Sure Ways to Lose Your Chance with Her FOREVER

I like to stick up for both genders typically, but today, I am writing this one for all of the ladies out there who have fallen for a guy who fucked up so bad that even though they cared about him, they couldn’t get past what happened and had to move on. I’ve been there recently (not too recently, but recently enough) so I decided that rather than going to therapy like a responsible adult, I would dedicate an entire take detailing some of the ways you can lose your chance with a girl forever.

Who am I kidding? I couldn’t afford therapy even if I wanted to go.

I partnered with the ladies around the office and came up with this list, so it’s important to bare in mind that not all of these opinions are my own experiences but the experiences of five other women who all contributed, so it isn’t just going to be me and my limited perspective.

Back on topic: before the guys get butthurt (because I know some will) here is an obligatory: not all men are douches or pieces of shit, not what I am suggesting and I would never suggest that, but that doesn’t change the fact that people can be shitty sometimes. Also, yes, women should do all of the things for you as well that I suggest below. It’s a lady take, chill.

Also: Yes, I will do a version of this that focuses on how women can lose a chance with HIM forever, do not worry your pretty little head.

Without further adieu, here are some sure ways to lose your chance with her … FOREVER.

You never tell her she’s beautiful

Sure Ways to Lose Your Chance with Her FOREVER

Call it vain all you want, but even the most confident of women want to be told they are beautiful by the person they are interested in/by their SO. Its confirmation that there is genuine attraction between the two of you that goes outside of just physically showing it. If all you do is try to mack on a girl and you think that’s all you have to do to make her feel beautiful, you’re dead wrong. All that says is: I can be physical with you. Which is so vague that it can be misconstrued for: I could potentially be using you/I only find you sexually attractive.

If a girl ever has to ask you if she’s pretty/cute/beautiful … you’re doing something seriously wrong. She shouldn’t have to ask you.

She should know you find her beautiful. Don’t use the excuse of: "Oh well, I don’t want her to think I’m weird/creepy." Because if you like this girl she should be worth putting yourself out there for, especially if you know she likes you back.

You don’t reciprocate

Maybe you’re not an emotional guy so you don’t send her the same kinds of gushy texts that she does, or you just aren’t the type to open up about how much she means to you. But if she goes out of her way to make sure you feel special and loved … you should too.

Tell her you love her, tell her she’s special, buy her dinner (assuming she buys dinner for you too of course), fuck – do the dishes for her when she’s had a shit day because you know she’d do it for you too.

If you have the kind of girl that goes the extra mile, running two miles ahead of her does you no favors. Turn your ass around and meet her half way … damn.

You pick another woman over her

I wish that this wasn’t something I had to explain, but apparently it is. I have had this happen to me more than once: a guy likes you, but for some reason, he decides he wants to go out with another girl. He tells you/you figure it out/he exits the relationship for her, but for whatever reason, he leaves her. Okay, fine, time to move on, right? No, no, because he then decides: “Oh, there is this other girl … I remember now, I’ll just go for/get back with her!”

Nope. Just … nope. Sooo much nope. Big bold NOPE.


If you choose another woman over the one you really wanted you signed your chances away. You basically said: “This other girl is better than you, and I’m only running to you because it didn’t work out. Lol.” Fat chance, slick, you’re boned … or rather, you won’t be. If you do this, you’ve lost your chance with any self-respecting woman, because she won’t settle for being your rebound or your second choice.

You make sex all about YOU

Want to chase a girl away indefinitely? Act like sex is all about you getting your satisfaction with little to no consideration towards how she feels. Out of all of the things listed, the women of the office all had this issue in a past relationship. If you treat sex like it’s your woman’s obligation, her “duty” to satisfy you, your sex life is not only going to dry up (amongst other things, cough-cough*), but you’re going to make her feel like she doesn’t matter to you.

So the next time you find yourself having to nag at your girl to put out, maybe try actually giving her a reason to want to have sex with you instead of pressuring her into an unsatisfying one-two-pump.

As a side note: never pressure a girl for sex and act like an asshole earlier in the relationship either. Seriously.

