Sure Ways to Lose Your Chance with HIM Forever

[RJGraveyTrain]

I keep my promises God damn it!

Also yes, I am not dead. Oh, but before I start, as I always say: when I refer to "women", I, and the rest of the world knows and understands that not all of these things truly apply to all women. So, don't make it a personal attack. Not all chicks do this.

To the matter at hand: if you all recall I wrote a take titled Sure Ways to Lose Your Chance with Her FOREVER, and in that take I promised to make a version that focused on ways that women (or simply those whom are interested in men) can lose their chance with a guy forever. It took me a while as I had work and I don’t like to write without doing at least a bit of research, but I’ve finally compiled the most reportedly common ways to lose your chance with HIM forever. I’m going to be writing it in a bit more of an objective style rather than the more poetic, direct way I wrote the other take because I naturally don’t have the same connection to these experiences. I still understand them and will present them more cut and dry if you will. Nonetheless I still hope you enjoy the take.

You lead him on

This was the #1 complaint from every guy I talked to about the subject. Guys know the drill all too well: they fall for a girl, she seems to reciprocate the sentiment but quickly begins going hot and cold. The next thing he knows, she’s dating somebody else and wants to “Just be friends” or have the “I never meant to lead you on” talk. He’s left feeling lied to, cheated, abandoned and hurt, while the woman he cares about seems perfectly fine for having opted up for the “better option.”

Why do we women do this? Well, there are a lot of reasons: we appreciate the attention, we’re confused about our feelings or sometimes our feelings change … it doesn’t matter the reason, it still isn’t okay. If you like a guy and you reciprocate interest and flirtations with him, then you owe it to him to be honest about how you feel and be cautious about how HE feels. Don’t bank on the idea that this guy will just be satisfied with flirting forever and assume that because he’s a guy he isn’t going to catch feelings; men are human, not singular sex-driven robots.

If you string a guy along for the sake of the attention or what have you, he isn’t going to be there if the relationship you opted up for fails. He’ll find somebody who values his feelings far more than that.

You make YOUR orgasm HIS responsibility

Yes, your man should be able to make you cum … IF YOU GIVE HIM THE PROPER DIRECTION. This was the second most complained about issue when I spoke to men on the subject; there is a lot of unfair pressure on men to perform when it comes to sex, and it primarily comes from the general consensus that if a man can’t make his girl cum, it’s because he has no skills OR he’s just a selfish prick. No man wants to be the worst sexual experience of your life, but if you just lay there and expect him to magically know what buttons to push you’re going to end up cheating both of you out of a great sexual experience.

You are equally responsible for your own orgasm. Have you ever heard the saying: “Closed mouths don’t get fed”? What it essentially means is that if you refuse to voice what it is that you want and need, you’re not likely to get it. If you need him to lick this, pinch that, rub here, bite there – TELL HIM. If you keep putting the pressure on him to make your sex life amazing, only to come and resent him because he can’t perform due to not having telepathic abilities, then you could lose him … FOREVER.

So the next time you want to be “fed”, open your damn mouth.

You never allow him to be submissive/sit back

I’m not talking necessarily about anything sexual or the like (though, he might like that too), nor am I suggesting that every man wants to be a submissive little cupcake. But let’s be serious: every person on this planet has likely had a moment where they wanted “Jesus to take the wheel.”

Women still have it in their minds that decision making is predominantly and attractive male trait, and to be forward and make the decisions equates to you being a very particular type of female – one who is naturally more dominant. It isn’t so black and white however: you can still take the reins without having to be "Miss Christiana Gray." All it takes is actually picking the restaurant or actually taking control of a stressful situation so your guy can relax; maybe be the one to initiate sex for once or fight through the bar crowd to get him a drink. Fuck, ask him out and be the first to show interest in him; PURSUE HIM. You don’t have to adhere to every gender role out there to be attractive as a woman, you know.

If you go through your entire courtship/relationship expecting him to always be in control, you run the risk of pushing him away by overloading him with responsibility, leaving him feeling a bit cheated and starved for the same forward attention and gestures you want/expect.

You never surprise him with thoughtful, romantic gestures

Forget just making his favorite meal or letting him watch the football game even though Gossip Girl is on, I’m challenging you to do the romantic things you wish/expect HIM to do.

Have you ever bought a guy flowers or chocolates? Made a reservation for a nice restaurant and paid for the entire bill? Do you write him poetry? Offer to massage HIS feet after a hard day at work? Now, maybe you may have to adjust some of these for your man, but men can value thoughtful romantic gestures just as much as any woman, especially because chances are no other woman has ever done such a thing for them. The expectation has always been on his shoulders.

