What girls really want to hear (relationships, feeling loved/appreciated)

[Anonymous]

I noticed that many of the questions on here, both from girls and guys, are about whether what someone said meant a certain thing or something else.

I'm an 18-year-old girl who wants to share what I personally like hearing from guys and why. Most of this is based on my experiences with two guys, with whom I shared a very close friendship, with one of them a relationship. I love the other one, but we can't be together, just to give you some information on my background.

How I feel around you I

"You're mine"

From: spouse

Why: Honestly one of the best things to hear in a relationship or when pretending to be in one. I'm a little weirdo when it comes to this because I love feeling like a guy "owns" me. I don't mean that in a bad way, but I want to get married, which is why I really enjoy hearing "you're mine".

Dark times

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

From: friend, spouse

Why: I often have meltdowns where I feel awful, my mood swings are horrible and there's not really anything anyone can do about it - but I appreciate it so much when guys ask whether there is something that they can do.

It shows that they try to care and that they don't think I'm worthless or annoying.

"You're the best thing that every happened to me"

From: spouse

Why: This statement shows deep appreciation if used sparsely.

"You're (my/a) sweetie/cutie/nickname"

From: spouse

Why: Nicknames are cute, but I love being called a sweetie. There are several synonyms for this expression in my mother tongue, which makes it even more special to me... I love hearing it.

How I feel around you II (Photo by Hermansyah on Unsplash)

"You're an amazing woman/man"

From: friend, spouse

Why: Nothing is better than being appreciated. That's it. Men in particular who see you thrive are absolutely great and amazing, especially when they comment on it. This statemtent is best accompanied by a reason why he/she is amazing to make it truly awesome.

You're my secret cave where I feel safe. (Photo by Tyler Shaddix on Unsplash)

Which other statements make you feel loved and appreciated?

[LightEnd]

I humbly disagree, it has been my experience that women say they want one thing but the truth is usually the opposite. When compliments are given that aren't deserved it causes a whole host of problems. Let's take a womans weight as an example. 😱

Let's suppose an attractive woman starts getting lazy and puts on 30 lbs or 50 lbs. She knows without being told that her appearance is not what it could be if she put effort into it.

She notices that her significant others sex drive drops. She knows it's because of this but now she is feeling insecure. So she asks her man how she looks in this or that clothes. Now the husband or boyfriend, who listens to this type of thing and doesn't want to be an asshole, tells you "No honey your beautiful to me". She smiles and takes the compliment. But she knows in her heart, what the truth is.

The man is really thinking this.
"I really care for this woman but she isn't looking her best and I do not want to hurt her feelings so I will just say "such and such" thing to her ti make her feel better.

When this is said to a woman, she knows she is being lied to and it does nothing for the relarionship. And I believe she loses respect for the man because he is not being honest. I know very few women will admit this in public however.

I think honesty and openness about the truth of what your feeling and thinking and being able to hear what you dont want to hear is more important that empty compliments.

I've used both in relationships and i find that honesty is all the best policy.

[LightEnd]

I would rather hear something like "I love you honey but if "insert your favorite male celebrity here" asked me out I'm gone!

Because "I would never leave you for "so and so" and your better looking than Brad Pitt. Is obviously blowing smoke up my ass.

If someone tells you the truth then at least you know what your dealing with.

[LightEnd]

Also I would rather be shown that I am loved by a womans actions than told sweet nothings.

[btbc92]

Or maybe you just think with your penis. Honesty is the best policy. That meant you never loved the woman. You just got with her because she made you hard for sex. Let's just be honest. I have seen men who dearly loved their wives and still had sex with them even if they did gain weight. BUT he was honest in a way that makes her realize that health is more important than for her to look sexually appealing to him. She should be already appealing to him in spirit. When a man do that, a woman can start taking better care of herself the best way she can. Your only making it worse. That's your fault. That's why they suffer and get worse over time and eventually leave you for somebody else. Don't do it. You don't have to lie to her, but don't be an ass. That's my advice to you.

[LightEnd]

All this not pickety stuff is ridiculous. Yes if you love someone you will be honest with them. And yes my penis is important to me, if it's not important to whomever I'm dating, and she decides she cannot stop eating ice cream and bon bons, then maybe she doesn't really care about my happiness.

