The reality of the situation is even if we don't cheat whether its guys or girls trips most of us don't do shit that we would around our mates and that's the bottom line
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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Depends on the wife. AND her friends. At your age you're probably okay. If she were in her 20s I'd say no since women that age tend to cheat a lot. More than men.
To be fair, it's not really about trust. It's a question of are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position that could tempt them to cheat.
Like if your guy wants to go out to the bar every weekend alone with the boys or to the strip club on a consistent basis, tells you not to wait up he's going to be back late or the next day.
Is it really a matter of not trusting him if you don't want him to go doing that? Or are you pretty justified in the fact that you kind of just don't like that situation he's putting himself into
I'm just saying that I've never met a group of girls who went on a girls trip and didn't want something to happen incolving other guys. It might not be out right cheating, but they absolutely want to go do something where they are going to go get male attention.
Like if they go on vacation somewhere and don't get attention from other guys it would actually feel like a letdown to them and feel like they wasted their trip because they didn't do anything
@Jabberjaw You've either been watching too much TV or are spending time with the wrong kind of people. A girls trip and going to the strip club aren't even remotely on the same level. I take a girls trip every year with my sister and cousin. We are all in good relationships and you wanna know what we enjoy doing? Hiking, camping, shopping, hanging out at the beach, maybe a concert or a music festival. Oh last time we took this really cool glass blowing class, and then did like a wine and paint class. It may come as a surprise but existing in public doesn't mean you are out looking for male attention.
But circling back around to that first sentence... it is all about trust. If my husband wants go on a boys trip, which he usually does a couple times a year with is brothers and friends, I don't have an issue with him going because I trust him. The only reason I would have an issue with that is if I didn't trust him.
To be fair, i did say bar OR strip club. You kinda just blew up one word as a way to discount the whole argument rather than addressing it. Which was, are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
@Jabberjaw Because I trust them not act on impulse and use good judgment, temptation could be literally any where... a co worker, a friend, your waitress.. Like I said it's about trust. If anyone was going to a bar or strip club every weekend, on a consistent basis, and staying out over night, that would be concerning... but that is an entirely different scenario than the occasional girls/boys trip.
I like your reasoning. It’s quite succinct and fair in my opinion.
I also understand what @Subarugirl is pointing at.
I resonate more with you more @Jabberjaw
It’s not a matter of trust per se.
You can trust all you want, but we are all just human. We have to worry about other humans influencing us, situations, conditions, and circumstances as well.
I've seen plenty of situations where a girl never should have put herself into. And maybe she didn't cheat. But if her man found out he would have a problem and even her friends thought she hooked up with the guy.
2:30am one weekend after a night out with friends. Calls up her baby daddy to have a talk to get some closure and goes to his place alone.
Her girl even looked at that and said "I don't condone cheating" because she saw how bad that looks. And it was just a night out with her friends without her man.
I know the girl personally. Good character, good girl, proven herself to be pretty trustworthy. But is that situation okay?
Would she be able to check with her man first and see if that situation was okay? If her man said he wasn't okay with that, would she be justified in saying he doesn't trust her?
Or is it just fair to say that's just a bad situation she shouldn't put herself into where she may be emotionally vulnerable?
It's got nothing to do with trust. Your partner shouldn't be putting themselves in certain situations to begin with. Which is why she's having trouble just answering the question that certain scenarios she wouldn't necessarily be comfortable if her man put himself into it
And that she rightfully could voice the opinion that she doesn't want him to do it and that it has nothing to do with not trusting him
You're just dodging the point, because you know it has validity. You've yet to address it and just said laser focused in on one or two small things and said "well that's not the same" as a means to disregard the point as a whole.
Are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
@Jabberjaw well originally you stated and I quote "could tempt them to cheat." and the answer is yes. There will always be opportunities, temptations, what ever you want to call it. I trust my spouse not to act on biological impulses that would destroy our relationship. If he wants to have a boys night… I trust him, he can go have fun. But a boys night is not the same thing as going a to a bar and staying out over night every weekend... you do see that right.
And my point is been very consistent. My very first paragraph addresses the thesis of what I'm saying and I have not deviated from that. So there is no, at first I said this and now I'm saying this. What I'm saying is still the same
Change the frequency to whatever you like. Maybe it's once a month or every other month, every other week. I don't care. The scenario will be the same. If he puts himself in that position 4 times a month you have a problem with it. But twice a month it's now okay?
