Does unrequited love (within a friendship) build resentment?

[StingRayxoxo]

[hindril]

Wow. I'm horrible cause I had to look up that word so I knew What it meant. It all depends on the the person. Not to everyone. Not everyone thinks the same or feels the same. People should understand the other persons feelings and still be happy about it.

[StingRayxoxo]

That’s true, so maybe not in all cases.

[hindril]

Right. It all depends on the person really.

[Logorithim]

After the infatuation, it turns to resentment, yes.

[hindril]

I have to ask, how?

[Logorithim]

@hindril: Frustration- not getting what you want and being lonely while feeling tortured that the one you want is so close to you, set so far away emotionally.

[hindril]

Basically, it's a selfish feeling? The two will still be friends. How will they be so far away emotionally? The only way they will be far away emotionally is if one backs off completely.

[Logorithim]

@hindril: One of the two (usually a guy) wants more, and he wants sex, too. Not getting that when you want it badly is very painful.

[hindril]

It should never be just about sex. That part is ridiculous in itself. Sex is special between two people. If there is no mutual feeling, then sex is just sex. But it appears from others comments, it usually is the guy. Kind of sad. The guy doesn't respect the woman enough to understand her feelings in this matter? Again, a selfish feeling. If one wants to back off, so be it. If not, they should still be friends. Right? Just understand each others feelings and respect it.

[Logorithim]

@hindril: It's not just (or even primarily) about sex, but they'll want that, too.

[hindril]

If there's an attachment. But the rest of my response was more toward the understanding of the other person's feelings.

[ChiTown33]

@hindril You're not wrong Hindril other than you focused in on the "sex" part as that's all the guy wants Logo added that it wasn't exclusive. You also completely omitted that some women deliberately bait guys then back off when he develop feelings (note a i said "some") these are the worst types of people guys and girls that do this. feed their ego at the expense of others.

[hindril]

@ChiTown33. Thank you for the correction.

[Logorithim]

Thanks for the MHO

[Pumpkinspicevanilla]

Honestly if a guy likes me, I would end the friendship so he can move on.

[StingRayxoxo]

That was totally my initial thought.

[PrincessGrail]

It can, but it doesn’t always do that.

[PrincessGrail]

Beautiful pic.

[StingRayxoxo]

I can’t find the artist now 😩

[PrincessGrail]

Thank you!!

[OlderAndWiser]

Unrequited love causes frustration which builds to the point of needing to be vented. The object of desire usually receives the full force of the explosion when the rejected party finally exceeds their capacity for being reminded that they are not "good enough" for the other party.

[StingRayxoxo]

This is exactly my thought. Thank you.

[ForeverSingle1977]

I have been three situations where love was one sided. At first I respected that I was friends with them for a while.. and thought nothing of it. What change my mind was when my little brother was being followed by one of my female friends as asked for his number. She told me she liked him instantly. That's when I felt the emotional price of staying friends was too high for me. I guess for me I don't believe in friends before lovers because I seen girls thrown themselves to men without thinking. Of course my situation is unique however... I don't think it's worth it if you like her that much and have to endure being friends... how long does it take to overcome a rejection? As long as you want.. even to a point of eliminating her from your life.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

There's the risk, yes.
My girlfriend admitted to building up a lot of frustration because of my indecisiveness.

And in that case the love was required, so figure when it's not requited... which reminds me of a former friend, who screamed at me and called my girlfriend a "wh*re", apparently because she liked me.

[Exterminatore]

I don't know. I don’t have female friends. Some other dude can be their emotional tampon and straight guys don’t love each other in any way really so my best guess is probably.

[StingRayxoxo]

No female friends? My girl friends are my emotional tampons haha

[Exterminatore]

No females that are strictly friends in my life. What’s the point? They might try to take me shoe shopping.

[StingRayxoxo]

Oh god, why would anyone want to do that 😂

[StingRayxoxo]

Actually you’d tell the damn truth about everything, so I can see that.

[Exterminatore]

Right? That’s one reason I just can’t do female friends. Like whats she gonna do? Ask me if I want to go to the big sale at pottery barn next weekend? Maybe discuss the ins and outs of getting a perm from a non gay hair stylist over coffee?

