Do you really NEED closure?

[OlderAndWiser]

. . . and you'll NEVER see her again!

"Closure" is a frequently used term but I'm not sure we all mean the same thing when we say it. For me, closure means hearing an explanation, having a a chance to ask questions and seek clarification, ending with no questions unanswered. As I have gotten older, that version of "closure" has become less important.

1. Yes, it is always preferable to have questions answered and to understand why she and I are no longer "we."

2. Sometimes, circumstances don't provide for closure. Sometimes, you get ghosted. Sometimes, a partner seemingly overnight decides to return to an ex and they cut off all contact with you. It sucks . . . but it happens and there's not much you can do about it.

3. Sometimes, a partner doesn't want to have the "breakup" talk. They don't want what they think will be drama. Maybe they feel guilty about the breakup and don't want to confront you.

4. Sometimes, a partner may have the talk but they will be dishonest with you. Perhaps the facts put them in a bad light. Perhaps they are a chronic liar. Don't you wish you had made a better decision initially?!

5. Not always, but usually, you already know why the relationship didn't work. You know she wasn't ready to move forward after her last breakup. You know that she doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. You know that she feels uncomfortable around your friends and family. You know that she's embarrassed to ride around in your beat up old pickup truck. You know she craves excitement and you are Mr. Calm and Stable.

Expanding the focus beyond just relationships, experience will teach you that some questions in your life will never be answered, and that might make you uncomfortable . . . but life moves forward anyway, and whatever discomfort you feel . . . you get over it. In the long run, those answers that you simply HAD TO HAVE weren't as important as you thought they were, and you learn to live with unresolved questions.

If you are younger than me (like 98% of you,) I understand why closure feels important. But when you get older, you will probably come to agree with me that closure is overrated. So, be brutally honest with yourself and learn to answer your own questions. It will help to smooth out a few of the wrinkles in your life.

[Screenwriter]

Agree. Often it's impossible to get. So you have to let go of wanting it. A very close friend of mine died and never told me she was on death's door. I would've liked to have said good-bye, but clearly it wasn't important to her. She pulled away and that was that.

A sister never got over her disagreement and anger with her twin brother. He had a massive stroke and died in the hospital a few months later. She never let go of the anger between them and tried to resolve that loss and lack of closure with a grand memorial service that few showed up for. This is sad.

Sometimes closure works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. But the ultimate arbiter of closure is YOU. You determine the when and how of it happening. You don't need anyone else to say, this is done. This chapter is over. It has to end so I can move forward!

[OlderAndWiser]

You get it. Experience, as always, has taught you well!

[NathanDavis]

Yes...

however, I've started to wonder and ponder about how to go on without it... I would not say it is overrated, but in the face of not being able to have closure

needing it stops being a priority...

it has to be, not a priority

[HawkPerception]

There's only been one relationship I've had (my last and most recent one) where I had closure and it's interesting because it's the only one that I ended myself. Because I know what it feels like to not get everything off your chest and understand why it happened, I gave her all the time she needed to ask all the questions she wanted and explain everything she wanted me to explain. I let her cry all she wanted. I was firm, but kind.

Closure is not absolutely necessary. You can definitely live your life. But it is definitely nice to have.

[Dongie]

No, it doesn't have to define you. Life goes on.

[Summeroflove]

At the end of the day if someone ghosts you just be glad they did… Someone whose a coward and can’t communicate like a adult isn’t worth your time or energy anyways; and a lot of people ghost just for that matter to hurt you and make you wonder what you did.

In some cases you may be responsible for ending a relationship or in other cases it's a mutual agreement that neither person is compatible at a certain point.

At the end of the day..:.. What’s done is done. In some cases you have to realize it’s not you. It’s them…. And grieve it out.

[DishLady]

Personally I usually do. Positive closure if possible.

[AviatorTom]

Closure is often just moving on.

[YourFutureEx]

I do not think closure is overrated. It can tremendously help you understand the situation and about yourself. Where you fall short. But as you mentioned, your ex can be dishonest.

Life and maturity will eventually answer your every question but the process is tedious.

At the end of the day, understanding life is unfair and it's best not to think too much about the things that you do not have any control over. And by investing your time, effort and thoughts to the things you can control, you'll be where you should be.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"but I'm not sure we all mean the same thing when we say it"

I'm absolutely sure we do not mean the same thing, because words have their own singular meanings, those meanings have to escape dictionaries.

I really need closure, for myself within, whether or not it's me breaking up. Otherwise, I feel either like a ghost wandering or someone who isn't respectful. What closure means to me is about her explanation as well as mine, there's no guarantee hers will make sense to me though. So if she doesn't give it, I'll craft mine. But I vastly prefer hearing her take, because it feels better this way, to me, it feels like I'm not creating explanations alone. It feels like the best move possible, the last demonstration of cooperation before the end of the chapter. I find it powerful, symbolically.

[Visrako]

Of course you need "closure".

That helps you set things on the right place, so that you can move on with your life.

People just tend to misunderstand what closure actually is.

People think that closure means having a conversation and clarifying everything, so that you can have peace, but no... sometimes people just disapear, and you don't have the chance to have any type of conversation, and tou know what... that's also "closure", because if someone doesn't want to speak with you, then you already have your answer... you just don't want to accept it.

Remember, the lack of an answer, is also an answer.

[OneViewpoint]

Nope. I don't need answers you probably don't have anyway. I can walk away not knowing. I learned a long time ago that the universe has no concept of fairness as a human would interpret it. Stuff happens. I accept it and move on, focusing on the things I can control.

[ProbablyClueless]

Honestly, I think it's pretty necessary. Because people's past experiences inform what they do in the future. If you get in a situation where you're being treated like shit, even though what you did was right, it can prevent you from being able to recognize how to behave in healthier situations.

It's important to know if you're the problem, or if you're just surrounded by assholes.

[MJVillarama]

Closure feels nice, but it’s not always necessary. Life doesn’t always give answers, and sometimes you already know why things ended. The key is learning to process it yourself and move forward , it’s more about self-understanding than someone else explaining themselves.

[Dongie]

Sometimes you're left in limbo where you wonder is this all? Then you're twisted in a way and kicked to the curb wondering what just happened? Maybe you're left with unanswered questions because they would rather treat you as a miscreant, a fool tossed like yesterday's garbage, so they don't risk being deemed the fool.

[Massageman]

Let's just say that the closure I really needed I never got. And there is another someone who tries to keep "forcing" closure - complete with the notion that he some sort of super-god- whom is better left forgotten.

[Staximus]

Needing closure is a myth and just an excuse to not move on with your life.

[OlderAndWiser]

Agree.

[Staximus]

It's a good way to drive yourself crazy. There's some answers you're never going to get, and there's ones not worth the time, effort, or stress. Then there's answers you get and never wish you looked for in the first place.

[OlderAndWiser]

One of those lessons on the road to being an adult is that some of your questions will never be answered, and that's okay. Life will continue and the earth will keep spinning on its axis.

[Caroline91]

I not always sure it's that helpful. When it's done, it's done.

[exitseven]

I think it would be good to have closure but I do not know for sure because I do not think I ever got it.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Oh FUCK Closure! I don’t need that shit. Life moves on & so do I.

[jshm2]

No. Quite often it's just you wanting to be shitty one last time.. or to get even.

[Anonymous]

Closure is really an American thing. The navel gazing self analyst. Most people in the world just get on with things

[MannMitAntworten]

I cannot say I ever had a relationship end where there was “closure”. It is more or less, “we’re done.” And that is that. Which never gives a reason.

[AngryCarl2]

I think I agree but I'm not really sure what closure means. Is it something that happens when you die?