicts. It's as if I am addicted to doing nothing. I don't feel right if I was productive all day.
If I was productive all day I cannot go to sleep until I have laid in bed doing nothing for several hours.
I won't sleep because I was productive and I need that time to do nothing in order to feel normal.
I can stay in the house and do nothing absolutely all day every day.
When I do things, such as clean, workout, make plans, I feel sick. I feel depressed. My stomach gets sick and I get diahreah.
When I THINK about doing anything productive whatsoever, I get sick, I get diahreah, I feel depressed, my heart pounds harder and harder and harder until I either stop trying to plan activities or I stop doing any activity I am doing.
However at my JOB I am fine. I am the best employee. I work hard. If I ever need a new job, I have excellent work history and any employer would be extremely happy to have me.
And I've been working for years on having that excellent history. Because I want to be able to some day move up in the world.
But at home I am paralyzed. I can't move. I have a gym in my home and I don't even use it.
I do work out maybe once a week. But once a week is merely the best my pathetic ass can do and that's really doing my best to force myself to workout.
I can't clean my place. I can't take showers. I go months without taking a shower. Nobody at work knows because for some reason I don't stink. Got invited out by cute girls and told them I need to take a shower and they come sniff me and tell me I smell good. I guess I'm just lucky I don't stink.
I can't do any of the things I wish I could do. Like read or clean or workout.
I can't even go to the store most days. I will literally starve in my place because I can't get myself to go outside.
Again I'm fine to go to work and work. But anything else I am completely utterly paralyzed.
I feel like I'm utterly fucked.
I relate to addicts. It's as if I am addicted to doing nothing. I don't feel right if I was productive all day.
If I was productive all day I cannot go to sleep until I have laid in bed doing nothing for several hours.
I won't sleep because I was productive and I need that time to do nothing in order to feel normal.
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And what are you doing to address your mental health?
The addiction I have is fitness: does that count?
I'm like you- I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs; and I'm okay living a "boring" life! There are worse things in life