Yes. There is no doubt that marriage brings all sorts of benefits. Psychological and cultural benefits and the data are quite clear on this. Yet, truth in advertising, it is not something my girlfriend and I wanted for ourselves. The reasoning being somewhat convoluted.
My girlfriend and I met over 14 years ago and have been living together and we have been living together for 12 years. We have three children. They are the center of my universe and I love her and them with all my heart.
The funny thing is that when we moved in together - itself a bit of a surprise given that we are actually both pretty traditional - we began to talk about getting married. It did not really appeal.
So the conversation sort of drifted off - and then my girlfriend got pregnant the first time. It was funny. She cried telling me because she thought I was going to be upset. I cried because I was wildly happy.
So we began discussing marriage again - but it just does not sing to us. It is not that we do not believe in marriage. There is no doubt as an empirical matter that it is better for society than not. As a religious matter - we are both Catholic and attend church even now with our kids, though we do not take the Sacraments - we understand its importance.
It is just that we love what we have and we think it is natural and beautiful. We are as nature intended us to be, simple and instinctive. Somehow, the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state detracts from that. Even the religious aspect, though we are a bit more unsure in that respect, gives it a complexity that does not improve what we have, strange as that sounds.
It is not even a question of not wanting a big ceremony. Probably we could work around that - without offending too many family members. (I say that only partly in jest. Certainly, it would make her Navy veteran and very Catholic father VERY happy to have a wedding at all.)
It is just the whole idea of marriage adds a level of complexity that we do not want. What my girlfriend and I share is animal and natural and instinctive and emotional and deep all at once. Marriage, seen in that way, is artificial and a contrivance.
It is not that I object to artifice. I do not and think society needs it. It is just that I do not want it in my relationship to the mother of my children.
Truth in advertising my emotions - and that of my girlfriend - are sincere. Our thinking is not totally consistent. Yet we are happy - we are in every way, were you to see us, a happy and loving comfortable suburban family only minus the ring and the marriage license - and we don't want to fix that which is not broken.
So marriage is something that my girlfriend and I believe in, for reasons emotional and intellectual, but it was not for us - and three out of wedlock children later, we have not changed our minds. What we share is real and intense and I am wildly happy - though if tomorrow my girlfriend changed her mind and said she wanted to be married, I would not hesitate for a second to say "yes."
So, it is complicated, but in that very ultimate sense I do believe in marriage. It was just not right for us.
I do believe in marriage but feminism has tarnished the minds of young women today to “focus” on your career and the all mighty dollar. If girls today were aware that majority of this world is run by rich white men. That’s not an assumption that is fact. Girls should think of the past that if men and women could hold down a job, get married, have kids, pay the bills, and etc. what’s the issue? I just feel like girls just want to party, get paid at work, some girls will even get paid for kinks to whore themselves out. I’m sorry to any girl reading this but I’ve lost respect for females today. The same way girls have lost respect for guys who are assholes, cheaters, liars, abusers, sexists, racists and etc. I am entitled to my opinion and what I am saying is not a lie it’s constructive criticism. This world is messed up and I will go as far as to say I guarantee everyone reading this, I swear on my life. One day, men and women, guys and girls will realize their mistake. There will be a ton of bad shit that happens that will make people realize their mistakes. Whether that’s how genders look at each other, sociopolitical issues, economic issues and other concerns. I bring this is up because I am trying to scratch away at the “inner” problems why girls tend to reject the idea of marriage so often nowadays. To girls reading this — money won’t say “I love you”, your work won’t say “I love you” unless a girl is a prostitute or a stripper and some desperate dude says it. If I work a 9-5 my job is not my livelihood it’s not my life. I want to find a girl who’s down to earth and old school. Not a girl who just wants attention on social media, to play with her girlfriends like it’s still Jr. High and to go on 15,000 beach destinations for the rest of her life... that’s not a life, that’s just eliminating the concept of God and the hereafter of getting into heaven one day when depart this world. God gave us this ability to have kids and to emphasize on marriage. If anyone reads this and gets triggered then so be it... the dislike button is down below but it won’t upset me. When I’ve predicted things in life whether it was economic, sports, gender, and others It has usually come to fruition. So people reading this can disagree with me 10000000000% but things will unfold.
