If a girl is dating a guy she wants to marry, does withholding sex until she is engaged increase or decrease the probability that he will propose?

Question

Dargil · Accepted Answer

One guy's opinion as I drift through this. It's not a matter of what things should be. Its what things are. Yes, compatibility is important. So are common interests, enjoyable recreation, future vision and political and religious beliefs.

But in any relationship, most younger men, and the relationship itself are validated by sexual intimacy. It is the way that we feel loved. Men want it. Men need it. For men, the relationship is incomplete without it. But sexual intimacy is and should be, the prerogative of the woman.

A woman should defer PIV/PIA intercourse until a proposal, ring and date have cemented The Deal. Until that time, non-intercourse sexual intimacy can progress as the relationship does culminating in mutual oral/sixty nine oral if partners want that.

So if a mature girl is dating a guy she wants to marry should defer sexual intercourse with him until she has received a proposal and is engaged before introducing PIV/PIA. And she should not engage in sexual intercourse until then.

Yes, she may have made some youthful errors, but she need not repeat them. Prior experience does not obligate her to repeat it and her prior visitor list is her business only.

Don't like it? Too bad.

shortster · Accepted Answer

It should weed out those who are just looking for sex; also it should give guys who are lazy with commitment a reason to push for it. That way you don't end up dating a guy for 5 years before he proposes.

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally find religious beliefs to be sheep-like. I'm not calling religious people stupid. Most of my friends are religious and intelligent. But sex is a human desire. 95% of western countries have had premarital sex by the age of 44. In developed countries, premarital sex is nearly universal. By the 21st century, over 66% of young people have had premarital sex while still in their teens.

Now I'm not saying that just because the crowd is doing it, you should do it, but those are real statistics. You waiting for someone to be your first is if anything... stupid. I'm not saying to sleep around, but withholding sex in a relationship before marriage just prevents physical intimacy and potential bonding. It also prevents you from knowing if you're sexually compatible with someone or not.

You don't want to get into a marriage and then find out your partner is completely sexually incompatible with you.

If a girl withholds sex before marriage, there's not a chance I'd stay with her. I'd guess the majority of guys are the same based on the stats I mentioned earlier.

Summeroflove · Answer

Well a lot of people who are just wanting sex refuse to wait that long. People should build a genuine connection with one another. People can make all the excuses they want to make bur at the end of the day they’re just wanting to have sex because they want to.

People with such little self control will end up very disappointed. When there is affairs on one persons end and/or the other. Because eventually if all they have is a sexual connection they end up getting bored and wanting something else. So they have affairs. Not
To mention when genuine connections aren’t made relationships become very superficial. It becomes about appearance, status, money, and other things not genuine love

Finchie40 · Answer

I guess it just comes down to that guy and what his intentions are. If he wants sex and she doesn’t , then he is more than likely not going to marry her whatsoever, if he is willing to wait and can go without sex , then it’s possible he will marry her. Me personally wouldn’t wait , mainly because sexual chemistry no’s important to me , I don’t want to marry a girl that doesn’t enjoy sex as much as I do period.

AviatorTom · Answer

It depends on the guy and how he feels about premarital sex. Overall, though, I would suspect that withholding anything (sex included) might make the guy question how she would act after they are married... is she controlling?

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The answer depends entirely on the two people involved and their prior experiences as well as their history in this relationship. There is not a single answer that applies to all guys in all relationships.

MrOracle · Answer

The problem with this question is that you can't just change one part of a system and think the system is going to work.

The system that worked for many thousands of years was:

You are virgins at your wedding.
You marry at what today would be considered to be "very young" (most women were married by 22), but was completely normal throughout all of that history.
There was no divorce short of provable physical abuse or abandonment.

This system also typically meant that the parents of both families were involved in the vetting process, and that the vetting process was taken seriously since everyone understood that divorce was not going to be granted over mere disagreements or unhappiness. "For better, for worse" meant something.

It was women who destroyed this system - a system that had been built primarily for the benefit of WOMEN. It was destroyed in the name of Feminism, so that women could become men, and compete with men instead of cooperate with men.

You cannot simply restore one part of that system and expect to receive the benefits of that system when the other parts aren't in place. That's a classic example of a double-standard: wanting the benefits of a traditional relationship AND the benefits of Feminism without the responsibilities of either. That's never going to work, and we have 60 years of experience to prove that. It's why marriage rates have plummeted and divorce remains high.

