Cheaters never change?

[Anonymous]

At the expense of getting a lot of hate, I'm ending this myth now.

I have a boyfriend who I would have been with 10 years now if I hadn't cheated on him. Twice.

Yes, you read that correctly. Twice.

We started dating at 14, and I first cheated on him in college. We were long distance and our differences really began to show. A pre-law girl with a party-frat boy. It wasn't working. Our priorities changed. His parties became more important than facetime calls with me. My study sessions became more important than facetime calls with him. His sorority friends bashed me for being ugly. My friends bashed him for acting like a child and not getting his priorities straight. We stopped calling. We stopped caring. We took each other for granted and assumed our relationship would be okay because it had survived the superficiality of high school.

I met someone new, another pre-law student and we ended up seeing each other secretly for 6 months in a sort of quasi on-off relationship that was extremely toxic to all 3 of us.

My boyfriend and I broke up after I told him about it, yet we remained friends...that was in 2015.

Fast forward to 1 year later - we got back together.

Fast forward again to law school across the country...2017.

I began to secretly see someone again. The stress kicked in and spending winter in a place with actual snow was hard. I needed a physical support and I found one. This one was purely sexual, unlike the first where there were actually true feelings.

We broke up again and this time decided it would be final...but that we'd stay friends because all that time would be a waste and we enjoyed each other's company.

All this being said, I've got no excuses for my actions. It was wrong, no matter what the reason or circumstance was.

Fast forward to Summer of 2018. We had a lot of hookups while I was at home. It felt like the final goodbye, some sort of transient summer romance. It felt right, but at the same time it didn't. We decided not to get back together.

I decided not to say I love you before I left. I felt I didn't have a right to say it. I felt he should find someone else, more deserving and more fitting for him. At this point I just wanted him to be happy.

Fast forward to Christmas of 2018.

I got off a plane, drove to house to say hi and drop off some gifts to his family.

A quick hug turned into a kiss on the cheek, which turned into well...you know.

I assumed this was some sort of Winter romance (wow how toxic we were), but in the moment I was so happy I didn't care if it was fake or not.

At the end of break I decided I didn't want my words to go left unsaid.

"I love you, still."

"I love you too, but I'm afraid of you."

I told him that he didn't have to love me, he didn't have to have pity for me. But if what he was saying was true, I was willing to show him that I could make that change for him. That I wanted nobody else, for the rest of my life...and that I'd continue to show that to him as long as he loved me. (Note: I had not seen anyone since our last breakup - sexual or serious. Nobody).

Fast forward to now: we're planning our first out of the country trip together to visit his great-grandmother in the Philippines. He wants her to meet the love of his life while she can, and it is my absolute honor to be that girl...to be his fiance.

I know you're all thinking that I can cheat again at any time.

Yeah you're right I can...and maybe deep down he probably is scared that I will.

But whatever the world or anyone else thinks...I am changed.

I am his and I will never let myself wander away again...notice that I didn't say "I won't let anyone take me away again".

Cheating was my choice.

Being loyal to him, our families and future children, and myself is my choice now.

I'm not saying you should trust everyone and allow yourself to be fooled, but that you look at others for more than their mistakes. I was cheated on in the past...and I still don't know how I managed to cheat on my love twice in my life.

I often wonder who the bigger fool is: him for coming back to me, or me for ever hurting him in the first place.

But I know I'd be a bigger fool if I threw this love away because of some saying that people toss around. The saying "cheaters never change" made me feel like such crap -- that I never deserved to forgive myself, that I never deserved to love anyone, that I could never be a good person to anyone ever again.

That's bullshit.

I changed. People can change -- even a blind man can see that with time.

[Dongtai]

Are you trying to convince us or yourself? From what I read your love/loyalty is extremely conditional. As long as things are going good in your eyes you stick around. When they don’t, you buckle. It’s a pattern you’ve shown to have over the span of three years. I personally don’t think people change that fast and I wouldn’t trust someone who cheated twice for the same reason on the same person in such a short amount of time.