[LightEnd]

You see that is the problem with some women today. They do not put any effort into doing things that please their man. They just sit and make excuses as to why your wrong and how you can please them by shutting the hell up.

I'm not ashamed to be sexually attracted to a healthy female, and not a hungry hungry hippo

[LightEnd]

And anyways, that was just an example, I didn't continue on to the conversation about how not only is in not attractive, but its unhealthy. You just assumed you knew what would be said about what. But both things are important. Her health and her attentiveness. We men are getting tired of your excuses and shaming tactics. How about you stop telling men, what is right or wrong for a man and worry about being a good woman for whomever your with

[LightEnd]

*attractiveness *** but attentiveness is also a good word that my autocorrect threw in their.

Women are very inattentive to mens needs currently. And when we voice our concern then we are told we are a defective human being. Lol

Okay

[LightEnd]

Here's my new policy, if I have to lie to you to make you feel better, instead of tell you the truth so you can give a damn about what I'm feeling on the inside, then go kick rocks.

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for your comment, though I must say I am disappointed that you lashed out at @btbc92 .
Here are my thoughts: Sometimes, weight gain has nothing to do with your boyfriend or husband, sometimes you don't feel good and go from walking 10 000 steps a day to 100. If you continue to eat the same amount of food, you'll probably gain weight.
I've had my fair share of issues with weight gain and loss, and I can say that I feel much sexier when I'm a little heavier. This means that I'm on the upper end of the healthy weight ranfe with a BMI of 24.
I lose weight as soon as I'm sick, as soon as I'm stressed out or simply forget to eat. I worry a lot, my weight fluctuates heavily, up to +/-20lbs a month.
But I know that I'm healthy, I know that I look good and that if men don't accept me for various conditions I have, that's on them and I don't have to take it personally.
Neither should men, who, in my experience, gain a lot of weight after getting married (eating together=more comfortable (in my culture, we sit down for at least two meals a day)). It's unfair to tell someone they no longer look AS attractive, because, as you pointed out, the guy or girl already knows (in most cases).
I'm surrounded by extremely skinny girls (BMI between 16 and 19), and I feel more attracted by men who are a little heavier than what one would expect. Talking about our weight struggles openly ruined several friendships with men and also my only relationship (partially).
I don't support an unhealthy lifestyle, but neither should men support women always putting themselves down like I was. I wasn't doing it for attention, I had major eating disorders and still struggle with my eating habits.

[myTake Owner]

Honesty is great.
But support is what we need. It's not enough to say "you should quite smoking", it's much better to take them on walks with you, mention how great they taste when they don't smoke, ask them to join a gym with you, cook healthy meals for them etc.
Habits are extremely hard to break, hence one should try CHANGING their RESPONSE to something triggering the habit.

[LightEnd]

I do not necessarily disagree with you, however the above commenter lashed out first.

Secondly my original opinion was on the topic of giving empty compliments. Not dick thinking.

I have experience with this issue so I will share it here.

I was married to an attractive woman who after we were married, proceded to gain weight. About 100 lbs. She didn't not work, and hung clothes on the treadmill.

She would often ask me why we wouldn't have sex often. Me. Trying to be a nice guy, told her that I was tired from work or some other excuse. When she asked me if she looked good in this or that I would say yes.

After we divorced she then proceded to loose all of the weight. She married another man and now she is back up to 250 lbs.

I should not have listened to society and women like the above commenter. And maybe our marriage would have worked. If I had told her the truth. Perhaps she would have worked on it.

If I could go back and answer the question on why I wasn't very interested in sex. I would have said this exactly.

"Because you are not sexually attractive to me at this point in time" because that was the truth.

The simple fact of life is that men are attracted to a healthy woman. This does not mean perfect, or swimsuit model material. Just reasonably healthy body.

If a woman struggles with weight gain and takes offense to my comments. I would recommend she change her eating and exercise habits, instead of tell men what they should be sexually attracted to or attack our character and say we are shallow.

I cannot help what turns me on sexually and what does not. It's in my DNA.

[LightEnd]

I think lying to someone may make them feel better in the short term, but in reality does them harm in the long run.

Sometimes the truth hurts, but it's the truth nonetheless.

