I had the worst fight with my girlfriend - and it could have saved our relationship

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Last night has been one of the worst nights of my life.

My girlfriend and I were supposed to have sex, and we ended up screaming at each other.

For her there was no problem, in her view I was arguing for the sake of arguing. But I was sick of telling her stuff she kept brushing off like I was being a petulant child, without even bothering to consider my point.
Sex has always been a subject of contention for both of us - we managed to work out our other differences very well and with satisfying compromises for both of us, but with sex we never reached a proper agreement.
For her sex is the most important thing in our relationship, surpassing even communication and other interactions at times.
For me sex it's still important, but there are a lot of other important things - communication, sharing impressions, spending time on other activities.

I have to do a little mea culpa and admit that sometimes I have been outright disinterested about it and even neglectful.

She was very upset by this, I recognized she was right and so I anted my game - leaving work sooner to spend more time with her and dedicate her attention almost every evening. She outright admitted she has nothing to complain at the moment and it's "perfect for her".
And this made me happy.
What made me upset was that after indulging her in her array of requests and whims, some of which I had to step out of my comfort zone to satisfy, she got very dismissive of my admittedly smaller requests.
They were indeed so modest, she said to my face she doesn't consider it sex and "I'd be better off doing by myself" so we'd spare the "time to do her important stuff".

The argument broke out because I wasn't enthusiastic enough and so I was "ruining it for her".

That's when I got angry. I had stepped up to change my behavior to accomodate and meet her needs, and not only I hadn't got not even a "thank you", but I was getting shushed, made fun of and everything had became about her.

At first she tried to laugh it off, then she got angry because I was ruining the evening and we "should have been busy already".
A good hour was spent screaming at each other, her because she always screams when angry and I because she wouldn't let me talk. Then it was me trying to overcome the wall she had put up - she genuinely didn't understand or didn't want to, kept motioning her head as if saying "no" and her rebuttals being"But I like it that way" "It feels so good for me" "What it matters to you, as long as you finish?".

My frustration reached it's climax (not in that way) when she blubbered she doesn't want to break up and she's not even considering it, because for her it's perfect. I just quipped "But I might be consider it".

She went ballistic.
Furious anger, crying, threats, begging, she did it all.
I didn't take any of it. I let her calm down and reassure her it's not a certainty, only that I might, if she doesn't care to change. But if I'm not a complete moron and know her well at least half the way I think, she'd be willing to.
So we talked all night long, smoking and cracking open cold beers.

She conceded that I had changed my behavior for her while she didn't, and she has no intention to lose our relationship over this. We agreed to, at least sexually, to start over.

We had sex in the early morning, as a way to "seal the deal", promising each other to start right this evening. And I'm sincerely hopeful things will get better - she's a very thoughtful and kind woman, even if sometimes she loses herself, a bit like me.

Thank you for reading,

Jean-Marie

[ChurchOfIron]

If a fight with your girlfriend was the worst night of your life, I really wish I had your life, dude. Your worst night is probably comparable to my best night, really.

Holy shit. The girl in the first pic looks exactly like my ex.

That said, you learned a valuable lesson. You're the man. You decide what needs changing and what doesn't. You don't do everything she tells you to do. She's fighting for the power in the relationship, but she doesn't really want it. You're the leader, not her.

Threatening to break up with her was the single best thing you could have done. She felt like she was the dominant one in the relationship. Like she had you wrapped around her finger and dedicated no matter what. By showing her that you were willing to walk away, that flipped the script and made her realize that she doesn't have all the power.

I hope you learned from the exchange. Don't let women walk all over you. You are the man, not them. They're lucky to be with you, not the other way around. You are concerned with their needs, and you want them to be happy, and you will do what you think is best to achieve that, while taking their perceptions into account; but, your needs come first. Exactly how she was playing it.

Romance is all well and good. I wished for a long time to find an equal to share my life with. But it doesn't work like that. It's raw animal instinct.