It’s a noble Mytake but it feels like you wrote this to prove something. You don’t need to. If you truly want to change, accept that there will be times I’m a relationship that it seems imperfect. You will see guys who “seem” more interested in things that matter when your boyfriend is dealing with things in his life. There will be times where it seems like he’s not the way he was when you fell for him, then out of nowhere will be a guy who has the qualities you’re missing.

That’s when your love is tested. Are you the type of person who goes for better when it presents itself or do you love without condition? Better or for worst. Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. You choose a person during their best and worst.

Also. Communication. That’s the biggest thing. It’s always possible to sit down with your partner and just be open about how you’re feeling. Tell him you want him to take you out for your birthday. Tell him you love it when he ask about your project or how work went. But don’t convince yourself the love isn’t there when things aren’t going perfect. Love isn’t perfection.

Everyone deserves love. But not everyone knows how to truly love. Don’t feel like crap. Ignore people who shame you. It’s your life. But if you want to change you can change.

Also. When I say for worst I do not mean abusive people. Never put up with verbal or emotional abuse. That isn’t love.

[myTake Owner]

This is the best opinion I've ever read.
Not gonna lie, so many people who have told me I don't deserve him have almost pushed me to leave.
It's taken a lot to see that what's important is what he wants for us, how he feels about us, and what he sees for us.
It's hard to love when so many people are against your love because you start to wonder if that other person should have better.
But you're right. It's about us, and our happiness depends on the choices WE make from this point on.

[Dongtai]

I was worried I might have came off a bit harsh. But you’re absolutely right. It doesn’t matter what anyone says. You can shape your own destiny the way you want. If you want to change you can, it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday. I believe in you. Good luck with your journey

[myTake Owner]

Don't worry, I have been through much much worse and heard so much more shit from people, even being hurt physically and ridiculed by some.
I guess I deserved all that.
I appreciate you being firm, but gentle somehow.
I appreciate you too for not belittling my entire person.
Thank you for giving me more hope and strength in some small way, to continue improving for myself and him.

[Dongtai]

Could’ve sworn I responded to this. I’m glad I could help you and give you hope. You say you want to be great to this guy and that you don’t want to cheat again. I say that’s a fine goal. Forge forward. Be the best you can be.

[Gary888818]

Come back here once things start getting to be too stressful or you aren't feeling the relationship is going well and then tell us you've changed. You're not seeing the pattern here. When things get tough, you ditch. Until you've dealt with that, you haven't changed a bit. And it's not just one time, its constant. Ups and downs. You will have to stop yourself every time. You've already proven how difficult that is for you. Not once, but twice. Good luck with that.

[myTake Owner]

I wouldn't necessarily call a relationship between a professional student and a full time worker, 3 time zones apart "not stressful"... but I see what you mean.
I'm no saint. I'm no psychic.
Can it happen? Yup.
Will it happen? No. I'm in control of that.

[Anonymous]

I thought I would never, ever cheat. But then I got an emotionally abusive boyfriend. I wanted to break up, but due to circumstances, I had to wait a few weeks. In that time, I fell in love with someone else.
I got drunk and slept with the new person. I don't think that it was right, but I don't think it will happen ever again either.

In my head, I wasn't committed anymore. That allowed me to catch new feelings in the first place.
My ex had treated me terribly, which caused me yo care less about his feelings.
I was certain the relationship would end. So there wasn't anything to ruin besides my principles.

I wouldn't do this again. Next time, I'd break up immediately regardless of the circumstances. But I would never be able to cheat on a relationship that still has any good in it.

Was it wrong? Yes. Does it heighten my chances of cheating again? I think not.

[myTake Owner]

Agreed, I don' think I was in love with him ENOUGH in those moments I wavered.
Don't get depressed and harm yourself over a mistake like I did, anonymous.
You've got a chance to learn, a chance to be happy again, and to make someone happy.
I hope you find someone in the future who can give you the happiness and love you deserve, and that you can do the same.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh don't worry, for me it wasn't a momentary thing. The love was gone completely and for good. If there was the slightest chance that I would ever love that boy again, this would never have happened.

