If many men have protective instincts, why do some hurt women?

[Anonymous]

This is what I've been reading on some forums. They were bragging on how they would knock down a woman. These aggressive types seem to be on the rise nowadays.

And where is the so called ''Protective Instinct'?

Wouldn't this contradict itself? To me a man having a protective instinct would mean he cares about me and my healthy. Hurting me physically means and seeing me hurt as a result of what he did, would mean he doesn't care if I'm well and I'm hurt. I always felt safe with my then boyfriend. He would have never hurt me even if I were to hypothetically speaking (something I'll never do either) get in his face and scream at the top of my lungs. Certain men would probably have reacted (possibly throw a punch or something more) to that and thus that elimates their so called protective part.

Protective instint to me means that: caring I feel safe around him, not wanting to see me hurt and having self-control.

Updates

+1 y

For me being unfaithful and displaying aggressive towards me are my two main deal-breakers. If my then boyfriend had done either one of those two NO's, I wouldn't even accept him as a friend.

[MrOracle]

It's always been present with a small population of men, but as ghetto culture has been promoted via rap music and movies and TV shows, those twisted concepts of pseudo-toughness, misogyny, and the huge focus on "respect", even when behaving in a manner not deserving of respect, has made it's way into the mainstream culture. Most recognize it for what it is and resist emulating it, but a sizable minority embrace it, trying to be cool and tough, and act like assholes.

You also have always had the people who have anger management issues and other mental health issues who go on blind rages or have trouble empathizing with other people. Though smaller in number, they add to the situation in a negative way, and all too often, people don't stand up to them (or run away from them) until it's too late.

Even worse, there has been a big push over the last 30 years to prohibit "vigilantism" (normal people getting involved in stopping crime) because the police want to be seen as the only people who should be doing that, and the only ones CAPABLE of doing it, because to admit otherwise would put their budgets and power at risk. These laws, and the anxiousness of DAs to prosecute good samaritans for helping out, has unfortunately led to many people re-thinking their instincts to get involved. Why put your body, and even your life, at significant risk to help a stranger, only to be prosecuted, fined, given prison time, and often destroying your career over it? The system doesn't want chivalry, it wants a police state.

[NitroBlade]

Is it really on a rise, or are you just hearing about it more and more because of the internet? For a long time it was more commonplace, but people simply didn't talk about it because it wasn't socially correct. However, like racism, the internet gives people a mask, and they feel they can talk about it more. So you have forums like the one you visited where these men boast about it.

It really is a terrible thing, and discussing it like this will hopefully help quell it more and more. We need to teach newer generations morality and the proper way of thinking. Unfortunately a lot of men get these ideas (beating women, racism, homophobia, etc.) from the older generations. It's difficult to fight the nurture aspect of growth, especially with individuals who've had bad education.

So unfortunately those men who beat on women are really just misinformed and mentally deranged dinosaurs. It's really about dominance. They'll beat a woman to 'put her in her place'. The protective instinct is there, but only when it comes to losing her (either through physical threat or emotionally). It's really a caveman way of thinking.

Modern men who don't beat women, who respect them, and have a more 'modern' 'protective instinct' see things the way you do. Beating a woman would bring harm, and therefore we don't do it. Anytime my Girlfriend gets hurt I almost feel the pain myself, and I try to help her and take care of her.

[UberTroll]

I agree. I think it's actually becoming less common but also less hush hush.

[UberTroll]

Some guys have insecurities that are far stronger than the instinct to protect their woman. Those insecurities cause them to try to "knock down" other people to make themselves feel better.

[Asker]

They sadly give the good ones a bad reputation. Punching a woman has got to be so low and tells me that they can't solve the problem in another way than using their overwhelming force. Do they enjoy making her cry or upset and when they see her fear look in her face? If I had a zapping remote control, I would really zap those scums into non-existence.

[nojokecarmichael]

Men talking about hurting women is not uncommon in certain areas trust me. Sometimes it stems from what they've seen at home, the environment they've grew up in, etc.

[Telanstus]

I can't speak for other people but I grew up with an older sister who took joy in bullying me (or 'toughing me up' as she called it), and beating up anyone who bullied me, so naturally I started fighting back against her. Over the years of her beating me up I have been the victor at most a dozen times, the score count for wins that I remember is me breaking her nose twice (once with a hockey stick), choking her against a fridge for her taking my pizza and punching me, putting her in a guillotine choke hold, hitting her with a brick, kicking her in the right leg which surgery was just done on in because it was broken in like a dozen places(I didn't break it nor do any damage to it); her breaking one of my fingers, literally throwing me though a window, throwing me into a thorn bush, beating me up with my own boxing gloves while I cried, stealing my food, elbowing me in the face because I was winning at basketball, kicking me in the balls while playing flag football, etc... But regardless of all of that I would never hit a woman unless she was attacking me, and even then I would simply restrain her from being able to do me harm (yay judo). All that being said I was raised in an abusive house hold until I was 7, my moms boyfriend at the time was quite abusive to say the last. He openly hit her in front of me and my sister and that is the reason I would never hit a woman, I have seen what it does to people and I refuse to put anyone though that. Now a note about my sister and i, we get along just fine and she is in my living room right now feeding her kid who I will use to take revenge. I will feed her candy and energy drinks!