As an incidentally, I'd refer you to the ManoSphere to learn more about how other men have dealt with relationships. There's a lot of great information on how to keep a woman happy and stay in control of the relationship, so that you both are fulfilled by it, rather than just one of you.

And it really revolves around you being "the man" of the house. Which doesn't just mean abject domination, but a mix of playfulness, leadership, fulfilling her needs, but fulfilling *your* needs *first*. Stuff like that.

I wish what society told us was true. But it's not. Men and women are primates, higher apes. If we want fulfillment, we have to play the roles nature gave us. Otherwise, we're just fighting against the tide.

But when we know what fulfills us and our partner, then we can live a mutually fulfilled life, where both of us are at least content and glad to be with each other.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I can say I generally have things going well, it's just on this side of my life I'm having problems.
Some people (my sister included) told me I was giving her too much leeway, and I brushed them off.
But her behavior just got too much in the last period, especially in some areas, and I couldn't take it anymore.
Especially when she uses the excuse of her being slightly older as a way to dismiss my opinions.

I just made it clear to her I want the same care and respect I give her, and not being just dismissed, especially since the things I ask are far smaller than the ones I regularly do for her.
I admit I too have had and still have my flaws and things she'd have the right to complain about - but I want for the both of us to work on our flaws and issues to make the relationship work.

I don't want to be the only one making efforts to make things work while she just sits down and waits for things to sort themselves out.

[DizzyDesii]

Everytime i want to hate the things you say Church, i just facepalm instead because its so close to the truth. Around 90% correct 😂

[ChurchOfIron]

@DizzyDesii Awesome.

First step: not hating
Next step: liking
Last step: Loving everything I say.

:D

[mistixs]

That's wrong. Being a leader is about first prioritizing the needs of the people under your leadership, *not* your own needs. See Matt 20:25-28, Eph 5:25-30, Phil 2:3-4

[Lance1965]

I had the same argument with a ex who thought sex was the cure and the answer for everything. We could be fighting but if we just had sex everything would be fine again in her eyes. It was a imbalance and it sounds like you are going through the same thing.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I think so.
We are dealing with this but I think I'm the one who's really getting pressured by this.

[Lance1965]

Some relationships can end up one-sided and once that happens it can be difficult to get it back into balance. I hope it works out for you but it does take some work, especially if your partner is stubborn.

[fauchelevent]

Glad to hear that you managed to work your way through the argument and you've reached an agreement to try harder. I hope everything goes well for you <3

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words 🙂.
I'm hopeful too, we'll see in the next days.

[fauchelevent]

@ChocolateBrowny I dont think its emotional abuse. I think perhaps if this was going on for a long period of time and either of them felt they couldn't voice their opinions then perhaps but to me, this is just an argument. Also I understand what he says and I dont think it's a waste of time.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@ChocolateBrowny As other people already told you, nobody was asking opinions on this - it was just sharing the experience.

[fauchelevent]

@ChocolateBrowny Screaming and shouting isn't emotional abuse. Unfortunately, things like that happen in a relationship when people get heated. It's healthy to get your frustration out in a way that doesn't harm the other person, it's obviously not healthy if this happens like all the time, but an occasional fight like this? It's not something that counts as emotional abuse, especially not when both partners are involved in the argument and both people are saying that they feel as if some needs aren't being met. I'm glad to hear that all your relationships are free from shouting and arguments though, that's very good for you :)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@ChocolateBrowny I can delete everything if you wish, since it was off-topic anyway and clogged everything up.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Only the comments naturally, not the opinions.

[ChocolateBrowny]

this conversation was between me and her, it had nothing to do with you, but do whatever you wish as its your page lol

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@ChocolateBrowny You are right on that.
You said you were leaving, so good afternoon.

[ChocolateBrowny]

stop replying to me, i told you both im leaving, goodbye.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@ChocolateBrowny No one's keeping you.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk No one is keeping you as well.
Let me know if you'd like to be blocked so I'll annoy you no more.

