Is jealousy a sign of love or does it indicate distrust to your partner?

Question

Choose your side!

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

Not going to choose a side. It is just more complex than this side or that side. Since I'm a normal man... or what the kids will call a "cis hetero-normative male," I'm going to speak from that position.

To start with... why am I jealous at all? What causes that emotional trait that would leave me "mate-guarding" or wanting to snoop through a phone to see what's going on? There is one form of jealousy that I think females are highly aware of... the controlling and paranoid guy that is behaving this way because of either,

A) he's been damaged in the past and this is the baggage he's brought with him from a past relationship or,

B) he has cheating going on in his own mind (he wants to cheat) and he's projecting it onto his partner

And then there is some dude like me, roughly around 10 years ago. I came into the relationship with pure intentions, no desire to cheat or continue to build my body count, and I have never been cheated on and simply had no baggage of that sort. The trust was there... it was untainted.

I hope this paints the picture crystal clear... she had no unwarranted or unearned doubts in her due to something that happened long before her or because I was a cheater myself with it on the brain 24/7. She did though... she had both. Been cheated on, cheated herself, and she just wanted to cheat some more... she said she didn't, but her actions speak louder than her words.

She earned my jealousy... or I should say, my distrust in her desire to meet me halfway on a deal to be in an exclusive relationship, meaning, we agree to stop including other people with the promise of having only eyes for each other in exchange for not having to worry about the other getting into "situations." It became apparent it was a one-sided deal and she proved it over and over again... never from her words, but all from actions.

I'll try to summarize it... Attention whore, couldn't give up the attention. Would allow other men to text her, flirt with her, and pursue her. Being an attention whore, she gives back enough to keep the attention flowing. If you think this is bad... it's going to get worse.

The attention whore just doesn't want their attention, obviously, she also wants mine. As she admitted, she liked to make me jealous for the attention it drew from me. She was doing it on purpose basically. And then when I would naturally respond to this bullshit, pointing out it was bullshit, then came the gaslighting. "He's just a... nice/friendly guy" and "You're just being jealous/paranoid/possessive."

... see somehow my responding to bullshit going on is my fault, even though I'm not out there doing any bullshit. There wouldn't be any bullshit if she wasn't letting, allowing, and coaxing bullshit to happen... and this was her response to me seeing bullshit and trying to put a stop to it myself, by gaslighting me about it. And I thought I needed to because she would also hide behind the defense of ignorance. "I didn't know that's what he was up to" or "I can't get him to stop" sort of things.

Things eventually would happen simply because that's how sexual tension works... it's not just free attention that you can control. Of course, I would get lied to... by omission and a shit ton of excuses I should've never accepted. This is what slowly changed me from the man I described myself as at the beginning of this to who I then became.

If she's going to fuck around and justify it, then why shouldn't I? 2 can play this stupid game. ... and that's when she stopped having all the fun and started to hate the game she decided was worth playing. She earned both types of the negative types of jealousy I described earlier out of me. I'm not a fan of 'attention' but I'm a big fan of fucking random women on an almost constant basis... Daddy loves getting some strange bro!

Now look at who is fucking jealous. Just like she was earning my jealousy, she earned this shit too. I play the game better. I lie better. I am better. Not better in the sense of you pussies that just sit on your high horse and say "just leave" because life is actually more complicated than that High School sounding bullshit where you can "just leave."

So in conclusion... Is jealousy a sign of love or does it indicate distrust in your partner? It's complicated. Ask her 10 years ago and you'd get one answer, and then ask her 5 years ago and you'd get another. Same with me... my answer changed with the years.

The bottom line in my humble opinion... if there is jealousy going on at all, there is some fuckery going on at foot. It's probably justified, even if it's not justified. It's way more complicated than just this or that.

Is jealousy a sign of love or does it indicate distrust to your partner?

Sorry about writing all that... I got distracted from my video games. Now fuck off. 😂

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Neither... jealousy is a sign of insecurity or feelings of inadequacy. It has nothing to do with anyone other than ourselves. We can focus on others and make their life so uncomfortable that they leave our life, but someone will replace them, and we'll still feel jealous. Until we address our expectations of ourselves, eliminate the unrealistic ones and see progress with those within our control, nothing will ever change.

People are not about to change for you, so don't hold onto a relationship opportunity by focusing on what could or should be. Accept people as they are. If you don't like what you see, you're free to move on, but never hold your breath while waiting for them to change.

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

I remember an old friend once said "jealousy is a wasted emotion". That was so true because it really doesn't make someone feel better, and it doesn't improve what's going on.

To me, there are two types of jealousy. The infrequent feelings that are quietly kept to one's self or calmly mentioned later on, based on actions that typically produce attraction between a man and a woman. Such as dancing at a nightclub. If a person says, "I saw you dancing with them, and felt a little jealous." To me, that's harmless, and it's completely okay to express how you feel. It's not like the person is trying to run the other's life, they just feel what they feel.

