How can I deal with the feeling of wanting to cry because I feel like I never got to live my youth?

Question

I’m going to summarize my life very clearly. Please help.

I’m 33 years old. I had a very difficult childhood. Violence, abuse, trauma, pressure.

Shyness, anxiety, and depression affected my life very negatively.

From the age of 18 to 28, I could barely leave the house. I earned a little money through online jobs, but my work eventually went bad.

But until this age, I’ve never even had a proper girlfriend, and I never really had a circle of friends either.

After the age of 28, very serious problems started in our lives. I began working here and there in real life. But due to economic conditions and health problems, I still couldn’t really live my life.

I fought many battles. I improved myself. I developed different skills. But today, at 33 years old, I feel like someone who just got out of prison and is starting life from zero.

I declared 2026 the year of change. I’m trying to work consistently at a job. I will confront my health problems and chronic pain. I started exercising and eating healthy.

But I still don’t have anything. When I watch other people’s lives, my eyes fill with tears. The feeling of not having lived until the age of 33 is very difficult. I keep waiting for the moment when my life will finally get on track. I know I need to be very, very patient, but all of these circumstances are really challenging for me.

nolabels · Accepted Answer

Hello to you,

I'll say what helps me.
It's all I can offer you.

We can't see inside of others, so I think that it can be natural for us to focus on our own problems.
Realizing that everyone has their own load of crap, whether it's visible or not, goes a very long way in helping me not feeling so bad about my own circumstances.

My life hasn't been pretty, and I mean really not pretty, in the ways that you've mentioned and then some, and I've spent my share of time feeling as you seem to feel.
I've also had my share of blessings come my way, also, when I stop long enough to make myself realize it.
That's not always an easy thing to do, to be aware of blessings.

I've been learning over the years, very slowly, it sometimes seems, to accept things.
That's not an easy thing to do, too, and I'm still not always the best at accepting life as it is, but I keep trying.
Acceptance doesn't mean just rolling over and letting life happen to me, though.
To me, it's more like telling myself "Okay, that happened, now what, if anything, can be done about it?".
If there is something that can be done, do it.
I repeat, DO IT.
Otherwise, accept it and move on.

Wishing for one's past to have been different will only keep one in the darkness of depression.
I've been there.
I don't want to go back to that way of thinking.

I'm sorry for you, but as the saying goes, me being sorry and a couple of bucks will still only get you a cup of coffee.

I can offer this advice about shyness.
It worked wonderfully for me.
I hope that it can for you, too, if you decide to give it a try.
I was cripplingly shy as a kid and as a young man.
It was horrible, as I'm sure you know.
One day as a young man, in tears, I asked myself what I can do about my shyness.
I started to push myself out of my comfort zone, just a little bit at a time.
When I began to feel comfortable again at a certain level of putting myself "out there", I pushed myself a bit further.
It was scary at first, really scary.
After about a year of exerting myself, a bit at a time, I realized that I was no longer shy.
Yay!
I had success.
Real success!
When I tell that to people who I meet nowadays in real life, they can't imagine that I was ever shy in any way.
I was shy, though, terribly so.
I'm no longer shy in any way at all and haven't been for many years now.
That's a huge success story for me.
I'd bet that you can do it, too.

Life continues to dish out crap, though, for all of us, some of us more than others.
It's in how we choose to deal with it that can get us past feeling so horrible about it.

Learning how to deal with what comes at a person doesn't mean that one reaches a point where life becomes wine and roses.
Life keeps happening to all of us, the good and the not so good.

Life has recently dealt me massive loads of difficulties, under which I'm greatly struggling.
I still get down sometimes, feeling sorry for myself, but I no longer stay stuck there for too long.
I remember the lessons that I've learned, and I get to feeling somewhat better.

I wonder if you have some degree of faith, in anything.

I'm 67 years old.
For most of that time, I wanted, but was unable, to have faith in God.
In recent years, though, thank and praise God, I've had epiphanies in which I was able to recognize God's presence and love in the world.
I pray that you have, or can receive, the gift of faith.

I see that you've posted this question anonymously.
If you'd like what I've said here, I'd be willing to talk with you privately.
Follow me and message me if you want to.

