How can I prevent my mom from finding out that I poop?

Question

Explained it in the title.

Devourtheuniverse · Accepted Answer

Hide all your poop in a secret space pocket that only opens once your brother (or insert someone you want to blame here) needs to poop and which carefully deposits some among his crap. You may may want to prepare a virus which targets the biological content of your poop while your poop is in the space pocket so that your DNA will have a negligible presence in the poop should your mom think to check each person's poop content on that level. I also recommend using nanobots to gild your poop with a layer of your brother's poop for good measure.

Then make sure to constantly filter your skin and clothes of all remnant fecal matter in case your mom has microscopic vision...

Bribe someone to casually comment in the presence of your mom on how they suspect you never poop. They need to give good arguments. They should preferably have legal training.

You should also hire/ consult with a professional hypnotist to instill subliminal messages in your mother which lead her to eventually believe her little darling would never poop.

furiousrat · Accepted Answer

Ah yes, classic. This is the method I'm currently using, it's quite easy actually. When you gotta shit you just open the window and do your business there. This way you avoid ever having to flush the toilet which would obviously let her know your secrets.

Ellie-V · Accepted Answer

... what 😂 you’re trolling right?
Every human poops... every ANIMAL poops... every LIVING THING has to find some way to release waste for functional regulation. Plants fart by releasing oxygen... people don’t see it that way but that’s exactly what it is. Plants release gas they don’t need. They are farting. So... I’m pretty sure you’re mom knows you poop 😂

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

sorry guys, we women poop and we are DISGUSTING CREATURES

SjE78 · Answer

erm huh? you're mam is human, your mam is by age, intelligence and well just the knowledge of basic biology means you have to realise that everyone has to crap, everyone has to pee, it is how the body works... it is what we all do... preventing someone from knowing that you do this is impossible, preventing them from hearing you do it would be easier...
shut the door

but i hope you are joking about this question lmao

Genie23 · Answer

LMHO! 😂😂😂

Alistayr · Answer

Just don't poop. Hold it in for ever. Live life as a poop barrel. You never know, you might get into the Guinness Book Of Records.

caodog · Answer

I think your mom found out that you poop soon after you were born.

RSav4013 · Answer

Ummmm lol... I know this can't be serious but I'll answer anyway. Tell her the neighbor just called and said it's urgent that she goes over right away.

puffynips · Answer

Stay off drugs...

BeMuse · Answer

She changed your diapers as an infant... I think the jig is up.

Jan_Classic · Answer

Poop

Drinkingcoffee · Answer

Only go when she’s not home.  Else, she will disown you and leave your father because of the dishonour you have brought upon your family.

AbdKilani · Answer

FLUSHHHHHHHHH And some perfume to hide the smell

ecfresh · Answer

She already knows that you poop. Over 1,000 diapers don't lie.

scooogy · Answer

Questions like these make me wish for a troll button to report them.

xichuwangwai · Answer

One bottle of vodka for each meal, that's all. But, I gotta tell you, kid, there's nothing wrong with the fact that you poop, as long as you poop good looking poop.

vald9inches · Answer

um everyone poops lol why dont you want your mom to know that you poop? lmfao i mean i think she already knows lmfao xD

sexcrazed123 · Answer

no need to hide the fact, unless you poop on the floor or in your pants. other than that, it is normal for an 18 year old to poop...

ohskippy · Answer

Bury it like a dog, by the way I think your mother knows you poop since she more and likely changed your diapers

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

I think she knows that you poop. 😅 I guess when you were a baby she occasionally changed the nappy

LegateLanius · Answer

Get a bucket with a contained singularity inside. Poop in it. The poop will be gone.

Paris13 · Answer

lol Mom also Poops Here, dear. No Fear. xx

Bruce_VVayne_ · Answer

I missed that question...

TheRealQuestion · Answer

Your mom knew that before you knew what poop was. Lol. 😂

Dark93 · Answer

Umm considering that she probably used to change your diapers I think she knows.

MemeSupreme · Answer

is there context behind this? lmfao

Red_Arrow · Answer

Hide it under your pillow.

CheerGirl38139 · Answer

Do it outside and blame it on the dog.

Nachowedgie · Answer

Get the fuck off of GAG. You're a waste of space writing pointless questions like this.

Eryxx · Answer

Don't poop from now on.

Pamina · Answer

By not pooping in her face.

MORPHEUS_12 · Answer

Buy a composting toilet.

LisaLisa89 · Answer

I think she'd be more worried if you didn't.

EmmaMary · Answer

What fucking purpose would this serve?

Anonymous · Answer

Build a secret underground bathroom.

TonyMetal86 · Answer

What do you mean? Everyone poops

Anonymous · Answer

poop outside and bury it

krishh0805 · Answer

Better to eat your poop!!! 😂😂😂😂

Iron_Man · Answer

Oh wow I thought woman didn't poop

FrenchyRomain · Answer

probably the stupidest question i've ever seen

pitzi · Answer

Kill her

ejx629 · Answer

Don't let her find this question.  '💩

RIVERTAY888 · Answer

Can you please tell me what you mean?

Iamagoodguy · Answer

What’s poop an why u show a drinking fountain

Danielleo · Answer

not being in the bathroom with you. or so loud

Drener · Answer

Flush the toilet

sarahhcmarie · Answer

you can't :(

ghostqueen · Answer

Stop.

SarahsSummer · Answer

Air freshener?

Browneye57 · Answer

You need a shrink.

Dingsbums · Answer

Are u alright?

up_64 · Answer

High level troll detected..

Anonymous · Answer

tape up your butthole so you never poop again

schuka25 · Answer

What do you mean

DiegoO · Answer

...0_o

Deathraider · Answer

Why?

BigRob420 · Answer

She already knows.

How can I prevent my mom from finding out that I poop?

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