My thoughts, feelings and struggles

[Jjpayne]

This is just to share my current inner feelings and struggles. Also, as they reflect on the content that I provide or share with gaggers.

I struggle because I overall feel more feminine, not that I am but that is how I feel. I feel like if was a girl that it could adjust in one day and not skip a beat. But I also don’t want to change who I am physically either. But it is something that I feel inside and that I carry with me. I feel like I associate better with girls than with guys.

I also carry sexual desire and sexual thoughts. I am still attracted to girls. And it is hard knowing that I want a relationship with a girl but keep on getting older and less marketable. I end up having some of my questions fueled by sexual desires and thoughts. It is a part of my struggle. Because I am also a sensitive person too and it is a struggle to combat my sexual urges with my innocent way of thinking. To be honest, gag is probably the only place where I can feel open to express my sexual thoughts. Because in the life outside of gag I have a strong Christian friend and family base. It is good and healthy but does not help to address what I feel. I can’t just shelf these feelings or thoughts so they come out on gag for better or for worse….

Another struggle I have is with age. I have always felt like I am a 13-year-old trapped in a 35-year-old body like I am tom hanks in big trying to come to terms with what that means. Having people say you can’t associate with people that age anymore, you are too old for that. And to be clear I am talking about just having simple conversation. It would be nice to turn back the clock and start high school over again and correct mistakes that I have made. I would have fought more, I would have fought for more friendships and relationships back then. I should have, I needed too. Now I am stuck in a limbo because I did’nt…

This is why I write the stories I write, ask the questions I ask and interact with gaggers the way that I do. I struggle with who I am and I struggle with my identity and what that looks like.
Thank you for reading.

[Syrian_survivor]

Okay listen here;

First things first, it's okay to be a sensitive man, it's okay to feel feminine sometimes, that's the true you and you don't have to/can't change that, I am like thay too, but you should never think everything would be better if you were in a girl's body, that's recipe for a messy disaster, you're just extra emotional like many other guys out there who are super secure and loved by plenty of people.
But in order to avoid disappointment and heartbreak, it's better to keep an outer layer to protect you, give more, expect less. Don't expect shit from people even if you give them your world, trust only very select few people who are super close to you, who have been around you for a while AND have done many things to prove your value in their hearts, make a tough unbreakable persona that no outsiders can break, only let a few people in to see the real you, if they accept it, keep them, if they don't, kick them the fuck out of your life back to the stranger-zone.

And about the other problems you're facing, just remember that it's never too late for self-improvement, you can boost yourself in many ways, learn new things, seek higher and higher education, follow your dream career, open your childhood dream pastry shop, you can be whatever you want career-wise, and it's a fact, so giving up and staying down is never good, you can always get up and do better and better!

With that, you'll automatically be more marketable and even more attractive, not just to girls, but to everyone! If you play all your cards right, you'll even become popular and loved by so many people.

But in order for that to happen, seeing your current state, you sir are NOT stuck in any anti-social limbo, that's what you tell yourself, it's anything but facts, you're setting limits for yourself in your head and just abusing yourself, you NEED to stop that ASAP.

You need to break barriers, it will be awkward, it will be embarrassing sometimes, it will hurt and it will need a lot of work, but believe me, it's all gonna be worth it.
Get out of your bubble, find new people, push yourself to talk to them, shove yourself in friend groups, you'll do bad at first but you'll get better and better with time and you'll become more and more attractive and approachable! And remember, it's NEVER too late to evolve and become better people. Set a superstar version of yourself and put your heart and soul into working to become that superstar, because you can, the only thing holding you back is your own dark thoughts that you'll get rid of once you break the ice and work into it!

And about the sexual frustration and desires, don't worry, you'll be too busy to overthink those when you're out there making the best image of yourself and become the amazing role model you have set for yourself.

It's never too late friend, adapt and overcome, you're life will turn a 180 degrees if you work your hardest.

[Syrian_survivor]

Oh and one more thing, maybe try spending less time on G@G and open yourself more to the outer world, I understand you like it here and you feel most comfortable

But remember that in order to improve, you'll have to step OUT of your comfort zone, not next week, not tomorrow, NOW and TODAY is when it should begin, tomorrow is just another today, why waste time? 🤷
And after you get out of your comfort zone and feel comfortable again, get out of that new comfort zone! Strive for greater challenged because the path to greatness is neverending but ever-rewarding!

That'll be much more effective to imrpove your personality and break out of these mental chains you're setting for yourself.

Remember, I know it sounds hard and awkward to do all that, but nothing is impossible, and the results are so worth it!

Become awesome! That's what your goal should be, the perfect, the greatest! 🤩

[Jjpayne]

That is amazing!!! Thank you!!!

[Tommytee1948]

I don't think that your feelings are strange. You have a soft side that may show more than most men but that doesn't mean you are different. All men if they admit it or not have a softer side, they just don't let it show, this is a shame because the world would be better for it. I know you said it would be easier to deal with if you was a woman but that is not true, women struggle as well. I try and keep my masculine side out but that doesn't always work, if you love life you love people, male or female, just be who you are and embrace that is the real you.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you! I really appreciate that!!

[Poppykate]

Oh sweetie. Take a deep breath.. Try another one. You are ok. I think you are going through a mid life crisis. It happens to everyone! It feels like shit right now, but it’s good. It’s good because it snaps you to attention, and makes you focus on the important things in your life, and what direction you want to take your life from here. Don’t worry about those friendships/ relationships you lost. People who care will hang around. Even if it’s in an unobtrusive way. You just have to reach out. I feel the same way too, in regards to my gender. I feel almost... genderless. Maybe it is just the way society is today... who knows? Anyway if you want to chat send a message.

[Jjpayne]

Thank you!

[Poppykate]

You are welcome. ❤️

[Whatthefluff]

Thank you for sharing. I hope that you find resolution with these struggles.
You’re a great person for who you are
:)

[StingRayxoxo]

Great writing, Mr. @Jjpayne. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I'm glad that this is a place where you can feel more open. That's how I feel too. And you know you have a lot of support here to be who you are!! 😊🤗

[Jjpayne]

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

You're not that unusual dude. I grew up in a house of all girls and i always felt like i was this way because of that. Too much Estrogen around me i guess lol. I don't connect very easily and that makes it hard. So when i think i do i find out she isn't. The old line "I like you, just not in that way". Sometimes i think my problem is i just don't enough gambles with my heart. Maybe i should just go out with any woman that show interest but these women break your heart to. and i've kind of gotten to the point that hey, if i'm going to get hurt i'm going to at least make it worth the risk. you have to be bringing something special to the table for me to getting hurt. having a Vagina (to be blunt) isn't enough.

[Wowgirl30q]

That was deep. I adore you and all you are best writing I've ever seen of yours
Well done my friend

[Jjpayne]

Thank you :)

[ChiPaPa]

That was beautiful. I don't have much to offer in way of advice that others haven't said already in this.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

A single mom probably raised you and infected you with her constant feminine energy.

Man up and act masculine.

[MarkRet]

You sound a lot like me.

[omgjassy]

Woah I didn’t know

[Jjpayne]

yeah... we all have our things...

[omgjassy]

True

[_Harley_Quinn_]

Very good, ty for sharing😘

[PrincessGrail]

Awesome Take.

[Wowgirl30q]

He has great taste too🙂

[Anonymous]

I feel you brother
Stay strong

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take.

[Anonymous]

The tortured artist...

[CallumPatterson]

thanks for this one!