Dear Women: Ditch That Loser! (How to Stop Having Horrible Relationships)

[HereIbe]

I've seen it over and over and over and over...

"Oh, he won't commit! How do I get him to commit?"
"Why won't he pay more attention to me?"
"Why doesn't he talk to me when he's with his friends?"
"Why does he not talk to me for days?"
"Why does he blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?"

Ladies, women, girls, let me clue you in, man to females of any type...

The reason "why" for all of this and more is that HE IS A LOSER! Kick his sorry ass to the curb! Ditch him and start over.

I can already hear the lame, pathetic, whiny, sniveling, puling, miserable excuses:
"He's so NICE!"
"But (except for when me makes me feel like shit) he makes me feel so good!"
"But what would I do without him?"
"But I NEED him!"
"But he needs ME!"
And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.

These men walk all over you because THEY CAN. They do not have what it takes to treat you as you deserve to be treated. Could they attain it? Possibly, but it is not your responsibility to get them there! THEY ARE NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! You are not their mommies. You are NOT THEIR MOMMIES! Go to a mirror or turn on your selfie mode. Say the following: "I am not his mommy. It is not my responsibility to raise him."

Kick his sorry ass to the curb.

Then figure out WHAT you want. Note I wrote "what", not "who". The "who" doesn't really matter. The "who" is secondary to the "what". WHAT do you want from life? If you can't spell that out in very definite and concrete ways, then you are not at all ready for any relationship. You are not ready to date. Until you figure out your "what", you are not ready for a "who".

Once you have "what", then you can worry about the "who". Once you have the "what", then you can begin to figure out which sort of "who" would fit you. Do you want a life that is nothing but drinking, fucking, and hangovers? Okay, then go to the clubs and bars to find a hot guy, because that is what you will find there. Do you want a life that is random and directionless? Okay, then just try to "get" whatever guy happens to be randomly in your vicinity at school, work, etc. Do you get what I'm saying?

You have your what, how to get the who? HONESTY! Be totally honest and open from the beginning. If all you want is parties and fucking, then say it. However, if what you want is a husband, SAY IT FROM THE START! If what you want is a long-term fuck-buddy (which is what most modern "relationships" actually are, nothing more), then SAY IT from the start. If you can't figure out whether or not you want random fucks, a live-in fuck buddy or marriage, then YOU ARE NOT READY. If you cannot be HONEST and OPEN about it from the beginning, then YOU ARE NOT READY.

Just try this, and see where it takes you.

[Lady_Frost]

I don't know why but this is kind of funny but sad. I mean women throwing their lives away like that and then deal with their consequences later in life, not even knowing WHAT they even want in life. I even see it myself. Meanwhile the cool and ambitious men are single and lonely, watching porn on their computers at near midnight when they could have been with an honest and kind woman, who they could share their lives with.

Nevertheless their life is their responsibility. If they want to "mommy" a jerk, then it's their choice. My choice is to not be that.
And as soon as they wake up, it will be too late.
Story of life 2018.

[HereIbe]

If the men are alone watching porn on their computers at midnight, they are NOT the men that the "honest and kind women" want to be with. Everyone's life is his or her own responsibility. I don't recall demanding legislation prohibiting women from being stupid.

[Lady_Frost]

Are you sure? Because watching porn is pretty much normal.

[HereIbe]

If that is how they spend their nights, night after night? They need to be doing some work on themselves, then.

[Lady_Frost]

I am afraid the issue is not exactly with themselves but with the (lack of) choice of women, that they may face. I have seen it myself. Cool guys are actually still single. Its sad for both men and women.

[Shadow44]

It's only sad if you allow yourself to view it that way. There are many great men who may be looking for a girlfriend but are happy single too working on themselves and their own life. I'd say a lot of these men aren't really lonely either, just living heir lives being happy doing their own thing.

I agree with Herelbe if women want to date losers it's their choice and has no effect on my life.

[OpenWine]

what's so bad about jacking of? I do it almost every time before I shower in the morning or after work before the shower (gotta keep things clean hehe).

[Anonymous]

Goodtake though you are wasting your breath. Most young women in bad relationships are there because they want to be. They get a thrill from being treated like shit and high from the constant drama. Time and again they will get with one loser after another. It's only when they start approaching their 30s and want to settle down with kids that they deceide they need a "nice" safe stable guy. These women are damaged goods and not worth your time.

[HereIbe]

I have kids. The fact they won't listen to me doesn't mean I'll stop trying.

[Logorithim]

All of that is true, but a lot of the time it's predictable that the guy won't be what she wants (same when the genders are reversed), but people often just take what they can get.

[Heythere2013]

Def awesome piece of advice. For some odd reason a lot of people (including me), would rather look at the positives then the growing list of negatives. I dated a guy long distance. He was horrible at sending me messages (despite always having his phone on him to message his friends), forgot to call when he said he would, never did anything for me and only came to visit me once cause I begged him to (not a proud moment). In all those cons, I only looked at the times where he was nice to me because it was convenient. In the end, if you are unsatisfied, look at the big picture. If the guy makes you feel like crap a lot of the time, he isn't worth the effort.