Still comes back to my point.
Are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
Sounds like as long as it's not 4 times a month then yes you're okay with him putting himself in potentially precarious positions
@KrakenAttackin yes I would, if that’s something he wanted to do. 100% he takes a week trip with a friend about once a year anyways, so if he’s rather spend a weekend in Vegas with some buddies, I’m totally supportive.
@KrakenAttackin it’s a hunting trip, but hey if they would rather go to Vegas, I’m totally fine with it. I had to go to a business trip there like 4 years ago and spend 4 days there by my self. It didn’t cause any issues
@KrakenAttackin not all relationships fail... and I may be trusting and optimistic, but at least I am not a pessimist... so until I have a reason not to trust him, and insecurity isn't a valid reason, I will. Because if you don't have trust at the foundation of your relationship... it's doomed to crumble.
@Subarugirl. You are the one with one foot out of the door. And why not? You would get to leave with cash and prizes until your Son is 18. Also, I can only imagine the brutality of divorce laws on men in Oregon.
@KrakenAttackin I'm not at all though, and the family court is totally fuck along with justice system. The wildish bounds of your imaginative accusations never cease to surprise me... but hey what ever you need to tell yourself to justify your actions.
@Jabberjawhaving a boys night for a few hours once a week is different between getting drunk and staying out over night every weekend. First that’s neglectful of familial responsibilities, second it’s irresponsible spending. It also depends on the couple what their definition of fidelity is. For some watching porn would be considered cheating..
As someone who has lived that life. Going out every weekend is not expensive. It really isn't. You can be an idiot with your money. But you can also go out and have a good time without it hurting the wallet.
So I speak from experience when I say the spending part isn't the important part to you with respect to this. And if he is doing it on the weekends he's handled responsibilities all week. Overnight on the weekends is at best 8 hours out of 168 hours in a week. It's no time at all in the grand scheme of things.
It's common for people to come up with a bunch of little reasons when they're not prepared to say what the issue really is. I think I know what it is for you. You're like the average girl in that you really don't want your man spending time with other bitches when you're not around, in an environment where he will absolutely be tempted. That's what I think
But to maintain your dire stance of not wanting that = distrust you have to fabricate a way to define why this circumstance is unique in this way and that way. When really it's simple. Like most everything
My whole point has been it's not a matter of trust but rather just not wantung your partner to put themselves in potentially precarious positions. Which makes all the sense in the world.
The problem is if you accept that premise you have to consider where it might apply to you aswell and you don't like the idea. Which is why you wiggled away from it so hard from the start
@Jabberjaw why ask what I would do or how I feel about a situation if you are just going to imply that you have a better understanding of my relationship with my spouse than I do? Ever time I give you an answer you feel the need to tell me I don't know what I am talking about to justify your point. If yourpartner wants to cheat there are endless ways they can do that with out going to strip club or to the bar with friends. Are you even married?
Well no you haven't. You've dodged questions multiple times over and made snide remarks along the way. When you finally gave a straight answer it wasn't me asking how you feel.
I asked if you're okay with something.
Only after you stopped saying "well that's not the same as" completely avoiding the question, you replied with no you're not okay with it.
Now the matter is establishing the why. You gave multiple little reasons that practically speaking aren't realistic. You made the case Going out consistently on weekends equates to not handling responsibilities to your family. And equates to a high degree of wasteful spending.
But it's neither of those things, unless he's not doing his job the rest of the week. I've never once implied to know your relationship in any way. Maybe you've felt that way but I never have. I'm speaking to what I know.
I'm talking about logical consistency and at least in the last comment you're making it personal or about emotions. You could have easily replied with reinforcing it definitely is about wasteful spending/not handling responsibilities and support the claim. But you've gone the route of saying well I'm just not appreciating what you feel.
I'm someone who reflects on my views and open to the idea I'm wrong when faced with evidence of such.
But when you dodge dodge dodge dodge, answer questions with other questions, then give soft reply of a list of multiple little things.
It comes across as disingenuous. Because in all seriousness when someone believes something with conviction they can clearly establish why and don't wiggle around doing so
@KrakenAttackin I don't know her to say, but here she has been Shifty in communication. In general when people start being vague they're attempting to deceive on some level.
