Is it weird that im 16 and my boyfriend is 20?

[emmathestrange]

We haven't been dating long, just a couple months- and we haven't done anything sexual just to clarify
I don't know we've known each other since I was 14, he started as just a friend of my sisters but we got really close. I really really like him and he told me the other day he thinks he's falling for me.
I guess I just want opinions on our age gap..

[Dandeus]

check this site.

https://www.ageofconsent.us/

a lot of people are assuming you're having sex, which you said you haven't yet, but even if you are or plan to start soon it may not be an issue depending on where you live. Many people falsely assume that the age of consent in the US is 18, but it actually varies by state, and states that have the age set at 18 are a small minority. As you will see on the site, most states set the limit at 16 or 17, and many of the states have what are called gap provisions to make exceptions in cases where the legal adult is within a few years of the age of the minor since a few years doesn't make a huge different in maturity level.

In any case, the sex topic aside, no it's not weird. As I mentioned in a comment below, my parents are 4 years apart and met when my mom was still in high school. They are now about to retire and have been married happily for more than 40 years. It's a close enough age that you could have taken a few classes together and very reasonably have many friends in common outside of school through siblings, extra-curricular activities, church, or just living in the same neighborhood. Considering that you met him when you were 14 (meaning he was still a student himself) that's very plausible.

[funkipunk]

I don't think the age gap is anything worth making a big deal about. 4 years really isn't that much in my mind. However, if you two did have sex, (I believe) he'd technically be considered a pedophile because he's over 18 and you're a minor.

The one part of your question I did find weird is that this guy knows you by being friends with your sister? That could set up some problems down the road.

[emmathestrange]

My sister and I are extremely close, I don't really see it causing any problems- I said they were friends and that's all they ever have been so yea :)

[arohi1012]

Not weird at all. Back in the day, I was 16 dating a 19 year old, and we were together for about 2 1/2 years.
Most people probably just think that you ought to be with someone in high school, like yourself. But really, him being 20 isn't all that far fetched from what you'd be getting from a high schooler. Course if he was 30, then I could see why some people would be a little weirded out.

[TheLittleBuggy]

Nah, I once had a boyfriend who was 19, and actually turned 20 a few weeks after I broke up with him, and now my current boyfriend is 18, if it's legal in your state/country, then you've got nothing to worry about :) and I'm also 16 to clarify

[WiiU89]

Which would have been illegal

[TheLittleBuggy]

I've never done anything illegal.

[lumos]

Well, it's illegal in some places. I personally don't think it's all too weird, and in a few years (when you're 18, I'd say) nobody will bat an eye. The older you get, the less the age will matter.

[SailorMars]

I don't think it's weird at all, my boyfriend is 18 years older than I am and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. As long as he's not pressuring you, I don't see anything wrong with it

[JackKerouac77]

A little, and the age gap will most certainly make a difference later if y'all are romantically involved, but it can also fade with time.

Just stay friends for now.

[QueenNikki]

Thats gross, you're a little girl and he's a man. The right thing to do would be to wait until you're 18. I'm 20 and i look back at when i was 16 and wow i was a child, you have so much growing up to do!! There are pressures u aren't ready for, things he's learned that you have yet to learn. Its not right, if its meant to be then it will be, so wait until you're grown.

[ThatGuy98]

Well my teacher is 8 years older than his wife and they have been married for 20+ years and so has another man I know that is 5 years older than his wife. It is possible to date someone with an age gap but just make sure he really respects you and don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. :)

[justarandomname]

Nope you are legal in the laws eyes, as long as he doesn't force you in to anything and your happy so yeah your fine, now can I ask you to help me with mine.

Okay now I'm 17 years of age and she is 14 but I really like her and she likes me she doesn't feel weird but I do, can I have some opinions on this please.

[emmathestrange]

are you sure you really like her if you feel weird?

[justarandomname]

I do but I feel weird that she is younger than me that is all, I like her in every other way.

[emmathestrange]

I guess all I can say is try not to let her age bother than you- If you really do like her as much as you're saying it should be pretty easy to over look :)

[justarandomname]

Thanks :)

[jacquesvol]

If she's 14 it's statutory rape: read your state laws.

[Masterchief1]

Hey man i was 17 when i met my fiancee she was 14 at the time and we been together for almost 7 years. So if you like her go for it dude who knows what can happen

[Masterchief1]

Just hold off the sex part till leagal age of your state us the only causation i can think of

[Dandeus]

@jacquesvol he doesn't live in the US according to his profile, so you're just making baseless assumptions. In many states there are gap provisions to allow a minor and an adult wiggle room if they are close in age, and in many states 3 years falls within those limits.

[jacquesvol]

@Dandeus Indeed, other country but even, then it's really at the limit. Read this quote :
----
"When sexual activity involves exploitation such as prostitution, P*rnography or where there is a relationship of trust, authority or dependency the age of consent is 18 years.

For other sexual activity ranging from sexual touching (such as kissing) to sexual intercourse, the age of consent was raised form 14 to 16.

