I'm at least pseudo-traditionalist or maybe a bit of a romantic. I don't think in terms of what is desperate but I think tradition and culture is a foundation on which we find joy and sentiment and maybe even a little bit of "magic" in our lives. I don't want to throw it out.
Take Christmas as an example. Someone could hold the view that it's some dumb tradition and commercial Holiday which gets people to waste money left and right and then they can find it miserable. Or a person can see Christmas tree, carols, a feast with loved ones, and maybe they'll find a spark of magic to briefly take them out of the everyday stress of living. We have to build meaning into these things if we find them meaningful.
And perhaps some people might want to throw it all away -- away with the traditions! And they could throw out the entire book: Christmas, Valentine's, Thanksgivings, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, traditional styles of courtship -- you name it -- and try to invent their own rules while they stumble around searching for meaning, and maybe they'll invent some every now and then. Yet there would be no structure to it, and no guide to say what is memorable, romantic, even fashionable, and I can't help but think that would be rather miserable picturing a couple stumbling around and trying to reinvent all sorts of wheels.
These things are very cultural as I've learned the hard way through repeated culture shock growing up. A candlelit dinner is only as romantic as we make it. To some cultures, it's just a room with bad lighting. We find meaning where we build it. And so I don't want to throw out the book.
Dude, why would she be desperate? Marriage is a legal contract, it's like losing your virginity, you can put it up on as high of a pedestal as you want, but it's still just an action that you do.
Some guys put it up there and are afraid to cross that line, same with a lot of women. Oh, it has to be traditional, and cost 10 grand, with a band, something borrowed, something blue, something old and something new.
I just went to the justice of the peace both times, then had a party after. If I'd been asked instead of doing the asking, the difference would have been saving 50-100 bucks on filing at court, maybe the cost of alcohol for the party since I expected people to bring food.
It is just a legal contract when all is said and done, whatever glitter and sparkles you put on it. If it's advantageous, do it, if it isn't, don't. If a woman I'm with shows me how it's better for us to be married, I'll pull that trigger, that's her asking.
If not, I won't, and won't be asking either. Damn, you can get a prenup if marriage scares you so much. The point before you even get to marriage is trusting who you're with and working towards common goals.
Presumably two people getting married see going to have been discussing it in depth. The proposal is just a formality , it certainly has nothing to do with desperation. Making gestures stepping up showing commitment -its being an adult. Desperation has zero to do with it.
if they both want to marry they will be pleased with whoever proposes. If they see marrying for the wrong reasons.. then Proposal becomes a power play. Anyone in love who really wants to spend their life with someone won’t get quibbling Over who asks.
it seems like some Men only want to marry to show dominance. I’d have more confidence in a guy wanting me if I proposed and he was happy about it. Otherwise it could just be him wanting control or the thrill of The hunt. I want to marry a human not a lion.
Same principle applies to asking guys out. Women are warned against it and made to feel ashamed of being assertive and knowing their own mind and going after what they want and tike guys will only use them that way.. but in my opinion It’s tye opposite. the guys who are truly interested And respectful and not just after the chase , will be the ones to say yes. The control freaks and players, will judge her and lose interest. It’s a good filtering process. in my opinion
Great reply! Anyone who wants to treat marriage as a business transaction should better review his/her assumptions and priorities in life, if they believe in an intangible essence in it beyond materialistic rules and expectations.
Disagree for the simple reason that it's neither illegal in state law nor in my religion. If women proposing to men was such a bad idea God would have forbidden it, but He didn't. It is equally permissible for women to propose as men.
Prophet Muhammad's first wife was his employer that proposed to him and he agreed. Speaking as a Muslim, if the best man in this world, the man every believer in Islam should be looking up to and following, what makes you think it's a more superior decision to suggest that women shouldn't be the ones proposing?
I know not everyone reading this is a Muslim or even likes Islam, which isn't my matter of concern, because it is my reasoning and no one else has to agree.
You asked if I agree or disagree. I told my answer and explained it. Plain and simple. Am pretty sure you wouldn't say that to a Christian stating religious reasons. You only have problem when a Muslim does it.
@CubsterShura Thank you for sharing that, about you, and Islam. So many misunderstand and judge, based on lies and half-truths! Thank you for sharing your opinion, your belief!
@ronaldo75 Have some respect for others, dude! Why post hateful sht lke that? What do you expect to do with that, except make someone feel bad, or start an argument?