You're right. It was functional for a very long time but that doesn't mean that love didn't also exist, or grow with it, over time. But they were not free will choices, were they.
'Love marriages' are all about fulfilling one's desires and needs, and much less about obligation nor necessity.
I think many people enter into them via coercion by their partner, or family, or social custom. Probably the largest of that is not wanting to disappoint their partner, even while they are simultaneously having misgivings about entering into a marriage contract. 'They love them, but do they love them enough?' I imagine they think. Or, through the process of planning an elaborate wedding ($30K the average, in North America), the cracks begin to show, but by this time, they think the train has already left the station.
Some give up too easily, thinking 'if it's this hard, it's not meant to be.'
Some enter too lightly, impulsively.
Some don't live together beforehand because of beliefs, but then don't truly know the person in a domestic, everyday context, and are surprised what is uncovered about their (in) compatibility.
Some change and are no longer who they were when they entered into it, and they feel they cannot go there together, to that same place.
Some stressors of life become too much to bear, and divide the people, instead of unite them. Stress brought out the worst in them, and they lashed out at each other, and the love was lost.
You have to have some luck, but even more important than that, you must figure out when to compromise, what to compromise, and what you cannot live without. Which is a close to impossible task. There is no certainty. There can only be determination, conviction, and dedication.
Nowadays, it seems with necessity stripped away, we've got a general attitude of 'what does this person do for me, give to me?' with rigidity, lack of compromise. Me, me, me thinking, and an 'I'm worth it" mentality; when it needs to be more about 'how are we together?'
Expectations are also too high. Community has dissolved. Now, all the chips go on one person, and the stakes are high. We expect that partner to be everything, and one person cannot.
I do believe in marriage. Very much. It's hard, all relationships are hard (and I don't mean that flippantly), but I think it's worth all the headache and heartache. No question.
Yes I believe in marriage from my understanding of what it is
It is unity of two souls to support each other and make eachother stronger in this life and for eternity.
Its hard to understand the true value and purpose of marriage without a spiritual understanding of it. And that is why its very often done wrong. The hearts of most of humanity have hardened over history. We have lived in an existential dilemma for a long time, deprived of meaning and filled with darkness...
I do believe however that we are experiencing a shift in the collective consciousness of the global community. And I do believe that spirituality is a part of our identity that has been forgotten for centuries, but we are starting to open up our hearts to it. Because what else is there to do? we have struggled and felt pain for a long long time.
As we learn about our spiritual identities, we can understand how marriage makes us stronger.
The feminine and the masculine energies are meant to work together. And being able to unite those energies is the most beautiful thing in this life, the way i see it.
If we can learn to be kind, open minded, open hearted, to listen to each other, and to understand each other, to be collaborative, and to empower each other
then i believe there is nothing more fulfilling than the union of two souls who decide to undertake the journey of life together
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u There is nothing wrong with the institution of marriage. However, there IS something wrong with many of the people who are getting married.
Young people, and some older people, think that if marriage is good it's GREAT!!! It's like an ice cream social in the park every day, a picnic, a cornucopia of happiness and joy. Yes, marriage can be great but sometimes the best of couples have conflict. Too many couples give up on marriage at the first sign of conflict, and that attitude dooms a marriage from the very beginning. When conflict happens, that only means that it is time to get to work on resolving that conflict in a way that preserves your marriage. . . as long as the marriage is worth preserving.
Of course, if a marriage is failing because one party is substance addicted, or abusive, or unfaithful, then such conflicts are rarely resolved successfully. If the conflict is about handling responsibilities to two sets of parents, or whether to accept a job offer that requires relocation, or something of that nature. . . those conflicts can be resolved.
So. . . no, there is nothing wrong with marriage, and I believe it is the ultimate institution for love and romance, as long as the two partners have similar goals and are willing to work when there is work to be done.
After reading all the blue-pilled responses, these are all young, idealistic, naive and hopeful sentiments of marriage.