[LightEnd]

I wanted to come back and say that I know my words may seem harsh but I really just want to get it through women's head that shaming men for what we find sexually attractive is really just an excuse for a woman not to put in the work to be the best woman that she can be. I know that weight loss is not easy and it can be depressing. I know that we aren't all perfect. However, women want a man to be committed for the rest of his life and only sleep with you. It would seem the loving thing to do to make every effort to be the best you can for him

I drive a truck all day, about 10000 miles a month, and I have to be very disciplined in order to keep myself from getting unhealthy so I dont want to hear excuses.

Believe it or not I want you ladies to be happy.

[KrakenAttackin]

First, people show love in many different ways. For man, including me, the gibberish words people use are very clumsy and don't feel sincere. For me to say something like "you are the best thing that ever happened to me", is incredibly uncomfortable.

I show love by touch, and acts of service... I do things for the woman in my life.

[myTake Owner]

It depends on the guy and I specified that this is based on MY experience.
It's called a MYtake after all ;)

[KrakenAttackin]

You phrased this as "what girls really want to here".

What I am saying is that quite a bit of how many men communicate love is not verbal.

[myTake Owner]

I'm sorry, due to your lack of grammar I cannot understand what you want to tell me. Please rephrase your comment.

[KrakenAttackin]

My apologies. Men communicate love in different ways than women. Often men communicate love in non-verbal ways.

[myTake Owner]

Oh okay. Makes sense, then again these titles are always generalising eh?

[Dashee]

I'm not trying to be rude but you're right: the Mytake is about what girls want to hear, not what guys want to say/do. All people show their love in different ways and that's okay, but OP just stated a few things that people love to hear from their SO.

[myTake Owner]

@Dashee Thanks for pointing that out again.

[Anonymous]

This isn't every woman, thank you.

"You're mine"
If some guy told me this, I'd laugh. It respectful relationships it goes without say. Just as how he *is* mine.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"
I'd much rather hear this from a stranger than a friend or partner. A friend or partner would more than likely help without asking.

"You're (my/a) sweetie/cutie/nickname"
Meh. Where I live & work nicknames are common. I have a *lot* from colleagues or just acquaintances. I'm "sweetpea" to Tim Hortons people for example.

"You're an amazing woman/man"
Again would rather hear this from a stranger than a friend or partner. Friend or partner likely already know it, don't need affirmation of it.

[myTake Owner]

Your opinion has been stated.

Look at my first two sentences:
"I noticed that many of the questions on here, both from girls and guys, are about whether what someone said meant a certain thing or something else.

I'm an 18-year-old girl who wants to share what I personally like hearing from guys and why."

Just looking at the headings sometimes ruins a myTake.

[Opinion Owner]

@myTake Owner - and you're enacting the spoiled 14 year old behavior. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, what makes *you* special?

[myTake Owner]

I'm not, I wrote something that felt close to home after not hearing any of these statements for a while. Thank you very much for diagnosing my level of maturity through reading a single myTake I wrote that has nothing to do with who I actually am.
I don't have anything to add and kindly ask you to stop responding to avoid a childish feud, especially since you didn't post your opinion publicly.
Thank you.

[MelissaMarie9614]

I love every one of those you put. I love when a guy tells me "you're beautiful", "you're my everything", "I care about you ", "I'm here for you ", and "you're the sweetest". Most importantly "I love you " is the best 3 words any guy can say to me! One day it'll be "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"❤

[eugeneflora]

If a man keeps saying those things after you have already slept with him the he may just be a keeper but don't sleep with a guy just because he says those things

[myTake Owner]

@eugeneflora Good point.

[nightdrot]

Your list seems appropriate and I often find myself saying things like that to my girlfriend. She is - and the three little gifts she gave me are - the center of my universe and there is not a day that goes by that I don't tell her.

However, my girlfriend told me one time that nothing I ever said to her mattered as much as the time that she was in labor with our first born. Obviously I had never been through that before and - dumb as it may sound - seeing her in that kind of pain scared to h*** out of me.

It was the early stages of labor and we were not yet in the delivery room and it was just the two of us. Frankly, I was the classic nervous dad-to-be and at one point I saw my girlfriend experience a particularly sharp - at least I guess it was - contraction. I saw the pain in her face and I felt utterly helpless.

