This is just to share my current inner feelings and struggles. Also, as they reflect on the content that I provide or share with gaggers.
I struggle because I overall feel more feminine, not that I am but that is how I feel. I feel like if was a girl that it could adjust in one day and not skip a beat. But I also don’t want to change who I am physically either. But it is something that I feel inside and that I carry with me. I feel like I associate better with girls than with guys.
I also carry sexual desire and sexual thoughts. I am still attracted to girls. And it is hard knowing that I want a relationship with a girl but keep on getting older and less marketable. I end up having some of my questions fueled by sexual desires and thoughts. It is a part of my struggle. Because I am also a sensitive person too and it is a struggle to combat my sexual urges with my innocent way of thinking. To be honest, gag is probably the only place where I can feel open to express my sexual thoughts. Because in the life outside of gag I have a strong Christian friend and family base. It is good and healthy but does not help to address what I feel. I can’t just shelf these feelings or thoughts so they come out on gag for better or for worse….
Another struggle I have is with age. I have always felt like I am a 13-year-old trapped in a 35-year-old body like I am tom hanks in big trying to come to terms with what that means. Having people say you can’t associate with people that age anymore, you are too old for that. And to be clear I am talking about just having simple conversation. It would be nice to turn back the clock and start high school over again and correct mistakes that I have made. I would have fought more, I would have fought for more friendships and relationships back then. I should have, I needed too. Now I am stuck in a limbo because I did’nt…
This is why I write the stories I write, ask the questions I ask and interact with gaggers the way that I do. I struggle with who I am and I struggle with my identity and what that looks like.
Thank you for reading.