[CherryMilk]

your threatening behaviour is uncalled for and has been reported to admins. Thank you for your time.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk Thanks for telling me, sock account who joined two days ago.
You and our Chocolate Brownie write the same way, piggyback on each other and focus on the same points.
I think someone else is getting a report for duplicate accounts.
Anyhow, have a good day.

[CherryMilk]

I've reported your take for being duplicate aswell as youve copied and pasted it from someone else. Thank you for your time

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

And it's too late for you to set the profile private.
Already saw everything I needed.
Still, thank you!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk I copied my experience? Damn, you discovered me! Attention everyone, CherryMilk discovered our evil plan! Evacuate the facility!

[CherryMilk]

you think that helps you in anway? it won't

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk Kill off all the key subjects and burn everything! Evacuate only the essential personnel and equipment!
There's no time, he's onto us! Start procedure Delta Echo!

[Saffygirl]

About time you did it.
You need to take charge sometimes, have you seen what happens when you do?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Yes.
Hopefully this aspect of our relationship will improve.

[Saffygirl]

LMAO she deleted my comment
monika confirmed

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Oh my 😂😂

[Saffygirl]

@FluffyHairedGirl That's because he wants you gone troll who joined today lmaoo

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@FluffyHairedGirl Sure, CherryMilk. Or should I call you ChocolateBrownie? Or CocoMonika? Pick one.

[Saffygirl]

Fluffy I trust more the guy who saved my ass a couple of times rather than a random bitch lol

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@FluffyHairedGirl Nah, only your off topic comments, Cherry!

[Saffygirl]

He can't handle idiots it's different :P

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@FluffyHairedGirl So goodbye. Tell me if I have to block you.

[Saffygirl]

You are a just a poor troll

[OlderAndWiser]

You have been too attentive to her needs at the expense of your own needs. An imbalance in a relationship only leads to bad outcomes. Sometimes, an argument is necessary to vent feelings and to help your partner to understand how important an issue is to you.

The important things to remember is that an argument need not be a fight. It should be constructive so there are a few rules that help you to have a "good" argument:

1. No name calling.
2. Stay focused on the current conflict and don't dredge up previous conflicts.
3. Agree to take turns talking and listening (and I have an idea that will be very difficult for a traditional Italian woman!)
4. If you find yourself repeating the same comments, suggest taking a break for a few minutes.
5. The goal is NOT to decide who is at fault, but to find a solution to the conflict.
6. Do not involve anyone else - family or friends - in the argument.
7. Reassure your partner that you love her despite the current conflict.
8. Never give your partner an ultimatum unless you are prepared to follow through when your partner does not cede to your demand.
9. Put some focus on how your relationship will be better if you can resolve this conflict in a mutually satisfactory way.

Good luck!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are absolutely right my friend.
I think it may have went a bit too far tonight, although I haven't broken any of the rules you stated, I may have walked on the line by telling her I'd start reconsider the relationship.

[StingRayxoxo]

Glad to hear that you guys made a change and have worked things out from it.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Let's hope it goes on!

[ChocolateBrowny]

Why have you completely ignored that screaming and shouting is emotional abuse. Oh it’s because she’s a woman so it’s ok 🙄

[StingRayxoxo]

I have not ignored that she was screaming and shouting. The user did not ask for opinions on this topic-- he was sharing his experience.

[BrittBratt2416]

@ChocolateBrowny Screaming and shouting is something every couple will go through at some point in their relationship, fights are normal so you can't just jump to emotional abuse. It's becomes emotional abuse when fighting is constant in a relationship or one partner is always starting an argument for not reason.

[ChocolateBrowny]

i didn’t know I was talking to two women? Is this a personal attack? How many more are going to arrive to tell me you all do is fine. The asker shared his experience so you could give an opinion and you have but you cleverly mislead him into thinking screaming and shouting at him is fine because he got sex out of it. Sex is not a weapon you can use against men. If I was him I’d leave as it’s abuse and report it to the authorities as this kind of thing goes unreported. I would even say that it is rape to emotionally blackmail a man to deal with her mental health when he just wants sex.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk Maybe, but this is going off topic.

