How do I tell her to work out just a little?

[Anonymous]

(my guy friend asked me to ask this because I couldn't give him an answer) his girlfriend is 5'4 and 120 pounds so she's not fat but she has some belly ...nothing major.. just a little... he doesn't want her skinny but he wants her to have a toned stomach.. how does he tell her in a nice way. she's average pretty but she's also very self conscious about it.. she thinks she's ugly sometimes.

Its not a huge issue for him or anything but he just thinks she'd look a lot better and feel better about herself.

btw she thinks she's fat (and she's totally not)

[dtwguy]

I agree with the others. This is pretty F'd up on your guy friends part. He has a woman that is at a very healthy weight. Without a lot more detail I think it is fine that she has "some belly." Whenever a girl grumbles to me about her weight or body image can usually I tell her one thing.

"I think you are healthy now and I want you to stay that way."

IF she keeps on about it:

"I think you are healthy but what would you consider to be a healthy state for yourself?"

Some responses I have received.

Climbing a flight of stairs without running out of breath.

Drinking more water. Eating less meats and fast foods.

Running/jogging a mile every day without waking up the next day unable to move

Then I ask "What do you want to do to get there and do you want my help?"

Note that image is not a concern just health.

You need to check your guy friend. I get the impression you need to check yourself too. Both of you seem to be caught up on the media illusion. You forget that media types are paid to have toned bodies. That is part of their job! 8 hours a day 7 days a week working on their product, their bodies. For us folks that have to work or go to school to do other things besides look toned, a body should be healthy and if it ends up getting toned with the time you have cool.

So to answer your base question. He doesn't tell her to have a toned stomach or any other physical attribute affecting her health. He doesn't ask her to mold her body to his imagination.

[Blindness]

your guy friend needs to stop being manipulative, controlling and shallow.

you write that he doesn't want her skinny ... as if he has any say in the matter.

she's a person, not a project for him to mold to his liking. if a flat belly is the most important thing to him, he needs to date a gym rat.

i think this is a huge issue for him, even if he says otherwise. and I think it's a red flag.

[Asker]

Hehe I told him this... and now he feels really bad about it... and he said he's sorry for offending anybody and that you're right. He says he love sthe way she looks but she doesn't and that's what bugs him

[truste]

First off, I agree what everyone else has said already, so I'm not going to repeat that point.

However, have you/he considered that one way to approach this is for the two of them to do some physical activities together, and see them as joint hobbies rather than exercise? I know I'd want to ex) take surfing lessons, go rock climbing, hike, take dance lessons, etc with my guy. Instead of "Baby, could you work out a little please," how much better would "Baby, why don't we take salsa lessons together?" sound?

[Asker]

Awesome

[Anonymous]

She sounds totally fine to me...and if she's feeling down about herself, could it be that her boyfriend wants her to be more "toned"? Seriously, how is a girl suppose to feel if her boyfriend finds faults with her? Her boyfriend sounds uptight as hell.

[Asker]

He always tells her she's beautiful. he hasn't told her to work out yet. he's trying to figure it out

[Opinion Owner]

Figure what out...? How to tell her she needs to work out? Doesn't that imply he thinks there is something wrong with her body?

[guyscrytoo]

She has a problem. Him voicing his opinion, nicely, or not is not the approach to take.

If he isn't happy with her the way she is, he's an asshole. She is 5'4 and 120lbs! Come on!

Sorry to be so opinionated but a close friend is bulimic and it's guys like your friend that add fuel to the fire. He should work out himself - and invite her along - but again, if she has a problem with her self image and everything - she needs to get that checked out - unless she is happy with her life.

[Verdict1st]

He cannot. It's impossible. Why even try? He needs to love her even if she's obese, otherwise the relationship can't work.

[Asker]

He says he does love her...lol they've been together for 9 months but he wants to help her self-esteem and for her to look better

[Verdict1st]

It's so sensitive I wouldn't even touch it. She needs to work that out on her own...

[nappycurls]

There is no nice way to tell someone they need to tone up.

If they're already self conscious this will make that problem even worst.

I know 5'4 and 120 lbs is not fat. It's a slim body weight.