If I haven't been of any help to you, I'm sorry about that.

I wish you the best.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

33 is a good number to start anything with. try to remember  Today is all you have and then you die.  So be happy today its your only day  Yesterday is gone its over its to late. Let it all go acknowledge it and accept it. None of it was your choice. It was not your fault. Let it go. It's over with
Learn from it and that's it , say goodbye Tomorrow is not here yet. You're too early. You're not even born yet All you really have is today. Make it the best day ever , because you never know what's going to happen  The only thing that you have in this world to deal with is your health start from the beginning to homework every food can either hurt you or help you You have to remember that our foods are not grown in soil.
That have minerals in them anymore So start growing your own food , feed the soil  Or make sure that you wash all your fruits and vegetables , the
Farmers that grow the food you have so much pesticides. It is soaked into the dirt and when water gets into that dirt and the plant needs that water to grow, it is sucking up. Pesticides we are killing ourselves with the foods that we eat  Realize that the cheeses on pizzas, the tomato sauce, it's all chemically engineered ketchup, engineered, Campbell, soup, engineered everything that we are putting into our bodies nowadays are chemically engineered, they're not even real foods anymore. Take everything that you like and find out what it is made of you will be so surprised what you're putting into your body And then do research on herbs.
Every single one of them will help your body heal and become better oregano oregano oil , bay leaf, ginger garlic lemon turmeric read onion cumin tyme salt, even there's good salt. There's bad salts. pepper with turmeric. But all the above will help your body succeed, play around with stuff. Gain knowledge with these herbs to find out exactly what they do. They will help you. It's better than any pharmaceutical  Think about this if you're on any type of medication, has it ever cured anybody? If you're getting it from big pharma, has it cured somebody. No, it might help a week or 2, but then other things start happening, and all you're doing is feeding yourself poison. It is made that way because it is a trillion dollar business. If they were to cure somebody Did nobody would buy their products anymore It is greed. So if you want to help yourself , you have to help yourself get out of your own head about your past , it's over with it is completely over with But
It will stay in your mind in your body. Every single day until you let it go , you're the only one that can do so choice start living life  Just because you're 33 doesn't mean that you have to act like you're 33 doesn't mean that you can't have a childhood I'm way older than that, and II have a childhood because I'd like to have fun, I like to do things and experience things and explore things don't let your age. Don't let your brain talk you into anything. Is going to be negative for you? Let it all go be positive. Be healthy, be wealthy, be wise. Start your day today and one step in front of the other just do it

MontBlanc · Accepted Answer

I think it’s natural to feel that way sometimes , to mourn the moments you feel you missed.

The important thing is to acknowledge the feeling without letting it control you.

You can honor that sense of loss by finding ways to create new experiences now, even small ones, that give you joy and freedom.

Life doesn’t give us perfect timing, but it does give us choices in the present and choosing to embrace them can help heal that longing.

Abbycado · Accepted Answer

Just keep improving upon yourself, like you say you are doing.

LC75LC71 · Answer

I can't connect with your later path.. I was treated like absolute shit in school, up until 8th grade 1993 where I said fuck it. I started fighting back against bullies that would fuck with me, and I got my ass kicked multiple times. Teachers looked the other way.. Other kids did not and I gained something that I keep to this day. Respect. Anyway no matter what you had those adult years to deal with your shit. In comparison you were coddled. I cannot provide any advice to someone that's going to follow the same "next year" perspective.

exitseven · Answer

I can't imagine what you went through. Because of mostly economic reasons it took me almost 20 years to get through college. I had to work a crappy low paying sales job in the meantime. I had to watch many people I grew up with have good careers, fancy vacations and nice cars. I feel like I am 20 years behind.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

You cry, and then you explore those feelings as you cry. I highly recommend journaling to do so as it causes your right brain and left brain to work at the same time, which may provide deeper insight than it would have without it

Nikki1989 · Answer

You can’t change the past, but you can change how it lives inside you. Get to work.

Staximus · Answer

You can't change your past but you can change your future

In_Trance · Answer

So what kind of help did you come here looking for

How can I deal with the feeling of wanting to cry because I feel like I never got to live my youth?

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