So I blurted out - "I'm so sorry honey. I love you so much and I am so sorry I put you through this!" or words to that effect. She just smiled at me and mouthed back at me the words, "I love you."

Well, 12 hours later they put my first little Munchkin in my arms as the tears rolled down my cheeks - big tough milksop that I am.

My girlfriend later told me that nothing has ever meant so much to her - to this day - as when I was said what I said when she was in labor. How it told her how much I loved her and was with her.

While I know that is not quite what you meant in your question, it always stuck in my brain how much that meant to my girlfriend and how she went out of her way to tell me that later.

[lightbulb27]

a good list.
I think girls want to just know they are loved, no matter what. like you can tell her she did something really dumb or it was a bad choice, but "I still love you". It's affirmation she remains safe inspite of her thinking. Now... this can't just be manufactured words out of a robot, but emotionally sincere. If it is said the wrong way, it will be received as "distrust" and that's 10x worse! Now she's insecure, and he gets the 3rd degree in some other way as her fears mount.

Affirming their thinking, choices, special gifts... like smoe people are good at navigating, or at color/design/form, etc.. Just being acknowledged for their special gifts and that you value that.

[lightbulb27]

ex regarding weight "honey, well, I'd agree, you are out of shape... you got some extra chub on ya.. we've been eating out too much [e. g. takes some blame/responsibility himself]. But ya know what, that extra love hands [inuendo of desire is good] is extra energy for other fine pursuits [that's mysterios, positive].

So now she's not feeling negative about her reality... which has been affirmed, but she feels excited about the potential! It's all about managing the emotions...:)

[Dashee]

I really adore the little things. When someone points out something small or even just a basic compliment, it honestly goes such a long way. I once had a boyfriend who used to shower me with compliments about talents I didn't know I had because nobody ever really pointed it out. He really helped me with my self-esteem.
Another thing would probably be, "I'm really proud of you." Or something along those lines. It might sound like something a parent would say, but hearing it from your SO is great.

[bibi3pu]

You're a good man... Often based on something rather mondane that has nothing to do with her. It just fills me with pride and makes me wanna be a better person, knowing she is looking up at me.

Another one is: just hold me, I'm a dummy, especially when I'm tired or have a lot on my mind. My reflex is like for most men: problem - > solution.

So it's a nice to have that process short-circuited and be reminded that just being there is enough more often than not. You are the solution, you are enough.

[Koalamate]

I have never been bright always barely scraped through school but i had a girl call me smart once for something small and practical.
I melted tbh i almost shed a tear bro she just understood me.
she was in my class i had never spoken to her before and we never spoke again.
I always show my feelings towards people they do wonder if i actualy like them or not but i found they like me more when there wondering.

[Mexicvn]

Ha, I've said those things to my ungrateful ex. I promise you I meant every single phrase mentioned above, to her.

[myTake Owner]

That unfortunately happens, but there actually are (statistically speaking) plenty of fish in the sea :)

[Mexicvn]

You're right! I know my worth!

[kymberz]

OMG? i'm in love? but i'm a girl and i feed the deer here in my village - not sure if you needed to know that or not but can i ask why you are living in my head? and i mean it respectfully because certainly there is enough room for both of us but wha? what the hell did you just say?

[myTake Owner]

Looks like someone had too many 'shrooms...

[kymberz]

don't i wish i could just blame it on the 'shrooms!

[Browneye57]

Well, the only problem is that, while you've spent a lot of time considering what YOU like, my guess is you've spent not one moment considering what YOU bring of VALUE to a relationship. Not. One. Thing.
So honey, just name ONE! And no, it's not that you're KIND. LOL

[myTake Owner]

Writing this take actually only took me 15mins.
You have no idea what I'm like, I'm a higly self-reflective, pensive person. What I contribute to a relationship definitely isn't kindness, I've never described myself as kind to someone.
I'm intelligent, I'm driven and I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for others and for reaching my goals. Every day is different with me and there's no such thing as knowing what I'll do next. I'm never bored, hence I always find something we could do. I give great advice, I'm punctual and work in a very precise way. If I were to plan a holiday for example, I'd find the perfect mathematical ratio between spontaneity and fixed plans.
I'm great at talking to others, there's never a moment of awkward silence with me and I'd make his parents feel like I was their daughter. And I have a lot of experience with bad habits, I can share a lot on this with children, which is a good quality to have in a relationship because while I'm not the best listener, I'm THERE for people.