I regret what I did, but I feel confident that I learned from my mistake. Oh and I consider myself rather happy, luckily!

[myTake Owner]

I'm really happy for you then.
We can regret our mistakes, but letting them dominate and define us is when things get tricky.
Once I cheated, all I was was a cheater.
It's like I forgot I was a person with dreams, friends, etc. I convinced myself I only deserved hurt and that's why I began to hurt myself.

Again, I'm happy for you :)

[AD240pCharlie]

I think most people would be a lot more understanding when it's an abusive relationship so in your case, I don't even consider it to be wrong despite how strongly I feel about cheating in general.

[water1411]

once a cheater always a cheater is just a saying people say because once you’ve cheated you’ve realised how easy it can be so you keep doing it as a choice but when the person cheating finds someone they truly love and want to be with and don’t want to take any chance on losing them then yes, they will change and make the choice to not cheat. often people cheat due to not being fully attracted to their partner, or they don’t see the relationship going anywhere or something along the lines like that and clearly it just took you awhile to figure out what you wanted.

[myTake Owner]

I regret that it took so long and that I had to hurt so many people along the way to figure it out.
But now that I'm here, I'm not going to waste the chance to make sure he gets the love he's always deserved and that our futures are as happy as they can be.

[SteveSmith1985]

If I were your boyfriend... There is no way in hell I would believe you could change. But then again I wouldn't have stayed friends with you after finding out you cheated on me the first time. You have an extraordinarily forgiving boyfriend. I hope you realize how lucky you are. Of the two of you, the bigger fool is him. FOR SURE, it's him. I think he's absolutely NUTS. He's either got the highest self-esteem I've ever seen: or he's got the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen. 99% of guys would never take you back after all that. But that's beside the point.

I hope you DO end up changing. But like you said yourself... It's WAY too early for you to say you've changed. Your mindset may have changed. But it means nothing until you get some actual time (several years) under your belt. Until then, it's just words... And your past record makes those words difficult to believe on face-value. You need to see if you ACTUALLY hold up when things go wrong in your life, or in your relationship, or whatever else. I'm just saying... Don't count your chickens before they hatch, so to speak. Your statement about cheaters changing, was made prematurely. Very prematurely.

[myTake Owner]

Just 2 fools in love I guess.
He's had so many opportunities to go to "hotter" "better" girls while we were apart (and even together) but never did. I've asked him why and he just doesn't "see anything in them that he sees in me".
What does he see in me? I don't even know.

I'm rambling though.
I know that I'm lucky, and though talk is cheap there is no way I will mess up a third time.
Marriage is a different ball park for me, a completely different one.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... I hope you do change. Anyone deserves better than to be treated the way you've treated this guy so far. Good luck.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks.
I know I have treated him worse than anyone ever could.
The pain he's gone through, no one ever should.
It's my goal now to show him the love he's always deserved.

[SteveSmith1985]

I hope you do. But... Didn't you say that to yourself in the past... Before you ended up cheating? I mean, I doubt you had the INTENTION of cheating... Until you did.

[myTake Owner]

Nobody ever intends on doing anything bad (well, i mean unless there's criminal sick things involved you know).
I've said a lot in the past. Done a lot in the past.
But that's passed and while I will tread carefully, I refuse to let fear control us.
If I focus too long on what I've done wrong, we'll never be happy--we'll just be buried in fear, anger, and hurt.
I've forgiven myself, but haven't forgotten - just as I hope he does too.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

"He's either got the highest self-esteem I've ever seen: or he's got the lowest self-esteem I've ever seen." ain't that the truth! When I got cheated on, I wasn't sure if I was at fault for having been duped, or if it was her own problem and I was just her collateral damage. That said, I'm starting to think lately that cheating hurts the cheater more than the cheated. When someone cheats, it's like they're admitting to themselves that the entire moral fabric of their reality is a farce. Getting cheated on sucks for other reasons (especially if self esteem is low as you point out), but at least the cheated partner has a relatively intact moral compass. So is the boyfriend in this instance high self esteem or low self esteem? It's hard to say, but you are absolutely right in that all this is "just words" until enough time has passed for actions to tell the full story.