If you just expect to be showered with romance and gifts, you could lose a really good guy who is starved for the affection and thoughtfulness that you so eagerly expect of him.

Alright ladies and gentlemen, this is what I was able to come up with and I hope I was at least partially right in what I wrote because while I am confident, I am not a man. So guys, feel free to leave anything you feel I missed in the comments below and ladies, of course I want to hear what you think about the subject and would love suggestions from you as well. I hope you all had a great Monday and I look forward to posting more takes for you soon.

[Chief16]

Come on RJ. You can do better than that.
1) You don't owe yourself to be independent and depend on him too much.
2) You never give him his space when he's having a hard time. There are times when a guy just wants to be alone. Many women don't just get it.
3) Being dishonest about being interested in what he likes.
4) Taking him for granted. Believing that he'll respond to your beck and call all the time.
5) Friendzoning him even when you're interested in him because you want to play hard to get.
6) Telling friends details about the intimate things we confide in you all.
7) Acting like we're the only ones interested in sex. And behaving like sex is some goddamn favor.
8) Having trust issues when don't want to have sex. Automatically assume that we're cheating. Nothing hurts more than distrust when you're innocent.
9) Being extremely insecure and taking out on the guy. Making them a emotional punching bag.(both men and women do this.)
10) Lying. Sometimes lying is worse than cheating.
(Again. Applies to both sexes)

[WhatAreYouReading]

I agree with #10 big time. That's a good one.

[Chief16]

@WhatAreYouReading Ikr?

[WhatAreYouReading]

what's lkr?

[Chief16]

@WhatAreYouReading I know right?

[WhatAreYouReading]

Haha. wow that should have been obvious -lol. Sorry, but thanks for the clarification.

[Chief16]

@WhatAreYouReading no problem. I try to be as grammatically correct as I can but this is the internet, some of it rubs off on you.

[xHoneyxBeex]

I like this myTake, I agree with everything here but especially the part about orgasms. From what I've noticed, it seems like a lot of women (not all of course) expect the guy to read their minds during sex. A woman should know her own body well enough to know what it takes for her to orgasm. It's not the guy's responsibility (though he should be doing his part too).

I see this a lot on GAG as well, women complaining about their guy not getting them to orgasm and this is always my response. The woman should know what she likes and what gets her there. She needs to communicate that to the guy rather than just expecting him to magically know what feels best for her.

I just wanted to elaborate on that part but like I said, I agree with all the points you made here. :)

[RJGraveyTrain]

I'm glad you're so open minded and can see what I'm saying because I 100% am on the same page as you.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Yeah, exactly. I understood everything you were saying :)

[ObscuredBeyond]

To go along with Chief16's post:

11) When she sends 3rd parties to do the friendzoning speech for her. Not only is it insulting to the guy, but 3rd parties often go too far, and can leave the guy feeling threatened. Ladies: when you've convinced him that someone will come after him if he so much as acknowledges you, he will resent this. Good way to make a life-long enemy.

12) Twisting his words or putting words in his mouth. Especially if you do it to try to make him conform to some politically-correct stereotype, or to depict him as someone "bigoted" in some way or another. This is one reason "Social" "Justice" Warriors have become so despised: they turn everyone into a Straw Man, and refuse to learn what is a present and real issue and tackle it. Only what their screwl pre-programmed to them as a "safe" category is acceptable. That's not justice, that's just following a program. Stems from childhood insecurity that your grade wasn't really earned.

Dragging a man into this will antagonize him. Especially if you involve 3rd parties that talk over him. Amazingly, many female SJWs fail to see that this is the very bullying they claim to preach against.

13) Insensitive rejection speeches. If he says having you around filled a void in his life, the correct answer is: "And if not someone, than some cause will come along, and you will be made whole again." If you say in an annoyed tone: "Fill it yourself," that translates as "You're not worthy of being loved." Don't be surprised if something other than himself really was needed to make him feel whole. But once he has it, also don't expect him to feel anything for you but resentment. He might still feel bad when tragedy hits you, but won't be happy for your successes. In his eyes, all you are is garbage from that day on. If he gets work as a freelancer filling in holes and you get a huge one in your yard, fill it yourself. Poetic justice.

14) Gratuitous abuse of the law. It's one thing if he's genuinely done legitimately weird things to harm you or your family. But if you frame him and he's innocent, just to get rid of him, you are lowlife scum. He's already reeling from you breaking his heart. Convincing the badge to treat him like a criminal - without even enough evidence to charge - will do permanent damage. Forgiveness will be extremely difficult, even decades later.