[CherryMilk]

@Jean-Marie_Céline its kinda and kinda not but yeah; I think your expectation deep into a relationship for her to change is going to be short-lived. Brave to try but as you can see you’re talking to a brick wall who throws pots and pans. Becareful because you’ll drive her over the edge and there’s no reversal.

[StingRayxoxo]

Similar to what you just did too, @CherryMilk?
This is a public place to share ideas-- different than a playground.

[CherryMilk]

@StingRayxoxo er no it isn’t similar to what I did, I didn’t reply to you or the other girl, I replied to the guy to support him through this ordeal. I’ve only replied to you because you messaged me. See there’s a difference. Don’t twist it.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@CherryMilk I'm willing to try and give it a chance. This situation it's not warrant to break up, but she knows it will be a possibility if she doesn't change.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Anyhow, I'll start cleaning up if this starts to clog up.

[devilman666]

@BrittBratt2416 screaming and shouting can be normal, but from what the asker described it did sound like she was using anger as a method to silence him and not hear his side while using pity to make him stay with her, which is emotional abuse in my opinion.

Another example of this is a friend of mine, he and his wife argue often, and they are both passionate so it devolves into shouting, with him often yelling over top of her because that is what he does, her typical response to this is to begin hitting him since she can't get him to listen. Now in my friends case I think they are both in the wrong even though they make up and work through it, such behaviour should not be necessary with your partner, you should be able to listen to them.

[devilman666]

Not trying to be a dick, just trying to input my thoughts. With my friends I think they kind of abuse each other. He abuses her emotions by silencing her until she snaps and starts hitting him, which is physical abuse. Like I said, they are both passionate people who typically have troubles restraining themselves when they are angry.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@devilman666 I understand your worries, and I assure you I do my best to avoid this kind of situation. What happened on Monday night was a rare instance.
Generally our arguments are very short, and she does all the screaming. I just let her burn out her fuse as trying to calm her down in that moment will only make things worse.
Once she's cooled down, she quickly becomes much more reasonable and even playful at times.

[devilman666]

@jean-Marie_Celine the fact that she is kind and playful when she is in a reasonable state does not excuse her actions when she is in an unreasonable state. You need to tell her that she needs to try to get that anget under control, she may be unaware of it, but when she is in an unreasonably angry or upset state she seemingly becomes emotionally abusive.

To be fair you seem to be strong enough to deal with it so it may be okay. As long as you have a strong enough will to not give in and get walked over then it can be fine. Unfortunately men often feel guilty when women become unreasonable, so they give in to whatever she wants to try and appease her.

Also, at the risk of being an sjw, I want to remind you that you have no obligation to have sex with her. Just as a wife does not have to have sex with her husband, you can say no to her. You have every right and if she pressures you then that is wrong. Sex should be something you both want, so you should try not to let yourself get suckered into doing it when you are not in the mood.

[devilman666]

Also, it doesn't matter to you how perfect it is for her, you should focus on making yourself happy, because I can almost guarantee she will not focus on your happiness, she will continue to think about how good things are for her, and as soon as things aren't good for her... "I'm not even considering breaking up because things are perfect for me". The implication here is clear to me, if you stop pleasing her enough then she will just consider leaving you. She seemingly doesn't care about you, she seemingly only cares about how you want to make her happy. Maybe I'm reading into things too much, it just seems to me like she is just using you. From my own experience I think you should cut off people who constantly ask for favors but rarely think about your feelings/desired/plans/etc.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@devilman666 I understand your points, because I admit it's something I thought as well and was worried about sometimes.
But there's something that makes me there's something different.
I have known her for almost three years now, and I'm not sure if it's complete faithfulness or just obsession, but she did almost all the pursuing and never threatened or considered leaving.
Now I know she has abandonment issues and a tendency to obsess on things; and both my older sister and other friends stated they see she really has this trait to her.
I know that most of this resolves around how good she feels and about what future she's seeing for herself and me, but most of the time she's really thoughtful and caring of me.
Maybe it plays into her obsession or it's genuine, I don't know.
I have to say she does recognize this and bash herself for her flaws, and she has genuinely improved in those years - just last year, she could be much worse at times.
There's also this thing she said, that she wants to be my "first and last" girlfriend, that both reassures and worries me a bit.