[TalloranShade]

Yeah, I've cheated before. I was never really invested in any of my past relationships, I think the last relationship I had, I cheated with 5 other girls? Just for the sex, I realised that I wasn't satisfied with the girl I was dating, she was fun for one night but her personality bored me and the sex wasn't great, it was good just not great. I tried to help her get better but it was kinda hopeless. So I found myself calling up these other girls, going to their places, having an amazing night then going home. I probably cheated a total of, 13 times with 5 girls. Eventually I broke it off with the girl I was dating, she asked why and I said "It's not fair for me to make you think we have any sort of future, I'm just not satisfied, mentally or physically and I've cheated on you a lot to try and fill that void, it's not your fault that I cheated, it's my fault for dating you, I hope you find a guy that lives you someday" Then she tried to convince me not to leave, she said she'd try and be better for me and I told her that's not fair, She shouldn't have to do that for a guy like me 😂 so I left and never looked back. I'm currently in a relationship and I've turned down multiple offers from very attractive girls, I don't want them, I only want my girl. She's perfect to me, it scares me that I love her so much and how quickly I fell for her but I'm committed.

Cheaters do Change.
People don't.

[myTake Owner]

I am really glad you found someone who truly makes you happy and it seems that you did care for that first girl a lot, it just wasn’t love. Otherwise you would’ve stayed when she asked. Kudos to you.

[TalloranShade]

No, I didn't really care for her much, but it wasn't fair to stay with her if I knew it wouldn't work, especially after cheating 🤷

[myTake Owner]

In a way that is caring... you let her off the hook

[TalloranShade]

No, just because it was right, doesn't mean I cared.

[myTake Owner]

Lol if you say so, it was the right thing to do either way haha

[TalloranShade]

Ok 😂

[CubsterShura]

Cheated on him TWICE?

Yeah that's why you don't give cheaters second chances. I recently dumped my ex after finding out that he was cheating and no matter how much heartbroken I feel I am NOT going back to him. Not as long as I still respect myself as a human being who does NOT deserve to be cheated on. Who does NOT deserve living with someone and being in constant fear of being cheated on again.

That guy gave you a third chance, wow. I hope you remember that for the rest of your life and start acting accordingly, and don't cheat ever again. Live by your words instead of this just being another cheater making fake promises.

[Galaz]

Eh i get ur thinking u have changed but untill u get the crave for someone else and u shed that notion away and go to ur dude i will hold back the congratulations. yes people can change u being afraid of fucking it all up again tells me ur not 100% i hope u the best if u do break his heart again dont keep fooling urselves get help talk together communicate u got this i hope for the best i prepare for the worst always. Good luck stay strong

[Browneye57]

A little long, but I think I get the gist of it...
I cheated the shit out of my first wife - she was a cunt. Second wife of nearly 30 years completely true and loyal. That's why I say 'it depends', and NOT adult underwear. ;)
Just because someone cheated does not mean they'll always be a cheater. There's always a reason, something they're not getting from their primary relationship. And while you can't blame the victim of cheating, there is ALWAYS culpability for the failure in the relationship.
Happy couples in love don't cheat. Period.

[AD240pCharlie]

Good for you.
I personally wouldn't take back a partner who cheated on me, which is why I don't have any contact with my ex anymore. It's very possible that she has changed, but it doesn't matter. I'm not taking that risk.
I think your case is very rare. Most times, even when the cheater in question actually HAS changed for the better, it's still not going to work out. The other person is going to (understandably) be extremely worried and constantly stay very possessive to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

[MrLogical]

Yeah... He deserves better lmao. Take pity on the poor dude and just leave. Don't torture him with marriage with you. He doesn't deserve that and you don't deserve him.

You know that marrying him is bad and you are doing it... You are so horrible.

Hope the dude wises up and leaves before then.

