Boys Vs. Men and Girls Vs. Women

[N_Kal]

I am happily married and have a lot of married friends and something that I have taken away from most of them is how not to act in my relationship. I hear guys talk about their wives and girlfriends at work or when we are just hanging out, in a negative way, like she's always bitching about this or that. And when talking to my wife their wives talk the exact same way about them, hell even family members do this. This is something I cannot fathom doing, I'm not saying our marriage goes without some bumps in the road, but I would never bad talk my wife to anyone. So I have started a mental list of what I call Boys vs Men and Girls vs Women and would like to share some of the things off of it that I have come up with so far. This is by no means a complete list but maybe it would be helpful to some that need to adjust their relationships a little. (My wife is the same way I am on this)

Boys and girls walk away from an argument or disagreement

Men and Women stay and come to an agreement and make it up to each other

Boys and girls keep secrets from each other and don't show emotions or become vulnerable

Men and Women share everything, even the things that might hurt, and understand each other or make an asserted effort to understand each other.

Boys and girls worry about themselves and what they are getting out of the relationship

Men and Women worry about what they are putting into the relationship

Boys and girls believe a relationship is shared fifty fifty on everything

Men and Women know that a relationship is 100% all the time and where one might not be as good the other will help them without complaint.

Boys and girls will satisfy themselves in the bedroom and then leave

Men and Women will always go out of their way to make sure the other is just as satisfied or more satisfied than they are.

Boys and girls complain to friends, coworkers, and family about their partner

Men and Women talk to each other when something is bothering them

Boys and girls will get hurt by what their partner says and try and say something back to hurt them

Men and Women will try to fix what the problem is because they want to better themselves to that person.

Boys and girls try to make themselves look good in front of their friends by putting their partner down

Men and Women try to lead by example and always treat each other with respect no matter what others think of them.

Boys and girls will think of something as "Mine"

Men and Women will think of something as "Ours"

So my wife and I talked a lot about how we wanted to be treated and how we wanted to treat each other, and one of the first things we agreed to was that we would never talk the other down in front of anyone. If we had a problem we addressed it with each other so that it could be fixed instead of festering, because we realized that the only people that can fix our relationship is ourselves.

So if you say things like "He is so stupid" or "She is a bitch all the time" or post things on social media about what you want out of a relationship instead of what you are getting out of a relationship. There is a high chance that you are only getting what you deserve out of a relationship. Want to have an amazing person to fall in love with? Be an amazing person to fall in love with.

[Errhh]

As much as I agree with this post, I do NOT want that "perfect" marriage or relationship that appears to be "ideal" because those are the type that never last... I will assume you are within the 5 year marriage range, where it all seems perfect and judge others who have probably been with their s/o longer than that and are somewhat fed up with each others bad habits and such... to the extent of doing all those bad things you mentioned above 'talking how bad it is to others, posting on social media.. etc etc..) and even if you aren't within the 5 year lovey Dovey stage, I still wouldn't want that perfect relationship vpcause simply it would be too boring.

I do find it childish and highly inappropriate to post alll your problems on social media and it's just wrong to talk bad about your partner to others in such awful ways, yet I'd still want to fight and disagree on somethings with my partner because otherwise it would be too boring, too pleasantly unpleasant... I do not want to have everything resolved and have a perfect answer for everything and always agreeing with each other.. seems too fake and I would feel like the relationship is "alive"...

I wanna fight, I wanna make up, make love, not agree on everything and yet still have a mature relationship where we don't talk bad about each other to others and much less post anything on social media as significant or insignificant as a problem may seem..

I do not want to have that flawless, always pleasant relationship picture you perfectly describe as being your own. ... cause ewk! It seems so fake and judgmental of others !! I want to feel alive!! The relationship must have strong characters initself! Happy and Perfect with all the imperfections!! 💁🏼😍😜😎!!!

[Errhh]

I meant to say i wouldn't* feel like the relationship is alive.. if everything was nice and peachy all the time. (but autocorrect changed it to would) ...

Perfect anything is never perfect!