I myself, I genuinely love her and want to make her happy, but also be happy with her. I'm putting effort to make the relationship work, and I want her to do the same.

[PrincessGrail]

I'm glad you worked things out.

[sarahburberryy]

even with a peaceful comment like yours we get downvotes.. lel

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@sarahburberryy It was a brigade of socks of someone who didn't like it

[bailey11]

@sarahburberryy That's what I noticed! There are too many people who like conflict and strife (because "misery loves company") and are uncomfortable when someone says something positive (as opposed to all the negative comments on this thread).

[sarahburberryy]

@bailey11 the enemies of positivity :p

[Logorithim]

Im glad to hear you two are still together.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you.
I honestly thought it was the end of the line at a certain point.

[Lliam]

Some of the worst arguments my wife and I have had were on this subject, except our positions were reversed.

I would highly recommend that you both read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman that tiajoka mentioned.

I'll also mention that couple's counseling is valuable. My wife believes in it. I wasn't interested at first, but now I agree with her. She actually had us go to a relationship counselor before we got married, not because there was a problem, but just to learn more about each other.
Since we've been married, we have gone to councelers a couple times over the years, sometimes once a month for several months. It sometimes helps to have an unbiased moderator who can observe, sometimes ask questions and give advice. This is particularly true when you two have an unresolved point of contention that continues to lie beneath the surface of your relationship.
It can also help both of you to see the communication errors you are making. You can learn communication skills that make it easier to resolve issues on your own without hurting each other's feelings.

But you don't only have to see a counselor when you have a conflict. My wife and I have done it at times just to learn more about each other and keep our relationship fresh and healthy. Maintaining a strong relationship takes work. And seeing a counselor isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of commitment.
I have learned a lot about myself and my wife by seeing a counselor. Doing so sometimes forces you to go deep to discover things that you didn't realize about yourself. And the more you and your partner learn about each other's pasts, your personalities, what you need, and what motivates you, the closer you become.

My wife is also interested reading books about personalities and relationships. We sometimes have conversations about those topics. I generally have other interests, but I a'm grateful for her commitment to our relationship, her honesty, and her wisdom. To a great extent, it's because of her that we are best friends and cohorts for life. We really, really love and trust each other. Our relationship is cemented with Superglue and it's not because either of us caved on our values or desires. It's not because either of us are perfect, either. But we both contribute to making each other better people.

Best of luck to you. I hope you and your girlfriend remain very happy.

[gititboi]

))) For her sex is the most important thing in our relationship, surpassing even communication and other interactions at times (((

This wording implies that sex ISN'T "communication" and that it doesn't meaningfully qualify as an "interaction".

Uh. About that.

Sex is THE highest bandwidth form of BOTH of those things. A few SECONDS of sexual interactions (hey, look at that word I used) will reveal MANY layers of your partner's personality traits, values, insecurities, mental roadblocks, and emotional/interpersonal skills.

The same is true of relatively awkward, abortive, or otherwise uncomfortable sex. Just because there are bugs doesn't mean the program is running at any less of a turbo high speed.

And, ironically, 'meaningless' sex is some of the most deeply meaningful indeed, especially as far as revealing exactly what your partner will or won't do in contravention of certain expectations. How strong are her wants? Will she subvert them to arbitrary social conventions that there's no clear/concrete/immediate payoff for following? What balance of those traits can you hang with, short term? Long term?

Open your eyes. And your ears, and your heart, and your soul. And, hopefully, your mouth. <3

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Have you read the whole myTake?
I stated explicitly I'm doing my best to do it every time she wants and satisfy her fantasies and endure her brutalities.
The point of contention was another.

[gititboi]

I have.

The best sign that you're starting to win this game is when there are less and less of "her" and "your" (i tuoi) fantasies, and more and more of "your" (i vostri) fantasies.

