Why won't she lose weight?

[Stache]

Someone I know is 30# overweight. It causes all kinds of problems She's had back surgury and hip surgury but claims it''s from genetic componenst not overeating and underexersizing. iShe has knee joint pain foot joint pain and acid reflux. Her SO stopped taking her to brewpubs in June because they were planning a vacation in September and he wanted her to lose weight before then. They had a huge fight about it and she watched her weight for a couple of weeks.

She has the time to lose weight as she isn't working but she rarely exersizes and barely stays the same weiight. She may have gained a pound or two. She always told him she would lose weight if she wasn't working, but now that she isn't, she doesn't do anything different and if her SO says anything about it he gets cut off and they have a huge fight.

Now he' tells me he's going to call off the vacation. What should I tell him. What should I tell her, or should I just keep out of it.?

Updates

+1 y

So the SO is me. I'm not calling off the vacation but I just can't understand how she cfan allow herself to be so overweigh She hates it and it affects oso many facets of her/our life. I always wondered when I would see a skinny guy and a fat girl how they got together. Answer: she was skinny to begin with.

[kholland65]

Honestly I think its a simple matter of laziness. Part of the human condition is that we always want to find the easiest way to achieve the same result. We find evidence of this with our TV commercials that are always offering faster, cheaper, and easier ways to do things like lose weight and earn more money. Successful people know that these these get rich quick schemes (or lose weight fast schemes) don't replace hard work.

Personally, I believe this is just the tip of the iceberg and speaks to a larger issue with her personality. As I said, she is a lazy person. Losing weight takes hard work and discipline, two things she clearly doesn't have. Instead she feels its easier to just make excuses and by herself time and when that fails, she simply shifts the burden onto you by making you into the bad guy. Basically her plan C is leveraging her position as a female. In our current social context, we're pretty much told to believe that in a relationship, the female is already right and should get what she wants. So if she's mad, she's right and society expects that you listen to her and do what she wants. This means allowing her to continue being overweight.

Honestly I think the only option you have is to either deal with it, or break up with her, because I wouldn't count on her losing this weight any time soon. Even if she does, because of her personality, she doesn't exactly strike me as the type of person who will have the discipline to keep it off. This will be a lifetime battle and will only get worse with time when her age and genetics continue to further work against her.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

I can think of a million things not to do. The only one I can suggest is that you keep out of it. If she mentions losing weight, you can offer to be her workout buddy - nothing more will keep you unscathed.

[Bla4Ublah]

Are you saying 30 pounds or 30 kg over weight? Because I'm 30 pounds over weight and I have NO health problems. None. And I'm a high candidate for asthma and breast cancer. Also my dad has had multiple times problems with his back and my grandfather has had multiple knee surgeries trough out his life. My mother is over 30 kg overweight and she only lately developed asthma (witch she found out that her mother also has, so its more likely that she always was of a high risk to have it, and at one point it just came to be). People can have health problems because of weight, but not all of them. Some people don't. Some people who are not overweight still have same problems as you describe. Also, in the end, it is their "problem". It sounds like you have voiced your opinion. So now you can back off. You can feel "good" about yourself by voicing the "problem" in their relationship.

After thought: And your comment about how a skinny guy would like a girl who is overweight? Dude, that guy is not you. He has different preferences than you have. Lets face it, not every man likes the supermodel big breasted type, and not all women find David f***ing Beckham hot. We all have different preferences.

[Stache]

Weight catches up with you as you get older. She was 30 kg over and I am grateful she lost but wish she had gotten back to or close to where she started.

I have loved her throughout but I mis being able to hug her with my arms around her without her stomach being there.

Your answer is very thoughtful and I thank you.

[kaylaS91]

She won't lose the weight because she either is of the mindset of many people that if she has yet to develop something extreme such as diabetes, her weight is not affecting her (so in denial more or less), or feels that the effort she would have to put in to shedding the weight is not worth looking better, which also sort of ties in with the being in denial.

You should sit down your wife and tell her exactly what you wrote here. Tell her that you still love her just as much as you used to, but feel as though it's not the same person, and you're scared that the excess weight will damage her health in the long term.

Make sure to stress that you still love her just as much as you did when she was slimmer, so hopefully she won't jump to the conclusion that 'all men just want supermodel-thin girls', blah blah blah.

Good luck! :)

[confugirl]

With everything that's happened to her, she still isn't convinced that losing weight is better than fueling her cravings. For some people, it takes more persuasion. What's especially annoying, is that the first few weeks of dieting are miserable, for everyone who's ever done it. That's when most people give up. But any discomfort she might have would stop if she had just stuck to it. She needs a push in the right direction. It seems that you will have to plan out a diet for her that doesn't involve much exercise. She obviously won't do it herself. Every time she eats something sweet or fat or when she eats too much, tell her she shouldn't eat that. Then maybe she'll feel a little bit ashamed of her eating habits.

By the way, I think you should have mentioned earlier that you're the SO. Then maybe you would have gotten more useful answers.

[courtney06]

I think it's just that hard. It's like telling a heroin addict to stop using. She's gonna lose it when she truly feels like it. It sounds like there are other problems going on and maybe she started eating to cope. She has to feel truly motivated. I am not overweight, but I do not eat healthy. Everyone tells me to change my habits and I know I have to before its too late. I want to eat healthier but that evil side of me can't help but want sweets all the time. I had a friend who was addicted to ketamine and it took him a threatening event for him to finally stop. Some people are just so stubborn that something has to happen to them to make them stop.

[lumos]

Sounds like she just isn't motivated to lose the weight, or she has some serious issues (like binge eating disorder as someone already mentioned). Though, bottom line is: it's her life, her choice, and their relationship. You don't have to tell him anything, and really, I don't think you should. It's their problem, they should work it out themselves.

[JamielovesKU]

Weight gain has NOTHING to do with genetics, its her lifestyle that is causing her to gain, she needs to go to therapy if she has had that kinda surgery so she can make those parts of her stronger, she needs to go on a diet of fruits and veggies, high protein and fiber, once she is able to move around fairly easy, she needs to go to a gym where she can work out at her own passe, Maybe you can try to convince her...

[iPood]

she doesn't have time to lose weight is a terrible excuse. It doesn't take much time to eat less. She's overweight because she consumes more calories than she needs. She can create a caloric deficit through diet, exercise or both. She honestly just sounds lazy.

[1xadzy3dgSG]

First off, her body, her choice. Second, she could have binge eating disorder, so it's not as easy as "just eat healthy and exercise". Third, not your relationship, not your business. Just let them deal with it themselves, and stay out of it.

[eveline]

She likes herself that's why she won't lose it And as fun as it is to get into people's lives sometimes you just have to stay out and just be an observer

[Anonymous]

You're not the boss of her. Doesn't matter what she does with HER body, not your place to step in.

[stevo1]

Stay out of it and let them settle this. That's the best thing you can do.

[Prettygurl12]

I'm sorry, but what business is it of yours?

[Anonymous]

You should tell him to dump her.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a dictator. Mind your own business.

[Opinion Owner]

You're a d***. Shallow.

[Stache]

you don't think weight makes a difference? Sit through a back operatin, hip operation, foot operation...all avoidable A sleep apnea mask, a pantry full of medications that would not be necessary with proper diet and exersize.

Maybe I am shallow to want the one I married back.

[candyaurora]

I agree with kaylaS91 !

[Anonymous]

If she wants to be sloppy, then let her.

[Flirty205]

Its her own choice