For the last 7 months I have formed a friendship like no other, it felt pure. Our friendship formed from a few drinks in town (co workers). Soon I found myself in a friendship where this girl was putting more effort in, than my bestfiend had for the last 13 years. She would rock up to my house or even work and university to offer me a lift or just to grab me to hang out as she missed me.
We started to hang daily; at first it was four - six hours a day/night. Then we started to smoke pot together. I was so happy as I finally had a friend that went out of their way. That's all I wanted, she had a boyfriend at the time. As time progressed, it turned into 10 hours per a day/night, sometimes 16 hours. I didn't mind as I was happy to have this person in my life. I started to question my feelings and so I spoke up (always face to face). "I'm sorry ***** I have a boyfriend."
I accepted it, but some facts didn't add up. You do everything for me without me even asking, stay over from 2pm till 4-5am every day. She would ramble about the relationship and how she was unhappy, but I made her happy just by being around her.
Time went on and they broke up (not my place to say). At this point it had been going on for 3 months every day and night, I brought up my feelings a few weeks later and asked do you think we would ever date? "It's hard to say."
We didn't let how I felt get in the way but I always questioned her feelings. Everyone at this point thought we were dating, work, family, friends, even the shop keeper thought it. Simply by how we talked and acted. Near the end we were kinda sharing money.
It started to hurt to be around her as desire and my want started to kick in. I would distance myself in rooms as I knew that's not what she wanted, she just wanted to be single. I got some work out at a farm, two hours outside of town. She drove out with me and stayed the night. She left the next day to go to work. 1am hit and I was still two hours away. She was telling me how lonely she was and how she missed me. She drove back out to the the farm around lunchtime just to see me. At this point I'm overthinking, this continues for a month. These last two months I haven't been out to the farm but she was sleeping over five nights a week and she does have her own place. I fell in love with what was going on; how couldn't you.
This has been going on seven months and this is the short version. I have never kissed her. Only hugged. I did try to cuddle her, but was told the next day "I just don't have those feelings right now" we booked a Holliday to get away, mainly to have fun and meet her family.
Looking back I don't regret it, the only thing I do is speaking up even though I needed to. So I asked her on a date, I didn't want a middle answer. I got my no and so I told her "we need to go our own ways". Going from talking from wake up to nightnight. Seeing each other so much does do it's impacts. If I could go back I'd do it again and again. People walk into your life to show you something you don't see in yourself.
My lession was to love myself.
Time holds many wonders and those wonders are what make us hold on. I still hold hope but I've accepted our fate, when the feelings pass we will try to be friends with bounds. But until then we need to breathe, even if it's not what we want.
Has anyone else had a friendship like this? What was the outcome for you?
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