Please don't assume that I'm anyone's "honey", just take it back if you may, it's quite creepy for someone your age to tell me I'm your "honey". Thanks in advance.

[Browneye57]

Yep, an image in your own mind. Good luck.
Time to take it down a notch, honey. You're a typical entitled special little snowflake.

[jenn11161986]

I love you for who you are. But of course, we also need to consider reading between the lines. They may tell you things that would make you feel secured, question is, for how long are they going to keep their word from it?

[eugeneflora]

Guys let's be real and serious we men will say just about anything it takes to sleep with a woman even the mushy things. So girls beware of what men say to you most likely we are just trying to sleep with you

[Ancref]

I disagree, it's just your problems with manliness or sexuality that make you think it's okay to lie about feelings. You don't need to try to bang all random girls you don't appreciate, it just feels wrong. Sex without being attracted to your partner (s) is meh, no matter the genre etc
Just wank if you want to unload your balls ;)
You'll feel less guilty.

[myTake Owner]

@Ancref Très bien écrit, merci.

[Dashee]

You're both right and wrong. Not all men are like that, but I once had a very unfortunate experience with a guy where we spent the entire night outside, chatting away about all sorts of things. He lived in a different city but he told me he would travel to mine everyday if it meant we could be together. Real mushy stuff. Of course, that stuff never happened and it was just one amazing night together in the end. One thing I didn't get though: I was the one who walked up to him because I was into him. He decided to make things complicated by saying stuff like that and actually making me fall for him, even though it could have been so much easier for the both of us lmao.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for sharing. I think it's fair to say that what men want from women is just to be respected, valued and appreciated, three things men don't get much of from women these days.

[myTake Owner]

Yes, and I disagree with that last point, there are good women out there too lol

[Opinion Owner]

Of course, there are definitely some good women out there, but it has become unfashionable in recent decades to show any respect or appreciation for men, and women as a whole are quality of that.

[Opinion Owner]

*guilty of that

[LightEnd]

The thing that discourages me from finding one of those unicorns, is wading through all the zebras with a horn taped to their head. a lot of times it takes a year to find out she was just posing as a unicorn.

[Unit1]

Good to know.
I was told, that we men see with our eyes (love with our eyes) and women hear with their ears (love with their ears - what they hear from us) and that these both are the equivalent. I believe that.

[DonCachondo]

Strange... As a man, I too hear with my ears.

[Unit1]

@DonCachondo i mean we do hear too but women love hearing more than seeing.

[Catnap240z]

I like the idea of someone saying I am theirs. Never really thought about it.

But main thing I love is the nicknames. And I'm not talking about just 'babe' or 'baby'.

[Mayfair]

'I love you', you're mine' and 'I'm here for you'.
But ofc I prefer it to be proved by actions and it should be said honestly and with feelings

[Anonymous]

Uh, this goes both ways but everytime I tell this to my girl she ends up saying that she doesn't need me anyways, so what's the point? No hate on this myTake though.

[myTake Owner]

Well, that's the other side of it. I don't need men either, but it's nice to have a boyfriend :D

[Opinion Owner]

Do you care for your boyfriend?

[Opinion Owner]

Do you love your boyfriend?

[myTake Owner]

I'm single, so there's that.

[seansin]

If everybody treated each other equally and not property we be better off

[Slate69]

Your mine,
stay with me forever,
I want to grow old with you.
you have the key to my heart.
Your mine always and forever.
You complete me.

[eugeneflora]

Coming from a guy that's usually a line they say just to get you in bed with them

[Anonymous]

I'd love a woman who'd tell me I was hers 😅. Just the kinda guy I am.

[just_legit1998]

Me too.

[alice2301]

I agree with you about everything you say, specially about hear from a man "You're mine". I like also when he says "you are special" or simply "you are beautiful" because it's hard for me to feel valued from a man

[pizzalovershouse]

can't really say other than the you make me feel whole an loved