Why am I never invited anywhere?

[Anonymous]

My friends go out ALL the time. They put pictures up all over facebook and I see them planning outings. I they invite me. Ever. No one ever calls me asking how I'm doing or texts me just to say hi. I tried planning a birthday weekend for my own birthday and everyone was excited. But when it came to the weekend every single person backed out because they had things to do. They all said they made friends with other plans but I told them about my birthday for a month. I'm assuming they got better offers. The one person I was counting on being there called to tell me she had to be at another party at 9. I wasn't going to go out until 930 so clearly she isn't coming. I had to cancel my plans again. EVERY time I try and make plans I have to cancel them because no one ever comes. WHY? I can't take it anymore.

Updates

+1 y

I feel like they just forget about me. They're never mean or anything so it's not like they hate me. They all went to school together since kindergarden and I didn't meet them until high school so a lot of the time it seemed like they liked their clique how it was before I moved to town. They left me out of their prom limo because they promised each other in 5th grade to go together

Updates

+1 y

Freshman year on a school trip we were asked to pick a partner to room with the partners would be paired up. They picked their partners years before so I was the ONLY person in the grade that was left without a partner. They aren't bad people they just don't want me around I feel like.

[Anonymous]

I have had this problem in the past. In some cases because I am not as outgoing I have found out that people don't invite me along because they assume I don't want to go out. I used to decline invitations because I would get nervous at large social outings and no one likes being rejected (even seemingly popular confident people find it hard, it hurts no matter who you are), if you reject a person enough they really do stop reaching out and it can take a while to rebuild that bridge. So if you are in the habit of declining a lot or did in the past as someone said try to be more open about outings and trying new things (as long as they aren't against your morals or something but I mean like if they all love one band and you've never heard of them maybe give them a listen, you don't need to lie and say you like it if you don't but I like to at least give it a chance). When I started to accept the offers, I was nervous at first but I started having so much fun I completely forgot about that after a while. In some cases I am hoping for more out of the relationship than the other person and there isn't anything you can do about that you can keep a nice relationship with them no reason to burn a bridge totally but focus your attention on people that genuinely want to know you and I am sure there are people that are talking to you that may be you've not noticed or given much attention too while your were off *chasing your friends*. I think you need to open your social circle talk to people, join some clubs at school, get out there invite people outside of the clique to your planned evenings out. You could try hanging out individually with some of the girls to develop a bond. Remember to be yourself though, don't try and be something you are not to fit in with them you will just look phony and desperate and they will find it uncomfortable to be near you. I know it might be tempting in an effort to squeeze into their tight inner circle to be as much like them as you can but they may like you because you are different, if they don't like you for you then even if they are nice you should find people who appreciate what you have to offer. It sounds too like you could work on your confidence and standing up for yourself, have an opinion, tell people how you feel directly people don't read minds. Also don't engage in gossipy, drama, bitchy or backstabbing ever and don't hit on anyone's man and if their man comes on to you stay away from him period.

[Anonymous]

How long have you been friends with them? Has this always been the case? Previously did they invite you out and over time its stopped?

The harsh truth is that they're probably self-involved, don't like you very much, or a combination of both.

Some people have friends that they don't like all that much. They remain on friendly terms because they don't want to be "mean", but they don't go out of their way to hang out with that person. Sometimes they find that person boring, or the person is depressed (as Distant suggested) or complains a lot, and so they find it draining to be around that person. Or their personality or behavior just doesn't "fit" that well with the type of people they want to hang out with (they find the other person embarrassing, offensive, or they just don't click well). This doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong with you, however. They might just not be the right people to be friends with.

Whatever the case, they aren't putting much importance on your feelings or including you in the group, and it seems they view their other plans as more important or more fun than hanging out with you. It's understandable if they have legitimate plans that they can't get out of (family obligations, for example), but at the very least, I'd wonder why your friend who has a party to go to wouldn't ask if you wanted to join her.

It doesn't seem like these "friends" value you very much, so maybe it's time to start looking for new ones.

[Anonymous]

i can definitely relate. we've all been through this in some way or another and the only solution is to distant yourself from them and make effort in meeting new people making new friendships...if people don't care about you and disrespect you then why would you even want to be friends with them? don't even confront them just delete them on fb and move on, they will scratch their head wondering why you took off and even though theyll be arrogant and won't take the blame, people are still conscious of their own actions and will realize their faults with time, if not karma will get them.

all you have to do is be more social and start fresh with new friends.

i used to chase my friends too and got embarassed in the end being ignored on my bday...as soon as I cut off contact I went out met new ppl, and ignored the old...they wondered where I've been but I didn't even answer or care anymore

[eldamien]

Cut those people out of your life like a surgeon with a scalpel. Stop calling, remove them from your phone, take them off your Facebook, basically "break up" with them. They don't respect you, for whatever reason, so they don't deserve a moment more of your limited time on this beautiful planet.

There are people out there that you can connect with, that will want you around, but you'll never meet them while you're busy trying to wedge yourself into their little clique. You're right when you say they aren't bad people - but they aren't the people for you. Let them have their little group, and don't be afraid to be alone for a while.

[Distant]

Was there a point in your life where you've been declining offers? If this happens, people will typically stop asking you. Are you boring or depressing in any way that you may not be noticing? This is a real deterrence for people. Do you embarass them? Hit on their boyfriends? Is your personality all together objectionable? I'm not saying that these are the cases and I simply cannot speculate as of now but you may want to think about it. I would suggest finding new friends in this particular case.

~Distant

[wonderw]

It sounds like its time to make new friends. Your "friends" sound cliquey, rude and inconsiderate. You see, they make themselves feel better by being exclusive. Maybe that makes them feel special? Only an immature insecure person would do that. It soundsd like you are more mature then them and you need to move on and find people to hang out with that are more your type.

[Anonymous]

ohh hun, somehow I used to be like you...my "friends" back then, made plans and went out partying and the only time I got invited was because someone asked one of my friends about the party and the felt they had to invite me...and I clearly noticed they weren't planning on inviting me...so what was the solution?...I decided it was time to move on..since they didn't care about me, I asked myself, why should I care about them?...and I decided to make new friends...and now with my new friends I get invited everywhere!now, I feel part of something and I don't feel left out anymore...this situation was more like an experience and I learned to never care for a person or people that won't care the same for me!...Good luck love, hope this helped!

xoxo :)

PS: never let ANYONE make you feel inferior!

[giovanni420]

Thats some cold sh*t, f*** them. You in college by chance?

[Asker]

Out of college. Got my associates. So my friends are still in school. Why do you ask?

[AmberChick]

I have been where you are 2, it sucks, everyone is right, make new friends!

[Sweet_tooth_lover18]

same here, I've been there. I was stuck there thinking I have no friends. then since I had nothing else to do I joined choir (my hobby) and me my now best friends ever. since we have something in common to start us off we found other things we like a eventually hung out at concerts and such. moral of the story: don't let people stop you from doing what you love. you control your life, not them. go out there and find something you love to do and go for it. you never know who you will meet there.

[AmberChick]

Agree 100% :)

[Jillian51894]

I know how you feel! I have a communication disorder, and I've gotten left out of everything, never having real friends. Trust me, you're being used! Just get away from them and find people that accept you for who you are

[brandonc308]

We can chill if you want to. lol. I'm just playin ;)

[Anonymous]

Like other people have said, just find new friends. They don't really care about you, so why should you care about them?

[Confused614]

They aren't real friends find new ones.

[DeanWillis]

seriously? find new friends.

[Anonymous]

This is the story of my life!