15) Sabotage him at work. Breaking his heart, and destroying his income, for fun. Just pure evil.

[NJ_Casanova]

I agree, good points... I also think, women don't communicate in general as good as they think. I keep reading post hear about, "I dropped hint, gave signals and he's not responding, why is he acting like this, does he like me?"

You have to be direct and to the point.. if you want your mad to know something. If it can be interpreted in another way/mean something else.. He'll mostly likely take it that way.

Being a nagging/controlling insecure woman and you'll be single in no time. If your yelling at your man before he gets through the door from work.. you relationship is doomed. Also if he tries to tell you something and you always attack him/jump down his throat he WILL not be as open next time. This is why guys keep secrets/ lie... it's the lesser of too evils if he thinks you'll act like that. A good example is... I'm going out with the guys. He's not going to tell you they went to a club, because they know they will get grilled about who was there/ did you dance with anyone, etc.

[RJGraveyTrain]

You made some solid points here.

[lonerider]

I was really waiting for the man version of how to lose a chance with him forever and trust me.. you disappointed me. The way you fervently defend women in any way possible, any where possible gave me a clue that you dont quite understand men. This myTake proved it.

Take a look at @Chief16 's opinion. They have faaaar more important points than the ones you mentioned, especially 1,2,4,5,6 and 7.

1) Makes us feel like we are babysitting here. relation becomes a drag

2) Trust me.. nothing is more irritating than you're chain of thought being broken by 'what are you thinking?' A=On top of that, when we do answer.. they start their own stories which we absolutely dont want to listen AT THAT POINT OF TIME. When you say this, she'll start calling you as 'insensitive asshole'.

4) He's the guy... he HAS to call. He HAS to understand that I am ignoring him.

5) Playing hard to get, no need to explain further.. I hope. We just drop them like a red hot metal ball in our hand

6) It feels so creepy knowing that all her friends know how long your d*** is and all sorts of initimate things that we shared with her because they were ' ME AND HER -INITIMATE' not 'ME and HER ENTIRE ARMADA OF GOSSIP GIRLS- INTIMATE'

7) Self explanatory.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I never defended women though, not any more than when I defended men in the last take. Yes, I did state that not all women are like this or aware but that doesn't mean I defended their actions as a whole. I'm proud of what I wrote and have received otherwise positive feedback, so I'm sorry you didn't like it but I still stand by it.

[10dsw]

Damn I can really speak to the first point. One of my co-workers called her boyfriend just a friend just so she could flirt with me. And she did it non-stop... coming to my station, standing a little too close to me at times... blabbering on and on and on about how she wants to be beaten. Then of course when I find out she has a boyfriend I start paying her little attention/regards and she gets mad at me! Of course she doesn't care about the fact that she is leading me on. And all of this in the professional world too (we work at a university). And then people in general ask why some guys become such jerks =/

[RJGraveyTrain]

What a hooker.

[10dsw]

It's unfair to her boyfriend of all people unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Kind of surprised that this wasn't a load of toss, as so many women don't have a clue... But I'd say too much emphasis placed on her taking the lead. That might be due to an over-abundance of input from losers who can't or won't take the lead male role.

And when it comes to surprising your man, I'd say surprise him with what HE wants, not with what would make you happy. I don't know too many guys who would give a shit about flowers or chocolates, though that's a nice gesture and means well. How about steak and blowjob day? Write poetry? No, how about she selects some porn to watch together.

Or my go-to favourite, surprise him with a well-made unasked for sandwich. (No, that's not a euphemism for a three way with your hot friend.)

[RJGraveyTrain]

*Gentle applause*

[JuicyBrain]

As a guy, flowers are the worst gift ever. They are useless and while I would be truly grateful for the thought, I could not wait for the moment when I can finally put them in the trash.

[Opinion Owner]

@JuicyBrain Exactly. Girls might not want to hear it or believe it but it's true.

[thatoneblondeguy]

absolutely the best response I've ever read on this website, I give you props. I would mind a cold one and a nice steak once in a while. Im sure she wouldn't mind some "steak" once in a while (if you know what I mean)

[Crazyced]

In my opinion some of the grip about girl not deciding more it that they use the fact that they differed the choice to bitch about the outcome. They seem to feel that as long as they didn't choose, they get to complain with inpunity if it didn't turn out they way they liked.

This avoidence of responsability and accountability can become quit a heavy burden.

[gray_sailor]

This made me think of "man flowers":
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...a896a282b7.jpg

[RJGraveyTrain]

Ummm fuck man flowers, give ME that!!!