Honest behavior is clear as day, and systematically avoiding being clear is a bad sign
@Jabberjaw maybe it is for you… but I don’t have an issue with my husband going out and having fun because first of all I trust him, and second I’m not insecure I’m not insecure in out relationship. So as long as he is honest, communicating, responsible and faithful. I trust him.
@Jabberjaw as long as he is honest, communicating, responsible and faithful, I trust him to make good choices. Because as far as I am concerned I have not reason not to trust him, so I till I do, I will co to use to trust him. I’m his wife not his mother, and it’s not my job to tell him what he can and cannot do.
@Jabberjaw There are always qualifiers... You be okay with your spouse shopping, but not draining the savings account frivolous purchase... You'd be okay with your spouse drinking, but not to the point of becoming an alcoholic. So yeah there are conditions to what is okay and healthy. So as long as he isn't doing anything that negatively impacts our marriage, our financial stability or his ability to be a good husband and father, I am not going to dictate what he can and cannot do for fun. He's my husband, not my child so I will treat him accordingly.
That fact that you are trying to equate a girls trip to going to a strip club every weekend isn't comparable. It's not the same frequency and it's not the same type of activity or environment. So if you want to try and make an accurate comparison, compare a girls trip to a boys trip.
No, you're just being deceptive or not answering a clear question. The question is very clear and basic and you're trying to make it overly complex as a way to not answer the question directly.
You're being intellectually dishonest and you know that
The question is straight up, without having knowledge to confirm their behavior, are you okay with this...
You just refuse to answer the question because you're obviously not and don't even believe your own opinion that you espoused in your first comment.
You "trust" Your Man if he magically only does things that you like or that you can confirm. That's why you have to throw on the qualifier of if he he acts exactly in a way that you like then you trust him
@Jabberjaw No you are trying to make false comparisons, and back me into a corner by unrealistically simplifying a question by changing the original topic. In real life there are conditions to what kind of behavior at which frequency it acceptable. If you want to remove all conditions boundaries of what behavior is acceptable then that is entirely different topic.
So which one are you wanting to talk about? Girls trips once a year being gone every weekend? Would I be okay with my husband being gone every weekend so that he could leave us to go have fun with out us, no. It doesn't matter what he is doing or where he is going, I'm not okay with him being gone over night every single weekend.
Once a month or a few times a year, sure. That's a different scenario.
I have not deviated from exactly what I'm talking about since the beginning. You have.
Go back to literally the very first paragraph I stated at the start. But this time go off of what I said and don't read emotion into or apply what you perceive as deeper meaning into it outside of what I actually said
@Jabberjaw Okay the answer is no, I wouldn't be okay with that and it isn't because I don't trust him, it's because I wouldn't be okay with him being gone every weekend just to have fun away from us. The weekends are our time together since he is gone most of the week working.
Okay, so if he say took off one day in the middle of the week to go out to the bar/stripclub, you would be okay with that. As long as you still have your weekend time with him to spend together
Well the original question was if you're okay with your partner putting themselves in a potentially precarious position. Which was more general to cover all bases
You answered to an example I gave later to make it easy for you to get the logic. Since your answer added a layer I'm asking for clarity. Because my original question wasn't specific to weekends. That was just one example
To be clear, I did say my first paragraph... which was the same question I reiterated over and over and over and over again. And I thought we were heading in a good direction, but now it seems like you're still being Shifty
You dodged the question repeatedly before finally giving an answer, but with a caveat. Only in the past couple comments did you give somewhat a straight answer.
If you just said yes we wouldn't be here. So stop pretending like it was that simple lol. Good lord I hope you don't have disagreements like this in your real life. Just ridiculous lol
Trying to get some intellectual honesty from you has been a full court press specifically because you didn't give a straight answer. You even justified your not doing so on more than one occasion
@Jabberjaw well to be honest you were jumping around asking several different questions, and then acting like they were all the same thing. Next time when you are trying to ask a question make it clear , concise and don't try to make false equivalents. What you did is asked a question then as a continuation used an example by trying to create a false comparison between being gone every weekend and a trip that takes place maybe once or twice a year.
I kept saying yes... and then you started asking different questions.
@Jabberjaw Your original question was “ are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position that could tempt them to cheat.”
