My boyfriend is so hard to please, so strict and I feel like he doesn't respect me

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend is 100% Italian (I am only half).. so he comes from a very traditional Catholic household. his mother doesn't have her license so her #1 job is to take care of her husband and her children. that's all my boyfriend knows because that's what he grew up with. lately I feel like he has no respect for me anymore. we have been together for over two years. He said something the other day that really got under my skin so I didn't talk to him the rest of the night. he tried calling me but I didn't answer. what he said really bothered me and I didn't find it funny or appreciate it at all. plus he says these things a lot. I went out with my girlfriends that night for my friends birthday, which I told him I was doing the day before.. then I tried calling him the next day to talk. we haven't talked in 3 days now. he will not call or text me, now he has acting like I'm the one who did something wrong. I am almost 24 years old, I am done with these mind games. why do guys act like this? why is it so hard for my boyfriend to admit he was wrong and apologize? why doesn't he understand that I was upset at the time and didn't want to talk to him and needed my space? why is he turning it around on me and making it seem like its my fault?

Updates

+1 y

I do everything for my boyfriend. I cook, clean, make him lunches to take to work/school. I don't drink (rarely ever, maybe two/three times a month), I don't party. I don't go out. I get together with my girlfriends a few times a week but never to drink/party. He gave me a pair of pants to fix but they are winter pants so I haven't been rushing to fix them. He asked me about them and I said I'm sorry I totally forgot. so then he says "If you were a real woman you'd fix them"

Updates

+1 y

I do a lot for him. not to toot my own horn but I am a really good girlfriend. I'm sick of constantly taking care of him, bending over backwards and not being appreciated. we joke around a lot and I know he jokes when he says things like that, but I lost it because I am so sick of those comments all the time. sometimes they are funny and we tease back and forth. but when you do so much for someone and they never thank you or just walk all over you, it gets to be a bit much.

[madhatters4]

well I think the #1 thing to evaluate is do you and your dudes values add up. like what he wants in a woman and what you want in man see eye to eye.

i know he's 100% italian but something I do know about italians is they respect their wife and mothers almost to a fault. so even if they make mistakes they apologize as the mother/wife while being expected to be the home maker is still in most ways the head of the household.

so in saying that what I hear are issues that don't necessraily stem from his being 100% italian but rather being immature, controlling and inconsiderate.

so I think you sit down and address all this stuff with him very directly (not in a confrontational way but a way that doesn't allow for him to just write you off and ignore the issue). if you two can't compromise on things then there is no future for the relationship. you mention why do "guys do this" but it's a two way street. if you let a guy do something you are just as at fault as he is. so don't let him get away with stuff like this. then you if he still messes up you can blame him.

[Asker]

our values definitely add up. we were both raised similarly and come from Italian backgrounds so we were just brought up the same. he is just very hard headed, stubborn, and has an awful temper. whereas I like to talk things out and fix things. he is younger than me though, I think most of our issues come from him being immature, and being a mama's boy. being spoiled and always getting what he wants (from his mother).

[madhatters4]

re: update... perhaps you just need to tell him the things that you can't deal with. for example, if for a time you allowed certain amounts of teasing and comments he's probably under the impression that you are OK with it and tolerate them. so perhaps just tell him that certain things bother you, being specific and constructive in terms of how to fix the issue

[Asker]

I tell him certain comments bother me all the time but he still does it.

[madhatters4]

then dump him. it's one thing to have certain expectations of a woman (being a homemaker, and that stuff) but expectations and having respect for a woman are two very different things. he can feel however he wants to feel regarding the role of a woman but to disregard her wishes simply shows a lack of respect or concern for your feelings

[Confucius16]

I don't see anything you said here, that implies that he is strict. Could you give some examples for clarification?

This guy seems to lack understanding and empathy? Does he consider your feelings? If he doesn't take the time to understand your feelings, and talk it out with you, and he is not the kind of person that is able to admit he is wrong, and apologize, are you comfortable being with him?

If this is not the guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with, if you are looking for someone who is more understanding, more empathic, and more considerate of your feelings, is this the right guy for you?

If you want to stay with him, then try working things out. Try to talk to him, and tell him how much you are hurt by what he said to you. Next time, try to talk it out, instead of letting it fester and not saying anything. Then you're not solving the problem. Whatever gets under your skin, should be resolved, as that's the key to healthy relationship.

[Asker]

I always try to get him to see things from my point of view but he rarely ever does. I know he was sorry for saying what he said to me because he called me three times after I told him I didn't appreciate it, but he never apologized. I didn't answer his calls because I was so upset. I just didn't want to talk to him. how can I get him to see things from my point of view?

[Confucius16]

If he doesn't appreciate you, after everything you've done, and he puts you down by saying you should fix his clothing like a real woman (which is ordering you around), then he doesn't deserve you. A man who won't apologize, is not a real man. If he really deserved respect, then you would have fixed his clothing for him even without his demanding it, right? So don't force yourself to be with a guy that disrespects you and doesn't apologize for it.

[toulouse]

if you think he doesn't respect you then why would you assume he thinks what he sad was wrong. he sounds from what you say as if he thinks anything he says to you is correct by default because he is above you and you are below him and therefore you are wrong and his right. therefore he is justified in is actions you are guilty..

why ate you with him if you think he doesn't respect you? I don't think lov can exist without respect. do you think it can?

even if he were to apologize to placate u. what happens next time and the next. unless you plan on reeducating him-which is an unlikely and unappealing task-hiwcan things work his view of people is severely stunted?

i mean what's your plan with the guy -even of he apologizes this time?

