Gaslighters. In my opinion, are one of the WORST kinds of toxic people to be around. Anyone can be a gaslighter; parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, relatives, and significant others. Even you and me. Some may not mean to be master manipulators, but if manipulative behavior can't be controlled that makes a person toxic. A gaslighter's best weapon is denial and guilt. The goal is ALWAYS to establish control, and to establish control they need to make you seem unreliable.
My main focus will be on being gaslit by a parent, as I am more familiar with that situation and I will use my most recent conversation with my mother as an example. If you yourselves are parents I would like to see someone do a myTake on "Shitty things parents do that kids won't understand until they are parents" just so I can have a little perspective on the other side. With that said, this was the most recent conversation:
Mom:
Ugh! why are you wearing white jeans!? You look like a call girl!
Me:
How? They're not even see through.
Mom:
I hope you don't dress like that to your classes, you seriously draw too much attention. See! Those girls just looked at you!
Me:
Literally mom, it's not a crime if people look at me, and nothing screams whore when I'm wearing a turtleneck and white jeans!
Mom:
You need to be very careful with the way you dress, you are the type of girl that looks like one night stand material.
Me:
SHUT UP! Why is it when you come to see me you always agree to play nice but when you do talk to me, nothing positive comes out!?
Mom:
Did you just see that guy in the corner? He was rude. You really do look like a call girl. I wish you could take a little criticism. I actually drove two hours to come see you.
Me:
I'm tired of taking your "constructive criticism", and I told you, you don't have to talk to me anymore. You aren't legally obligated to care for me any longer. Please leave after the ballet.
Mom:
You always act like I'm trying to hurt you and I don't understand, why don't you talk to me.
Me:
You never listen, and when I point that out, you always deny it... it's really best if we don't see each other often ok? Just because you don't come see me doesn't mean you are being a bad mom. In fact, you would be doing both of us a favor.
Mom:
FINE! You think you can survive without my guidance! Look how you were in your teenage years! Always getting into trouble! GO AHEAD! SHUT ME OUT! JUST LIKE YOU DO WITH EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE WHEN THEY TELL YOU THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR! Maybe I should have let your eating disorder kill you.
Me:
You are making a scene. STOP. IT.
Mom:
I won't stop!
Me:
You know what? I don't feel very well and need to rest. My roommates are already in, you'll have to watch the ballet on your own. Maybe I won't draw any attention today. Good day.
Yes. I understand that I will get a lot of judgment for cutting off my mom, but when you deal with conversations like these your whole life you will know what the best course of action is for yourself. Nobody should be forced to just "suck it up, and take it in". In fact, nobody deserves to have their emotions constantly under a pressure cooker. Be assertive. You will have a much more fulfilling life.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
I think the structure and narration here is a bit confusing. You both seem like two peas of a pod, except one is actively trying to be annoying.
Oh well, sorry to hear you have such troubles. I wouldn't blame you for being upset.
I agree and I hope that things get better for you and your mom I have been there and I know that it sucks
Oof preach queen.