My answer to that question is yes and it has been since the beginning, but you were including additional conditions and examples such as "Like if your guy wants to go out to the bar every weekend alone with the boys or to the strip club on a consistent basis, tells you not to wait up he's going to be back late or the next day.".
@EmbraceThePain I never said it was bad to worry. I said that not being able to trust your spouse is bad. Projecting your own insecurities into your spouse isn't healthy either.
When my husband and I go out with friends we tell each other were we are going and who we are going out with, that's just a basic level of respect in a marriage. Trust is built and it is earned, so unless things are happening that damages that trust like a breakdown in communication, disregarding boundaries that have been established, secrecy, or dishonesty. That's why there are boundaries. Just because I trust my husband to be faithful and not do something that would damage our married doesn't mean the trust is unconditional. But I know him well enough and trust him enough that I wouldn't have an issue with him going on a boys trip, or to the bar or the club with his friends.
@EmbraceThePain No not at all, if he wanted to know where I was going and who I was going with I wouldn't have an issue telling him. I tell him before he gets the chance to ask because that is what you do in a marriage. A good example of that was when I took a girls trip last year, I talked to him about who was going, what our general plans were and where we were staying. If he had any concerns I would address those. The same thing applies in reverse. How ever as adults we know that we have no right to dictate what the other person does, that what a parent does to their child, not how spouses should treat each other.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 People change. Women start getting FOMO especially if their friends are still riding the carousel and hitting clubs. Women are very susceptible to peer pressure.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
67Opinion
Yes, It Depends on the context of what there doing and if she has given you a reason not to trust her
Sure, she wants to go on a trip without me fine, just don't expect me to be there when she gets back:)
Yes the trust should be there, I’f you can’t trust your partner you shouldn’t be with that person as your partner.
Yea, as long as she is a trust worthy person. If she isn’t you probably shouldn’t be married to her anyway.
Getting married is a foolish idea for a man in the first place.
No, girls can't travel on their own, only women can.
So only trust your wives in women's trips, no girls trips!
lol!
So it depends on how they label the trip?
It's a joke, but yeah, it's based on a pun.
... then you don't have to worry about it.
The reality of the situation is even if we don't cheat whether its guys or girls trips most of us don't do shit that we would around our mates and that's the bottom line
Depends on the wife. AND her friends. At your age you're probably okay. If she were in her 20s I'd say no since women that age tend to cheat a lot. More than men.
If you don't trust your wife you shouldn't be married
If you don't trust your wife then... why are you married?
To be fair, it's not really about trust. It's a question of are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position that could tempt them to cheat.
Like if your guy wants to go out to the bar every weekend alone with the boys or to the strip club on a consistent basis, tells you not to wait up he's going to be back late or the next day.
Is it really a matter of not trusting him if you don't want him to go doing that? Or are you pretty justified in the fact that you kind of just don't like that situation he's putting himself into
I'm just saying that I've never met a group of girls who went on a girls trip and didn't want something to happen incolving other guys. It might not be out right cheating, but they absolutely want to go do something where they are going to go get male attention.
Like if they go on vacation somewhere and don't get attention from other guys it would actually feel like a letdown to them and feel like they wasted their trip because they didn't do anything
@Jabberjaw You've either been watching too much TV or are spending time with the wrong kind of people. A girls trip and going to the strip club aren't even remotely on the same level.
I take a girls trip every year with my sister and cousin. We are all in good relationships and you wanna know what we enjoy doing? Hiking, camping, shopping, hanging out at the beach, maybe a concert or a music festival. Oh last time we took this really cool glass blowing class, and then did like a wine and paint class. It may come as a surprise but existing in public doesn't mean you are out looking for male attention.
But circling back around to that first sentence... it is all about trust. If my husband wants go on a boys trip, which he usually does a couple times a year with is brothers and friends, I don't have an issue with him going because I trust him. The only reason I would have an issue with that is if I didn't trust him.
To be fair, i did say bar OR strip club. You kinda just blew up one word as a way to discount the whole argument rather than addressing it. Which was, are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
Bar OR strip club were mere examples
@Jabberjaw well a girls trip once or twice a year doesn't equate to going to bar every weekend... either so..