[myTake Owner]

I've told him the same thing. I told him he was a fool.
He made his choice and told me to stop being selfish--to think of what he wants.
For some reason that's me--and I won't question why.
I don't think you can say our relationship is torture since you're not him, with all due respect.
One man's trash is another man's treasure.
One man's pain is another one's pleasure.
It just depends on how you see things and how you feel.

[MrLogical]

Nah I can objectively say you are a piece of shit. He IS an idiot, but he doesn't deserve it. And you are worse for not taking pity on him and leaving him. If you cared for him at all you would, but you don't. And you prove it by marrying him.

[myTake Owner]

Sure, you can say that. I'm not disagreeing.
What's selfish to you means the world to him, that's just a matter of perception/how you feel.
I can't change how he feels and I would never hurt him again by now rescinding from a vow.
My commitment now is to his happiness and our future.
I think he'd be better off with someone else (notice the word "I"). That's not what he wants, and he's emphasized that again and again.
If I am part of his happiness, then so be it. I will do my part to ensure his happiness.

[MrLogical]

You don't care about his happiness. Proof:

1. You cheated on him, twice, years apart.

2. You string him along with sex instead of avoiding him and his family as you should.

3. You didn't stop yourself from saying yes to marrying him despite knowing it's a bad idea.

You did all these things for yourself. You are selfish. If you want to do 1 good thing for him, leave and never come back. I won't be surprised you dont do it.

[myTake Owner]

1. Yes I made mistakes in the past. I didn't care enough then, but that doesn't say anything about now.
2. Sex was mutual and I was not seeing his family regularly, rather remaining civil with them since they were kind to me.
3. Nobody knows for sure that this marriage is a bad idea, it's only what you think.

And to be honest sir, you're entitled to your opinion.
I won't entertain you because you believe in what you believe in -- and that's totally fine and I can't change that.
The only person I need to prove myself to is him (and myself).

[MrLogical]

1. You've been with him for years, and fucked other people behind his back and even fell in love with someone else. YOU DONT LOVE HIM. You don't even know, you are there because he is convenient, comfortable, and a complete pussy that you can use your entire life because he won't stand up to you.

2. It's no mystery that people who have had sex in the past have sexual desire no matter how harsh the relationship is. It's a biological function of the mind, not real emotion. If you were so in love with him, you wouldn't have been able to ever love someone else. Nor would you want to cheat on him.

3. Yes, anyone with a brain knows the marriage is a bad idea, for him.

[MrLogical]

You won't "entertain my opinion" because you know it's true. You are heartless and will continue to ruin his life for your own selfish reasons.

[myTake Owner]

Repeating the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity.
Having worked in a psych ward myself, I understand that you can only do so much to convince a person of anything, the rest is their own choice.

Love comes in its own times, you fall out of it and into it --but hopefully not too frequently. You fall in love multiple times in your life, and with different people unless you get it perfectly right the first time. I can say for sure that he and I are not the same people we were before.
For us, having sex again was not the equivalent of f*cking by any means, unlike it is for many others. We were each others' firsts, so going back to that physical intimacy was a huge deal for us. Something we talked through before it even happened. I knew it would be hard for him because I had been with others and that was something we addressed too. This wasn't some "The Notebook" full of emotion thing we did without thinking.
Marriage is between the two people who are in it, and unless you plan on being at the church it doesn't really matter.

I can't force you to change your views, nor do I want to and that's why I don't want to entertain your opinion. There's really no point.
This is just what I see and what he and I are in, nothing more.

[myTake Owner]

Also to base your view of an entire person on their mistakes is narrow minded and unhealthy. He knows me as more than a cheater and I know him as more than his mistakes, which is why we are able to work through it. You will serve as a toxic person to others yourself if you continue on with that mindset.
You don't know who I am so to call me heartless is just a conclusion based off this post. But the patients and clients I work (ed) with would definitely not agree with you -- and they know much more about me.

[MrLogical]

You literally asked for opinions, genius.

I gave them. Don't be so salty bc I'm telling you the truth and the reason it makes you so mad is because it's TRUE.