Feminism taught women to withhold ALL former benefits from men that men used to receive in a marriage, while still expecting all of the benefits women traditionally received PLUS complete independence. No man would accept that deal, and women who tried this couldn't even get male attention, so women started using casual sex to get men's attention initially, while still withholding all other benefits even into marriage. This simply taught men that the only thing women are good for is casual sex. And how has THAT worked out for women? Most women today CAN'T offer anything else because most women don't KNOW anything else. Most women today can't cook, don't clean, don't want kids, CERTAINLY don't want to stay home with kids if they have them, and absolutely don't want to sacrifice lifestyle to have them. In other words, they've chosen to only be valuable for sex. Is it any wonder that so many men see them that way?

More and more men are willing to LET women be "independent" - let her pay her own bills, change her own tires, fix her own house, and fight off the bad guys. It's what women have insisted they want - they're "strong and independent and don't need no man." So when women complain that men are giving them exactly what they wanted and treating them exactly as women taught them to treat them, I get really confused. I mean, surely, these women understood what the outcome of their demands was going to be, right?

You can't be upset when men give you exactly what you demanded.

Communicationisking · Answer

To answer your title question I would say could go either way depending on the couple.

Assuming this has been discussed in any given relationship, if either partner does want to or doesn't want to that's OK. Without discussion neither partner will know what is going on.

Your 2nd update reads...

Updates
The try before you buy argument is not applicable and is not valid for sex before a commitment. Moreover, men who insist on sex before a commitment have limited their choices for marriage to hoes.

A few points need to be mentioned you may or may not agree with some or all of them and that is OK

-insisting on sex is a red flag

- people have sex before in your words "commitment" which you believe to be engagement

-people can be well and truly committed to each other with out being engaged

-a person made to do something before, well in this case have sex may lead to them feeling used or even make them feel like they are doing something in return for sex

Now when you use the term "hoe" for a person that has sex before being engaged that implies that person is a whore ie. a person that accepts payment in one way or another for sex.

So say you were proposed to and then had sex because they proposed because you gave the message you would have sex once proposed to, wouldn't that be kind of the same thing?

What if they proposed and had sex then they left the relationship?

To be clear demanding something in order for another person to have sex with their partner is not a way I would want to be proposed to. I would want to be proposed to by someone who genuinely wants to be with me for me and is in love with me.

I think there is no problem with not having sex with someone until you are completely comfortable that you are in a committed relationship. But I think saying propose to me or I won't have sex with you is the wrong way to go about it?

DomInDraper · Answer

For myself? Zero chance I'd stick around. If a woman isn't attracted to me enough to have sex with me within the first handful of dates, then she isn't the kind of woman I'd want to marry.

That being said, there are many men who feel the opposite, and that a woman who sleeps with them quickly is somehow 'low quality'. For them, a woman who waits is a huge positive.

Overall, today, i would expect it would be a significant negative for most men, but I would also say that the number of men who would appreciate a woman who waits is dramatically larger than the number of women who actually do wait.

The great thing about the world we live in is that there are so many people in it that we don't have to be a match for everybody.

"First, she is not likely to truthfully volunteer that information, and second, boyfriends that value the relationship don't ask."

For men who value waiting, the amount they value the relationship may well depend on the prospective bride's virginity -- in which case, they will definitely ask. This strategy will almost always backfire if the woman in question isn't a virgin.

Gwendoline · Answer

No but it does stop you wasting years being with a guy who isn't going to marry you.

Imagine wasting 10 years with a guy only for him to break up with you and two years later he's married to a younger hotter woman, a year after she's having his kids.

incorrected · Answer

Personally I'd just take it as a sign that she's going to use sex as a weapon of control in the marriage. We're long past the days where women value their purity, and I refuse to be with someone who sluts it about and gives it away for free but then denies it for the man who's going to invest the most in her. More to the point, marriage is not a contract between men and women anymore, it's between women and the state, so I wouldn't propose AT ALL. Only a complete moron would propose that his wife marry the state.

sawno · Answer

In my case decrease quite severely. I already don't like the concept of getting the government involved in a way that gives her the power. I'd only marry if there's a benefit for us both. Sex is not a benefit of marriage, withholding sex basically means your trying to bribe me into signing some of my rights away. Not only do I then not know if we are compatible prior to signing it, I feel like I am being bribed. So the chance you get a no is very high. The chance of me leaving increases as well as its likely to make me see us as incompatible.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

I think holding out till there's some level of commitment there is good but to the level of engagement seems abit extreme. I know there's some radical American Christians on this site who believe you shouldn't even be living with a man until married but I don't understand why people make such a big thing out of sex it's perfectly natural and people do it all the time. You haven't lost your value as a woman for having sex out before marriage and I think that's its very sexist and outdated these days to think like that

msc545 · Answer

I think it decreases the probability that he will propose, since if he is frustrated enough he may go find himself a woman who is not so withholding, and thereby satiate his own frustration. Also, it may cause him to question his own rationality, and he may conclude that signing up for a life of financial and legal servitude is not a good idea after all.