The other type is the unreasonable, or even explosive reactions that people have, based on predicting terrible things from innocent actions. For example, if someone has a serious problem with their partner going to the store alone, because they're afraid they'll meet someone there, is not healthy and their jealousy can verge into other issues that are some serious red flags.

Is jealousy bad? Not always. Sometimes those feelings give an opportunity to talk about something so that the person's fears can rest, and the issue can be cleared up quickly. But jealousy is an issue if it's frequent and is felt even when predicting something will happen, when nothing has yet happened at all--if it ever does.

Sweetsurprize · Accepted Answer

Jealousy shows more about the insecurities of the person feeling that way. But it also depends. If there's a REASON (a good one) mind you, for their feeling that way, then, I think it is valid. It really depends on what it is and what's happend. It's not black and white or a one size fits all answer!

ohsheeT · Answer

For me I believe that it's a sign of not being confident in who You are you have to understand that if you don't know who you are and what you're all about then you're not going to believe in anybody or anything

When you know who you are you know that it's a 50-50 chance that your partner can cheat

You also know that if they're going to cheat they're going to cheat there's nothing you can do about it

As long as you do your part to keep the relationship healthy then you know that you're doing your part and if they cheat that's when you know you did your part. And that's when you make choices

If you're jealous that means you're insecure and you're worried about something that hasn't happened yet or might be happening if you're jealous it could be your gut feeling telling you something or your insecurity

There's no reason to get jealous because you cannot control that person they're going to do whatever they're going to do so when you pick a person you pick a person that always has you in their heart and they know not to do things to make you suspicious or makes it look like that they're doing something it's called respect trust loyalty and commitment and love when you have all those you don't worry about nothing there's no reason to until something happens so stop being jealous

OlderAndWiser · Answer

A tiny bit of jealousy, shown only occasionally, is not abnormal. It may reflect love or it may reflect possessiveness that is fairly well controlled.

Frequent jealousy more often indicates possessiveness that is not controlled.

Summeroflove · Answer

Yeah. If someone is jealous. Either there is distrust or someone is doing something they shouldn’t be.

Avicenna · Answer

Can be either, depending on the circumstances

zeitgeist057 · Answer

You're talking about jealousy in a romantic relationship. But jealousy isn't limited to romantic relationships. It's a word that means you want what someone else has.

It has evolved to mean a feeling of suspicious in a romantic relationship, but the underlying core of the word means you are wanting the attention that is being given to someone else.

The core of that seeking/wanting is insecurity. Of not being satisfied with what you have, wishing you had someone else's achievements, advantages, or in the case of romance, the attention of your love interest.

One could argue that means you "love" that person, since you want the attention of someone you love. But it also depends on what your definition of "love" is. If love for you is about what you receive and what you get out of a relationship, if it is a more self-centered perspective that has little to nothing to do with the person you are trying to get attention or some other benefit from, then I suppose you could call it a sign of that version of "love".

But if your definition of "love" involves knowing a person, their traits and qualities, and admiring them for who they are without making it all about you and your needs, then jealousy is a strong indication of the OPPOSITE of love. It's about possession and coveting. You can see some of the synonyms/similar words used in the Oxford dictionary screenshot above: insecure, envious, covetous, "protective of one's rights or possessions" (i. e. "possessive" if applied to seeing a person as an object of your possession, or an object you are entitled to/have rights to).

runitupkai · Answer

I personally think it is neither. I think its insecurity because you see a pretty girl and go oh she would be better with him because I'm not pretty enough blah blah blah blah. Or you wish that was you even when you're not with them romantically.

Anemone978 · Answer

It's both.. Jealousy only happens if someone loves you or wants to own you.. It usually happens because they clearly don't trust you.. it can be your own fault by how you behave or act but there are also psycho's that are jealous even though you don't do anything.. like you can't talk to other men/women even though you have to for work and just other crazy behaviour like that..

Bilboes · Answer

Jealousy is absolutely not a sign of love. Jealousy is really about you, not the person you love. It's about seeing them as a possession or about you feeling insecure. Jealousy is a fairly normal emotional experience, but it's not a positive one. If you trust and respect your partner, there's not good reason to be jealous.

catarecute · Answer

you wouldn't be jealous if you didn't have valid reason. women are jaloeus of their partner when the guy has alrady made comments about other women in front of them or watched porn or been over friendly with someone else. if you are getting jaleaus its basicaly your intuation your boyfriend is a dick. evetime i was jalous in the past turned out my boyfriend was a cheat.

Miristheiss · Answer

It is a spectrum.

Jealousy usually is a sing of love.

The spectrum has the edges, the border.

When you get to the extremes on the spectrum then jealousy goes to far, it can be dangerous and unhealthy.

Through middle, moderate area of the spectrum it is usually fine.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

It's a sign of low self esteem. From my experience people who get jealous feel they are lacking and view others as competition. A little jealousy is normal and part of being human. But the level some people have is just insane to me. You'd think they'd try and work on their issues before destroying another relationship.

FreyaRed · Answer

Distrust.
I never understood completely the logic behind "jealousy as sign of love". Of course is jealousy explainable with egoistic desire to possess someone, but this isn't a sign of love in my books.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I've no interest in spending the emotional energy to be jealous of someone. If they're acting inappropriate with someone else they can go be with that person and I'll find someone worthwhile to step up to the plate.