You know guys use the “friends” thing cause they’re trying to get laid... by voluntarily friend zoning themselves... which is ironic, but I digress from my point. Then when the guy makes moves girls are all mad and shocked cause she thought they were “just friends.”

Girls should use the guise of friendship in a similar fashion.

Picture a bunch of guys hanging out. One guy is saying: “you know Bill, I thought she understood we were friends. I can’t believe she tricked me into going to her birthing class with her under the guise we were going to eat chicken wings and watch the game. Our friendship is ruined now. I just don’t know what came over her. Now I’m partially blind and one of my testicles won’t descend after seeing a room full of pregnant women hyperventilating. It was awful Bill, just awful I tell ya.”

That would be the female equivalent of a guy being friends to get with a girl.

[StingRayxoxo]

What. Lame. No.

[Exterminatore]

Maybe it lame, but it’s the truth.

[StingRayxoxo]

Nah, you’re just using a scenario of lame activities for the girl asking the guy to hang out!

[Exterminatore]

Well yeah. That’s my point. What else are you gonna do together? In a strictly friendship scenario.

Not like she’s gonna go fishing or hunting or work on a car with me.

That’s my point. Men and women can’t really be friends. We got nothing in common.

[StingRayxoxo]

Uhhh you must not know Texas women.

[Exterminatore]

Now friends with benefits is different.

That’s a relationship built around playing hide the salami. You’re not really friends.

Can have a girlfriend, Also totally different scenario, or wife.

But being strictly friends? Makes no sense. We’re just not made to be strictly pals. I got guy friends for that who will do the stuff I like.

[StingRayxoxo]

I don’t agree that it’s hard for men and women to just be friends though.

[StingRayxoxo]

*Do
I do agree

[Exterminatore]

No. No I sure don’t. I’ve only lived in states with libtards.

That’s a part of the reason I stay single. If Texas women are into that stuff I’m moving to Texas. Can’t have a relationship where there’s no common shared activities.

[Exterminatore]

Well yeah, cause usually one wants the other.

We’re built to f*ck each other and play house together, but not be pals.

No girl is gonna say “you wanna work on rebuilding that engine on Sat?”

Not unless she’s a bull dyke

No guy is gonna say “let’s share feelings for 32 hours straight.” Unless he’s gay.

[StingRayxoxo]

Makes sense.

One of my good friends from work goes deep sea fishing with her husband all the time. They even take time off work together to go.
A lot of women here are really into hunting. (As are many women in Maine but that’s more liberal.)
And my sister is totally into cars and knows a shit ton about mechanics and even a bit of hydraulics.

So maybe not all of the things you mentioned but a few.

I can see your point though cause I can’t get a girl friend to go to a damn hockey game with me, unless it’s my sister.

[Exterminatore]

I love hockey. Hate the Starz.

[StingRayxoxo]

Redwings?

[Exterminatore]

Yeah, I mean I’m over generalizing a bit but you get my point.

[Exterminatore]

There acceptable.

[StingRayxoxo]

Okay, generalizing yeah.

[StingRayxoxo]

Ugh 😑

[StingRayxoxo]

Bruins

[Exterminatore]

*Their

[Exterminatore]

Oh no. Not the Bruins. Hate them too.

[Exterminatore]

Wings suck this year.

[Exterminatore]

I’m a die hard Sabres fan. 3rd in the Eastern conference. That’s right!

[StingRayxoxo]

Winter classic?

[StingRayxoxo]

Can’t just be a fan when they’re playing well.

[Exterminatore]

Have been all my life and it’s been tough times being a Sabres fan for quite a while.

[Exterminatore]

What about the Winter Classic?

[StingRayxoxo]

I like the blues a lot because out local ahl team feeds into them. It’s cool to see them move on.

[Exterminatore]

Oh. The SA Rampage right?

[Exterminatore]

Blues are cool. Don’t hate them.

[StingRayxoxo]

Oh I mentioned the winter classic cause I know the sabres played last year.