@Jabberjaw Because I trust them not act on impulse and use good judgment, temptation could be literally any where... a co worker, a friend, your waitress.. Like I said it's about trust. If anyone was going to a bar or strip club every weekend, on a consistent basis, and staying out over night, that would be concerning... but that is an entirely different scenario than the occasional girls/boys trip.
are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
@Jabberjaw
I like your reasoning. It’s quite succinct and fair in my opinion.
I also understand what @Subarugirl is pointing at.
I resonate more with you more @Jabberjaw
It’s not a matter of trust per se.
You can trust all you want, but we are all just human. We have to worry about other humans influencing us, situations, conditions, and circumstances as well.
@EmbraceThePain exactly
I've seen plenty of situations where a girl never should have put herself into. And maybe she didn't cheat. But if her man found out he would have a problem and even her friends thought she hooked up with the guy.
2:30am one weekend after a night out with friends. Calls up her baby daddy to have a talk to get some closure and goes to his place alone.
Her girl even looked at that and said "I don't condone cheating" because she saw how bad that looks. And it was just a night out with her friends without her man.
I know the girl personally. Good character, good girl, proven herself to be pretty trustworthy. But is that situation okay?
Would she be able to check with her man first and see if that situation was okay?
If her man said he wasn't okay with that, would she be justified in saying he doesn't trust her?
Or is it just fair to say that's just a bad situation she shouldn't put herself into where she may be emotionally vulnerable?
It's got nothing to do with trust. Your partner shouldn't be putting themselves in certain situations to begin with. Which is why she's having trouble just answering the question that certain scenarios she wouldn't necessarily be comfortable if her man put himself into it
And that she rightfully could voice the opinion that she doesn't want him to do it and that it has nothing to do with not trusting him
@Jabberjaw yeah but calling up an ex isn’t the same thing as a girls weekend
You're just dodging the point, because you know it has validity. You've yet to address it and just said laser focused in on one or two small things and said "well that's not the same" as a means to disregard the point as a whole.
Are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
@Jabberjaw well originally you stated and I quote "could tempt them to cheat." and the answer is yes. There will always be opportunities, temptations, what ever you want to call it. I trust my spouse not to act on biological impulses that would destroy our relationship. If he wants to have a boys night… I trust him, he can go have fun. But a boys night is not the same thing as going a to a bar and staying out over night every weekend... you do see that right.
But going to a concert with your girls, where people regularly get crossfaded and hook up with strangers...
That's not similar to a night at the bar with the boys?
And my point is been very consistent. My very first paragraph addresses the thesis of what I'm saying and I have not deviated from that. So there is no, at first I said this and now I'm saying this. What I'm saying is still the same
@Jabberjaw well if it was happening ever weekend consistently.. then you would have a valid point.
@Subarugirl
It doesn’t have to happen consistently to be an issue or problem.
You can trust your husband AND worry about what situations he’s getting himself into.
Your husband isn’t perfect, he’s human, like us all.
This is a more balanced mindset don’t you agree?
Change the frequency to whatever you like. Maybe it's once a month or every other month, every other week. I don't care. The scenario will be the same. If he puts himself in that position 4 times a month you have a problem with it. But twice a month it's now okay?
Still comes back to my point.
Are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
Sounds like as long as it's not 4 times a month then yes you're okay with him putting himself in potentially precarious positions
@Subarugirl. So you would be fine with your husband heading to Vegas with a bunch of guy friends. What could possibly happen?
@Jabberjaw Very true.
@KrakenAttackin yes I would, if that’s something he wanted to do. 100% he takes a week trip with a friend about once a year anyways, so if he’s rather spend a weekend in Vegas with some buddies, I’m totally supportive.
If I recall, they go to a hunting cabin with no women?
@KrakenAttackin it’s a hunting trip, but hey if they would rather go to Vegas, I’m totally fine with it. I had to go to a business trip there like 4 years ago and spend 4 days there by my self. It didn’t cause any issues
Going for work and going for vacation aren't the same thing. I go to Vegas every year.
@Jabberjaw and a person couldn’t do the same things on a work trip that they could do on a leisurely one?
Answer this plainly and clearly and I'll answer yours:
Are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position where they would be tempted to cheat?
@Jabberjaw yes, because there is always temptation. He has a phone, that makes it easy… I trust him.
@Subarugirl. Give it time. You will eventually have a wondering eye.