[cmale123]

Here couple I ideal to lose guy from me.

Testing the guy. We are not stupid to figure out what you trying to do. What ever you try to do already experienced from another girl or eventually will. Example flaking. First girl did it, second girl will be no surprised. Plus we can learn from friend about these test.

Don't be shy. I want to know to where you lived, where you work. If you don't tell me, I am done with you. Relationship is all about trust and get know each other. If I can't simple thing from you, then I wasting my time.

Don't make thing complicated. We hate second guess our self.

You do not entiltle to everything like a princess. You equal to him.

[thewanderingme]

um, ouch! some of us start off shy, you should be a little patient. you're probably passing up on someone you could have had a great relationship with

[JayTheKid]

@thewanderingme ha, last girl that was shy is now throwing herself at me because I'm with someone else because she was too shy and made no effort to talk to me

[thewanderingme]

@JayTheKid mhmm ;)

[Anonymous]

Ha-ha nice take!!! So here are some missing points

1.) Flirting with others

2.) cheating or cheating on past partners (having a past of cheating)(even one of enough for me).

3.) being of phone all the time

4.) Being a cold bitch / being a heartless bitch

5.) selfishness

6.) Playing mind games

7.) Always working / not talking time for me

8.) Can't take responsibilities

9.) Can't cook worth a damn (yea I can cook)

10.) being a party girl or clubbing all the time

11.) smoking/drugs

12.) Has slept around in the past too much..(for me at least this is something I would dump someone for)

13.) Being too restrictive or taking no part in sex..

14.) Being materialistic/ Demanding expensive gifts because her father spoiled her...

And so on...

[AleDeEurope]

Great take. I agree with everything, especially the romantic gestures. It doesn't have to be anything big, just something that shows that you care for me. Sure, words are nice, but if actions don't go with those words, it feels empty and seems like a lie.
Every guy loves to be pampered once in a while.

[Prof_Don]

The one about not doing romantic gestures is a BIG one that many girls constantly FAIL at!

Guys want to know they are loved and appreciated, too.

[Missy1994]

What's a good gesture to do? I admit I'm failing this I think

[Ellaphoebe14]

I only would put in the effort when I know he is very interested in me, though. I tried with these gestures and I ended up getting used like a doormat... So I am really cautious, now... :\ Would that be fair or is it still a fail?

[Viperkiss]

Fantastic take! Every point is spot on. This should be standard reading for every woman. Most women are guilty of at least some of these things, to varying degrees. And pretty much all guys have dealt with these things from women.

[Spirit_Is_Free]

Great take (1) and (2) are so true (3) I think sometimes depends on her nature, I will respond to certain types rather than go for a girl who displays a new attitude that she has learnt, I will always think she reverts back to what she is originally like. (4) is a personal thing as well let me go watch the match with my pals, have a few beers, don't make it an issue that is what most guys appreciate, no fuss,

[mikemx55]

The first two were very well written! Spot on. But when you started on the orgasm thing I thought it was leading somewhere else to women knowing their own body and reactions before going with a man. And to pursue the orgasm together: not just telling him what to do, but actually participating in the act with him and stimulating their own bodies in conjugation with the partner.
I find that idea hot, but many men would disagree thinking that they're not enough and she has to intervene

[Poppykate]

Are you trying to get rid of a guy/ send him running? Here are some that are sure to send him packing!
1. Tell him you like to sleep with your cousin or brother. ( Whichever one is applicable)
2. Tell him you have an STI
3. Tell him that you want to marry him and have his babies (watch this one as it could backfire!)
4. Tell him that your extended family are moving in with you. All sixteen of them!
5. Tell him you like men... And used to be one!

[Dandeus]

Regarding point 3:

For me, it's not so much that I want to be submissive or sit back. I don't see making choices as a burden that I need to be relieved of. The issue for me is that if a girl *never* makes decisions, is always non-committal, always defers to others... I get the impression that she has no personality, desires, or convictions. A woman who just wants to coast through life being steered by others seems like an empty shell. That has no appeal to me.

[Jack_S]

Good take.

Suprised "testing" didn't make the grade.

Like when a woman thinks its ok to see how jealous her man gets.

Very fast way to make me turn tail

[FantasyGeek05]

Anyone else click because of the girl on the thumbnail

[joeb73]

i agree with you on this, if you add what chief16 said then it would be a great my take

[RaggaMon]

Not a bad take, not bad at all! :D

[Anonymous]

Women of this generation are not relationship material.

[RJGraveyTrain]

It's okay, you could always just be alone if you prefer.