My girlfriend's parents buy me stuff?

[Anonymous]

Ok, so today my girlfriends parents bought me a pack of smokes. It's not that I am not greatful or anything I just don't like people buying me things.

Her last boyfriend lived off of them for the most part. I don't want to be another guy like that. She says her dad really loves me because of the way I act/carry myself that I have a good head on my shoulders. They always want me to come over for dinner...well like once or twice a week. And when we go out to places with them he (her dad) won't let me get my check.

I just want to know how to handle this I tell her that I don't like it, and I tell them I would rather them not do that kind of stuff but they do it anyway. So, how do I not end of looking that her ex in her parents eyes?

[LittleMissGriff]

You don't expect them to pay. It's simple as that. These things they do for you are GIFTS. They appreciate the fact that you can provide for yourself. Instead of trying to pay for dinner when you go out, why don't you be pre-emptive and buy them a gift certificate for a nice restaurant? That way, they can have a nice dinner on their on, without having to pay. Just like it would be rude for you to flat out refuse to let her parents' pay, it would be rude for them to say no to a gift.

You're NOT her last boyfriend, which is why her parents like you. They already know you two are worlds apart.

[buttercup5]

Tell her if they loved you they wouldn't buy you cigarettes. Just kidding, but seriously make it clear that you feel they are ignoring your wishes. Tell her at least, if you can't say that to them. She can tell them.

If you have to stop going out with them for a while to give them the picture, do it. Not maliciously, but you can explain that it makes you too uncomfortable.

Also, as a server and bartender, sometimes people pull me aside before they even sit down and tell me they want to pay. You could try that.

[Asker]

What do you mean by they want to pay? They always have to pay don't they?

Anyway, I get what you are saying and I have done that already. The first time I went with them somewhere she told me I would have to pay for my meal. I told her great I prefer it that way...The meal went along and I made sure the waiter gave me my own ticket and everything and then when the check came her dad acted like I was crazy and said "Hold on J, what are you doing, waiter put his ticket with ours."

[buttercup5]

Well, when there are a group of adults, or even a group of people, the server has to ask at some point who gets the check. Or else the server just puts it on the table near who they think is going to pay. You can catch the server first and make sure he hands YOU the check, not the parents.

If they really don't get it, I stand by what I said. Stop going out with them so that they see you are serious.

[caitiedid]

Every once in a while you should pay the bill before it arrives. Once dessert is served or declined excuse yourself and find the waitress and tell her you'd like to pay the bill.

If you are going over to their house for dinner bring something. Flowers, booze whatever her parents would like. I remember a boyfriend always would call before coming over just to make sure we didn't need anything at the market and that was so thoughtful! Major points!

Just return the kindness and you won't be a leach.

[Anonymous]

I think you could give your girlfriend's parents some gifts or buy them lunch or dinner in return. Just showing your true colors and I believe they would realize you're different than her ex some day.

[DonMichelle]

I had his same problem, if you don't want to offend either politely say thankyou but I have coin or buy him small gifts etc, show interest in him and her mum, help them with things

[Lemonchic]

I think, since they are being really nice, you should kind of show them your way of saying thanks. Because they won't let you pay fro dinner.. go ahead and buy them something they would appreciate! Good luck!