Any man in the US who gets married during these times is a man who has poor reality testing and has no sense of how best to care for himself.

Marriage is financial suicide for men.

Effably · Answer

Probably person to person. I'd feel something is wrong and that would hinder us.

I should point out I am about as religious as I am a Zebra though. So I might be the wrong audience.

In my head sexual compatability, while not the most important in a relationship, still has to be at least a reasonably good match.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Probability of proposing marriage trends towards zero for me if she has hangups about sex. I did that whole virgin saving herself for marriage thing once. It turns out she was actually ruined for sex by religion and cultural peer pressure. That shit don't wash off when you put a ring on it. She was horrible from day 1.

Miristheiss · Answer

It depends. If she is a virgin and let's it be known sex is for her husband only it will help and increase marriage chances.

If she has given it up and slept around but now wants the current guy to wait around to what she gave the Chads for free... he will bail.

SixFootSexy · Answer

Is she a virgin? Then no it probably won't decrease the chances if he is serious about her as a keeper.

If she is just abstinent then yes, because she already gave it up to someone else for free. There are other factors of course, but that's the general view I think.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I think that's something you discuss early on. What he believes in and what he finds important. You best find yourself a guy who doesn't believe in sex before marriage. Don't hold that sex back without him knowing about it prior, or you both will be left disappointed.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Toxic

If a man isn't feeling marriage he shouldn't ask or feel pressured into asking. Just as a woman has the right to say no.

Sex should never be used as a tool regardless.

You have sex when you are ready to have sex. If you use it as a waiting thing that's your choice but you're only going to up your chances of divorce when you find out you aren't compatible in all areas of your relationship.

Lokiion · Answer

Comes down to the guy honestly, for some people, sex is very important in a relationship for others, not as much, and for others, it's important but if she won't have sex with him, he'll just watch porn personally I don't think it's a healthy relationship if you feel the need to withhold sex anyway on average it's going to decrease the chances of them proposing.

HungTexan · Answer

I definitely wouldn’t withhold sex until he proposes. Go ahead and have sex, show him what he could have every day when you’re married, and he’ll probably propose sooner rather than later. Besides, you can make sure you’re sexually compatible, both physically and erotically, before you tie the knot.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

I will state it this way. If she is known to have one night stands, etc but withholds sex because she sees me as a " long term" partner, immediate deal breaker.

Why? because that tells me she isn't attracted to me but the relationship. In most cases and in my opinion sexual compatibility can make or break a relationship.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Like buying a car you want to test drive it first & I always say if you wait for marriage to have sex & the sex sucks or you don’t have enough of it you are S. O. L as they say.

I’ll pass on WITHHOLDING Sex & I wouldn’t propose to a withholder.

Pohjolan · Answer

On average decrease but that depends on her competition.

if a girl is withholding sex, the statement "If she is a virgin" is not relevant because the guy has no way of knowing whether or not she is a virgin.

Hymens are a thing and people talk.

If you found out that the guy you are dating is less interested in you than a woman he was dating before, wouldn't that affect your decision to commit?

alice55 · Answer

To be honest waiting for sex until wedding is gonna make more than 90 % not want to be with you especially at your age, most young guys don't want to get married and only want to have fun only religious guys want woman that wait and even then it's usually mostly Muslim as Christian are not very religious anymore (in general in most countries).

RedInnocent69 · Answer

It’s difficult to go from having sex all the time to not. Even if you care about someone. It was once an issue for me. I didn’t handle it right, but it might’ve been different if shed been constantly nutting me other ways, but she didn’t have the experience or awareness to do better

fuertaco · Answer

It depends on the guy but I would respect a girl more if she kept herself until after marriage. Knowing her body count tells me she is not easily swayed and values her integrity more than a moment of pleasure. She has her sights on more important things.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Only if she's a virgin. A virgin under 25 is attractive. A virgin over 30 is a red flag. A virgin over 35 is a nun.  A non virgin withholding sex is manipulative and a waste of time.

madgoat · Answer

Assume he's the guy that destiny has for you, try to understand what you and he need, and run with it, building the strongest relationship you can.
There is no right or wrong answer. What more can you do?