[myTake Owner]

I understand that I asked for opinions.
I'm not mad at you for giving yours or for having one.
I simply responded to yours with my/our view. Never once did I say your opinion was wrong or that you should change it.
I only said I can't change it -- which is true LOL
Fortunately you're not the one with me and I'm sure we can at least agree on that (for different reasons of course).

[myTake Owner]

An opinion can't be truth, only the truth can be.
What you think is wrong and horrible, we think is right and makes us happy.
To each their own.

[MrLogical]

It's not an opinion, you are objectively a pos.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but a woman who cheated on the same man twice who then says she has changed... I don't trust her for a second. Cheaters have a character flaw, and character flaws do not just disappear like that. If you were able to justify cheating in your mind under different circumstances than your current situation, other circumstances you don't foresee now will arise and you'll be able to justify cheating again. That's just what cheaters do.

[myTake Owner]

Cheating is never justified, I never said that.
But like people with psychiatric disorders and various delusions, change is always possible. I used to be a med student before I realized it wasn't for me.
The flaws people have can always be improved and worked on, but it comes with time and belief in themselves/from others.

[Opinion Owner]

I hope you're right. Good luck.

[myTake Owner]

All we can do is hope right?
Thanks.

[jmorris86]

I was married for a long time and when things were good she was faithful, when things were bad or I was working too much she cheated. It's easy for someone to say they've changed in the moment but when times get rocky or they feel vulnerable and alone that's when it will happen again and again.

[myTake Owner]

That is true, but it isn't as if things are perfect now.
We're time zones apart and his job with my school doesn't allow for the best contact.
Yet here we are.
I'm not justifying anything your partner did, or anything that I did. I'm not trying to say that things won't get rocky and that cheating opportunities won't arise.
But your partner, myself, and anyone else who may have cheated in the past... we're all different people with different stories and different reactions.
Hopefully you find someone who reacts better next time.

[jmorris86]

Thank you and I appreciate that. I'm not saying that you personally will do it again mainly that my faith in someone being able to change is shaken

[myTake Owner]

Of course, and that's totally understandable. No worries.
Hoping for the best for you, that you find someone who doesn't give you a reason to have fear :)

[Ally247]

I mean, congratulations and I hope it all works out for you. But my belief remains once a cheater, always a cheater. I hope what you're saying is true though, and you don't cheat again.

[myTake Owner]

Nobody's asking you to change your view.
I've been cheated on before too and I knew the guy was capable of change.
He went into depression and engaged in self harm, but now he's got a happy family of 4 with a beautiful wife.
Everyone can change.
Once you cheat all you can say for sure is that "you've cheated", but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll cheat again.

[MrOracle]

People can change, it's just that they rarely do. Just as important, on those rare occasions when they do change, it is always because they themselves wanted to - never because someone else wanted them to.

[myTake Owner]

I agree completely.
Change should definitely come from that person -- whatever reason they have for it -- as long as they themselves want to change.

[SueAnon84]

Boy that's a cynical way of looking at people if you don't mind me saying! Change, the very nature of it, is imbedded in life itself! Babies change into toddlers. Toddlers change into children, so on and so forth! A woman is pregnant in 2000 and nine months later, she has a baby! That thing changes her... The mind ALSO changes and matures as one grows older because of the many experiences people get exposed to! :-)

[SueAnon84]

Exactly. Time is always a good teacher they say and I agree with that! Your ex (now fiance) is quite the forgiving person!

[Nobody_95]

Things happen, they may not always be right. In this case, you were in the wrong... Twice. To him, I would say, forgive but never forget. Love her her or leave her. It'll take time to regain trust, but if you really love each other, you can work through it.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks for being so kind about it.
I endured years of name calling and people ousting me, which I know is nothing compared to the pain I gave him. I'm not the victim here, but I did get hurt in some ways too.
I don't want him to forget at all, as long as he isn't always using it against me (which he never does- I guess that's part of forgiveness though).
So many people tell me I don't love him otherwise I wouldn't do it... sure, at the time I probably didn't love him enough.
But now I do and the chance he's given me, I won't waste.