[N_Kal]

Nowhere in that post does it say that men and women don't ever fight. Me and my wife have our disagreements regularly but we discuss them like adults and don't post them on to social medias or go and tell all our friends. Instead we set talk and make sure we can resolve the issue between the two of us even if that comes to agreeing to disagree.

And again no we're in here did it ever say anything was perfect I assume you were young even though your profile says 101. I'm not posting about a perfect relationship I'm posting about a happy relationship if you think perfect and happy are synonymous you have a lot to learn.

[Chico_brah]

Nailed it.

[Errhh]

Simply your relationship sounds boring although I agree with most and certain things, I do NOT wish or want a relationship of that sort. Everything fixed, all problems with good resolutions... everything talked out, perfected and agreed upon... Boring and dead. The End.

[N_Kal]

Well mine isn't boring or dead but to each there own.

[N_Kal]

Also again I never said anything about anything being perfect and everything being agreed upon. We disagree on quite a bit but we understand why we disagree with each other and respect each other's opinion. A mutual understanding is not agreement.

[Errhh]

Haha well exactly to each their own, precisely why I commented so as to give you an idea that not allll people see your relationship as ideal nor do they want to have a relationship like yours simply because they react differently to situations... just as you sit there judging others and contemplating about how unhappy they "seem" to be, perhaps they too are doing the same thinking about how boring of a relationship you guys live from an outside perspective, and maybe they are not as unhappy as you hunk they are simply based on their childish ways to go about things by voicing out every single problem they have to the world.

Being a man or a woman doesn't necessarily always mean being cordial about everything... and to be happy in a relationship doesn't really depend on being a man or a woman, being you inner child can at times bring more happiness in any relationship so as to avoid all the seriousness and righteous ways to do things sooo educated all the time.

[N_Kal]

A lot of people on here keep telling me that my life our relationship is boring like there's some kind of standard that every person must adhere to. I don't find my life boring my wife doesn't find her life boring we're both happy where we're at and we worked very hard to get there.

Sorry I put a suggestion out there to maybe help some people understand some of the relationship issues they may or may not have. I'm not saying my life is for everyone and the way that is written can be taken in a lot of different ways and each way is correct.

But for some reason people want to nitpick little details put their own little spin on it and blame the person for something they never said. Kind of like I never said anything about a perfect relationship. Nor did I allude to how you should live your life I just simply put down what I thought might help some people.

[Errhh]

Your post WILL help some people, just like any other post does... of course not everyone, and we are here to comment on our own opinion based on what we think...

Just like you judged all those relationships as bad in your opinion because they are too childish doesn't mean that those relationships are less successful or less happy than yours, just the same just because many will find YOUR relationship to be boring based in what you shared publicly about it, doesn't mean that it IS boring for you... it's simply what is portrayed to others, just like the impression they gave you ifntheirs by what they share...

Conclusion: there are many people who can take some advice from what you have shared, yet others may agree with you, such as myself, yet do not wish to have a relationship of that sort nor do we all view a relationship as successfully happier based on how mature one takes situations and such... a relationship as the one you describe seems more ideal for the workforce.

[Vanjasper]

@N_Kal Don't apologoise for Your Take. Everything you wrote is plain common sense. No relationship is perfect, all have bumps, ups and downs. It's how we deal, work on the issues that marks our relationships as loving and respectful. Love is no use on its own, there must be respect for the other human being. Without respect, no amount of love will work.
This blueprint you've given, would cost a fortune if you had to go to a marriage or relationship counsellor.
Much respect to you.

[Popo21]

I know people who have been in relationships for 10+ years and still treat each other with love and respect like the poster mentioned

If you start off your relationship with love and respect, it'll end it like that

[Errhh]

@Popo21 and? Nowhere did I mention you shouldn't respect each other... weird!

Simply stating that not all people aim to have a relationship as the one he describes above, nor does a relationship ONLY last based on how manly or womanly people are in the relationship as the taker writer so implies that is why his relationship is better than others and such... judging others as being childish etc etc..