There are “close-in-age exceptions” for example youth who are:
16-18 years old- are able to consent EXCEPT when partner is in position of authority
14-15 years old – are able to consent IF close in age partner is less than 5 YEARS (and partner not in position of authority or exploitative relationship) OR married/ preexisting common-law relationship
12-13 years old- able to consent IF close in age partner is < 2 years (and partner is not in position of authority or exploitative relationship)"
teachers.teachingsexualhealth.ca/.../
----

[jacquesvol]

If she didn't think it's really limit she wouldn't be asking this.

[Dandeus]

@jacquesvol

Thanks, but considering that your initial comment mentioned the states, and that the person in question is actually living in the UK, I'm not sure why you posted something about age of consent laws in Canada.

And in that quote, it's specifically talking about sexual relations in terms of the older party being in a position of authority, like a teacher or a priest, or in a position of exploitation like a pornographer. Since a 17 year old is most likely not going to be in such a position and describes her as his girlfriend, he falls well within the 5 year gap provision described in your quote for minors who are 14 to 15 years old. And that assumes that they're having sex and not just dating. He never actually said they're having sex.

[jacquesvol]

@Dandeus
----
In a relationship
Hipster Chick
Canada
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/user/emmathestrange
----That's why i looked up Canadian law.

[Dandeus]

@jacquesvol

OK, I see now it's the Asker who is Canadian... and in Canada the age of consent is 16, which is how old she is. And he's a friend of the family, not an authority figure, so the entire discussion is moot in terms of legality of sexual consent.

[Anonymous]

You might want to check the legality of that situation, it may be illegal. Whether or not you think it is weird is different, but I think it's a little weird. You guys should find people closer in age to you

[lkjhg69cum]

Check your local legal age of consent laws, it may be illegal.

[mckss]

It's normal because my mom is five years younger than my dad and they get along well.
Age should not be facter in a relationship.

[jacquesvol]

5 years normal? Do you approve of a 14 yo dating a 9 yo?

[mckss]

@jacquesvol It is complicated if a 14 year old person is dating a 9 year old person because they are both kids (one is a teen) and they are not old enough to understand complexity of a relationship but some kid do understand it and that is rare. In the case of a 16 year old girl dating a 20 year old guy is normal because she knows him very well and vise versa as they met when he was 18 and she was 14. They both have feelings for one another so they is nothing to worry about.

[badger25]

When you're that age it's a little weird but by the time you're both in your 20s its not

[jacquesvol]

Yes, it's weird. He should be looking for/dating girls his own age. Why doesn't he?

[Dandeus]

My parents started dating when they were 17 and 21, and they've been happily married for 43 years. It's not that weird. 4 years is close enough they could have gone to the same high school and possibly taken some classes together.

[Keyspirits]

Do u think is it hormail if a guy is 32 and the gurl is 21? ;P

[jacquesvol]

a 20 yo is an adult.

[Lovinu20]

@jacquesvol has a pine cone up his butt. Notice the main antagonist on this thread. He does not even have his facts straight and thinks he knows US law when his profile says he is from Belgium.

[creativeusername101]

it's sad. older guys who date under age girls do it because their losers and women their own age won't give them the time of day. he's preying on you.

[emmathestrange]

Well for starters if you knew him you wouldn't think he's a loser at all, and all his past relationships have been with girls closer to his age so its not like they won't talk to him lol
I don't see it as preying on me, I was the one who started our relationship so..
Thanks for your opinion?

[creativeusername101]

I'm sorry, but any grown man dating an under aged teenage girl is a loser.

[creativeusername101]

you're welcome.

[emmathestrange]

Not really sure I'd call 20 a grown man, I mean he is still in college and lives with his parents, yes he's technically an adult but there is still a lot of growing to do as a person at 20

[Lovinu20]

No not at all. Depends on the person

[jacquesvol]

The law says so.

[Lovinu20]

The law depends on the state where they reside. Age of consent is 16 in most states, but some are 17 and 18. But then you have close in age exemptions (known as Romeo and Juliet clauses) on top of that.

I think that you being over 45, you would be smart enough to know that.

[jacquesvol]

Romeo and Juliet clauses are invoked for minors. He isn't a minor. I this case, in Canada he'll get away with it. In the US not.
I know that when I was his age I didn't even care to talk to 16 yo girls. I was in college and for me a 16 yo was like kindergarten.

[Lovinu20]

Nope, Romeo and Juliet clauses also apply for adult and minor relationships too if there is a certain age gap apart. Get your facts straight.

[rUinSAYAN]

do what you think is right.

[Anonymous]

It's illegal here in my state

[emmathestrange]

Where is that? If you don't mind me asking?

[Opinion Owner]

Don't need to know

[emmathestrange]

Okay, I was just wondering sorry about that.

[hunteroftheKrouse]

Same in Louisiana, it is highly illegal

[Jakesusername]

North Carolina as well.

[Dandeus]

@Jakeusername

The age of consent in North Carolina is 16, so it's actually not illegal.

[Opinion Owner]

In North Carolina, the age of consent is 16. Sexual intercourse with someone who is under the age of consent is only illegal if the defendant is: (1) at least 4 years older than the victim and (2) at least 12 years of age (the age at which the defendant can be prosecuted).

[Opinion Owner]

I'm not in N. C. I was just posting it for you

[jmmmfi]

Illegal might be a better word

[Strider90]

it is weird.