In these ages, divorce is rampant. And it's not just people breaking up. It goes to the divorce institutional complex we call the family courts. If you're a man, depending on what state, you face a lot of serious decisions that are not your own. Some courts are now allowing spouses to make physical abuse allegations, and a civic family court pass criminal sentencing. This is way out of control.
A lot of these guys are being destroyed in everyway in these courts. It's not just splitting the assets. In the extreme, a silver bullet divorce is now very normal. This is where a spouse claims that generally the father is messing with the kids. This sets all kinds of legal actions, including crininal pedophile hearings to take place. This is done to wipe out the man. The charges are bogus. And sadly there are training videos for attroneys on YouTube to learn the in-court tactic. And if not that, a spouse could claim physical attacks that can yield prison time.
These are far fetched, except I myself know three men this happened to. Later on the charges are dropped after custody has been established just to the mother. It's to combat Co-parenting, as some parents do not want to mess with it, and often want the father removed for her new guy, who she intends to marry at some point.
In most cultures, until a few centuries ago, marriage consisted of a bargain made between the groom and the father of the bride regarding marriage to one of his daughters. Love played a part in the 1600's. I know because I have read diaries of various English settlers of the period. among the middle classes (above slave/serf below nobleman) love has played a role if not the defining role for many centuries. But slaves and serfs and certain others only married or had relations if their owner gave them permission or ordered them to. Nobility and above were subjected to various rules and customs usually involving some sort of financial or political transaction. In ancient Rome married couples only had sex with each other for reproduction but often kept sex slaves or engaged in other sexual release that did not involve a spouse. Sometime in the medieval period the idea of romantic relationships as being integral to marriage began to form in Europe. In some nations, like parts of India, parents still arrange marriages.
I no longer believe in marriage. I was married, as a guy when I look at marriage I see a very HIGH risk proposition with almost no reward. I will never get married again as I do not see value in it, when you can lose your resources be forced to pay for a parasite who does not deserve it , basically turning you into a slave working for someone who hates you, when family courts overwhelmingly support the woman and screw the dads and you end up paying for kids who have been turned against you and you rarely get to see those kids. Yeah sign me up...
I can understand why marriage is dying. It is dying because the laws make it too dangerous to get married as your life can be destroyed by a partner that got "bored"
I think if marriage is ever going to make a recovery in the West the laws around alimony and child support will have to change , but I doubt that will happen there is too big an industry around divorce that makes a killing and logic and reason seem to have no part in politics anymore.
I'm married so I clearly do but I don't believe in marriage out of love. I didn't marry my wife because I loved her. I did love her but I could love her just as much if we just dated indefinitely. From my standpoint, marriage is ultimately for the sake of the children.
When couples have children, I think it's beneficial to their children for them to be married. I think children born out of wedlock or ones whose parents divorce are generally much worse off for a variety of reasons.
If we want to reform marriage, I think too frequently we don't talk about what is optimal for our future children. The top priority as I see it is what is best for children.
u I believe in people very much, and then I might marry her if that's needed... and I would do it for her, for us, for a future family... not precisely for the "institution of marriage."
It wil be definitely about her, I am 1000% of that. And if she doesn't want to marry, I'm still going to be with her.
As for difficulties, challenges, obstacles... everything in life will have that, I'm not one to avoid any of that, I've had plenty, and there will be more to come, I am sure. That doesn't stop me from living life.
I absolutely believe in marriage now. However, after my first divorce I was very skeptical of it. I became more and more skeptical after several failed relationships. However, I when I eventually started dating my now husband (I was 40 by the way) I became a little less cynical. After a few years of marriage and two kids I actually am much more optimistic about marriage. I get where people are coming from who have had crappy relationships with crappy men. I was there too. However, there are great guys out there that you can have a great marriage with as well!
Divorce rates have increased substantially in the last 50 years globally. And yes, part of it is because back in the day, it was mostly done for financial stability rather than love, and now due to love, and also getting married extremely young ( not knowing who you are and what you want that early on), divorce has increased.
Personally, the only reason I would get married would be to financially secure my future children with my partner. Meaning, if something happens to me or my kids father/mother, I want no complications for my partner to have full custody, as well as the freedom for him to control my finances and help our kids out.