[StingRayxoxo]

Yuppp Rampage

[Exterminatore]

Yeah the we’re in the 1st one. They sucked so bad last year.

[Exterminatore]

I gotta crash. Gotta work some OT tomorrow.

[Exterminatore]

It’s really cool you like hockey though. I used to play. Huge hockey fan.

[StingRayxoxo]

Really? Cool.
I’ve played street/roller hockey... that counts 😜
What’s the guy called that sits in the penalty box with the players during a penalty? I’ve always wanted to know what that job title is! If I’m ever filthy rich and don’t have to work, that’s going to be my new job!

[Exterminatore]

Roller hockey counts. I honestly have no idea what they’re called.

If I’m ever filthy rich my new job will be a ninja or Rambo. I’ll be Bruce Wayne. Taking martial arts lessons 8 hours a day will be my new career or practicing with the coolest military ordinance money can buy on my private island.

[StingRayxoxo]

Dammit, no one knows.

Well your plight is a bit more profound than mine!!

[Exterminatore]

Are you still up, or just getting up?

[StingRayxoxo]

A little of both.

[Exterminatore]

Damn.

[StingRayxoxo]

Que?

[Exterminatore]

That you didn’t get much sleep.

[StingRayxoxo]

Eh, that’s the norm for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Exterminatore]

Me too unfortunately. I only slept 3 hours that night. Maybe that’s why I’m so cantankerous.

[StingRayxoxo]

Yikes! Sorry. Yes, probably why your disposition is cantankerous 😂
My record of no sleep is 42 hours, unintentionally.

[Exterminatore]

Mine is 72 when I was in the military. I did 48 straight last week. We both have insomnia issues I guess.

[StingRayxoxo]

That sounds painful to think about. Does it affect you a lot or are you used to it?
Most of the time I can sleep but nightmares keep my sleep extremely unrested and then I can’t sleep again. I don’t know if mine counts as insomnia

[Exterminatore]

Do you have PTSD? That happens to me at times too.

In the middle. I’m able to tolerate it, but I know I don’t function quite as well as when I’m well rested. It seems to be cyclic. I’ll get good sleep for a while then be stressed or busy doing something that keeps me up late and can’t go to sleep on time and as soon as that happens I’m screwed. Then its an insomnia landslide. If I wake up and sleep at roughly the same time every day everything stays as it ought to. Once I go outside the it all goes the hell.

You?

[StingRayxoxo]

Yes. And I suffered from night terrors when I was 3-5 years old.

You have it too? That’s a good thing that you recognized the helpfulness of regular sleep patterns. I’ve tried that before but it doesn’t change the nightmares from happening. When I wake up from them, it’s fucking awful to try and calm down. It’s pointless to try to sleep afterwards.

I just get really nauseated and feel like I’m walking in a haze.

[Exterminatore]

Yes. I can’t even sleep in the same bed with anyone because I sleep walk and talk and throw punches and kicks and thrash about in the middle of the night. I’ve broken lamps, punched ex wife in my sleep once, kicked my cat once, rollin out of bed a few times. One of my ex gfs said I’ve had conversations with her and my eyes were wide open and I was sitting up, but it was all gibberish and non sensical. Mostly that’s what I’ve been told but sometimes it’s not nonsense but is not appropriate to the situation. Several people have said that actually. I’m always unconscious and unaware. Another time I was woken up in my roommates bathroom by him. I had gotten a screwdriver, unlocked his door went into his bathroom and proceeded to take apart the electrical outlet in his bathroom. He woke me up after I had already taken it out of the wall. He said he was trying to wake me for 10 min but I wasn’t responding. I just woke up in the middle of it. I was very confused. I thought I was at work. At that time I worked as an alarm technician and did lelectrical work and had to do that type of thing all the time. Usually I don’t wake up and have no recollection of anything that took place. I’ve had various reports form gfs and such about my unusual activities in my sleep. Once when I was in the military I rolled off the top rack (bunk bed stacked 4 high, so about 7 feet in the air) while on a Naval vessel and landed on a metal bench. So as a result I don’t allow anyone to sleep in the same room as me anymore. There’s no telling what I may do, and that time with my roommate was the only time I’ve ever been brought to consciousness when I do that. I often have nightmares as well. Another time I passed out on the couch. My roommate was making breakfast. I woke up and started yelling at him to get back in his fighting hole and return fire.