You behave as though you’re emotionally unavailable

Men have a lot of pressure to keep their emotions in check, I understand that. But when you get to a point where you truly care about somebody, you have to break the walls down and begin showing some real, tender and vulnerable feelings. Even if you’re not good at showing your emotions, voicing how you feel is a good way to make sure you aren’t just shutting down on a girl.

If you spend too much time powering down every feeling and neglecting your girl as a result, she’s eventually going to assume the issue is in the relationship and axe it as a result.

If you have issues, talk about them; if you’re frustrated/sad, tell her so she can help and so she doesn’t blame herself for your foul mood, whatever the case may be.

You never make a move

I advocate girls asking guys out, but even in situations where I have made my interest in a guy known, I have had them accept my affections … only to never make an actual move on ME. Yes, I made the moves first, but you still need to do at least SOME of the wooing. If you’re lucky enough to have a girl ask you out and try to romance you, don’t take it as a ticket to emotionally shut down and refuse to go in for the kiss, or put any sort of effort into the courting at all; doing this will almost guarantee that you will increase your risk of completely losing your chance with this girl, because she’ll just find someone with more guts if you fail to deliver.

For guys wanting more traditional girls who don’t do the asking, of course, never asking them out is a good way to lose your shot, because eventually, there’ll be someone who will actually go in for the kill while you’re gawking at the sidelines.

Don’t end up in a situation as shitty as that.

You never change

We all have bad qualities, every single one of us: be it an explosive temper, alcohol problems, or something more minor, we all have them. We can all also benefit from changing those bad qualities, especially if they directly affect the person we care about most. A sure way to chase a girl away is to promise to change and never deliver, especially if what you’re trying to change is causing severe detriment to your relationship.

You can only get away with cussing her out, cheating, lying, stealing, drinking/drugging up, putting no effort into your relationship before she inevitably has had enough.

If you make promises you never keep, the trust and affection will dwindle like a candle in the wind, son, so if you say you’ll change, do it.

Alright folks, that’s all I have for today. Again, this isn’t to bash men, men are cool af, this is just for the dudes who haven’t figured this out yet, so don’t lose sleep over it. As always, thanks for reading G@Gers, I hope you all got something out of this in some way and you have yourselves a great weekend.


Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • On the sex thing, I gotta add my two cents on the other side -- it's also important for the dude not to be too over-the-top with the whole "pleaser" mentality, either. Ya know?

    I mean, yr advice is totally well-intentioned, and I so totes see where yr coming from with it.
    But, what I'm saying is that dudes will read what you've written here, and completely take the ball and run all the way off the field in the other direction with it.
    Like, pausing or stopping every 10 seconds to ask, "Do you like that? Does that feel good?" Etc. Trying to be SO OVERLY sensitive, that it ruins any possible chance of getting into a groove.

    Basically, it's a balance.

    What I gather yr saying is, "Dude shouldn't finish so fast that girl doesn't have a chance to get into it."

    BUT... 3 things on the other side of that balance.

    #1, as stated above, too much "attentiveness" can become intrusive vibekill.

    #2, I am a submissive girl. At the end of the day, I get off more on my man's pleasure than on my own physical stimulation (and I even get off HARD on being **denied** physical stimulation, but that's another matter for another discussion).
    I'm VERY extreme in this sense, but, most women have at least somewhat of a submissive streak inside them -- and so, to at least some extent, WE take pleasure when our lovers are "selfish".
    Too much "pleaser" and, ironically, WE are denied that exquisite pleasure that only a submissive soul knows.

    #3, sex is a lot like ballroom dancing -- and dancing doesn't work unless BOTH partners are INTO IT, each with his or her own inherent rhythm.
    This means that each partner has to have his or her own, dare I say it, "selfish" part to play in that rhythm. Each person has to be feelin' it.

    I know that you are totally aware of this already -- like, duh. But, a lot of dudes are gna see the words you wrote there ("Don't make this all about you"), and mistakenly take that to mean "Please make this ALL about the woman, all the time".
    Yep. It happens.
    If it's not 100%, it must be 0%.
    people tend to do that.

