Why are guys so scared of those words "I love you"?

Why are guys avoiding it, or if they say it back, it doesn't sound sincere?


Most Helpful Guy

  • To a lot of guys, saying I love you is a big thing. Why?

    I've had girls tell me they loved me within a few weeks.

    I had one woman say she loved me after two weeks; I was the only man for her. It was way too fast. I told her that. A few weeks later, we broke up over something else. And by a week later, she tells another guy, and "admits" to him that she has always loved him, and that "he's always been the only man for her. " She was using this as a manipulation tactic.

    Some girls will say it, and not care. It's virtually meaningless to a lot of girls. "I love you" means "I think you're great at this specific moment at this specific time, but if you do something I don't like, then I'm going to hate you forever. " To a guy, if a woman says one thing, then does another, a lot of guys consider her to be dishonest. To some woman, that's "changing her mind, and that's her prerogative. " And it's perfectly acceptable.

    If a guy says it, then breaks up with the girls a month later, he's a real dirt bag. He's also a liar. Most of us well adjusted guys don't like being seen as the dirt bag. Especially when it's not true. It's a double standard on the guys.

    We have to make sure we honestly feel it. We don't like guys who say "I love you" then cheat the next day. That is dishonorable and cruel. So we want to make sure we're feeling it, and we'll be honest. Unless we're "players" we don't like it when a man does that any more than you ladies do.

    And we all know there's a period of about 3 months, where everyone is showing your very best sides. At 3 months, we don't know how genuine you're being with us. We think you're great, but it could be because you're on your best behavior like we are.

    Then again, some of us are cautious because we've learned from experience that saying it

    and feeling it too early can seriously hurt us.

    We have to almost feel like we're going at it logically, cause some women will use it against us. "if you really loved me, you'd. " Some people, guys and girls, will use it as a manipulation tactic. So, a lot of us are cautious about the whole thing. We don't want to get burned.

    Saying it FIRST is a real sign of weakness to some men. We already put ourselves out to be vulnerable when we ask you out. So, understandably, some of us are cautious about saying it too early, or first, because you can reject us in a heartbeat very easily. Our guy friends ridicule us if we say it in front of them. We get ridiculed, especially if it's too early.

    And some of us are taught that showing any emotion, other than joy or anger, is a weakness.

    To me, SHOWING it as well as SAYING it is important. But I think the guy should wait until at least 5 months into the relationship to say it. If he's not feeling it, he shouldn't stay in the relationship. But that's just me.

    • Thanks. I've had a guy tell me after 3 dates he loves me. But your advice makes a lot of sense.

    • I completely agree with Dave and would like to add; saying "I love you," for me is more of an overall condition, rather than how I'm feeling towards someone at that point and time. Saying "I love you" means that I am sure and am confident in saying that.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Depends. When a girl says it first we may not feel the same yet but we also know that if we just smile and remain silent that we'll either hurt her or worse yet have to endure the silent treatment for a week or so, so we'll say it back.

    To me, I've never uttered those words to a girlfriend unless I truly meant it but I've suffered through the silent periods quite often because of it as well. Now, if I truly love her, I do not have any issues with it. Heck, I'll scream it at the top of my lungs in public if need be.

    Let me ask you this though, why do so many woman expect the same response when they say "I love you" to their boyfriend? This also applies to guys as well. I think too many folks say it not because they truly mean it but rather as a test to see whether the other person is falling for them. Just my 0. 2c from your friendly neighborhood stalker ;)

    • Yeah, I've been told there are 3 kinds of loves in one lifetime: your first love, the person who you will marry, and the person you will live with forever. One down, two more to go.

    • I don't think they avoid it, it just takes some time. If he love's you back he will say it, but it could take some time.

  • I remember being with my girlfriend for about 6 months and she dropped the 3 word bomb. I eventually thought about how much she cared and affectionate towards mean and I didn't feel the same connection. As much as I tried, she kept saying I love you and I'd murmured it back.

    Like Stanley said, girls get every bit of scared and doubtfulness when those words are iterated.

    My girlfriends say it to me all the time and I usually don't enjoy hearing it.

  • It's like going all in in a poker match. If you have the cards then you're fine (or if the opponents fold you're fine).

    But say this too soon to a girl and you're f***ed. Most guys have learned from experience that it is a terrible idea to be emotionally open with a woman prior to her complaining that you aren't open enough. The first emotions should be pried out with a crowbar. Otherwise you get labeled effeminate and weak by her.

  • Bcoz they are afraid girls might slap other will make fun of them they will never be able to be close to that gal


What Girls Said 2

  • I believe you will know when a guy loves you. They will let you know they sometimes will be the first to say it ( but us gals have to be careful of that ) because some will say it to get into your pants. Moreover, I myself do not say it. I have not told a guy I love him in about 3 years. I use to use those words freely. But I do not anymore. I know what love feels like now and if I don't feel it I don't say it and if a guy tells me he loves me and I don't feel it. I tell him I don't feel that way. It stings pretty badly for the guy but I think they respect me not drooling all over him saying something " I don't fully mean yet" I have never been the first to say I love you to a guy. It is something that is hard for me to feel and say.

  • I don't think they necessarily avoid it so much as don't want to say it without meaning it. When they truly love you, I think they would be more than happy to say it.

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