[Shadow44]

I agree with you but not just for this but for any relationship. If you have someone who treats you like dirt leave, you deserve better. If you find you keep getting involved with people who treat you like dirt and don't respect then ask yourself why you keep finding those people snd work towards avoiding it. It's imposible to go through life and not encounter jerks but when we encounter then we don't have to keep them around. We're all in control of our own life and if you find you're unhappy all the time of constantly then it's time to take a good look at things and wonder if the relationship is worth keeping at all. I'm not talking about fights. Every couple fights and every couple won't be happy with each other all the time but if it's a constant thing then it's time to leave.

If the guy's abusive or you'r enot leaving due to fear of your own safety then it's time to get professional help.

[Chaoseverywhere]

For marriage considerations and serious dating,

Pretty much girls you get caught into a loop of misery and happiness. When you're in misery, you think happiness will come and it (got used to it), when you're in happiness (you think things will work out). When you're bored you're just waiting for the next bus to come by.

During this boredom period is when you can think. This take is supposed to SNAP YOU ALL OUT OF IT. The "LOSER" CAN CHANGE but how long do you wanna wait? they also could never change. 1/5/10/20yrs? Worth the risk? Up to you

-The loser described (also mindreader? :/)

-

[johari]

Thank you!!

Currently I'm trying to justify this one guy's rude and insulting behavior towards me with the "He's so NICE!"
"But (except for when me makes me feel like shit) he makes me feel so good!"

I know I need to walk away but part of me wants to fix it and fight to make things work.

[Chaoseverywhere]

someone is stuck in an endless circle of chaos/euphoria... dw i get it.. might fix him, might not.

-the loser described

[LiveOutLoud]

i'm in the same thing as well...

[Chaoseverywhere]

@LiveOutLoud LOl, they mature out a bit around our age no? I feel more tamed than 3 years ago. 50% more self control

[LiveOutLoud]

@Chaoseverywhere that was my train of thought as well but not with this one guy i'm currently talking... he's 3 years older than me and he is such an asshole to me sometimes it's annoying... but the fact that he IS older attracts me to him.

[johari]

@LiveOutLoud same here. He's older than me but I think only by 3yrs. He's also in grad school while I'm undergrad

[Kkaos]

You say ditch that 'loser', but the reality is the guys that treat women like this and have women who keep coming back to them, they're far from losers. They're usually in the top percentage of guys. They may be assholes, but you can't blame women for at least trying with the top percentile of guys as opposed for settling for some desperate, low life 'nice guy' who offers no value whosoever and is constantly sucking validation out of her.

[HereIbe]

Know how I know you have nobody to carry on your name when you die?

[Kkaos]

No idea what you're on about...

[10dsw]

I consider myself in the top percentage and I agree! I'm doing very well in life and I've probably ghosted on like 90% of the women I have dated lol

[OvershareGamer]

that is NEVER going to happen dude.
Women like jerks, obnoxious, loud, disrespectful, selfish, self centered, cheaters, beaters and then they hope that she is the special girl who he'll treat good.
Women will get mistreated then when they become single they will shallowly pick the next guy for something totally stupid like height or popularity while they watch the guy being an ass... then rinse and repeat.

[HereIbe]

Oh, my goodness. Do you know how I know you could probably be someone I addressed in a different MyTake?

[OvershareGamer]

Do I know how you know... what? lol
Elaborate please.

[OpenWine]

@Herelbe would like to read that mytake

[Coconut_Man]

I 100% agree with this 👏👏

A lot of women date "bad boys" hoping they would change and settle down. The truth is, that's not going to happen. If he's a dick at the beginning of the relationship which is supposed to be the best period when you're dating... imagine what's gonna happen 5 years down the road when the spark has faded a bit.

[Harsh_5299]

The point is not every guy advices her to ditch that guy out of the reasons you mentioned but most advice girls to ditch them to get lucky for sloppy seconds... which is why the girls have a tough time believing someone who advices them to dump their S/O

[HereIbe]

Wow, that's a whole heap of stupid you just spouted. How the FUCK could I get "sloppy seconds" from anyone through this site? Let me guess, you're some abusive PoS who can't stand the idea that a woman might have a little dignity and not let you keep walking all over her.