    Overall, very well written take, as usual. You got a good head on yr shoulders, kid. <3

    • You make a good point, I'm not sexually experienced so that particular suggestion there was actually on behalf of some of the ladies of the office so I can't fully take credit for it.

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    • I hear ya, but, God cursed me with a drive so strong that it literally scuttles my ability to "focus on personal goals" if I have to go without. He also blessed me with the ability to have sex for fun, without destroying large chunks of my soul in the process.
      Soooo... I rarely entered relationships, at yr age, but I had my share of friends-with-benefits. Or just benefits, lol.

      Like I said, there's no "right" or "wrong" there, as long as yr being true to yrself. If I'd tried to corral my sex drive to strictly within relationships, TBH I'd just have ended up in really, really bad relationships. #lolbutsrslytho

    • No worries, everyone's different and I certainly don't judge.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 25

  • "never pressure a girl for sex and act like an asshole earlier in the relationship either. Seriously."

    I find myself sometimes disagreeing with people about what constitutes "pressure". Some people would have us believe that if someone says "no," then you are never ever ever ever until the end of time allowed to bring it up ever again. If you so much as express a single sigh of frustration or disappointment, you are "pressuring" the other person.

    • I believe people have a right to respectfully express their frustrations, within reason, without being told they are pressuring the other person. Can this be overdone? My friends, EVERYTHING CAN BE OVERDONE. But to suggest a person can never ever ever bring it up ever again until the other person wants to talk about it, THAT'S OVERDOING IT.

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    • I don't think voicing your needs is pressuring someone, nor is being disappointed. To me pressuring constitutes being forceful in asserting that they should be having sex with you regardless of their stance on it.

    • Would that everyone agreed with you, RJ.

  • As a Guy.. I totally support you here. If I had a guy friend who did these.. I'd scold him. If I had a girl friend who had a bf/crush like this, I'd advise her to drop him. Totally on point. I started out thinking "yet another bullshit i-have-a-pussy-i-am-entitled-to-everything post" but you surprised me.

    well, I am myself guilty of "You behave as though you’re emotionally unavailable" thing. But that's how I am. I have difficulty opening up to girls- feels weak on my part. Many guys do too.. but maybe, if I find the right girl, I might be able to drop my walls. Anyway, awesome take.. looking forward to more- especially the guy version of this lol

    • I feel you on the emotionally unavailable part, guys have a lot of pressure to push their emotions down so I don't blame you.

  • First take in a while that I actually read through. Nice job.

  • Nice Take, I agree completely :)

  • I generally like your takes. You're level headed and crave balance. And you look at multiple perspectives.

  • I like how there are a metric fuckton of guides about people who are already in relationships, but none about the more important issue: how to get in those relationships in the first place.

    • I'm very much single, FYI.

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    • Well if you really want a step by step into getting into a relationship:

      1) Don't be a shitty person
      2) Be attractive to the person you like
      3) Show you care and put effort forward.

      It isn't quite as difficult as people think

    • How would I know if I'm attractive to anyone.
      I've got 1 and 3 down, except what constitutes "effort"?

  • Hmm very good base ideals for each man to strive for. Most all easily kept up.

  • Excellent tips (gotta take some notes). Now this is what GAG is supposed to be about: guys and girls trying to understand each other better not posting dick size questions.
    Good take and compliments to the women in your office too.

  • While I always enjoy your Takes something is wrong here. In fact the only part I agree with here is that Guys Need to Make a Move, even in the face of inevitable rejection. Because if you didn't get rejected you didn't try.

    Unfortunately everything else here is the usual New Age bs that women come up with when they talk amongst themselves. The truth is women don't know what they want, which is the guy who is confident enough not to suck up to her (i. e. telling her she's beautiful, being emotionally available and so forth.)

    By the way I'm not butthurt, I'm just saying how it really is.

    • You're entitled to how you feel but I think generalizing women as 'not knowing what they want" is insulting to the those of us who are quite aware of what they want. I personally have never wavered in what I wanted from a guy and this is the general basis for the take that I wrote.

    • Thanks for taking the time to reply. You're clearly a woman who knows what she wants.