Otherwise no, no reason to get married. For me of course.
Yes, but under current laws marriage has become too legally and financially dangerous for sane informed men to contemplate.
A man who marries today is taking a 50/50 gamble that, if he loses, will destroy him financially for the rest of his life.
He may also go to prison due to unpayable child and spousal support orders, which can involve being ordered to pay for children who were sired by other men.
The marriage contract and the courts are so grotesqely unfair to men that only a fool would date, have sex with, cohabit with, or marry a female.
Marriage is real! Marriage is designed by God to Create Life and represents a holy union. It has been corrupted by sin, but it can reflect one's relationship with God through Christ. Marriage is a life term commitment to stay together and do God's Will regardless of life's difficulties. Two become one person. Sex seals that commitment, but there is no marriage without commitment. The better relationship you have with God the better relationship you will have with everyone, especially your spouse.
Its weird how i want to get married someday. I still believe in love.
Even tho the men i have known in my life (exempel: stepfather had diabet but was an alcoholist, selfish, keeps all the money to himself instead of spending it on his family, treats my mom bad, cheat, abandons his children... etc) by the way my mom is humble even thought she have more education than them, she kept low profile and played stupid in order to protect her children. Well they divorced many years ago. Now my mom raised all her 4 children alone. And now we live much better than how he (stepfather) lives now.
I don't think marriage is broken, but it's function has certainly changed over time, as did how individuals around the world view marriages.
Worldwide, 42-45% of all first marriages end in divorce. In the USA, the average length of a first marriage is only 8 years.
Did you know that 90% of marriages in India are still pre-arranged?
Here's some really interesting stats:
Marriage stats worldwide
I still believe in the institution of marriage, but I'm extremely cautious. My job has me in family Court quite often and I've seen just how much is at stake for husbands and fathers. With the right people, the right expectations and a lot of grit, it has the potential to be extraordinarily fulfilling. If not, it could be a disaster. Marriage, like relationships, is high risk/high reward.
As for me I always say if it’s not broken don’t fix it & if you are in a healthy relationship & things are going fine why change it. To me marriage is like a hurricane, there is a lot of blowing in the beginning & when it’s all said & done your house is gone.
I’ll pass on three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring & suffering.
If people want to marry, I'm not going to stop them. But I do not personally care for the concept.
It made sense in past times as you also mention, where there was a need for social and economic safety.
But to me, what matters is the love, and no ritual or celebration will change my love for somebody. Furthermore, I don't need to show anybody but my partner that I love her; not my family, not my friends, not any kind of deity.
I personally don't see the point in marriage.
I tried to emphasize with people who go on about marriage, but all I hear are people who see marriage as some magical fix or reassurance that their partner won't leave them if things "get tough".
Those reasons don't sound healthy to me, it's all just sounding like a crutch to me.
But then again, I don't love people, maybe I don't understand that aspect.
Not really, no. If you truly love somebody, you don't expect anything from them other than time and commitment.
Not expect them to work for you and your children.
Not expect them to start a family they aren't ready for.
Not expect them to think your family is theirs.
Not expect them to still act like crazy highschool sweethearts after a decade.
I don't know - marriage ruins.
No. Especially in today's world. What's the point? Some women thinks it "proves commitment" but no it doesn't. Look at the divorce rate. And look at what divorce does to people and how it impacts their lives, even permanently! Yes there are some financial benefits legally, but does it add up to much really? I've never been married so I really don't know the answer to that lol. I don't believe two people have to be married to spend the rest of their lives together.
I still believe in it. It is a very useful institution and making a barrier for entrance and exit makes people take pause before they enter into it and maybe try to work out their differences before leaving their partner. It is definitely better to raise children in a two parent household.
Marriage is important to me but I'm also old school. I look at it as love and duty. Love to make me want him, duty to stay and be faithful and work things out.
I know marriage is scary for males nowadays. I would be hurt but I would get if he asked for a prenuptial.
I know he's not going to, bc he's not like that.
I also wouldn't have to worry considering I don't want to ever divorce my boyfriend. So.
Take that as you want.
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