@KrakenAttackin not all relationships fail... and I may be trusting and optimistic, but at least I am not a pessimist... so until I have a reason not to trust him, and insecurity isn't a valid reason, I will. Because if you don't have trust at the foundation of your relationship... it's doomed to crumble.
@Subarugirl. You are the one with one foot out of the door. And why not? You would get to leave with cash and prizes until your Son is 18. Also, I can only imagine the brutality of divorce laws on men in Oregon.
@KrakenAttackin I'm not at all though, and the family court is totally fuck along with justice system. The wildish bounds of your imaginative accusations never cease to surprise me... but hey what ever you need to tell yourself to justify your actions.
If that's the case, then what difference does it make if he goes to a bar every weekend? If you trust him what's the problem?
Or strip club for that matter.
@Jabberjawhaving a boys night for a few hours once a week is different between getting drunk and staying out over night every weekend. First that’s neglectful of familial responsibilities, second it’s irresponsible spending. It also depends on the couple what their definition of fidelity is. For some watching porn would be considered cheating..
As someone who has lived that life. Going out every weekend is not expensive. It really isn't. You can be an idiot with your money. But you can also go out and have a good time without it hurting the wallet.
So I speak from experience when I say the spending part isn't the important part to you with respect to this. And if he is doing it on the weekends he's handled responsibilities all week. Overnight on the weekends is at best 8 hours out of 168 hours in a week. It's no time at all in the grand scheme of things.
It's common for people to come up with a bunch of little reasons when they're not prepared to say what the issue really is. I think I know what it is for you. You're like the average girl in that you really don't want your man spending time with other bitches when you're not around, in an environment where he will absolutely be tempted. That's what I think
But to maintain your dire stance of not wanting that = distrust you have to fabricate a way to define why this circumstance is unique in this way and that way. When really it's simple. Like most everything
My whole point has been it's not a matter of trust but rather just not wantung your partner to put themselves in potentially precarious positions. Which makes all the sense in the world.
The problem is if you accept that premise you have to consider where it might apply to you aswell and you don't like the idea. Which is why you wiggled away from it so hard from the start
@Jabberjaw why ask what I would do or how I feel about a situation if you are just going to imply that you have a better understanding of my relationship with my spouse than I do? Ever time I give you an answer you feel the need to tell me I don't know what I am talking about to justify your point. If yourpartner wants to cheat there are endless ways they can do that with out going to strip club or to the bar with friends. Are you even married?
Well no you haven't. You've dodged questions multiple times over and made snide remarks along the way. When you finally gave a straight answer it wasn't me asking how you feel.
I asked if you're okay with something.
Only after you stopped saying "well that's not the same as" completely avoiding the question, you replied with no you're not okay with it.
Now the matter is establishing the why. You gave multiple little reasons that practically speaking aren't realistic. You made the case Going out consistently on weekends equates to not handling responsibilities to your family. And equates to a high degree of wasteful spending.
But it's neither of those things, unless he's not doing his job the rest of the week. I've never once implied to know your relationship in any way. Maybe you've felt that way but I never have. I'm speaking to what I know.
I'm talking about logical consistency and at least in the last comment you're making it personal or about emotions. You could have easily replied with reinforcing it definitely is about wasteful spending/not handling responsibilities and support the claim. But you've gone the route of saying well I'm just not appreciating what you feel.
It's not about that
I'm someone who reflects on my views and open to the idea I'm wrong when faced with evidence of such.
But when you dodge dodge dodge dodge, answer questions with other questions, then give soft reply of a list of multiple little things.
It comes across as disingenuous. Because in all seriousness when someone believes something with conviction they can clearly establish why and don't wiggle around doing so
@Jabberjaw Dodging and deflection is what she does. We all know nothing good comes from "Girls trips" or "Girls Night Out".
@KrakenAttackin I don't know her to say, but here she has been Shifty in communication. In general when people start being vague they're attempting to deceive on some level.
Honest behavior is clear as day, and systematically avoiding being clear is a bad sign
@Jabberjaw because you were marking false equivalents
I don't know if you know this, but people get crossfaded and hook up at concert with strangers all the time. Yes, it's comparable tho not equivalent.
You're playing with semantics to again not address the point which you know is valid
@Jabberjaw maybe it is for you… but I don’t have an issue with my husband going out and having fun because first of all I trust him, and second I’m not insecure I’m not insecure in out relationship. So as long as he is honest, communicating, responsible and faithful. I trust him.
