Can adults have crushes?

[Anonymous]

I've stopped using that word for so many years. I thought having a crush on someone starts at ages 10-12 and ends at ages 16-18 years old.

It's been 24 years later and every time I look at that now grown man's profile pictures (I'm now 36 and he's nearly 38), I have the same emotions as back then. Over the years he has grown to become more attractive and is a father by now. Then again I feel lonely at times and those memories of the few times I've interacted with him back then during our youthful years brings nostalgia. Things never worked out and we never went out on a date because both of us were too immature back then. He's just my FB friend, someone I can't have and likely never will. I suppose this can be call a crush?

Can adults have crushes? Or is there a limit to this?

Updates

4 mo

He reached out to me once just to say hi when we were in our 20's and my heart beat faster. I melted. Then I reached out to him just this month and when he replied back... I was melting too.

[Anonymous]

No, that's for teenagers and young adults, adults should stop believing in fairy tales and grow up.

[Asker]

I'm already talking to another guy (even went out on a date not so long ago) whom I'll likely settle for. I don't mind getting married to someone I'm not in love with meanwhile continue keeping that guy in my fantasies. After all no one can control my emotions nor thoughts.

[bededazzle]

if they can’t, i am definitely not an adult

[Asker]

yeah I suppose I'll never get over that guy

[Asker]

I've always desired him since I was damn 12 years old. That's so far back.

[bededazzle]

it's OK to have a place in your heart for someone, but not so great to pine away over them. the person you knew is vanished. I believe that this sort of crush is more about ourselves than the other person. Perhaps there is an emptiness inside you that you need to fill yourself.

[Asker]

You're right. It's likely that fact of a familiar face and event that I'm having nostalgia for. Or unless it's a midlife crisis I'm undergoing at age 36 since I'm still unmarried and childless.

[Asker]

Meanwhile I care for him and still find him attractive, he never once complimented me on my looks nor my pictures. In my HS, I think the only reason he tried to date me once was likely out of pity but it led to an argument (I insulted him at the time because the jokes he was making... making me feel uncomfortable). Then he tried to fix things, wanted to be my friend but I could tell it was then because I was his sister's friend and out of compassion for me.

[bededazzle]

the biological clock happens for men basically too—i can attest. there are two simple things i think that help: acceptance and gratitude. accept the feelings you have and trust they impact you. accept that the past is gone. focus more on what IS working out ok in your life. there’s no way that your crush, like many crushes, isn’t in large part an illusion or idealization. the more you are stuck in this fantasy, the more good things and opportunities in your real life you might miss. at least, i am speaking from my personal experience and trying to save someone the lost days, months, and years.

[Asker]

Come to think of it, screw this crush. I just recalled this other incident in HS... I was in 9th grade and him in 10th grade. After that big argument we had and him trying to fix ok, another time he said ''(my name) you're ugly'' out of the blues, then immediately said ''just kidding'', then said ''you're kind of ugly'' and then again said ''just kidding'' and finally says ''just a little bit ugly'' and again said ''just kidding''. I got confused immediately and this time, I stayed silent, didn't argue back.
Years later, I'm still left wondering if what he said was ugly all these years since he never even once gave me a real compliment on my looks?

[Asker]

Even present-day now, just 2 weeks ago... I said nice picture and he replied about how great the food from my country is.

[bededazzle]

i reply to you with what can help you in the present, and still you keep talking only about the past. tbh, it’s obsessive, delusional behavior. it doesn’t matter rusty he said to you as a teenager. also, if you want to get over your obsession, you definitely shouldn’t be facebook friends

[Asker]

yeah you're right, screw him. Instead I'll focus on obsessing on the present guy who actually came to visit me in my country just last month and we chat every day on the messenger. Perhaps it's time for me to think of a future with him, with someone whom actually speaks to me, who is in the present.

[boggboss]

Clearly adults can have crushes lol

[Asker]

I guess I'll never get him out of my head if it's been that long and I'm still pining for him. I actually regret that things didn't work out and that I was immature at the time too. If there was a time machine to fix things, I would immediately hop in and go back in time.

[boggboss]

Fair enough

[TiaNour]

of course