[Popo21]

Actually, psychologically, if you adapt the behaviors that he mentioned
Your relationship is bound to last longer

[Errhh]

@Popo21 people are different, a relationship like that CAN make it last longer for SOME! It is far too cordial and correct into be considered "real" in a sense to ME. That type is something to apply to relationships at work, where one must contain their inner true feelings and keep it leveled to the middle... ... which seems good in that environment but when it comes to intimate more personal relationships, comes off as either too fake or no strong emotions to convey what one truly feels... .. and again, if that works for you and him, so do it. But to me seems quite boring, I like strong emotions and at times I do no like to be sooo grown up to keep the relationship exciting, entertaining, spontaneously thrilling... not always so educated on every aspect bleh 🤢💁🏼! ... I'll save my hippocracy for a working environment. 😜!

[Chico_brah]

What real men are is not by any means constituted by your discretion and opinion. Real men comes in all different shapes and sizes. We all have different experiences and outlooks like life and therefore have different values.

I think something like this looks good on paper but really nothing past that. Relationships that are as kodak as your references are boring in my opinion. Falling in love and all that is some scary shit. You and say stupid things because you feel like you're going crazy. Anyone who follows all of these rules to the tee has to be in a boring relationship in my opinion. That kind of relationship will never last and will most likely lead to resentment or infidelity.

One of your examples of girls and boys worrying about themselves in the bed room. Dude, do you realize that a lot of women like be used and degraded in the bedroom as it fulfills a fantasy of them sort of being objectified? Girls will often get off harder than they ever have when you know you don't give a fuck about how they feel. Sounds crazy but it's true. My girlfriend loves to be objectified and if she talks back I'll tell her to the shut the fuck up. She's gets off on that. I get off on that.

I can go over everything you mentioned here but the point is that I'm not a boy because I have a different perspective on things than you do. That just makes me a different type of man than you who looks at things from a different lens.

[N_Kal]

Wait so you're telling me you've discussed things with your girlfriend and come to a mutual agreement as to what she likes and you like in the bedroom and then you have acted upon it. So in other words you worried about what it takes to get your girlfriend off and she worried about what it takes to get you off and everyone was happy. That's kind of what I said you just decided to only take it as you're supposed to be gentle with her and that's the only way she will be able to get off.

The further that some men also like to be objectified in the bedroom and that is perfectly fine that doesn't make them less of a man. I don't see what point you are trying to make other than you proved what I was saying.

[Chico_brah]

No, you're coming to assumptions in attempt to validate you're response. I never asked my girlfriend any of what you are suggesting I did. I didn't come to any mutual agreement. I've had sex with a lot of women before and it was different with my girlfriend because there was a certain synergy there.

I like spontaneous. My girlfriend and I don't talk about our sex life at all. We just have our sex life. We hate roleplaying and and anything that is planned. My girlfriend I hate anything that's planned because we thrive on spontaneous raw in the moment sex. If I'm pissed off that day and she senses it then she'll piss me off even more just so I take out all my aggression on her in the bedroom. I get off on using her and she gets off on being used. My actions towards her are completely raw and not driven by anything other than what I feel.

So no, we're not vanilla in the sense that I have her talk about agreements before we engage in sex. We've never done that before.

[N_Kal]

Cool

[Chico_brah]

I didn't prove anything you were saying so don't try to condescend me by indirectly saying I'm a boy. I'm a grown ass man. I've been in the military. I've worked all kind of different jobs. I'm about graduate university. I've been independent since 18 years old. I'm in a committed relationship. I have a child on the way and I'm going to be a father soon.

Just because I have a different perspective on something, doesn't mean you're entitled to this mindset of you're better than me. We simply have a different perspective on something and that's not be considered inflammatory. You can't just say you're right and everyone else's way of thinking is wrong. Well you can, but that would completely deviate from what one would consider rational thought. So let's not go there with the consdcending remarks.

[N_Kal]

Yep.

[Chico_brah]

Sarcastic open-ended one liners aren't the most powerful tool in the arsenal. You're more than welcome to articulate your thoughts in response to what I just said. Saying yep and cool with a sarcastic, condescending, and undermining intent seems rather juvenile. I'll wait for your next sarcastic response. I can anticipate it already lol.