Awesome
So if he goes to strip clubs with the boys or to the bar every weekend you're cool with it, because you trust him
@Jabberjaw So as long as he is honest, communicating, responsible and faithful. I trust him.
Can't say what he'll do.
But now you're okay with him going to the bar every weekend if he so chooses and the stripclub if he so chooses? Because you trust him
@Jabberjaw as long as he is honest, communicating, responsible and faithful, I trust him to make good choices. Because as far as I am concerned I have not reason not to trust him, so I till I do, I will co to use to trust him. I’m his wife not his mother, and it’s not my job to tell him what he can and cannot do.
You won't be there to confirm he does or doesn't do anything, so you'll just have to take his word.
You're okay with him going to the bar every weekend if he so chooses and the stripclub if he so chooses? Without any qualifiers please. Yes or No?
Because you trust him
@Jabberjaw There are always qualifiers... You be okay with your spouse shopping, but not draining the savings account frivolous purchase... You'd be okay with your spouse drinking, but not to the point of becoming an alcoholic. So yeah there are conditions to what is okay and healthy.
So as long as he isn't doing anything that negatively impacts our marriage, our financial stability or his ability to be a good husband and father, I am not going to dictate what he can and cannot do for fun. He's my husband, not my child so I will treat him accordingly.
That fact that you are trying to equate a girls trip to going to a strip club every weekend isn't comparable. It's not the same frequency and it's not the same type of activity or environment. So if you want to try and make an accurate comparison, compare a girls trip to a boys trip.
No, you're just being deceptive or not answering a clear question. The question is very clear and basic and you're trying to make it overly complex as a way to not answer the question directly.
You're being intellectually dishonest and you know that
The question is straight up, without having knowledge to confirm their behavior, are you okay with this...
You just refuse to answer the question because you're obviously not and don't even believe your own opinion that you espoused in your first comment.
You "trust" Your Man if he magically only does things that you like or that you can confirm. That's why you have to throw on the qualifier of if he he acts exactly in a way that you like then you trust him
That's not trust
@Jabberjaw No you are trying to make false comparisons, and back me into a corner by unrealistically simplifying a question by changing the original topic. In real life there are conditions to what kind of behavior at which frequency it acceptable. If you want to remove all conditions boundaries of what behavior is acceptable then that is entirely different topic.
So which one are you wanting to talk about?
Girls trips once a year being gone every weekend?
Would I be okay with my husband being gone every weekend so that he could leave us to go have fun with out us, no. It doesn't matter what he is doing or where he is going, I'm not okay with him being gone over night every single weekend.
Once a month or a few times a year, sure. That's a different scenario.
I have not deviated from exactly what I'm talking about since the beginning. You have.
Go back to literally the very first paragraph I stated at the start. But this time go off of what I said and don't read emotion into or apply what you perceive as deeper meaning into it outside of what I actually said
@Jabberjaw Okay the answer is no, I wouldn't be okay with that and it isn't because I don't trust him, it's because I wouldn't be okay with him being gone every weekend just to have fun away from us. The weekends are our time together since he is gone most of the week working.
Okay, so if he say took off one day in the middle of the week to go out to the bar/stripclub, you would be okay with that. As long as you still have your weekend time with him to spend together
@Jabberjaw That wasn't the original question... are you asking me a different question now?
Well the original question was if you're okay with your partner putting themselves in a potentially precarious position. Which was more general to cover all bases
You answered to an example I gave later to make it easy for you to get the logic. Since your answer added a layer I'm asking for clarity. Because my original question wasn't specific to weekends. That was just one example
To be clear, I did say my first paragraph... which was the same question I reiterated over and over and over and over again. And I thought we were heading in a good direction, but now it seems like you're still being Shifty
@Jabberjaw yes, I am okay with that
I keep telling you yes..
Your original question was “ are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position that could tempt them to cheat.”
My answer is yes and it has been since the beginning.
You keep asking the same question and expecting a different answer….
Lmao no
You dodged the question repeatedly before finally giving an answer, but with a caveat. Only in the past couple comments did you give somewhat a straight answer.