[martyfellow]

For a lot of people, admitting you are wrong requires a lot of corner time! Maybe he grew up without discipline from hi sparents, so he feels as if he's never wrong.

An awful lot of US kids, regardless of their ethnicity, are raised without any sense of accountability for their actions these days. That shows up in their personal life as well as in school or on the job.

So self-criticism doesn't come at all naturally! And I don't what ideas he has about women's roles...

So what did he say exactly? Curious!

[Asker]

i do everything for him, keep in mind. I cook clean make him lunches for work/school. he has it really good. I don't go out and party. he gave me a pair of (winter) pants to fix and I haven't done it yet, I totally forgot. he said to me "oh its okay thank you anyways... but you know if I had a girlfriend who was a real woman she would have done them by now". I'm sick of those comments. I do everything for him. and he never appreciates it or thanks me or even realizes it!

My boyfriend is so hard

[Flatmanlewis]

More specific info is needed here. Italian means nothing. Respect crosses all lines and cultures. Don't give him a free pass because of ethnicity. Second, "guys" don't play games, boys do. A MAN knows how to handle himself, contend with his woman's ups and downs, build her up,be firm When she's wrong, and be direct about his feelings and opinions. Perhaps you have a 'mommy's boy' who hasn't learned the Code of Man yet. Take a good look at your relationship.Remember "People learn how to treat you based on what behavior you accept from them."

[Asker]

I definitely have a mommys boy. his mother does not have her license so she is always home and does whatever he asks her to do at the drop of a hat. I think that is what he expects of me. but I do a lot for him, every day, he is definetely my number one priority. and he never appreciates it. or its never enough. why?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he must of witness husbands being afraid of their wives so he's thinking that would hurt his pride in a heart beat.

For example, when a married couple is looking for a new house to live in, they have three houses to choose from, but the husband likes one house while the wife likes another house, he must of seen the husband believing in "happy wife=happy life" knowing he's a coward of being afraid of his wife, like her needs come before his. That catch phrase is a way for wifes to scare their husbands, knowing if they get a divorce, then he has more to loose, so he has no other choice but to make her happy.

To him he's thinking most women marry only for money. Plus women will get too cocky if they feel like they always get what they want, while their husbands are second base.

[anthony8x]

This right here is a perfect example of why communication is key. You wouldn't of had this problem if you called him out on his comment. In any case you are right...you are 24 years old if you really are done with the mind games kick him to the curb.

Respect is a two way street, yeah he may have said something you don't like but you made it worse by ignoring him. So now he feels the need to get back at you.

[Asker]

I did call him out on his comment. I said I don't appreciate you speaking to me this way when I do so much for you and don't deserve those comments thrown at me.

[Roney1990]

It's tough to change inner most values. It shapes human behavior. I think try to focus on his positive side I hope he must have perhaps you'll realize that his positive more stronger then the negative one. Though, I don't endorse over possessiveness or strictness or being adamant in relation but, still I am finding it premature to give extreme view.

All the best

[Anonymous]

At times, relationships can be very difficult often commanding a strong organizational structure. The man is the head of the relationship, and the woman submits to her man. The girlfriend is not permitted to do anything the boyfriend disagrees with. As the head of the relationship, the boyfriend should discipline his girlfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

The man is the head of the relationship, and the woman submits to her man. The girlfriend is not permitted to do anything the boyfriend disagrees with. As the head of the relationship, the boyfriend should discipline his girlfriend.

[T00THpaste4]

lol You're asking for him to change over 2,000 years of behavioral heritage. Not gonna happen. Best advice: learn to deal with it or move on. People change but only if they want to and I pretty much stopped reading at "100% Italian".

[heyitsdan]

Then leave him jesus christ..., you clearly aren't happy...

[bh6676r942]

He might just be angry that you were angry and may not care what he said was offensive

[Asker]

you think he's angry that I didn't answer his phone calls? I called him later on that night and he didn't answer. then I tried calling the next day and still nothing. its now Tuesday and he hasn't tried to contact me, nor have I tried to contact him because I did on Saturday and he didn't answer or call back.

[bh6676r942]

He is probably just giving you the silent treatment call him again

[heyitsdan]

*my boyfriend is 100% Italian* ha... find yourself a new boyfriend

[BobbyD]

drop that grease ball

[Mezeskalacs]

Is your boyfriend named Ezio Auditore da Fierenze?

[JohnnySS]

well what did he say?

[Asker]

i do everything for him, keep in mind. I cook clean make him lunches for work/school. he has it really good. I don't go out and party. he gave me a pair of (winter) pants to fix and I haven't done it yet, I totally forgot. he said to me "oh its okay thank you anyways... but you know if I had a girlfriend who was a real woman she would have done them by now". I'm sick of those comments. I do everything for him. and he never appreciates it or thanks me or even realizes it!

[JohnnySS]

damn, really? maybe its time you put your foot down. I mean saying you know a real girlfriend blah blah is... well he doesn't respect you, maybe you've been doing too much for him. its time you only did what he deserves

[carmelo]

tradition is trouble