Here are a few questions to ask before you ask one of your girlfriends, "will you be my bridesmaid?"
1. Are you picking a bridesmaid just because mom, dad, cousin, a sisters friend said you should?
Often times brides get roped into picking their A-team full of girls they don't even know because their mom said so and so had to be in it so that they would feel included. Shall we go back to the number one rule of the wedding---that it is your day---don't be pressured to fill slots just because someone says you have to. You don't...actually have to. These women should actually be important to you in some meaningful way and not just seat fillers. And beyond that, if you really absolutely for whatever reason, do not want bridesmaids, then don't have them. Just because you were maid of honor at a friends wedding does not mean on your day, you have to reciprocate just because. Again, your day, your way.
2. Are your bridesmaids actually supportive of you?
Seems like this would be common sense, but so many times, brides pick girls who are only friends on paper. Planning, organizing, and paying for a wedding is stressful AF, and what you don't need at all the crucial high stress moments or on your big day, is someone or a few girls who are more concerned with themselves and their drama, then with actually helping you or supporting you when you inevitably freak out. If you know a potential maid is the super lazy type, the super not on time for anything type, the super procrastinator type, just remember, these traits may cause major issues down the line, and if you're over them and over that on a good day, imagine being stressed out during your wedding and having to deal with them.
3. Can your bridesmaids afford it?
As much as you may love one of your girls to death, you really do need to consider if they can afford to be in your wedding dream. Unless you plan to foot the bill for them or offer them a cheaper solution to travel, dress, hair/make-up, and or pre-wedding events, you may want to reconsider just having them be a wedding guest. It is really unfair to force what can be staggering costs onto someone you consider a friend whom you know cannot afford it, or you have no plans to be able to pay their way. This can cause a lot of tension and make them feel bad for not having the money. Put yourself in their shoes and be very delicate with this issue. Know that she would, if she could, but also don't feel bad yourself for wanting to have the wedding of your dreams, however expensive it is. You only get one chance.
4. Have you picked at least one person on your crew who can handle the big jobs?
Every crew needs a captain to help navigate the ship when you cannot. You need at least one bridesmaid (or a few) who can really help you where it counts. You cannot do everything and be everywhere, so selecting at least one girl who can run and check on flowers, or who you can trust to plan the bridal shower, or is the DIY master in chief is worth 10 other bridesmaids who do nothing. Also overall picking people who aren't so busy that they cannot attend any events or help in anyway is probably also not that great of an idea. You shouldn't expect everyone to be able to do everything, but 4 or 5 bridesmaid no shows doesn't look good either.
5. Are you picking more of the local bunch?
Having a troop of bridesmaids in 7 different states makes planning 10x more difficult. Obviously, sometimes it cannot be helped, but know that the further from the homestead you pick, the harder it is going to be to coordinate everyone, get dress fittings done, find stores that actually have the dresses they can try on in their state, or you may end up doing everything sloppily in a hurry last minute which is definitely not ideal. Also know that, most likely none of them will be available in person to help you do anything and that can be hard. If you're looking abroad, try keeping your wedding party smaller to lesson the burden on them and you and make sure you have at least family or other friends nearby to help you with the day to day.
6. Are you going to start WWIII by selecting a maid of honor?
If you have friends from different periods of your life, especially those that don't know of each other, when it comes to selecting your number one, you can inadvertently launch a war over who really is your best friend or should be. In this case, you might want to have a sit down chat and explain your die hard love for both and make the one not selected feel just as equally important in your wedding party as your maid of honor. Carve out some real one on one time with the one not selected and reassure her, that she means the world to you.
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