  • nice take :)

  • "You behave as though you’re emotionally unavailable"

    "You never make a move"

    I've definitely been guilty of both these things. I'm trying to work on changing it but old habits die hard. I think I'm in the clear though for the other ones.

    • No worries dude I do the emotionally unavailable stuff to, even as a girl so I am not innocent.

    • Yeah I just try to solve most things in my head. I have to make a conscious effort to let others know about my opinion on matters. I just always felt like not sharing my opinion unless I found it absolutely necessary. I found it parallels what I do in school. I never raise my hand or answer unless the teacher asks something and no one else is willing to raise their hand or knows the answer. Only then do I speak up but if I feel like someone else can answer it I'd rather not do it and let them take a stab. Maybe I'm just lazy.

    • Or just introverted, either or.

  • Good take as always RJ

    • Thank you James.

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    • Dylan Douglas Moore


    • I can call you beautiful all day but you need to hear it to let it synch in I think, and if I ever have sex I'll make sure the girl comes her O is important to me too.

  • This was a great take... :-)

  • Another great take!!

  • This is more complicated than the other take. lmao

  • I am doing all of these. But it fits my situation I guess. :P

  • the number you have dialed is not in service

    • Should I hang up and try the call again?

      Screw it, I'll leave a dirty voicemail.

  • Very nice take... fair play for both girls n guys

  • Why do you need to change?

    • You don't necessarily always need to change, this applies to people (both men and women really) who have destructive behaviors that cause detriment to the relationship. Ideally, if something is destroying a relationship that you want to keep, your prerogative is likely going to be to change what is causing the damage. Otherwise, you'd exit the relationship.

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    • If they can't handle his habit, they should leave regardless of his change. they love a fake, tailored him not hte real him and the real him will come back out ot play soon enough.

    • I agree, if you're with an alcoholic who can't get better leaving is the best option and I would suggest that to everyone.

  • Great take, but I'd like to know what you think of my situation:
    1) I'd tell her that she's beautiful.
    2) I'd reciprocate affection
    3) I'd never pick another girl over the one I like.
    4) I don't even want sex until I'm married
    5) I can't act emotionally unavailable. I'm emotionally invested in everything I do. Maybe too emotional.
    6) I've lost the confidence to make moves because I've had bad experiences. It's reached a point where I won't hold a girl's hand without asking her if it's alright first.
    7) I would change at the drop of a hat for someone I love unless it's something as important as my religion.

    I'd like to point out that your points will make you lose a girl forever. But I think it's really hard to get a girl in the first place when you're in my situation.

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 7

  • "So the next time you find yourself having to nag at your girl to put out, maybe try actually giving her a reason to want to have sex with you instead of pressuring her into an unsatisfying one-two-pump."
    Guys, y'all need to realize that you need to warm up us first. We're not instantly ready to go, the way you are for the most part. If you're unable to make your girl feel sexy, wanted and loved, she'll keep refusing to have sex with you. Because guess what, you don't make her feel alive.

    • Aaaaaannnnd you forgot to mention the same applies to the girls too.😊

    • @Chief16 in my own experience it doesn't seem like guys need quite as much foreplay/warming up as girls. But yeah obviously if a girl neglects her boyfriend, he'll feel less into sex. But from what I can tell, the opposite happens a lot more often.

  • RJ this was brilliant :) These things seem so simple but too many guys miss the mark and do these common mistakes, especially the refusing to call her beautiful one. Some guys will go as far as not telling a girl that on purpose for creepy insecure reasons. I've caught them before. Anyway, you're awesome. I loved this take♡

  • This is awesome! I pretty much agree with everything on this list!

    I can't agree more with making a move! If you interested in someone, let them know! Don't make them try and guess. Plus if you two are already spending time together, don't be afraid to plan out the next date!

  • Yes!!! Girlfriend this is 100%

  • YEEEESSSSSS!! 👌🙏🙏🙏

  • Yup! =)

  • There are some guys who will use this advice to purposefully end a relationship.

    I can't stand the people who let the relationship die and wait for the other person to say it's over when it was their own damn decision to end things.