Last night has been one of the worst nights of my life.
My girlfriend and I were supposed to have sex, and we ended up screaming at each other.
For her there was no problem, in her view I was arguing for the sake of arguing. But I was sick of telling her stuff she kept brushing off like I was being a petulant child, without even bothering to consider my point.
Sex has always been a subject of contention for both of us - we managed to work out our other differences very well and with satisfying compromises for both of us, but with sex we never reached a proper agreement.
For her sex is the most important thing in our relationship, surpassing even communication and other interactions at times.
For me sex it's still important, but there are a lot of other important things - communication, sharing impressions, spending time on other activities.
I have to do a little mea culpa and admit that sometimes I have been outright disinterested about it and even neglectful.
She was very upset by this, I recognized she was right and so I anted my game - leaving work sooner to spend more time with her and dedicate her attention almost every evening. She outright admitted she has nothing to complain at the moment and it's "perfect for her".
And this made me happy.
What made me upset was that after indulging her in her array of requests and whims, some of which I had to step out of my comfort zone to satisfy, she got very dismissive of my admittedly smaller requests.
They were indeed so modest, she said to my face she doesn't consider it sex and "I'd be better off doing by myself" so we'd spare the "time to do her important stuff".
The argument broke out because I wasn't enthusiastic enough and so I was "ruining it for her".
That's when I got angry. I had stepped up to change my behavior to accomodate and meet her needs, and not only I hadn't got not even a "thank you", but I was getting shushed, made fun of and everything had became about her.
At first she tried to laugh it off, then she got angry because I was ruining the evening and we "should have been busy already".
A good hour was spent screaming at each other, her because she always screams when angry and I because she wouldn't let me talk. Then it was me trying to overcome the wall she had put up - she genuinely didn't understand or didn't want to, kept motioning her head as if saying "no" and her rebuttals being"But I like it that way" "It feels so good for me" "What it matters to you, as long as you finish?".
My frustration reached it's climax (not in that way) when she blubbered she doesn't want to break up and she's not even considering it, because for her it's perfect. I just quipped "But I might be consider it".
She went ballistic.
Furious anger, crying, threats, begging, she did it all.
I didn't take any of it. I let her calm down and reassure her it's not a certainty, only that I might, if she doesn't care to change. But if I'm not a complete moron and know her well at least half the way I think, she'd be willing to.
So we talked all night long, smoking and cracking open cold beers.
She conceded that I had changed my behavior for her while she didn't, and she has no intention to lose our relationship over this. We agreed to, at least sexually, to start over.
We had sex in the early morning, as a way to "seal the deal", promising each other to start right this evening. And I'm sincerely hopeful things will get better - she's a very thoughtful and kind woman, even if sometimes she loses herself, a bit like me.
Thank you for reading,