I know my best friend and her now husband started swinging during their whole 4 months of engagement. They've only been married for a year now and still share each other. She claims there is still love and it's just lust with the others. Both of them can distinguish sex from emotional attachment/love.
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+1 y
Yet here I am confused and wondering what type of so called marriage is that. How can anyone be cool with sharing their wife or husband?
Do you think married swingers still love each other?
Nope. Marriage is about sacrifice, about dedicating yourself to one person. Swinging is the exact opposite, their is no sacrifice, no commitment so they just happen to live together, nothing more. You cannot distinguish between love and lust, that's just not possible with the way we are designed, our brains flood with oxytocin every time we have sex, oxytocin is what is responsible for the emotional bonding of one person to another (among other things) and as such every time you have sex, you are attempting to create that bond. Marriage/love is an act that requires you to sacrifice those indulgences and be with only one person, so every time you have sex it strengthens your bond with that person making your connection to them ever stronger. They will of course make excuses for the behavior, all of which are false. The fact is if they can distinguish between the two, if it is only lust then why would they need to have sex with any one but their partner? They can get the same sensation from sex with them as they can a some one else, and arguably it will be better with their partner that knows them rather then some one who doesn't. Look at their marriage and keep an eye on their behavior, ten to one they stop acting like a couple and act more like friends or room mates, if their marriage lasts at all that is. The fact is the level of trust and devotion you need to maintain that is so high that its unlikely they have that level of trust and commitment to each other. Of course that also brings into question if they had that love and trust and commitment then why would they ever need some one else? Its not healthy and the more partners you have the more likely you are to be unhappy in a long term relationship (so if one of them decides they don't want to do this any more the relationship WILL deteriorate) more likely to cheat divorce etc. Cheating is actually not that uncommon in these relationships because they usually have so many rules for it that its inevitable that they get broken. Its just not healthy (and if your happy with your relationship, why would you actively try to find something better? Why would you risk ruining what you have if your content with it?), their is a reason why these kind of relationship where and are taboo in every civilization in the world, it just ends in problems.
@Chaz269 Nope. Data, that's all it is. The more partners you have the less happy you are, statistically those who are socially liberal and have rampant sex usually are the ones who are least happy and satisfied with both the sex and their life. Also what I said about the physiology is also true. So yeah, its pretty correct, I mean data backed response vs. personal opinion response, which one is more trustworthy? The data.
I believe that they were never truly in love. to me, from the outside it looks pretty much like a friends with benefits taken to a higher level of co-existence. friends with benefits, you have sex whenever you want, you do talk, help each other in different matters if need be, while nobody tells you can't fuck others in the meantime. So these people are just that, the only difference being that while some people only have friends with benefits as a stage in their life, these "swingers" decided they are ok living for their rest of their life in a friends with benefits relationship. So they live together and have sex, there is some sort of attachment, but definitely not love. If you love someone you wouldn't want to see him/her fucked by someone else.
I met this teacher (or so she says) and turns out she was married, but also a swinger. I ended up sleeping with her a couple of times, while her husband was in the house. she also asked me to go away with her for a "wild weekend" and she told her husband. It was the strangest thing. But that is definitely not love between each other.
i understand that a lot of people consider themselves open-minded, and sometimes even switch up their opinion to fit the majority's so as to not be outcast, but fuck all that; i personally don't think you can truly love someone and still fuck around and be all good with it. there's different kinds of love where you could, but, with the real shit there comes this natural possessiveness almost, if that shit makes sense lol. i couldn't touch or be touched knowing the one i love did that shit because he'd no longer be the one i love. it can only be one, i believe. that's how it is for me at least, not looking to start shit
It depends on a persons definition of love. It differs from person to person.
If my boyfriend was willing to accept me having sex with other people, i would assume he didn't have any respect for me , and didn't really love me. That's not the type of love i would want. Some people in a relationship can separate love and sex , others can't.
I totally agree. It's very subjective. We all know that there are "strippers" who have husbands - it's all about the people in that relationship, and how they feel, perceive reality, love etc. I believe that a swinging can love each other. It's not for me, but I know it is for others, and good for them. When I loved my woman, and she brought us to a swing house, I didn't love her "the same way" when we left. Actually, I didn't love her anymore, not in that super special way I had before. I felt like a means to an end - she wanted to swing, not be with me. I wanted to swing, too, but "with" her. I was totally disillusioned, and not turned -on.
They probably still do, but they obviously don't value intimacy. Eventually someone is going to catch feelings for another person and it's going to cause problems.
Nah. I know a couple that's been swinging for over 40 years. Never once has either ever considered leaving the other. You're projecting insecurities that you live with onto them, without even knowing them. Pretty foolish.
@Chaz269 I think that the couple you know is a rare find. For me, I really do not want to be "in love" with a woman who takes other guys into her. It shrivels me to nuthin'. Proof's in the pudding (or not).