[N_Kal]

Well since this is text and you can't really get my meaning I see no need to further the discussion. Furthermore you put more words in my mouth than I have ever had before. I put something out there to maybe help some people that are in a tough spot and for some reason people that it wasn't even directed to get upset and angry about it. Furthermore saying you're about to have a kid and have been in the military no more makes you a man than graduating college. I'm just trying to figure out why you're so upset over something that someone wrote that you don't even know.

[Chico_brah]

I'm not really mad. You just made a remark and now you're sort of backing out on it. The remark and sarcastic open-ended comments had motive behind it. It just seems rather passive-aggressive. I call it as I see it. If you don't want to talk it about the discussion anymore, that's completely fine.

[N_Kal]

Hey if your life is working for you the way it is, then go for it, don't change it. Not everything is for everyone, its not meant to be, and if you are happy then I don't understand what the problem you have is.

[Chico_brah]

I honestly re-read what you said and I think I took in the wrong way. I'm always a bit on edge on this website because I have so many people coming at me. That was my mistake and I feel like an idiot re-reading everything.

[N_Kal]

Dude its fine, I'm not hurt, I hope you aren't hurt, its the internet, don't let it get to you. Now go anger bang you woman those are fun, good luck with the kid, I became a father a year ago, it is life changing in the best of ways.

You are not an idiot for being passionate about something, if that was the case we are in the same boat, that is the only reason I continued to reply with anything at all, I'm passionate about relationships and I see a lot of people ruin relationships over stupid shit.

[Idonthaveausername]

You read my mind and put it into words I've been saying for years. I agree 1000% with everything here. I just got out of a relationship I really enjoyed with someone who would be described as a boy by most of the standards on this list (he cheated on me). I can't believe he fooled me considering these were all my standards too. I'm just glad it's over with so I can look for a real man and not another boy who doesn't know how to treat me right. Thank you for this because it's​ also helped reassure me that I did everything right that I could

Great Take! The part about avoiding an argument vs coming together and working it out is essential. When my boyfriend was mad at me, I tried to ask him what was wrong and still gave him a hug before I left, but when I was mad, he avoided me, blamed me, and tried to cheat on me. I also see my aunt and uncle fight and it is cringe worthy. According to psychology, how couples fight can tell you if the relationship will last or not

I also really like your point about not talking​about your problems with others, especially since I've heard that one before. Apparently that's also considered a gateway to cheating, so talking about your relationship problems with others is a huge no-no

Love the 100/100 vs 50/50 theory. I've been using that for a while now when people complain about something not being fair in a relationship. Love isn't about what you get and it isn't about being fair. Love is about how much you give to your SO without expecting anything in return. In a healthy marriage, your love will be returned. And everyone has something different to give, so maybe cooking a meal for you is in return for the $50 spent to take her to a nice restaurant

[cocoaniable]

This list is really nice and I totally agree ! :) I don't understand it either why people post such things on social media. Guess some people will stay boys and girls forever. It be might out of context but some people do the same with their parents. Saying stuff like "my mom is a bitch".

Sometimes my friends tell me things that are bothering them because they don't know how to tell their boyfriend. Other times their boyfriend just doesn't want to understand when they confront them about the issue. So I don't think it will always work out to be direct..

[CubsterShura]

Omg yesss!!! Also men and women don't look for things like wealth and beauty. My brother in law was a bank worker, my sister is a vitiligo patient, it took them 12 months to convince their families into marriage but they eventually best all odds and got married. Now they're the cutest could ever and I have a really cute niece. :)

[Analinda1999]

I loved this. and very much appreciated how it is about being mature vs willfully ignorant. not about women vs men or vice versa. its so refreshing to read posts about PEOPLE.

Great post!

Thank you. it resonated excellently. this is what i aim for :)

[JohnDoe3000]

Acoording to this definition a large part of the population will always be just "boys and girls" instead of "men and women", so it's unrealistic for everyone to look for "men and women". Just like a large part of the population are not funny, smart or beautiful (even though almost everyone thinks they're at least one of those things).