TBC

How did you get PTSD if you don’t mind my asking? You can PM me if you’re more comfortable with discussing there.

[Exterminatore]

I then told him to hurry up about it and quit standing there he’s gonna get his balls blow off and that I just called in artillery danger close. He said just stood there laughing. I told him if he ends up a causality don’t blame I warned him, then laid back down and passed out.

It’s comical to a point some of the stories I’ve been told about my night time antics and embarrassing at the same time. Sometimes they’re deeply concerning, like with the electrical outlet. I could have got electrocuted.

[StingRayxoxo]

😱😱 oh my goodness

[Spawnface]

Ofcoarse. Unless your talking masochism, which still doesn't change the nature of it. Like we think in a binary way most the time. Something works=good, happy
Something does not work=Borderline homocidal

[WindowLicker]

Yes, in many cases it does. It is like a slow release poison that brings about high levels of toxicity over time. The best hope is that the feels are redirected elsewhere before it's too late.

[DaModernDaVinci]

Most definitely. I feel like I don't really want to talk to her now because, you know, different depth of feelings. I just resent talking to her, not resent her altogether. That would be wrong and immature.

[Northern_star]

why would that be the only option?
and how could one know if its unrequited, without speaking it out honestly.

[StingRayxoxo]

If it has been spoken out honestly?

[Northern_star]

i mean, you are most likely befriend good hearted people. assuming that and the capability in both sides to communicate openly, no nothing can be as problematic to simply cut all ties. capisch? 😅

[ChiTown33]

It shouldn't unless one led the other on. But that shouldn't be because friends don't do that to each other. So either there was a misunderstanding or they aren't really friends.

[xTom98]

It certainly can. Not always but certainly possible 😋

[VV3ZZY]

Yea most definitely I've tried to be friends with a girl I had a crush on and it ended up with my feelings hurt because she never made me feel the same.

[john075]

i don't think it build resentment. Maybe it build embarassment ans friendship will overcome all of that.

[bananathunder]

i'm sure it would over time... gotta be 50/50 in a loving relationship or else one person will get burnt out or feel unwanted in my opinion

[mT2359]

It might. But it also depends on what triggers a person to feel resentful to the point of feeling humiliated.

[TsubasaCorrupted]

It can. When you know the person you love loves someone else, is having sex with someone else and is happy with someone else.

[TrunksSS34U2003]

At that point, just kill me already

[TsubasaCorrupted]

Agreed

[GI_Joe2001]

Yes; as one who experiences it himself, it really makes you go crazy.

[TheAceholeSupreme666]

It can. Just depends on the person and how it's dealt with. Best to nip it in the hud.

[thebigc]

It depends, if you can accept they feel differently about you, then no. Otherwise, it probably will.

[Philyouup]

Frustration and jealousy, Bite the bullet and ask her/him out, or cut loose

[Jjpayne]

Hold on I need to define unrequited you are using big people words

[Jjpayne]

Ok where were we "(of a feeling, especially love) not returned or rewarded." I would think so.. being let down and having a negative view of a relationship would eventually take it's toll

[Rambler221]

Quite possibly, yes. I would say it mainly destroys the sense of clarity amd understanding in the dynamic, which can be just as bad if not worse.

[Frangipaniandlotus]

First it creates disappointment.

[genericname85]

It's certainly Painful and should not be endured.

[Jackpot1977]

Rhetorical girl lol

[StingRayxoxo]

Not rhetorical...

[Jackpot1977]

But of course it builds resentment

[StingRayxoxo]

That’s my thought too.

[GalaxyCat]

Probably does in a lot of cases.

[Kayla45]

Nope

[Nik1hil]

Yes totally

[NYCQuestions1976]

Familiarity breeds contempt.

[cornsnake]

Sadly it can

[SexualImmorality]

Yes!

[jacquesvol]

Not in my case

[EDWINDUNDEE999]

It can do