Hey guys. I'm from Malaysia. Well, here we apply the principle one person to one. So, when you're married to one, you're completely his or hers. Which is if there are any problems then you have apply moral values there. For me, I grew up thinking that sex is everything in a relationship and it is the one which defines husband&wife relationship. For me wearing provocative dresses itself is like the partner is not loyal. I thought sex is everything. So, what is important here in this relationship? I thought sex is more intimate than love.. Explain me.
I mean whats the difference between her husband and others? Lets say if she gets pregnant, who will be the father? Who her body belongs to? Whats their priority in their relationship?
Let's see. . . In the Lifestyle 16 years, married 20 years, together 23 years which included 2 years as a long distance relationship.
Basic thing to remember is sex with your partner is about love. Sex with others is about fun and friendship.
Swingers tend to have the strongest, most trusting, and least argumentive marriages of most any group around. Of all the couples we know or have known in the Lifestyle (well over 100 and knowing them does not mean sexually), I can recall only 5 couples that have split up. Of our "vanilla" friends, about 40% have parted ways.
Yes yes yes!!! 👏👏👏👏👏 My partner and I have fuck but we also make love which I never have before in my life experienced. Love him so much but when we swing it's fun, just fun just physical. Omg I love your response.. thank you
A relationship is determined by the couple. So in one marriage the husband is expected to earn all the money & in another he’s not for example. If your spouse okays you having sex it’s not cheating.
Also some people can separate sex from love.
Now you could argue that their love is not ‘real’ by your definition but it does not matter if they both disagree with you.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
A qualified yes of course although most end up changing partners, some never intending to
It's a lust-love deal that includes friendship & the love that wants the best for the other, even at one's own expense at times IF in love and no real expense if they are simply lust satisfaction and erotica.
Lust is so powerful that it can be safely pursued fro itself within stronger marriages than most we know and avoid killer jealousy, p[lacing these rare forever couples in the small 5% or less of those who practice this, I imagine.
Otherwise, such practices are best thought of as dating, even if candidates for The One have been pared down to the nub.
The safest STD way might be - as your photo suggests - three couples exclusive to this deal, perhaps neighbors that do not go outside the group to catch anything.
At the beginning there was love for her, but after watching her with other men, it changed me. I guess I "fell out of love", after that. She was a piece of meat. A means to an end. swinging. Other people. eventually, we drifted apart emotionally, and she went her own way.
Can they still love each other - of course! Happily married here going on 26 years, in the lifestyle for 16 years. I only love my husband - in that way. Friend, partner for life, parent of our kids, holding hands until the last breath. Swinging, swapping, hotwifing, cucking, any lifestyle choice is about extreme pleasurable versions of getting off. Now your swap partner, your bull - they can fall in love with you, and you may fall in love with them. But of course they can still love each other.
By realizing that sex and love aren't zero-sum games. My wife didn't love me any less because she loved others as well, and vice versa. I didn't have less sex because she was boinking someone else's husband; she just had more. And so did I, since I now was doing the same with his wife. Variety adds spice, and allows you to learn new things; it's win-win.
It should be a reward for being an amazing partner. Someone who doesn't fk around on you, but is craving a different kind of pole to swing occasionally, should be rewarded. Never see the dude ever again, he dosent exist but for one night. However, that requires a strong relationship and a man who isn't intimidated by a sex toy. If you don't sexual satisfy your woman, she seek her pleasure elsewhere.
No because the sex means absolutely crap to them. They don't value the sacredness of sex.
4
4 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Exactly. They both classify sex in two categories: - Sex as just lust and for physical pleasure but no attachment for the other person (the others) - Sex as making love and with deep emotional attachment (the husband)
Personally, I would never understand their point of view.
Not sure about that. She skipped 6th grade for being very smart. She was 2 months shy of turning 17 when she graduated from HS. She was always the party girl type and very outgoing but still was very smart academically.
Meanwhile, I graduated with a 3.3 GPA but it was a struggle and I've only had one previous boyfriend (this is my 2nd long-term relationship).
i think they do love each other, but for some reason they decide to have sex with other people, i honesly do think it is a better solution than cheating.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Ugh. This is something I actually have a lot of experience with. I suppose different people can have different relationship dynamics but most of the ones that I have, erm, interacted with seemed to be more like dry business partners than romantic lovers. If that works for them fine but I don't want to be like that.
No, and I don't understand what the reasoning is for getting married in the first place if you're just gonna be a swinger.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Matthew 24 For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark
Matthew 24 As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be at the coming of the Son of Man
so it's part of the prophecy and it is coming to pass
Why must you anonymous assholes insist on posting pictures of White couples for this stupid shit? They're a fucking minority in this world. Pick on the Asians, they're the majority.
0
3 Reply
Asker
+1 y
That was the only good picture I can find that relates to my post.
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