When I was three years old, I had brain surgery due to a lesion that was causing me to have Epileptic seizures. They didn't know what caused the lesion, and I don't really think they'll ever know. But, the brain surgery is what caused me to have my mild intellectual disability.
I know you're probably wondering how it caused me to have an intellectual disability. Well, the lesion was on the left frontal lobe of the brain. The left frontal lobe deals with motor, memory, and problem solving. They took a piece of that away which caused me to learn how to eat, speak, and go to the bathroom all over again.
With all mild intellectual disabilities, I had a very hard time learning in school. When I was younger, it was a bit hard for me to read, but it improved as I got older. Writing neatly was also a bit of a struggle until grade six. But the hardest subject in all of my school years was math. I really didn't understand it, nor do I understand it to this day.
So, what's it like living with a disability? Well, it can be heaven, but then it can also be hell.
It can be heaven because there are certain things in life that get handed to me, but only because they're the things that I struggle with the most in life. It can be hell because people treat you like shit and don't include you in conversations.
People have different experiences when it comes to living with a mild intellectual disability, and for me it's a 50/50. In certain situations, I can feel confident and almost forget that I have a disability, and others I constantly think about my disability and don't feel confident.
For example, whenever I go to my step grandmother's place, I hardly ever get joined in a conversation with my cousins because I can't relate to the things they talk about. I even felt heavily insecure when my step cousin (step as in, she wasn't biologically apart of my step family) who's fifteen was able to get right into the conversation without hesitation. And you wanna know why? Because she watched The Office. Apparently you have to have seen a show in order to be included in a conversation. When that happened, it made me feel like a kid.
That's one thing I constantly feel and think about. I always feel like a kid and I think about it all the time. I feel like I never grew up and that I'm a 23 year old stuck in an 11 year old's body still. Writing this literally makes me wanna cry because it's a big insecurity of mine.
Another thing that I have trouble with is that sometimes I end up saying one word over and over again because my thoughts are all scrambled and I can't get the words out properly. My friends and family will catch on and they sometimes tease me about it. That's another thing that's hard for me to understand and deal with, is teasing.
When people tease me, it's hard for me to differentiate from joking or being serious. Like tonight, my step dad joked with me saying that I had to go upstairs and I thought he meant it. He had to turn around and say that he was joking. I actually secretly hate it when people do that because it makes me look and feel stupid.
That's another thing. Along with feeling like a kid, I also feel stupid half the time because of how people talk to me and treat me. They'll talk to me as if I'm a preteen and I HATE IT! It's one of the things I LOATHE! You don't have to talk to me like that, I can understand what you're saying...well, mostly.
Sometimes, it can be hard for me to understand complex topics, so people have to explain it to me in a simpler term. So, if you wanna talk to me and I don't understand something, explain it to me so that I can, because if you don't, I won't be able to understand and I'll be very confused.
When it comes to social situations, I am very much able to make a new friend, but it can be hard to keep that friend. This is because in certain conflicts, it is hard for me to figure out how to handle it on my own and sometimes my anger gets the better of me and I act out in a not-so-nice-way. It's not that I'd wanna act out this way, it's that my brain can't differentiate from right and wrong in that moment.
Which brings me into knowing right from wrong. I DEFINITELY know right from wrong. I know that it's wrong to steal, kill, break the law. I know that it's wrong to hurt someone's feelings, hurt someone physically, and I know it's wrong to be rude. BUT, there are times where someone can coarse me into that situation and convince me that it's right to do. Yeah, it's not a good look, but again, I can't help it.
And for those of you that think I'm just making an excuse to get away with my mistakes, I'm DEFINITELY NOT! Some people with mild intellectual disabilities CAN BE persuaded into doing something that they know they're not supposed to do because someone told them to do it. It's just how our brain works, which is why if you're a teacher or mentor, or any of those things; you should be stern, but not mean when a person with a mild intellectual disability does something wrong, because sometimes it takes them a while for them to realize how wrong it really is and stops doing it.
Even though I deal with challenges on a daily basis, there are some great sides to this! I have a loving heart and can make friends easily, I can succeed in my education (it just takes time for me to learn things), and I am able to live on my own without any help!
I may have a disability, but I am NOT my disability! Only you can make yourself be what you say and want to be! No one else has a say in who you get to be, but yourself!
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