@VIVANT I see a ton of Christian posts over here, some even stating here how the Bible makes it only a man's job to step in and propose and take the lead... no one told them they got zero credibility :v
Christians can shit on my religion but I'll be called the radical extremist if I say that God has so son.
Likewise I think it would be off putting for the woman of the guy didn’t like it...
I meaN what are we talking about here - wanting a life together.
Anyone who truly wants to be with someone isn’t going to get hung up on who asks who... or at least in my opinion they shouldn’t. you either love someone and want to spend your life with them or it’s a game and you just want an ego boost 🤷♀️
That is my opinion I’m not saying you should think that way and I understand it could bother guys... I’m also aware that being bothered would be bothersome to me. It’s patronizing amongst the other problems.
@VIVANT It's the guys responsibility so for most friends, family, etc will all probably think she is either pushing the marriage or he isn't ready. If they discussed it before hand then fine but I would tend to think there is something else going on if she has to ask him... in most cases not all cases. Thanks for your opinion though... I tend to agree if both are on the same page.
Disagree. I've never honored traditions that conflicted with my views on life. I don't agree with many of the traditional dating norms, marriage norms, and countless other norms when it comes to mating. For ex: The concept of having to woo or chase someone who supposedly likes me back. I don't agree with that. Meeting me half way does. Same with marriage. If she wants to marry me, she can tell me. We'll make the arrangements if my heart's the same. The same in visa versa. Gender roles in anything outside of the physical nature of things never resonated with me. Meaning when it comes to protecting her from harm in any way, it would be second nature to me. Making sure she feels okay, etc. But if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, why can't she tell me? I'd rather a free and harmonious relationship. We wouldn't be limited to traditions and social norms. We do whatever we want. Longs we're eye to eye and together... and no, she wouldn't be getting on her knees. That's tradition.
@Gisellebabe That was a pretty ignorant response, Giselle. When it comes to scrapping certain traditional gender roles, yes, whatever you say. But based on everything else I said about protecting her, and making sure she's okay, etc. I don't see how you didn't attribute that to a male temperament. Traditions change. Nature, at it's base, does not.
@pleasestopthis Agreed. All of that stuff was made up by some guy way back when. Same with our modern etiquette. Why should I follow something that someone else made up ages ago if it serves no effective purpose in my life? I was never the one to follow rules i didn't agree with. TY
I am not too crazy about marriage in this day and age (high divorce rates are a turn off) but I am still a traditionalist raised in the Catholic Church.
Yet I from what I can see it seems like women will have to do the asking in the not too distance future for several reasons: 1. Loss of old school tranditions 2. B luring of traditional gender roles. 3. Believe it or not the # metoo movement has made many mean weary of approaching women. The main stream media will down play this but I have it on good authority from some people that I know that even at the college level guys are being instructed by their coaches and older students to be weary of females especially at parties and to not drink in their presence. 4. Many women have noticed that men are not approaching them anymore. Myself have kept a distance from women since the whole #metoo thing came on to the scene. It seems like if women want to get married they are the ones that will have to do the approaching and the asking. It is starting to happen across the country albiet it is not that big of change just yet. But new traditions take time to spread and become mans stream.
I am not saying I like it I am just saying that as far as I can tell this will be the thing of the not distant future.
Naaaa woman have heart too. I think traditional is old. Why not stick with our hearts now days. Traditional=Required, is it required to marry same race? Is it required to have a boyfriend or gf? Is it required to be married?
Love is what shakes all ;)
Sometimes man ask woman about marriage few woman replied, "not right now we are have debts and other plans to take care but doesn't not mean I am avoiding marriage". That is when man decides not to ask just keep supporting her and help her. Next thing you know she asks years later when she feels is time.
Think, be aware, what few woman has gone through her past relationship, she fears to happen again. Why not show her what type a man and supportive you are.
As I mentioned in my reply, men with mental disorders like autism may REALLY like her but just not be able to propose. So if she does, that's just as special. We are part of that exception you speak of.
I've never known a woman propose, but I've known many couples where the woman has basically told the man to propose to her (directly or indirectly), so the reality is women often start off the marraige conversation even if they don't 'pop the question', there's always a workaround!
In 2019 women not proposing is a throwback to old gender roles, but a fairly harmless one compared to a lot of others. It should be up to the couple if they want to stick with tradition or break with it. If people see a woman who proposes as 'pathetically desperate' that's their own problem.
Disagree. I remember a woman from New Zealand who asked her husband to marry her. I think in Italy, people talk about marriage and both consent instead of the man proposing like it is tradition in the U. S.
