What Else Do I Need To Do Since I Decided to Stop Talking to My Husband?

[Anonymous]

I am fed up with my husband especially after our most recent argument. I told him I was tired of him being immature at times and not mindful. I won’t lie, I’ve been getting annoyed by him as of late because of his antics.

So I calmly brought up the issue and we got into an argument. He got very emotional and loud, and played victim (as always). Mind you, he does have a good heart but when it comes to certain issues, he’s stubborn. He only changes when it he feels it’s convenient. So I decided to stop talking to him and focus on myself.

Yes, I know I’m married and should talk. But I’m tired! I’ve always felt throughout my life that no one cared for what I had to say or how I felt, and I still feel like that today. It’s like I’m drowning almost. I’m tired of not being listened and tired of careless people.

I’m close to completely cutting my husband off and walking away. I’ve done it before in past connections I had before marriage. But anywho…

What else is there for me to do?

[lightbulb27]

I agree with focusing on yourself right now. It sounds like your ready to give up and that happens when feels like one person in it and not being heard.

Sounds like he is defensive at times and so requires some training/conditioning. Thats not easy to change anyone, they have to want to change, and you are already tired not being heard. As well though, asking people to change, is asking a lot... thus therapists often say to "accept as they are". Marriage counseling be tough. It's not easy loving and respecting is it... because people are flawed.

What's of interest is your 3rd paragraph. Clearly, you have a pattern or feel a pattern of not being heard or having your needs considered. That you own, that you can influence. Patterns repeat until broken, you may have drawn someone like what you experienced as a child... maybe competing with other siblings or parents not engaged. Emotional wounds control until resolved, then you get strength.

So I'd work on what you can control. That means counseling/therapy. that doesn't mean a professional, although can help. It means actively working on what is going on inside of you... in your life experiences that feed this situation, your communication, whom you picked... did you pick someone hard for you, etc.. Watch videos, journal, counseling, do the things you enjoy doing and let other things go for now. It's work... maybe you heard relationships are work, there it is... you have to work on you, have it be good and constructive, without letting your emotions get ground to dust. Life's hard sometimes.

We had to do some of this, it was hard til we got through it and I had to make a lot of examination and adjustment. It's often good, but it's hard. We're hard headed creatures.

Change is possible and on both sides, but takes awareness. Once have awareness, then the hard work is slowing down the reactions so you can establish new behaviors and patterns. If there are deep wounds from childhood that are infecting, then you need to research and resolve those via various therpay approaches.

All the while.. your hormones are saying..."make kids"... lol. Its tough...

Put into perspective... is he really "that bad"... try to reframe the problems so you aren't as stressed.

hope you can find your way...

[Bananas83]

I've been in your shoes before. My wife and I went through some hardships in our marriage and we really didn't talk much for 2 years. We were like roommates almost if I had to say. It took another man hitting on my wife Where I said I gotta change how I act towards her. We started to see a counselor weekly and in all honest, we've been the best we've been since before kids. Marriage counselor, try it before you throw in the towel. If you wanna message me to get the back story of everything, feel free to message me.

[Stressyalaire]

This an opinion from a random third party lass. It's a bit weird to see you call him immature but give him the silent treatment. That silence is immature behavior too. That is running away from the problem.

But you had completely lost me at this line you delivered:

" I’ve always felt throughout my life that no one cared for what I had to say or how I felt, and I still feel like that today "

No offense but if you already felt that way, why did you say yes when he asked you to be his girlfriend? Why did you say yes to his marriage proposal? If that feeling never went away, I would have said "No sorry, this isn't going to work out"

There are two things that can be done.

You either go to marriage/couple counseling and have a professional third party look at your relationship and have a say on what you both can do to make it work. Or, since you never felt like anyone cared anyway, divorce.

[Alli39]

The silent treatment is never an appropriate means of problem-solving.

However, if you're not ready to engage a conflict in this moment, let you husband know and determine a time to revisit the issue. Explain to him that you're not in the mental/emotional space to address it in a healthy and meaningful way and that you're willing to discuss the problem when you've both had time to calm down and consider the issue. Setting healthy boundaries in conflict is vital to maintaining close relationships.