DudeDiligence · Answer

For me personally, I would not propose to a woman who I've never had sex with. Good sex is a very important component of a healthy marriage. Everyone is different and has different sexual preferences, and I would want to know we are sexually compatible before I commit to spending the rest of my life with a woman.

Ironco · Answer

Know your man, if he really is the one it wouldn't matter. But you need to communicate that to him. Men are simpletons, if you don't communicate it, he may feel you aren't into him and move on. .

nicfire171 · Answer

Depends on the guy. If he’s just looking for sex, he probably won’t propose. But if he loves you and wants to marry you I don't think that will have any impact

jazzy34 · Answer

Here’s a plot twist for ya. What if they  both  want to wait until marriage? Not everyone out here is having sex. 🙄

godfatherfan · Answer

Weaponizing sex should tell the guy to drop her immediately. It is disgusting to use sex to get what you want. Is that the way you want to get a husband? By "forcing" his hand? Wouldn't you want a man that wants to marry you?

katiesmuff · Answer

Well is no general answer for this as it would totally depend on the feelings of the individuals that are involved. I personally think however anytime your using a ultimadim for almost anything tends to not end well.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

if men were willing to wait that long do you think women nowadays would have the high ass bodycounts they have?

Cormac995 · Answer

A good guy will wait if he really loves you.

Manuelwe · Answer

Decrease fool. If you want him asked for it. If he says no. Then fuck his brains out before dumping him.
Then after two weeks. As long as he has not killed you or himself. He will beg to marry you. But be seen with women only for those two weeks. Makes him question why he was dating you. In other words. Mind games

Davecf · Answer

Sex b3fore is f8ne so long no forced and both want but guys I've watched and I've kisted to women. Are narcissistic assholes. They just want there' pleasure and take what they can. And hurt o. Way out. So women use your best judgemen. If uour gut says no. You say no best thing I'd suggest if you want the best. Get a hold of me

molonski2 · Answer

OMG 100% it would certainly decrease , I assume he is not an idiot in the example , would appear really stupid and question actions in the future and her own stability.

glennos89 · Answer

Definitely not helps unless you want to push him further away. Marriage is a dying thing anyways

Kelly6 · Answer

@kelley1 currently it decreases because the guy might think she is saving for someone

LiamJHayden · Answer

If he proposes  only  because she gives it up, he is not the right one.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

It depends on whether the guy actually loves the chicken enough to wait that long.. But I would say for the average man these days.. Probably not.. Lol..

Surely · Answer

If she is a virgin. She has voiced her opinion on why she feels that way. Then maybe the guy will respect her decision to wait. As long as she doesn’t come off as dangling the proverbial carrot.
Not a virgin. He probably won’t wait!

trumpetplayerforlife · Answer

I feel like it depends on the man but everyone has needs in that department especially if the man is used to having sex

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Don't know about others but i support the girl who stays a virgin till marriage!

genericname85 · Answer

decrease for every normal dude and probably increase for religious nutcases.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

She won't get a proposal until she puts out. She probably won't get a 3rd date if she hasn't put out.

Ladsin2 · Answer

I think it's irrelevant. I think other factors are far more likely to be determinative.

GAGsucksballs89170 · Answer

No. Also, this is why I don't want marriage, or kids

TallAnon · Answer

It will increase the odds of him cheating and/or leaving her

hello4433 · Answer

If he loves her he will propose when the time comes

jjj101010 · Answer

Well either decreases it coz he will find someone else, or they will get engaged but it may not last

Malwi93 · Answer

I don’t know why men propose either way🤷

Iron_Man · Answer

She will be special he will propose

Cheerfull009 · Answer

It is her choice

slatyb · Answer

Most guys will just walk away.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

I wouldn't but many men would.

CubaPirate · Answer

In these day days significantly decrease

If a girl is dating a guy she wants to marry, does withholding sex until she is engaged increase or decrease the probability that he will propose?

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If a guy tells a girl that he wants to marry her, does it mean he's indirectly saying that he wants her including having sex with her?

If a girl is dating a guy she wants to marry, does withholding sex until she is engaged increase or decrease the probability that he will propose?

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If a guy tells a girl that he wants to marry her, does it mean he's indirectly saying that he wants her including having sex with her?

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