If you just said yes we wouldn't be here. So stop pretending like it was that simple lol. Good lord I hope you don't have disagreements like this in your real life. Just ridiculous lol
Trying to get some intellectual honesty from you has been a full court press specifically because you didn't give a straight answer. You even justified your not doing so on more than one occasion
@Jabberjaw well to be honest you were jumping around asking several different questions, and then acting like they were all the same thing. Next time when you are trying to ask a question make it clear , concise and don't try to make false equivalents.
What you did is asked a question then as a continuation used an example by trying to create a false comparison between being gone every weekend and a trip that takes place maybe once or twice a year.
I kept saying yes... and then you started asking different questions.
@embracethepain looking for 2nd opinion. Am I off-base or is she now pretending as if she was forthcoming from the start?
@Jabberjaw Your original question was “ are you okay with your partner putting themselves in a position that could tempt them to cheat.”
My answer to that question is yes and it has been since the beginning, but you were including additional conditions and examples such as "Like if your guy wants to go out to the bar every weekend alone with the boys or to the strip club on a consistent basis, tells you not to wait up he's going to be back late or the next day.".
@Subarugirl
Why is it bad to wonder or worry about where you’re partner is going and what exactly they are doing? Especially depending on the venue.
Do you not want to come off as insecure, jealous, or something?
To be honest, if I didn’t love or care about a woman, I wouldn’t ask or wonder where she’s going or exactly what she’s doing.
I’ve heard of people in relationships doing suspect things in certain venues that they would never do in the company of their significant other.
They’d go home and say “everything was fine” and rinse and repeat.
This doesn’t have to mean full blown cheating, but it can be anything else that you wouldn’t do in the company of your signficant other.
Trust is transparency.
Not just someone’s word.
@EmbraceThePain
I never said it was bad to worry. I said that not being able to trust your spouse is bad. Projecting your own insecurities into your spouse isn't healthy either.
When my husband and I go out with friends we tell each other were we are going and who we are going out with, that's just a basic level of respect in a marriage.
Trust is built and it is earned, so unless things are happening that damages that trust like a breakdown in communication, disregarding boundaries that have been established, secrecy, or dishonesty. That's why there are boundaries. Just because I trust my husband to be faithful and not do something that would damage our married doesn't mean the trust is unconditional. But I know him well enough and trust him enough that I wouldn't have an issue with him going on a boys trip, or to the bar or the club with his friends.
@Subarugirl
Okay, but better question would be.
What if he wasn’t like you.
What if he questioned you more than you do him? What if he wondered/worried more about where you are, what you done, etc.
In other words, how are you—he is not in this regard.
Would you be like “hey, I don’t question you, so you shouldn’t question me?”
@EmbraceThePain No not at all, if he wanted to know where I was going and who I was going with I wouldn't have an issue telling him. I tell him before he gets the chance to ask because that is what you do in a marriage. A good example of that was when I took a girls trip last year, I talked to him about who was going, what our general plans were and where we were staying. If he had any concerns I would address those. The same thing applies in reverse. How ever as adults we know that we have no right to dictate what the other person does, that what a parent does to their child, not how spouses should treat each other.
Men should not trust their wives, period. Trip or no trip.
Then why you got married to her if you don't trust her?
I didn't
Why would anyone marry a woman they don't trust?
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 Over time, things can change.
They can. Som for sure change. Still the day they change to the point one can't trust his wife anymore it's bett ti just divorce.
@This_Is_My_Opinion8 People change. Women start getting FOMO especially if their friends are still riding the carousel and hitting clubs. Women are very susceptible to peer pressure.
@KrakenAttackin yes people change. For the worse, or for the better.
Well, if you don’t trust your wife enough to be at ease when she’s on a girls’ trip, then you have bigger problems than that. Just divorce her.
Girls trip is just another name for a quest for strange dick.
Maybe not sex but it would be too tempting to give a random blowjob.
If you really enjoyed the experience, would you let it escalate to sex?
@D4nielv Probably not.
If she wants a "girls only" trip, your marriage is over.
Trust is the most important part of marriage. Trust is also most important part of a companionship
If you can't trust them, you shouldn't have married them. This goes for both men and women.
If you don’t trust your spouse you should have never married them
Lmao... A woman who is a good wife does'nt do girlfriend parties anyhow and the husband the same.
Why not?
Our friends go out with us all together. Yea sorry man , no single mingling stuff happening over here. All of us couples go out together.
Id hope so , then why would you get married. Isn't it sinful and you'd goto hell and all that crap?