Stressed about Valentine's Day? Unsure of how to make the day perfect for your new evil cohort?
Never fear, for your friendly neighbourhood super villain has got you covered.
1. Instead of Planning, Procrastinate!
Why plan a romantic night with your evil cohort when you can participate in a cunning plot instead? Much more fun, darling, and far more lucrative. Planning takes time, money, and most of all, effort. Your evil cohort should be happy with doing whatever you end up doing if your allegiance is strong and true, anyway.
2. Picking a Gift
Now that it's clear Valentine's Day is truly coming this year, you may panic about finding your evil cohort that extra-special gift. While you were finding plots to take on during your procrastination phase, you surely came across a jewelry heist. What villain can resist the allure of a sparkling gem? Make sure that you're able to conceal said jewelry theft easily - this is no smash-and-grab affair where you end up arrested moments after you make off with your gift. You want your evil cohort to be able to appreciate this gift. Sensitivity and finesse is needed for this step.
3. Picking a Restaurant
It is well-known that the greatest joy of a supervillain is being able to use your public alias to enter high-class establishments unmolested. If you have procrastinated sufficiently, you will not be able to book a reservation for yourself and your evil cohort... At least if you want to eat before 10 pm. No matter. Pick the restaurant every critic has been raving about and wait out front for a pair of unsuspecting sweethearts to wander in front of your path. Get rid of them, and steal their identities for the night. Their reservation is sure to be top-knotch.
4. Forget About it and Order In
With your hectic schedule balanced against your evil cohort's hectic schedule, all of this may seem like a chore. It might even ruin the romance of the evening. If that's how you feel about it (as I do), you can take the easy way out: order take out and drink wine in your own lair. Of course, to protect the secrecy of your private lair, you may have to set up an elaborate plan to kill the delivery boy, but you ought to be used to that by now. Cuddle up next to your evil cohort in front of a roaring fire with a glass of wine, and just enjoy each other's company for once. No need for plots or elaborate schemes. Just two people who enjoy to be together.
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