Theoretically, it makes no difference who proposes, and a woman is not desperate to be asking since she is just showing her love for him, and wants to commit which is fine.
But now I'm going to be the biggest hypocrite ever and admit that the little bitch princess inside me dreams of my boyfriend proposing to me, and it is definitely him asking me and not me asking him. I don't know why, I've never been into romantic films or books or anything... it's just how I imagine it. Worst case scenario my boyfriend wasn't even thinking of marriage I'd pull an Angelia Jolie in the Tourist type scene 'Frank, ask me to marry you.' My boyfriend would probably have a heart attack though.
I don’t think there is a problem with asking once, but in general I think most guys will take it less serious and reject it because most guys only get married on their own terms where as women tend to be more interested in the concept of marriage itself rather than the individual they are choosing to marry. I think where women get in trouble is when they continually hint drop that they want to get married, they start to nag men (most toxic thing in any relationship), and potentially put him to an ultimatum.
I couldn’t disagree more. I’m not a feminist or one of those SJWs (I’m as conservative as they come) but there is nothing wrong with a woman proposing. Why is it just the mans duty to propose. I’ve always heard women saying that they’re boyfriends of 8 years haven’t gotten them a ring yet. And the remedy is for them to propose themselves if they know he’s the one. My point is this my good man. When you know you know. It matters not who pops the question. What matters is if they are happy and in a place that means they know they are right for each other. That’s just my opinion. Have a nice day!
Disagree. She can do it if she wants. How does it make the woman any more desperate than the man, if he did it?
Personally, I wouldn't mind the idea of a woman proposing to me. The only thing I wouldn't like is having to wear the dam ring. When married I'll put up with a thin peace of metal on one if my fingers, but not before, especially when engagement rings are supposed to be fancier.
Although I gues the other addes benefit of a women proposing is that the ring is likely cheaper.
Disagree. I ask my boyfriend to marry me all the time. He knows if I had enough money to buy him a ring I would and propose right away. I, too, am somewhat traditional, but in this case, I know what I want, I want my boyfriend to be my husband, and nothing is going to stop me from achieving g that
I don't get it. First men complain about people expecting them to buy expensive rings and shit, and now they complain about women looking dumb when proposing themselves?
Make up your minds. We will never meet your needs if you don't tell us directly what you want. As for the question, I personally disagree.
Women are more forceful about marriage and become A LOT more resentful when rejected. Out of all my friends and family not ONE man has left his girlfriend because she rejected a marriage proposal and said they should wait. My cousin's ex-girlfriend was the ONLY person I've seen who proposed and then broke up when the person said no. She proposed to my cousin in private, he said he wanted to wait an a week later she blew up destroyed his apartment and broke up with him.
Agree. Because in GODS kingdom when your salvation is saved by the lord JESUS , your then a part of GODS family. The man is the one through marriage and with GOD as a witness , that invites the woman to GODS family. And this is why he is head of household and the spiritual leader commanded and anointed to be leader and inviter to GODS HOLY HEAVENLY family. Sorry , females , these are a mans commanded commandments given to us with GODS anointment to be the head of household. Its GODS will so end of story.
If you're gonna talk about God then at least put up scriptures to back up your point ( which there isn't any) regarding the question or just leave God out it.
Asker... Read the BIBLE and stop being religious. Everything I just mentioned is plain and clear biblically. Religion is pegan and idolitric... Now why would I leave GOD out of it? Your not well
You didn't just loose it and call me a liar did you... what type of GOD fearing person are you? Then all through all your takes you've been lying.. true or untrue?
When I post or refer to God or the Bible, I always post clear scriptures that back up my points especially if asked. I don't twist the Bible to fit what I desire to say but simply take it as it is.
You on the other hand never post scriptures to back up your points and if you do you purposely twist it around to fit your narrative.
Proverbs 30:5-6:
Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.
Do not add to His words, Lest He rebuke you, and you be found a liar.
Neither my wife nor I proposed. It was our friends who suggested we get married. That was 14 years ago. She's really shy and I'm autistic, so it's hard to say whether or not either of us would have. Maybe that's why they proposed for us.
They proposed on our behalf, and we both said yes. Definitely an abnormal situation, but for very abnormal people maybe it was needed. Whatever works best for the couple is all that matters.
I love the fact that women ask men to marry them. I've seen celebrities do this too. Times are changing my friend, your just gonna have to accept that😊
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