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New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

Its a party, youre invited πŸ₯³πŸ˜‚
Its a party, you're invited πŸ₯³πŸ˜‚

Yep, at it again! (Yes, means bored 🀣) Just cuz it's about to be a new year, some things never change.... You'll still have to deal with my corny jokes cuz the year my change, but I'll still be the same....

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

So, read on and hopefully get a few laughs.....

New Year’s Eve
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck 12, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

How do you lose 12 stones of unsightly fat for the new year?
Divorce her....

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life

Visit Home

An Irish girl goes back to her father’s farmhouse for New Year’s Eve.
Her father asked: β€œWhere have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t you call?”

Crying, the girl replied: β€œDad, I became a prostitute.”

β€œWhat!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

β€œOkay, Dad. If that’s your wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $4 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you Dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”

β€œNow what was it ye said you had become, again?” asked the dad.

The girl, crying again, answered: β€œA prostitute, Dad!”

β€œOh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

New year resolution : First day at the gym
As a new year resolution, I, like million others decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. After some warm up, the trainer brought me to the equipment. a vertical row machine. He showed me how to use the machine and suggested that i exercise one arm at a time. Looking at my physique (if i can call that), he decided that the right weight would be 50 pounds, but i being cocky asked him to increase it to 70 pounds.The trainer said it would be too much, but i insisted.

I started the exercise just as he suggested. I was able to pull with one arm easily and finished 12 reps in no time. The trainer looked surprised.

Then i switched the arm. And suddenly the weights feel too heavy. I could hardly pull the weights. With much effort I was able to finish 4 reps. Couldn't finish the 5th one.

I started wondering why it was that I am able to pull the weights easily with one hand but was struggling so badly with the other. That's when it hit me

"I have been single for too long"

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

My New Year Resolution is to give up sexual innuendos;
Which is going to be extremely hard...

Me and my girlfriend are going to play a special game of "7 minutes in heaven" on New Years Eve
Except instead of a closet we'll be in a bed, and instead of a girlfriend it'll be my hand, and instead of 7 minutes it'll be 30 seconds.

I'm thinking to watch porn on New Year's Eve
Like only 2 seconds before clock strikes 00:00, I'll start the video.
So after 2 seconds, i can be like "I'm coming 2021

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

If you start having sex at 11:58 tonight, you might start off the new year with a blast
if you make it that long

For the upcoming new year I made a raunchy calendar involving buff, handsome men from the mines. I was arrested by the police.
For sexual or suggestive content involving Miners.

I lost my phone at a new years eve party
if you found it, that's not my penis in the pictures. I was just holding it for a friend

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

Tattoo Parlor

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between Christmas and new years."

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...

I hope you enjoyed this take.... More than I'm going to enjoy a boring New Years:

Me on New Years
Me on New Years

May 2021 be a better year for us all...

"Brainsbeforebeauty"πŸ˜˜πŸ’‹

New Year... Another Old Joke Take...
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  • Massageman
    Visit home!! :- )
  • Lliam
    Those were great, bbb. You out did yourself. I was laughing really hard at some of those.
    Coming from a long like of Irish Catholics on both sides of my family. The one about the Irish girl killed me. "I thought you said you were a Protestant." LMAO I'm saving that one.
    Sorry I didn't see this take earlier. I sent you a message to explain.
    • πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ thanks and got your message, you should of got my reply

  • humanearth
    Please Send this to my inbox, Little busy here at the moment for me to comprehend the stories. The noise is crazy nuts here. Calgon, please get me the F out of here.
    Too Many Kids I need a OUT
    Too Many Kids I need a OUT
  • TonyMetal___86
    HAHAHA 😂
    Can't leave miss brains muffins a second, she gets naughty very fast 🤣
    The girl who became a prostitute made me laugh a lot, so now her dad accepts her because some CASH$ makes some people shut up and forget about their manners! 😌

    It happens in real life miss brains...

    Anyways thanks for cheering us 😊
    • That's true... a lot of people can be "bought",... I just ain't one of em

    • I know miss brains muffins 😊
      Your priceless, i'll bite your forehead now so you pass out and i take you to my cave so you make me 100 muffins, i'm hungry πŸ˜‹

    • I'm all baked out 🀀😴

    • Show All
  • I'm not super excited but I still feel positive somehow when big events happen at least something's going on even if I don't participate at all :P.

    Nice Take :)
  • Yads_Is_Back
    This put a smile on my face. Well, all your posts do. Where do you get the jokes?
    • Online where else πŸ˜‚ but thanks πŸ€—

    • I KNOW THAT πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Lololol from different sites.. upjokes is one, but sometimes the jokes so bad have to use a few different to find hallway funny jokes

  • Maraneva
    Lost it at the innuendo! Quite hard indeed🤣 And a lot of those single jokes. Relatable to the t😂
  • OmNomaly
    Thank you for the cheery post! I really appreciate it! Especially around the holidays.
  • By the time midnight rolls around on New Years eve I will be fast asleep.
  • Tstrbrainer
    😂😂😂😂😂😂.
    I really loved the Protestant and miners
  • cjgsu
    Lmfao
  • Jjpayne
    Happy new year bbb :)
  • loveslongnails
    I love the Protestant joke! Good job.
  • JoyGirl
    😂😂😂
  • Avicenna
    As usal, Brains, you're hilarious!
  • Valnac
    Nice!
  • JakeS00
    Oh how I love you haha, this is great brains
    • πŸ™‚ thanks πŸ€—

    • JakeS00

      The last picture with the cat is definitely you πŸ˜‚πŸ€ͺπŸ€—

    • JakeS00

      Oh my gosh I realized the picture above all said cockfished πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    • Show All
  • collie22
    funny thanks
  • pizzalovershouse
    🤔🤔🍕🍟🥐
  • msc545
    Interesting mytake, thanks!
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