Why won't he say anything about my weight?

[Anonymous]

I think my boyfriend tolerates my fat but doesn't really like me being fat. He keeps saying if you want to lose weight do it for you but I feel like he really wants me to lose weight and just not saying so because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

I'd rather him tell me the truth though. I am working on losing weight but it's not coming off as fast as I would like it to and I feel like a disappointment to him.

I would give anything to be at a healthy weight. It's not fair to him to be at a healthy weight and I'm not. I hate myself for being fat and he deserves so much better than me.

[AaronKrieger]

Sounds like you have a good boyfriend. Your boyfriend if he prefers you skinnier probably won't say that, since he doesn't want you overthinking. It's the best choice. We all have preferences in a relationship, but you don't push those on your partner. It's only when something is required that you bring it up.

Communicate to him your insecurity (don't blame him during it) and just get it out there. Most issues can be solved when concerns are communicated.

Also, it is fair for you to not be at a healthy weight while he is, since just that alone doesn't matter. It only matters if he makes it known, but otherwise there is nothing to worry about.

[Asker]

Thank you. He is a really good boyfriend. And I will do just that. I will communicate to him my insecurity.

[slatyb]

Tell him how you feel.

[Asker]

Ok I will!

[slatyb]

"He keeps saying if you want to lose weight do it for you" So it seems you are the one who keeps bring it up? He's trying to tell you that you don't need to change for him. There's not much more he can say, and he can't fix your insecurity. Do you want his help? Is he physically active? Maybe you could think of something you would like to do and ask him to join you? Taking a walk? Tossing a frisbee or a ball? Disc golf? Hiking?

[Asker]

He's not physically active but he keeps saying he is going to get into doing trail walks. I guess we could do that together.

[slatyb]

You should. Sex after physical activity is the best. Can you take the initiative plan it?

[Asker]

Yes I can.

[slatyb]

I don't know where you live -- my wife and I live in Seattle and before Covid we would walk a couple of miles to a coffee shop or a wine bar.

[kylee2437]

If you feel like your weight is affecting your self esteem - why does your boyfriends opinion matter?

[Asker]

It matters because I want him to love all of me. Not just my personality. I want him to love how I look and I don't feel like he does.

[kylee2437]

@asker but your opinion of yourself should be enough for you to make changes if you feel it’s necessary, or better yet a doctor is the best person to go to. Your boyfriend doesn’t not want to insert his opinion on this situation and you should respect that.

[RyanK9b]

A good example for dogshit advice.

Your boyfriend doesn't matter, how dare he, you go quueeen.

He is just only the person in your life who defend you, care for you, supports you etc.
🙄

[kylee2437]

@RyanK9b you are a psychopath. I never his opinion doesn’t matter, I said if he doesn’t want to insert his opinion, he doesn’t have to. We don’t even know this girls weight. Get off my comment with your delusion

[RyanK9b]

Pff, you can't tell what to do. Typical from people like you to defame others with a critical opinion.
You show pathological narcissistic behavior.

[kylee2437]

No a narcissist is someone that twists someone’s words to make it seem like they are saying something that they aren’t. My comment was positivity towards how she may be feeling about herself, and if she feels like she needs to make changes, that should be enough for her to start making changes. Twisting my words again- and I’m blocking you

[RyanK9b]

Good attitude u have gj!
Do cardio, walk min. 8k steps a day (10min after each meal)
And definitely check your eating habits and diet. Eating in deficit is the key.
Also u can hit at some point a weight plateau. This is normal, bite through it and the next lost will come.

I've dated recently a girl and I liked her.
But I told her that I wouldn't touch her if she gained more weight. So not atm which was okay, but in the future.
She was so triggered that she didn't wanted me to see her again.

I asked her about whats going on via text bc first she was half ghosting me and later told me it what her problem was.

So I can understand your guy not being honest / direct

[Asker]

Thanks for the sound advice!

[Billlewis]

First of all, I'd like to command you for being so comfortable referring to yourself as 'fat'. I also think that although he may not want to admit it, he probably loves your plump, curvaceous figure and he may even be secretly masturbating to you. If you really want to lose some weight, I'm sure you'll accomplish that goal, but I have to admit that I hope you stay at the exact same poundage you are currently.

[Asker]

He's told me he's masturbated to me which shocked me but I don't know I still feel like he would prefer me smaller. That could be my own insecurity though.

[Anonymous]

If you ask him he may find your weight attractive however you clearly don't like your weight and that being said you should lose weight. That or recondition your mind to not view being fat as bad or ugly. However I'd recommend going with health. He'll probably like u at any weight and losing weight will teach u a lot and grow u a lot on the inside.

[Asker]

Thanks. I'm losing weight for my health but also to look and feel better. I don't think I could recondition my mind to view being fat as bad or ugly. It just is to me. I don't think he likes me at this weight though. He just is good at hiding it I believe. He doesn't want to hurt my feelings I think.

[Opinion Owner]

One can recondition the subconscious to belief anything. For me personally, I think it depends on shape. Some fat girls are hot. Look at his exes or ask him what porn stars he use to watch. However, that doesn't mean 100% that is what he likes only.

[Anonymous]

Probably because when men have an opinion on that we are blasted for being sexist, bigoted fat phobic nazi's.. So it's best we don't speak on it.. Thank you leftist feminism...

[Asker]

Well I'm not a feminist and I wish he would just tell the truth. I wouldn't be mad or offended. I know I need to lose weight. Him telling me that would only encourage me even more.