[yopyopyop]

It takes two to tango. I know I've never (and will never) hit a woman I'm dating, but honestly, it's not like the idea has never crossed my mind.

Women play on the fact guys won't hit them, to say extremely abusive, hurting and undermining things, sometimes. That's not really better than guys hitting them, it's just different.

If you want to be protected, then don't talk like you're going to eat us. Not that complicated.

[Asker]

I just feel that men who get aggressive right away as first resort and it's not even true self-defense are the types that should be avoided. My ex boyfriend is the type that would only do once if it really was an extreme life-death situation (but that would have to be a real evil woman wanting to see him dead, which he has never encountered in his life) but not in pure retaliation just because she has a stupid tantrum and started it. Part of the reason I'm still friends with him.

[Asker]

Otherwise what he did once explained about doing if a woman really got out of control and try to fight him is apply the bear hug things and wait till she's calmed.

[yopyopyop]

I totally agree with you. People who use violence as their main way to express themselves (be them women or me, be it psychological or physical) are to be avoided.

[yopyopyop]

men*

[InquisitiveMale]

Dominance and protective traits often go hand in hand. They're alpha traits. They will act protective but if you step out of line with them, their dominant side steps in and they put you back in your place. You can't protect someone you can't control.

But I don't agree with physical intimidation. That's not how you control people. It creates a anxious and fearful person more prone to lashing out. You gain control by cultivating trust and respect. Calm and assertive traits are how you control people.

[UberTroll]

That's a good explanation too, I didn't even think of that.

[kheserthorpe]

There are a lot of impulses at play, but I will suggest that men have some impulses to protect their family unit and some impulses to fight competing groups.

Being protective doesn't mean you sit there being abused. It more means you'd intervene if they were threatened.

I'd suggest that there is still cultural conditioning encouraging men to transfer their 'protective' impulses to the broader community of 'women and children' or their fellow citizens, but that this social conditioning is not as strong as it once was, for a whole bunch of reasons.

[kambo_trick3y]

Simple.

There aren't that many men around these days, just boys.

[Asker]

Yeah it's a real sad and pathetic generation. What's even worst is the women that picked them, know they are like that and still claimed to love them. Sick

[Anonymous]

Protective instincts are not universal, nor do they apply to all women.

A woman crying and looking helpless might illicit sympathy. A stuck up woman, slapping the face off some poor guy because she thinks she can get away with physical violence without consequences... she might just get punched.

[Anonymous]

There are always going to be exceptions. Just like the mothers that hurt their own children. Women have protective instincts and yet some women beat, murder, or even sell their own children into sex slavery. You will never read the headlines, "Plane lands safely", because the media only tells us about the bad. That is why it always seems like bad things are on the rise, even when statistically things are getting better.

[genericname85]

because i guess just like women have rape phantasies where they are being raped, men have the same but reversed xD it seems to be somehow rooted in our nature.

[YoungAthleticOne]

There is not such thing as a "protective instinct", This is just all social conditioning.

[Asker]

I always thought part of that territorial, protective thing is still there without it being taught. I don't know what can be said about that Aurora 2012 shooting. Out of the 12 people that got killed, 4 of them happened to be men who came with their girlfriend. They got shot trying to cover the girl.

link

[YoungAthleticOne]

well 4/12 people in an isolated incident doesn't prove anything. The guys were just protecting a loved-one, same thing they do in war when a guy falls on a grenade to protect his crew. Nothing special or thought-provoking. There isn't a protective instinct, 'instincts' themselves don't even exist. I'm sure if you'd understand this since it would take reading a lot about science and psychology. Bravery/protection is an attribute found in people, regardless of gender.

[YoungAthleticOne]

Correction: "I'm not sure if you'd understand this.

[esotericstory]

Why would we protect women if we aren't getting anything out of it? Makes no sense from a biological point of view.

[Asker]

Wow it's been a long while now. I don't care anymore at this point. I'm into self-defense classes by now. I'll soon be joining in a firearms academy as well too and buy pepper stray.

[Freebird023]

Girl I took self defense for 5 years, I used to spar guys 6’4 and a few pros... taking self defense won’t help you too much with men. This is why all women need a glock.

[Vandal]

Well, we don't have to act on instinct, basically. We can overcome our desire to protect and provide for women.

[Asker]

Yeah that pretty much explain those with the ''I'll treat her exactly like a man'' mentality. Sick generation.

[Vandal]

Awesome generation, IMO. Fuck gynocentrism.

[Asker]

Then they won't get ladies in return. No point in even cooking them special meals nor giving them a kid or the other things they missed out on. Sure they can't treat women exactly like men but they won't get any quality woman; just damaged girl who will tolerate getting mishandled, those with low self-esteem or even tomboys.

[Vandal]

If they want any of that stuff to begin with

[Asker]

I've seem posts elsewhere where there have been some men have been complaining about how there aren't anymore good, quality women but only women that want to be men. Well that's what they get for treating a woman exactly like a man, even punching her like a man = those quality women disappearing and travelling elsewhere.

[Vandal]

*plays The Times They Are a-Changin' by Bob Dylan*

[Anonymous]

Because those few don't have protective instincts.

[Asker]

Nope, they don't. I wish there would disappear. They are a waste of oxygen.