He doesn't have a job or a car.

[Anonymous]

I like this guy a lot.. but the problem is that he doesn't drive or have a car.. and we're both 23. He is a smart guy and graduated from a really nice college.. but has made no attempts to get a job or get his car working. And I work too hard for my money to be driving this guy around and if we go on dates.. I'd rather, if he pays it would be HIS money.. not his parent's. We aren't even dating.. but I know that's what is holding me back. How do I KINDLY motivate him? I don't want to sound like a gold digger.. it's just, if I have to work, then the guy I'm going to be with needs to also. Sorry if that comes off rude.. but.. I'm just speaking the truth.

[bodyshop420]

i totally understand how you feel girl. so u've worked hard for your money, your education, whatever it is - so you would expect him to do the same. your only worrying about your future because you see relationships, any relationships, at age 23 to be potentially a life time commitment. but you know girl.. its not gonna get better when he's already 23.. I mean,he will EVENTUALLY have to get a job or something, but it won't be tomorrow, next week, or even next month. this may sound shallow of me, but listen. how about find someone who alreadi has a car and a job..? this guy your talking about may be nice rite now, but when he starts ticking you off in that relationship, you will feel stupid for even convincing yourself "no car? no job? no biggie."

[ItalianBro]

Yea, its kinda like how girls always expect the man to pay for at least the first few dates. Doesn't it suck having to pay for everything? You have not even started dating this guy yet. I guess that you want to ask him on a date? However, you feel uncertain that if things work out he won't be supportive or at least support himself.

If you ask a guy out than don't you think you should be paying? picking us up with your car? A complete role reversal.

[Asker]

But I just don't like being the "guy" of the relationship.. if that makes sense. It makes me feel insecure, and I've been doing it for way too long. I want to feel like a girl again, because I'm tired of making more money than the guys I date. They don't have to spend a DIME on me.. I would just prefer that they can support themselves. I don't see what is so wrong with that. I don't want their money. And I don't plan on asking him on a date.. we just hang out and watch movies usually.

[ItalianBro]

What happens if the man your marry loses his job for a few months and you have to support him. Do you leave him? What if you lost your job, should he leave you? In a relationship things happen and you might have to be the supporter and at times he will be.

I don't understand what a girl is suppose to feel like, go make him a sandwich, go clean the house, your not going to motivate him getting a job as a friend or some random girl.Go on a date, leave him if he doesn't change.This isn't marriage

[Asker]

No, I'm not saying I wouldn't support that man in his time of need. I make an excellent girlfriend when it comes down to being there for my guy. I'm not saying that I'd ditch him just like that. My question should of been worded differently, I suppose. Does it mean that if he doesn't have a job/car NOW after not looking for almost a year.. that he will NEVER get a job/car? Because yes, if he doesn't have the motivation, then that is not what I want in a partner.. and that is personal preference.