He takes his anger out on me?

[Anonymous]

I notice that when my boyfriend gets mad at something or other, he takes it out on me if I happen to be the next person he sees. I know he's not really mad at me, just at something. But he picks a fight over some small insignificant thing. I guess he just needs to take his frustration out on someone.

Depending on my mood, I either ignore him and give him space or I start yelling too.

The thing that really makes me mad is that after this "fight", he's expects me to apologize to him because he thinks it's my fault.

Latest example-

We were over at my house watching tv. The show ended so I picked up the remote and changed the channel. He completely flipped out, started screaming and cursing about me controlling things or something. I kinda tuned out a bit, and asked him to leave.

The next day he texts me and tells me he's really upset and that when I'm ready to apologize, he'll forgive me.

In the past I did apologize for these situations because even though I know I didn't do anything wrong, it would just be easier to say I'm sorry so we can move on. He doesn't get upset often, he never tells me the real reason. We just don't talk about it anymore.

But I'm getting really fed up with being the one who has to apologize because I feel like he should do that.

Have you ever been in a situation like this? How do you handle it?

[ArtistBboy]

Yes I have, and I agree- it can be quite daunting when the other party doesn't speak up and appologize from time-to-time either. It doesn't have to be "all the time" but when they are wrong, I would like to hear it when they mean it.

First off, try talking with him about his day and just be there as a girlfriend. Make little jokes or something to break the tension. If you notice he has that look of exploding, give him a back massage and ask if he wants to talk about his day. If he doesn't or that he starts to get a tone, just continue with the back massage, he'll probably open up if you don't respond.

Other than that, when he freaks out like that- call him out on it and let him know that he's acting irrationally. "John, you're 20 years old and you just yelled at me for changing the channel after our show ended." You don't need to belittle him or try to argue, just point it out and then move on- even if he tries to start a fight or argument "So what?! I can do whatever I damn well please".

Ultimately, I applaud your for sacrificing in trying to work together to resolve this, but it's something he needs to overtake by himself while you feed him support and understanding. You can't make the change for him. I just want to point out that in my previous relationship, I closed the doors and moved on. I was so sick of it after 4 years that I gave up

~ ArtistBBoy

[tamix0x]

someone recently told me that they like to take their frustrations out on the people they care about the most, because they know that you will always forgive them. I really believe this is true. I have been in situations like this, and I just usually let it blow over, because no matter what, a year from now you will look back and just laugh at all the stupid things you have argued about. if its a continuous thing, than there may be something more to his frustrations. relationships are supposed to be mutual, it takes two to have a relationship and it takes two to argue, therefore you shouldn't be the only one apologizing. some men can be hardheaded though and feel like they're bowing down, which is not a manly thing to do according to the man world. the best thing to do is to really try and have a civilized conversation with him and if he starts yelling, don't yell back. just tell him you're trying to talk not argue.

[mstonee]

Yes, I've been in a situation like that before, and I strongly suggest that you leave now while you can, It only gets worse. The next thing you know you'll be his punching bag then he'll apologize to you to keep you under his command and control. Especially if the police is involved. Girl, leave his butt where he is. he's an angry coward. He knows that he has you where he want you. And as long as you continue to tune him out you're setting yourself up for failure. Things are not going to get better know matter what he says. And why are you apoligizing for something he's done. Like I said COWARD. I'll love t see him as an INMATE. That's where he'll be soon anyway.

[Anonymous]

break up with him