[Nobody_95]

Just put you whole heart and soul into this relationship, things will work out.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks again for being so kind about it.
He and I aren't engaged per se, but we have promise rings meaning that we're going to continue growing and improving until we're really ready.
I'm prepared to give my all.
Have a good night!

[Shamalien]

People can change

But if a girl cheated on me twice I’d never trust her again and I’d be right in doing so. The fact that you dont know why you cheated says a lot as well

[myTake Owner]

It's hard to put into words, but I do know why.
Because I got weak. Because I got insecure about the fact his friends said others were better. Because I felt ignored by him and felt I should act before he did.
I was cheated on by a man before and chose that this time I wouldn't be on the receiving end.
Very wrong choice on my end to assume these 2 guys were the same... they are not.
Are any of these excuses? No.
Should he trust me? Probably not.
Am I going to waste time and worsen our relationship by wondering why and doubting his feelings? Absolutely not.

[Shamalien]

That person that cheated, it must be so that you killed her, sacrificed that ego on the alter of truth and fairness, that person who did that thing cannot be you anymore. Its good that you admit it was because you were weak and you gave into fear. You have to have the mindset that you would rather die than do that again

[myTake Owner]

I want to be able to look into the mirror and not hate myself, and so I remember that person, but refuse to be her again.

[Shamalien]

good

[saravrodriguez]

Wow. I appreciate this post so much. It still gives me hope about my situation. I have never cheated on my ex, but I did take him for granted. Did your now fiance ever show resentment about it while you two were broken up for that year? How did you guys start talking again?

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Fair enough. But it's also fair that if you do cheat on him again, that you update this thread accordingly. Would you agree?

[myTake Owner]

Sure. I'll keep y'all updated.

[SueAnon84]

Whate will stop you from cheating on him the next time? I really do hope you have learned to be loyal to him now. It will benefit you guys in the long run! Good luck to you and your relationship!

[Twalli]

@SueAnon84 my guess is that she won't be apart from him for too long again. I think that's a factor in her cheating. Not excusing it, but a change that may prevent her from cheating again

[Thomas_Shelby]

Cheaters only cheat on those who aren’t worth their love

[Harmseygrace]

It depends on the cheater. You've just got to look at it without all the love.

[OddBeMe]

Unfortunately it’s highly unlikely cheaters would not do it again. Like reoffenders.

[myTake Owner]

Nothings ever certain. :)

[Sabretooth]

sure-but only a delusional fool would stick around hoping... as you've just proven.

[myTake Owner]

I guess you could say that. But what is a delusion and trick to one person is very much real to another.
We’re all entitled to be as foolish or wise as we’d like, as long as we’re happy and healthy.

[Sabretooth]

you've cheated twice-that says a lot more than your words can. you pretty much thew everything away-twice. i would not consider this healthy

[myTake Owner]

It wasn’t.
But that was 2 years ago and those circumstances don’t apply now.
We’re different people, still growing but definitely different.
To an objective eye it isn’t healthy, but to those that know us, they see us as happier than ever because we’ve decided to dump that baggage.
It’s okay for you to feel the way you do though, and it’s understandable.

[Sabretooth]

both of your affairs happened in a year's time. i bet you said that before-look what happened. i doubt that-were that true-you wouldn't have made this mytake-especially after so long

[myTake Owner]

I regret that I didn’t learn sooner but I can’t undo that now.
I can either do it again or try to change but people will assume no matter what.
So I’ve decided to try and make that change for us, regardless of what others say.
But I do acknowledge your opinion sir.

[Sabretooth]

i have a hard time believing you love him if you've cheated on him twice. let's not dance around the bush-you threw away his love each time.

[myTake Owner]

Also understandable.
And yeah I did in the past, I never denied that.
But that’s not now.
Most think it’ll happen again, i can’t change that.
But at the same time I don’t need to prove anything to anyone but him and myself.

[Sabretooth]

seems like you're doing it now. i think you really need to do some soul searching if you truly love him-or, you just don't wanna be alone.

[myTake Owner]

Seems like it.