This is no different from other kinds of 'fantasies'.

Imagine how creepy it would be if you were engaged to marry some woman, with a decently longish and deep relationship history, but she still imagined HER weird third-grade faux-royal conception of a wedding. Rather than a wedding that would be designed as yours together.
That'd be REALLY creepy, right? (and I hope you wouldn't marry that one)

Once you've had a sexually intense relationship for more than a short time, it's a similarly bad omen if HER fantasies are all still just HERS.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand, and you are right on that.
Although some of her stuff rubbed off on me and same happened for her, we are still adjusting to it.

[gititboi]

Good.

If you're still together decades from now... you'll still be adjusting to it.

My wife and I have a HOT, sexually raw, addictive relationship. Double digit years, still getting hotter and better, and... not only have we not stopped learning and adjusting to each other, but, we're still discovering entirely new obsessions and kinks together.

I buy her another wedding dress at least every anniversary. (thrift stores / you might call them 'charity shops', unless a designer sale pops up)
White bridal lingerie, way more often.
Because there's always something about her that's brand new.

[Shezadi]

I didn't understand anything. Why did you guys fight? A man should be the bigger person in the relationship and make sacrifices. Buttering a woman's ego a little bit can make a woman feel ready to take a bullet for her man. A woman does so much for a man, she leaves her parents and gives birth to her partner's children. Yes, women can be annoying but without women, a man's life feels empty. When men leave women, they start to miss that nagging, and then they realise how lucky they were to have someone who nagged them.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I basically explained it through the myTake.
She has moments she takes everything for granted and treats me as piece of meat.
I'm not a sex toy, and although I'm happy it's all "perfect" for her, I'm a bit less happy she hushes and treats me like a child.
After all I work two jobs and some people already complain I'm enable her too much.

[Kakella]

Agree he should make sacrifices, but that girl is too spoiled and treated him like a object.
He doesn't owe sex to her because she's his girlfriend nor should he accept such treatment.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Kakella Pretty much.

[Shezadi]

She sounds like my boyfriend who I broke up with. Even though it was a long distance relationship but he also treated me like a piece of meat. Whenever, I wanted to share my problems or talk about my depression or what I went through in life like domestic abuse and emotional abuse, he hushed me and treated me like a child. He never listened to me and he never let me share my problems. He was never interested in depression, in my family problems, even when I told him about me suffering domestic abuse and emotional abuse, he didn't care. He was like he can't be bothered to hear about domestic abuse and emotional abuse story or my depression, when I told him about my dad almost killing me three times, he didn't take any interest. He always took my parents' side even though my dad tried to murder me three times and my mom emotionally abuse me all my life. He still blamed me for getting almost murdered, he blamed me for being emotionally abuse and depressed.

[Kakella]

I'm so sorry about this, it really sounds horrible.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Shezadi I'm sorry you had to go through this.
I hope you are doing better now and recovering from it.
A romantic partner should be supportive and helpful, not cold and uncaring.
Thankfully my girlfriend is not always like this, but sometimes she can be really self-centered and selfish and that's why I got so upset.

I'm happy to make her happy and spoil her, but I'm her boyfriend and not her servant or cicisbeo.

[Shezadi]

At least we didn't bottle up our feelings because that is the worst thing, we should always let the person know if they hurt us instead of suffering in silence. I broke up today. Regarding my parents, I have to tolerate their toxic behaviour towards me until I become independent and leave them forever. They were always against since childhood. They were treated me like their daughter. They hate me so much for a reason I cannot understand. They always treated me like a competition and their ego always got hurt, when I didn't agree with them. They always look down me, make me feel like the world is better without me, they are constantly trying to break my self esteem and my soul, they never forget to taunt me and criticise me, and then when I defend myself, they get offended. They behave like bullies and then expect me to respect them.

[Shezadi]

They think they are doing a favour on me by being my breadwinner and they think just because they provide for me, they can treat me however they want to like a master treats his animals or slaves. It is not my fault, they decided to have me. They decided to have children, if they didn't like the idea of providing for their children, then why have children in the first place?

