Abuser Behavior

[hsshannah96]

I want to share this because a lot of people seem to think that within only a few days you can pick up abusive behavior in every single case. This is false. I’m going to explain how abusers work so people may victim blame less potentially.

So first off, usual emotional abusers tend to want to keep their prey as long as they can. They’re usually pretty smart individuals that know if they start out nasty, they won’t be able to keep their prey as long as if they wait and then start being abusive much later, when they know their partner is hooked.

A typical timeline in an abusive relationship looks like this:

1. Love bombing (which every partner shows love to their partner and affection, so that line of knowing if that person is showing the love bombing of an abuser is hard to detect)

2. Some slightly nasty comments but they come from what looks like frustration when the couple have an argument (so viewed as completely normal, again more normal couple behavior. When they get upset with each other, they tend to become rude to one another, that’s totally normal)

3. The later stage after months of the first two where it’s finally detected.

4. Sometimes later on depending on the relationship, the physical stuff starts.

[christabel1]

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[angiebangie]

I think the relationship my parents have is abusive

[TremorJay]

I think it's a great idea to spread awareness around this topic.

However, I don't think it's always the case that abusers have bad intentions, at least not from the start. People are flawed and intimate relationships are, in some sense, a tool for shining a light on those flaws.

When you say they're "pretty smart", I think you mean that in more of an intuitive/instinctual sense, than a calculated one. Correct me if I'm wrong. My step-dad was emotionally abusive and characteristically dumb. He could not argue intelligently, so arguments always devolved into name-calling and verbal abuse.

If someone were coldly calculating their abuse, whether physical or emotional, I would think that characteristic of a sociopath or a psychopath.

[hsshannah96]

Abusers ALWAYS have bad intentions

Whether people believe it or not is another story

[TremorJay]

I suppose you're right about that. Despite their reasons, the intent to physically or emotionally do harm is not good.

Would you agree that all abusers are trying to maintain some position of power? If that's true, I can easily see that maintaining power through force is unjustified. Only in life or deaths scenarios would that be necessary.

[Kurαȷ]

You forgot the most important thing- gaslighting.

It's the numero uno symptom of the dark triad/sociopathic disorders in interpersonal relationships.
The tendency to shift blame to you, try and convince you that they didn't actually say something you claim they said, or they completely refuse to accept wrongdoing even in the face of irrefutable evidence.

This is the most important one to look out for because, unlike most others, it isn't a twitch reaction and it is a symptom of the kinds of human behaviors that there really isn't anything good about.

[ThisIsMyOpinion]

No abusive relationship starts with a slap. Its a gradual build up until it gets to that point. The abusers know how to get their victims under their mental and emotional control. Tehy will make sure to not push their victim to hard so that they won't leave. By the time the real abuse starts they are far to drained to leave or fight back.

[Agape93]

Well done 👍

[SecretGardenBlood65]

Good take..

[Anonymous]

That's true.