If you really don't feel supported in your marriage you could always try therapy or couples therapy for a little while, before you make a decision to walk away completely. And if you do decide to walk away because your relationship is no longer healthy/salvageable, then that's perfectly fine.

[BlackBeauty90]

YOU ARE the immature one. Someone who doesn't talk to others and walks away even is a selfish, thoughtless, inconsiderate and ABUSIVE individual.

Secondly your husband's "bad behavior" would NOT have randomly started, you would've known it beforehand, and yet you still married someone you call not mindful, immature and playing victim which comically you're doing too.

If what he does happens AND given your behavior you are BOTH immature self centered and TOXIC individuals. STAY married so nobody else has to be bothered with your bad existence

[sheikalana]

I'm sorry you're going through all that but when you got married you both made your vows for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part. That's what a marriage is and there will always be ups and downs. You're supposed to solve things together take care of each other and not turn your back at each other when things get heated. Giving him the silent treatment seems very immature and childish. What about sitting and have a conversation like adults no shouting no yelling tell him what's upsetting you what's making you feel miserable you must come up with a solution together and be transparent with each other. I don't know what your issue is but don't turn your back on him he's your husband.

[Staximus]

You stopped talking to him, you sound like the one who is immature. People aren't always going to act how you want them to act. You have given no good reasons why you should leave him. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship. Welcome to the real world.

[SnowedIn]

This. Well said.

[Lliam]

See if he is willing to attend couples' counseling with you in order to:
1. discuss both of your issues and determine if you love each other and want to salvage your marriage and, very importantly,
2. learn communication skills. Without good communication skills, your relationship will fail.

If that's not possible, then your relationship is over. Get a divorce.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

If you want to offer an ultimatum, tell him you want couple’s counseling or you’re divorcing him. A lot of people won’t make changes for the long term unless there’s something for them to lose. If he has a repeated pattern of only changing when it’s convenient and only doing it temporarily, it might be better to just move forward with a divorce and moving out regardless of what he says.

[provokeesmokee]

You're both being immature.

You have three options:
1. Counselling - both couples and individual
2. Divorce - if you're separating anyways, this is the way you should go
3. Communicate

Silent treatment won't help him understand why you're angry with him. And arguably, he doesn't want to improve. So if he doesn't want to improve, what will you do?

[serious_miss419]

Men don’t wanna talk things out. They want us women to hush hush and move on. But that doesn’t mutually solve anything. Then when we walk away, guys try to fix it, but then it’s too late.
Do what you have to but keep in mind; you chose to get married and be with him.

[AydenHazor]

I know there's not a lot of detail here, but it sounds like there may be some potential narcissism and manipulation tactics coming from him, not listening to what you have to say, everything being your fault, not willing to have a healthy discussion around conflict. I know you say he has a good heart, but most narcissists look good from the outside until they've got you in their web and convince you that you're the one in the wrong. If that's the case, getting out might be best for you.

[Anonymous]

Something tells me I'm getting one side of the story. Hers.
Name calling, shaming, passive aggressive, followed by glorious silence.
Seriously though, he may be winding you up but it's not his fault you feel previous lovers and family have not listened to you.
And threatening to end the relationship when things get tough is not loyal or attractive. And you've got form, you say...

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I can understand your approach because your husband does sound super annoying assuming you are telling 100% of the truth about him.

It's very difficult dealing with an immature idiot and combined with being stubborn I can feel your pain but you married him now you have to deal with him.

I suggest just don't say much lest he starts to act out.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Do yourselves both a favor and tell him you want a divorce. You're going to be miserable together forever otherwise.

[Reem12345reem]

" I’ve always felt throughout my life that no one cared for what I had to say or how I felt, and I still feel like that today."

...

[Count_de_Monte_Volo]

Can you give us details what the issue is? That is important.

[DextroShade]

You need to say what he actually did because it sounds like you are just pouting like a spoiled child.

[zero444440000]

have you tired going to couple therapy with him? it might help him and you resolve your issues.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why did you marry him if you don't like who he is?

[findacure4wokeness]

Get marriage counseling that's what you need to do.

[Ben487]

you married him so my advice would be to deal with it and resume talking.

[Blueeyes81]

This belongs on "Am I the Asshole" subreddit. And the answer is yes.

[RyanK9b]

Consultation with a 3rd party.
So he get another view.

If that doesn't help.. Divorce