This was a while back, a long while back and happened to a friend. I hope everyone can learn from this. I hope it has the impact it had on me, on you and ever since I have changed a lot with regards to my friends of the opposite sex. It's worth the read.
For 5 months I have been emotionally damaged from my ex girlfriend`s friendships with men. All I ever wanted was respect and honesty, but I would get neither. This hurts beyond belief. It all started when my girlfriend started working with people with learning disabilities, I was pleased for her as I could see how much she was enjoying her new role.
However, it all started when we were at her mum`s house, and she was on facebook. She made a point of showing me the profile of one of her male colleagues, and stated that ” he has a nice personality, and he looks nice in this picture”. I was exremely disappointed because I knew she was purposely trying to provoke me. I told her that she was “very young”, which she didn`t appreciate. I didn`t care, I would have never done that to her, it seemed so childish.
So then, I had to accept that my girlfriend was friends with a man at work, who she obviously found appealing. I was very mature about it, and I never mentioned it again, but I was very aware of what was taking place.
A couple of weeks later, my girlfriend had a day off work because of a doctor`s appointment. She was in the bathroom and her phone rang, I looked at the caller ID, and saw that it was her male colleague. My girlfriend asked me to pass her the phone, which I did.
When my girlfriend came off the phone, she came into the bedroom stating “my colleagues miss me when I`m not there”. I was like “really”. Inside I was really upset with this, as I could see that they had exchanged phone numbers, and now this man is calling my girlfriend.
I started thinking if she ever told him that we was together and living together. Either way I felt that he was crossing a boundary, but I also knew that I didn`t have a leg to stand on because my girlfriend didn`t seem to have any issues with this. Fine, again I didn`t say a word.
A few days later, I just had to speak my mind and I told my girlfriend that I was uncomfotable with her giving her phone number to men. We spent the whole day texting back and forth (we was both at work). I told my girlfriend to pack my things and i would move out when I got home. When I got home she talked me out of moving out.
The very next day early afternoon, who calls my girlfriend ? It was him, I knew at that moment that my instincts were spot on and my girlfriend and this guy were getting very close underneath my nose. They spoke for around 5 minutes, obviously he sussed that I was there and hadn`t move out like my girlfriend probably told him.
When my girlfriend came off the phone, she stated “go on then, I know you want to say something”. I said “I have nothing to say”. I didn`t see the point, I could see that it was a losing battle. I just stated “please tell me the truth, are you telling this man about our problems?”. She stated “no, but I admit he has seen me crying over you”. What a coincidence that he would call the very next day after we had a huge fall out. Am I paranoid ? I don`t think so.
I didn`t say anything more, I just tried my best to accept that my girlfriend is close with other men. It didn`t stop there. This next incident I believe was the beginning of the end for us.
My girlfriend came home from work, kissed me and hugged me then got a cd from her collection and just left the flat. She never said a word and she was gone for at least half an hour. Can you imagine, I`m fuming at her lack of manners. Anyway when she finally returned, she was NEVER going to explain where she went with the cd. I could not believe the lack of respect she was showing me. I had to be the one to ask where she went and to whom did she give the cd to.
I had a feeling who it was, I just wanted the truth. Now this is where my girlfriend showed me how immature and ruthless towards my feelings she was. When i asked her who she went to meet and give the cd to, she answered “I got nothing to say”. At that point i lost my temper, I swore at her and I stormed out of the flat. I lost all respect for her after that, and I could see that she no longer valued me or the relationship.
Within the following month or so, we was as good as over. After months of giving my all, I just exploded and told her a few home truths. May I just add that I believe there were a couple more male friends that she had. She just loves the attention. Now this is the hard part. During our break up (about 1 month in) we discover that she is pregnant. Stupid me was thinking that this would put everything into perspective and that we need to communicate effectively.
My ex made no secret of the fact that she was not happy with the pregnancy, and this killed me inside. Even when the nurse at the early pregnancy unit, confirmed the pregnancy, my ex cried and wouldn`t speak to me. If looks could kill. 2 months prior to the pregnancy, she told me that she would be so happy to be pregnant with my child. Now this, confusing isn`t it ?
My ex was kept in over night because of severe stomach pains, and I returned to the hospital in the morning. The tension between us was very difficult, we hardly spoke and when she did it was with great hostility. This was a nightmare for me, who wants to have their first child like this.
Obviously my ex had to call work and notify them of her absense, within minutes who calls her ? It was him, and my ex soon perked up. Very polite and very respectful. I could only wish that she could show me that same respect. He told her that he would visit her, she told him to come to the early pregnancy unit. God knows what he was thinking.
Other male colleagues called her when they got wind of her situation, and I just had to accept that these men were important to my ex, and I was treated like an enemy. It was extremely painful for me. When her colleagues visited her, my ex made sure I was absent. She never wanted me to meet them, and this was very hard for me. I know now that she was not the right woman for me.
Anyway, my ex had a miscarriage and I truly believe that this was a blessing. She never really loved me, and I am certain that she NEVER really spoke highly of me with her male friends, because if she did there would have been respect and boudaries. We still stayed in touch and even became intimate on a few occassions, we even spoke of trying again.
I was still hurting from many things in the relationship, and I told her how i felt. My ex dosen`t have the empathy to understand or care about my feelings an so she one day just cut all contact and even threatened to call the police if I called her or text her again. I just could`nt believe it. She told me to move on because she has. I could`nt help but think that maybe she started something with one of her male friends, after all she`s had more than enough time to build connections. I just feel like such a fool and the pain is so real.
Sometimes I think to myself, that her male friends played a part in me losing her, but I don`t blame them. My ex is very pretty and has a wonderful body. She uses this to her advantage and she is an expert at manipulating men into worshipping her and feelng sorry for her. It killed me that she was so respectful of them but cold and evil towards me.
Anyway, I know I have said a lot but I just want people to know that there is a thin line when it comes to opposite sex friendship. In my experience, I NEVER once accused my ex of a physical/sexual affair. I didn`t believe this was the case. However I am 100% certain that she was involved in emotional affairs, and this can be just as damaging and painful.
If you really do love and respect your partner, introduce them to your opposite sex friends, and allow them to interact with each other. NEVER keep your partner apart from your opposite sex friends. It arouses suspicion and is truly disrespectful.
Respect each other
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