[EuropeanChick]

sexist pig

[EuropeanChick]

a man has every right to yell back

[Shezadi]

@EuropeanChick I am sorry but you have no right to use swear words just because you don't agree with me. If you don't agree with just give my comment thumbs down instead of going out of your way and having a go. There is no need to attack anyone personally on this site. You are 22 years old and yet you lack basic manners with the attitude, "Anyone who doesn't agree with me deserves to die or deserves no respect." Even if I don't agree with you, you still have a moral duty to respect me and I still have the right to stay alive. You really didn't have to reply to my comment with a hate comment. We are all entitled to our opinions. You didn't even write the article, the comment was for the article owner. This is a free platform with a freedom of speech and I can say whatever I want to but you don't have go round swearing at people who don't agree with you. Even if you don't agree with me, I am still allowed to use this site. Stop controlling what I type here.

[Shezadi]

@EuropeanChick You attacked me like you personally hate me even though we are strangers. Yes this is the internet but you are still interacting with a human being who has feelings and self respect. You must learn to respect people even if you don't agree with them otherwise you have no right to call yourself an adult. I could have replied back with swear words but I don't want to stoop to your level. Age is really just a number because you don't behave like a 22 year old. Everybody knows swear words but I just don't choose to use them and that is not my weakness but my maturity. Be careful with people in the future because you have no right to bully, offend or disrespect someone on the internet. Learn how to talk first.

[Shezadi]

@EuropeanChick Don't bother replying back because I am going to block you even though I followed you. You lost all my respect. Please remove the word "European" because your manners don't represent them. I am sure there are kind Europeans out there. I wish you called yourself a "lady" instead of a "Chick." You are sexist because you objectified yourself by calling yourself a "chick" instead of a "lady."

[over_it]

Wow this is a lot, I think, like others are saying, she just might have been a little spoiled and thought she deserved that "perfect" situation while you were being taken for granted, but I think it sounds like you guys are working through it now, I think it will take more conversations, more compromises and lots of communication but it sounds like you guys are on track to create a beautiful relationship out of something that wasn't working exactly right. Please let us know what happens with this, I would love to know the future for you too, and good luck!

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words and understand ing, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
I think it will takes some time and trials to gets things right, but it's heartwarming she's willing to put the effort in it.

Maybe I spoil her too much. I think she deserves her perfect situation, but I want to have it too.

[debi2622]

It was good of you to step out of your comfort zone to please her. She should have not been so dismissive, but glad you tow could laugh and talk it out coming to admission and a positive way forward. Communications is everything. Along with listening and truly hearing/understanding the other perspective.

Sex with my boyfriend is important. It bonds our minds and hearts in intimacy that is unparalleled. Then all the other non-sexual bonding comes into play to fill in all the other aspects to create a tight relationship seal.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I completely agree with you.
To work, sex in a relationship must be a mutual and satisfactory experience for both parties.
This way the already present good feelings are further reinforced.

[pinkhoodie53]

I love this. You’re really smart and seem to know what you want. I think I’m more like you, sexually, I’m not that interested in it and I feel other activities are too but other guys are sooo (them>me I guess) anyway; sexually I definitely feel like you were/are being neglected. She can be a phenomenal person but if sex is the most important thing to her and she mistreats you in that way for it you might have to find someone who doesn’t hold sex able simple thing like dinner or watching a movie together.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words and understanding, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
You are perfectly right. I understand that sex it's important to her, but sometimes she always purs it first and foremost she puts her sexual needs first.
She has moments she takes everything for granted and treats me as piece of meat.
I'm not a sex toy, and although I'm happy it's all "perfect" for her, I'm a bit less happy she hushes and treats me like a child.

[pinkhoodie53]

I’m proud that you spoke up for yourself. That’s a major step in emphasizing your needs and making sure they are met.