[N_Kal]

I would have to say I agree with you, but I also feel like its sad. I also feel like its a large reason so many marriages don't last.

[cynochroma]

This is really sweet, and I think a lot of people can learn from this. good Take!

[N_Kal]

I feel like the relationship I have with my wife is not normal and so I am striving the only way I know how to make it more normal. I want more people to feel the way I feel in their relationship.

[IEat70sBush]

Well, real men are full of shit anyway. If she's not (at least one of) the most beautiful then forget it is my motto.

[baseball69]

Interesting take. Sounds like a good majority of the population are boys and girls, with a few men and women.

[TomBradysJersey]

I like this. I have a personal question I would like to ask if you want to follow and pm me? If you don't mind.

[N_Kal]

Apparently I can't message yet you have to be level 2 or something, does it need to be asked privately? I mean I'm a total stranger like everyone else on here

[TomBradysJersey]

I can message you

[N_Kal]

Message away I don't know if I can receive them or not though I'm new to this.

[TomBradysJersey]

You should be able to

[abundantlyrich]

they all need to take a class Communication 101 before embarking in a relationship of any kind

[genericname85]

That's bullshit xD if she's ugly af she can make your world as beautiful as she wants you won't love her no matter how much of a man you are.

[IUdude]

Yeah, looks like I'm about all boy.. lol, and I'm ok with that.

[Anonymous]

So I guess this makes me a Women but I am shy so yeah I kinda act a little childish in that way because of it. But i'm working on it.

[Mikhania]

Such a really good take! I love this! Thankyou!

[Vanjasper]

Enjoyed this take. Everything you said is true.

[John_Doesnt]

Men win because we have wieners.

[RealDarkeyes]

Funny joke but not true

[John_Doesnt]

@RealDarkeyes you don't think peeing standing up and having a built-in steroid factory is a winning qualification?

[RealDarkeyes]

Don't forget random hair in places we don't need, why do we need hair on our chest?

[Browneye57]

You're a walking time bomb dood. Seriously.

[Midget_Hug]

For some reason I doubt you have zero secrets.

[N_Kal]

Why would I hide something from my wife?
What would be the point? I don't even understand what benefit it would have for me to hide something from her.

[Midget_Hug]

It can be as simple as saving face and not taking about that one silly thing you did that you made your bros swear to never tell anyone about. It isn't always malicious.

[N_Kal]

I mean if it works for you cool, its just not the way I am wired, I don't really care to hide my past from her, it just doesn't make sense to me.

[Midget_Hug]

You're silly. It's you're present, not your past, that you'll hide.

[N_Kal]

I'm not sure why I would need to hide something from my wife that I did. I mean if it's embarrassing so what its my wife, I'm married to her, embarrassing shit happens.

[Midget_Hug]

I'm just curious if it'll be you rushing in to confess or you responding if asked.

[N_Kal]

Look you seem to think everyone has something to hide from everyone else I disagree. Some people maybe even most people have something to hide from everyone else but I don't try to fall into the most people category.

If I screw up I tell my wife she asked me a question I answer honestly I don't understand why this is so hard to comprehend.

[Midget_Hug]

Because you are most. Few people are going to answer "Are you honest?" with the answer "No." In their minds they don't see themselves as hiding anything. Everyone is as honest as they believe they can be and unintentionally hiding things, adverse thoughts, feelings and minor actions is incredibly common. You're so human it's boring.

[N_Kal]

By this definition I feel like you mean that I would need to account to my wife for every breath and action I take throughout every day to not be a liar.

I also feel like you just want my relationship to be this horribly boring disaster which is what you've probably got built up in your mind. And that's fine you can have whatever notion of me you would like to have and as far as you can ever be concerned it will be correct.

Plus you keep telling me my life is boring is there some standard that people must adhere to, to get out of boring status. I don't find my life boring I find people that are unhappy life's are usually boring.

[Midget_Hug]

I forgot about this. What was I saying before?

[Solanaceae]

Totally.

[pavlove]

A man wrote this?