[Harsh_5299]

Looks like I misquoted there... I meant that many guys advice women in general to break up or divorce their husbands as soon as they hear any complaints (even minor ones) from such women
And that there's a reason behind such behavior... it's mostly biological, which convinces them that they have a chance to get her if she dumps her S/O even if they have 0 chance of actually getting her assuming she dumped her boyfriend by listening to their advice

Of course, some guys really try to understand the situation and only if it's beyond repair THEN advice her to dump him but they're the minority, which makes the girls confused in general about whether to dump him or not when taking advice from the guys as a group

You can see it yourself, if any girl posts a question complaining about the boyfriend, most guys just straight away tell her to dump him, sometimes without even describing why... you get the idea what I'm talking about

[BOUNTYGUY9]

girls dont want a nice guy like me so it is all your own blame you think that you are not good enough for a guy thats nice like me l can read girls minds straight away well you are a nice girl for a nice guy change your out look on life us nice guys want to date a girl like you x

[HereIbe]

Could you try that again with sentence structure? If I have figured out what you are writing, you'll be addressed in another "MyTake". You're not a "nice guy". You may THINK you're nice, but you're actually an entitled whiner. That's why you keep failing.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

you could be so right

[BOUNTYGUY9]

l am going to be a very bad guy from now on l will need to get tuff and sort all you fuckers out l am a real bastard as of to day so stay far away from me or you are all in a whole lot of trouble

[HereIbe]

You're one sad little loser, aren't you. A whiner who tries to claim to be tough is a whiner, still.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

where you from the bronx

[HereIbe]

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, your butthurt is so cute.

[BOUNTYGUY9]

swine flu

[10dsw]

"These men walk all over you because THEY CAN."

Exactly. Because we can! All a guy has to do is put some doubt in a girl's mind and she starts wondering. Wondering turns to obsessing. And obsessing turns to easy sex :)

[charie]

then choose the men who will love you faithfully and loyal to you women nowadays are looking for losers not a loyal one ::D

[BOUNTYGUY9]

l am looking for a loyal woman me very loyal

[charie]

@BOUNTYGUY9 really :)

[BOUNTYGUY9]

girls are real bad?

[BOUNTYGUY9]

no girls are great

[BOUNTYGUY9]

yes l am in scotland

[winterfox10]

Additionally: what benefit does this relationship provide for you? If you're dating a bum, while you're working to get a career started, how do you know that the bum won't hold you back?

[yellowmamba024]

This is a very insightful myTake that is very realistic. Since a man wrote this, here comes the women bashing.

[HereIbe]

Pisses me off, too.

[FatherJack]

Applies to men too... my ex wife , lazy , became obese , a slob , and complained / blamed / " everything is everyone else's fault but mine " type attitude... hence I binned her and prefer being a single dad , and still working FT too.

[Hong_chen]

An awesome myTake full of words of wisdom. I rarely come across a myTake on GAG that makes me stop to read.👏Keep up the good work! ☺

[ChronicThinker]

Dear guys: we will one day, but you still ain't getting the pussy.

[OpenWine]

what? that sounds pathetic

[Sienna-Rose]

I love this! 🙌🏻 So true! Never give too many chances!

[CubsterShura]

Say that to a girl whose boyfriend threatens her that he would kill himself if she leaves him.

[Heynashville]

Been there, done that. 99% of the time, he won't do it. Ex went as far and sending me pictures of a noose tied in the garage. Theyre putting up a last ditch effort to make you come back/stay. It's pathetic. It's mean. And not worth your time/feelings. Extremely unlikely they'll go through with it, they just want to scare you enough to stay. It's a control thing and honestly, a bit abusive. "Stay or I'll kill myself" "come back or I'll kill myself" my response...
"Then fucking do it"
They won't. And they'll understand how over it you are and how much of a shit you dont give.

[CubsterShura]

@Heynashville Tbh I also believe that most don't do it. They do, but very, very rarely.

That's what scares me. What if he is among those extreme rare boys who really did it?

[Heynashville]

It's not impossible and it would be tragic! That being said, it's not your responsibility. If he's going to actually kill himself, there's a whole other mess of reasons for it besides just you. If you truly believe it, I would recommend asking him to see a therapist. You could stay with him through this process until you believe he's better if you care enough. But at the end of the day, it's not like the case of the girl literally texting this guy to kill himself until he did. He's threatening you with it as a means to control you.

[CubsterShura]

@Heynashville Yeah I know. Sad thing is I wouldn't stop getting worried if he even said that he couldn't have his dinner well. Or if he injured his leg. I used to care about him more than myself.

[bubbles328]

Does he treat you like a princess? if you mean that much to him he should. however, this is a tactic most abusive men use and 99 times from 100 they won't go through with it.

If he's gonna kill himself that's his issue not yours and you have to do what makes you happy if you're living your life miserably so he doesn't kill himself you're losing your life over his!

[CubsterShura]

@bubbles328 I used to think that he does, because of all the struggles he took to meet me. I admit I had some best moments with him in the first few months, and then things quickly went downhill. Firstly I thought that he is just stressed that's why he is behaving like that... but nope.

[bubbles328]

That's how abuse works it starts off as the fairy tale relationship then sinks. If he genuinely was so madly in love with you he couldn't live without you he would go above and beyond for you and his stresses would not be taken out on you.

I was with a guy similar to yours he had issues that impacted our relationship too. Once that issue when away another came there was always a reason for him to be out of sorts and behave like an ass. He ended up in prison for MY attempted murder and guess what? he never did kill himself. Nearly killed me though. My life will always come first now

[CubsterShura]

@bubbles328 Wow...

[COCOCHANEL]

it's far too hard to find my type (physical attraction) to throw them away so easily