[tiajoka]

It sounds to me that you two have different love languages, and she might not be understanding that. The same way she feels love with physical touch, is the same way you feel loved with quality time. I am also someone who needs quality time, and on my test I got a 0 for touch. But I also know its important to let your partner feel loved like you do, and you seem to have realized that without even knowing the 5 love languages so kudos to you.

[Lliam]

Wise words, tiajoka.

[Anonymous]

It seems to me that your girl has anger issues and is a liittle bit spoiled..

sometimes, when we find ourselves with someone like you, we tend to forget we have our part of responsability and kinda take the person for granted. you're obviously the Mature One here, so she's taking advantage of that!! i've been there before and i know what it's like.
anyways im happy you managed to solve this problem and hopefully she'll learn from her mistakes before it's late. Patience has its limits ;)

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand, thank you for your opinions and kind words!
I admit she has a bit of anger and jealousy issues, and although I do like to spoil her a little, I draw the line when she starts treating me like her servant.

[Opinion Owner]

thank u for mho u. u

[Kurαȷ]

I wouldn't rejoice just yet.
My relationship of 5 years fell apart exactly because of this reason.

You can't fix sexual incompatibility that easily, because to some people, sex is be-all end-all when it comes to relationships.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I know, but I want to work on it.
She's already satisfied while it would take very little to satisfy me as well, I hope she understood that.

[Kurαȷ]

Yeah, that wasn't at all what I meant.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

@Kuraj , don't worry, I already got this.

[Kit_Kat88]

My exes would describe me almost exactly how you’re describing your girlfriend. My last ex would tell people that I was insane and maybe psychopathic. I like to mention that he constantly criticized me for everything, and shouted at me often. I do admit to displaying your girlfriend’s behavior but on different areas, not really sex. I’ve changed and learned how to behave better in a relationship. I hope she changes for the better for the sake of your relationship

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I understand what you mean.
She's generally a very kind, generous and thoughtful woman, it's only with this area we are having problems and frustrations.
I admit I too have had and still have my flaws and things she'd have the right to complain about - but I want for the both of us to work on our flaws and issues to make the relationship work.

[Kit_Kat88]

Does she show you her bad side often?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Generally when she's stressed or in a bad mood.
Our recent problems are only in bed even though things are going well for her, I just think she has gotten complacent.

[Kit_Kat88]

It’s commonly the guy is the one who is very sex based and the girl is like you in a relationship haha

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I know, and now I admit I understand what those women who are left unsatisfied by their guys feel!

[Kit_Kat88]

It hurts but communication and effort can solve it

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

That's what I want to do 👍.

[Anonymous]

"... after indulging her in her array of requests and whims". Whims? It may be a whim to you but it may be important to her.

"... when she blubbered she doesn't want to break up". Blubbered?

I think you're the same guy who was asking about new massage techniques to try on your girlfriend (on another post). So it sounds like you care. I hope things work out.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

And you are right, but I want for her to understand my needs too are important, not only hers.

[Anpu23]

She sounds like a manipulative bitch. If she apologizes but doesn't change her behavior, seriously consider leaving her. This is classic abusive behavior.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I'm giving her the chance to change for now

[DizzyDesii]

Dang i relate to this take and these comments sommuch... story of my life 🤦‍♀️ I've been manipulated so much i hardly recognize how to fight it these days

[spartan55]

Sounds like there is a rarely a dull moment at your place... Man, I was getting stressed out just reading about it... Godspeed my man...

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Sometimes it's like that, but we always manage to fix it in the end

[luvstoned4him]

So glad you both reached a compromise and I sincerely wish you all the best with your relationship.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you!

[luvstoned4him]

your welcome :)

[lightbulb27]

do you understand what is actually going on, want me to try and explain it? there was a simple way to handle this which would have been less painful, unless you are trying to not have intercourse with her until marriage.

your threat to leave is a problem, it could drive her to cheat. do you understand why?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

What could have been the better way?

[GraveDoll]

Ayo! seem like a bad night on the sea with a hurricane. im glad you guys were able to come a conclusion. Conversation is always good rather it through heated debates or other means.