Finchie40 · Answer

A little bit of jealousy is good , it shows your partner truly loves you and values you and is afraid to lose you , But if they are extreme jealous or usually means they don’t trust you let alone trust themselves

boggboss · Answer

Inherently I don't think it's a sign of love when u start thinking like that one can justify many toxic traits as signs of love or care

lildkman1090 · Answer

Jealousy isn’t a bad thing to a certain degree if it consumes you then it will become a trust issue a little isn’t a problem you should feel that way it’s your partner

JosyJosy · Answer

Not love, not trust in the partner. It could just be jealousy and being hostile towards other people other than your significant other, because they're talking to him. Their jealousy, it's just a flaw within themselves, controlling, insecure.

serious · Answer

Jealousy is very unhealthy and never good. It can destroy and ruin relationships.

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Even as an indicator of distrust, it can still be a sign of love - that is, love so deep you fear losing your partner, and therefore want to protect them (and yourself) from being in a position to lose them.

Mamaliv · Answer

Jealousy is not a sign of love. Insecurities I believe can be as long as it doesn’t become obsessive and extreme.

katiesmuff · Answer

I think it is a lack of confidence on your part and afraid that given the opportunity your partner might cheat or leave you.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

Well I think it depends on if it’s jealousy for reason or if the other person is trying to provoke jealousy.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

jealousy is a thing that exists. it is natural to get some. But there's a very small limit where the line of "fine" becomes a red flag.

Anonymous · Answer

Perhaps the word Jealousy is not the right word being defined as:
"Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions or safety"

HighValue · Answer

It is a sign that your partner is disrespectful and doing something that isn't acceptable in a relationship most of the time.

litty · Answer

If you love your partner then you’d trust them not to make bad decisions. It’s okay sometimes when you want to see them, but being too needy is crossing the line

Friendlybro79 · Answer

There's degrees of jealousy that you're two options don't really suggest. Can't answer this as is in your poll. A little is normal because we're human. When it's paranoid and controlling no.

Guido · Answer

Jealousy is a horrible trait to have. It indicates a total. lack of trust and that is the foundation of every healthy relationship. If you don't trust your partner then you have no business being in a relationship with them.

Iron_Man · Answer

I think there’s always some kind of jealousy even if it’s something simple just by looking real quick when walking around in public with your girlfriend

Anonymous · Answer

A little bit of jealousy is fine and shows you care, no jealousy can mean you love and trust your partner but a lot of jealousy is bad and toxic, you need to have confidence in you and them

Jpisme · Answer

If I had no jealousy then it would be due to the fact I know for a fact my woman won't stray

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's more a lack of not trusting someone, if your getting jealous over them watching points and them being friends with a girl.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Jealousy is a sign of distrust in a relationship.

unknowngirl18 · Answer

Some people were “showed”/“taught” that’s jealousy is a sign of love and others find it a sign that you don’t trust you partner and others fine it to mean you are insecure. I guess it’s whatever you were taught it shows.

jeffend888 · Answer

Stems from insecurity. A little jealously is normal. Over the top jealousy indicates personal problems.

ItsMykolaJenkins · Answer

Sign of your own insecurities about your self If your partner gave you the reason to distrust him or her could be that as well Its never love

loveslongnails · Answer

How can such a negative emotion ever be a sign of love?

genericname85 · Answer

it's a sign of personal character inadequacy.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Jealousy is only appropriate if someone is behaving in appropriately towards your man or woman otherwise it's 100% distrust.

kukukuku323 · Answer

People are dumb as hell and don't even know what jealousy is.

SoJust · Answer

jealousy is a bad thing , trust is also important in relationships

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Jealousy has a negative effect so it is more of the distrust side

imfreeze95 · Answer

You didn’t have a. “Both” option. I think it depends on the personality type driving the jealousy.

msc545 · Answer

I did not choose either one. These things are not mutually exclusive.

Twalli · Answer

It depends on what kind of jealousy you have and how you express it

The_Observer_69 · Answer

It depends on the context. If you aren’t together, ot might be love. If you are, (and know eachother well) then it’s distrust.

straightmax12 · Answer

It's kinda both maybe. It depends on the situation.

thegreenyogi · Answer

It's a sign of insecurity in my personal opinion.

Dinklex3 · Answer

I think it’s a sign of insecurity.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Means you don’t trust your partner

exitseven · Answer

I would say it indicates love.

Mansearching · Answer

Not trusting and insecurity.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, it is a red flag.

Still-alive · Answer

it can be both and it depends.

driven159 · Answer

along with being controlling and immature.

SayGracePlease · Answer

It's a little bit of both

In_Trance · Answer

No it's a sign of insecurity

butterly248 · Answer

It is distrust

Jennz6 · Answer

Trust

Subflics · Answer

Both

Is jealousy a sign of love or does it indicate distrust to your partner?

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Jealousy is a sign of distrust in a relationship.

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