A girl seeing other guys?

[Anonymous]

Hi. I've been seeing this girl for a while now and we've gone on lots of dates but I also know she's been on dates with two other guys. So ladies, what I'm asking is, should I continue to see her and hope it turns into something more, or am I taking her interest in hanging out with me the wrong way? Does she see me as just another guy friend? Cheers for your responses!

[lucy_mae]

How far have you gone physically? Are you really DATING or just hanging out as friends? If you have had sex or at least heavy petting, you are definitly dating.

I am all for dating a few people at the same time, especially if it's just casual, noncommital dating that allows you to gain more experience understanding what you like, dislike and need in a relationship. But when it's time to get serious with just one person, dating other people must stop so that the focus can be on the relationship with the person that you have chosen.

If you have been dating and you see the relationship becoming more emotionally involved, I would tell her that you are interested in seeing her exclusively (aka she's your girlfriend now) and ask her if she is interested. If she does not want to, you have to make the decision of whether or not you will continue seeing her, since she obviously does not feel the same way about you as you feel about her.

[confused21]

few questions:

did she tell you she was seeing other guys? when and how?

how many dates exactly have you been in? is she aware they're dates?

if they are and she's seeing you regardless of the other guys then she still might be interested in you. take hints about her body language. is she being flirty? does she hug you, kiss you? etc. if she's not making it clear she might not see you as a romantic interest but she wants to keep you as a friend. it's better for you to be upfront with her and ask her the way she feels.

[Asker]

Yeah she's told me a couple of times, mainly after they've actually been out, and it's usually that they've been to the cinema or something.

We've been going on dates for about 3 months, and I think maybe when I first asked her out she didn't take it as a date thing.

She is being flirty but it's very subtle. She's very shy around new people and she says it takes time to get to know her properly, but I've got to know a lot about her. We haven't kissed but we hug every time we leave after going out

[confused21]

I agree with the other comments, I'm sorry, but she considers you a friend. it's your choice now if you want to continue the friendship, try to ask her to be more than that, or to end all relations with her. in my opinion though I think she really likes being friends with you, that's why she keeps seeing you and hasn't ignored you after the first date. so it's your choice where you want to take things.

[Tamikaze]

If you have been going on dates for 3 months and all you have done is hug, well she probably thinks you are just friends. I do think taking things slow is great, but after 3 months without a kiss most women are just going to think you are friends. The fact that she tells you about her other dates is also a sign she thinks you are friends. Who pays for the dates? You, or do you both pay? Overall I think it is time you talk to her and tell her that you like her beyond friendship and see what she says.

[bigcrebs]

No kiss after 3 dates puts you in the friend zone, let alone 3 months.

[Irrelevance]

A couple of dates doesn't equate to a relationship so, as far as she's concerned, she can do as she likes. It's more bad form than anything else.

Personally, if I found out a girl I was dating was seeing other guys, I'd ask myself "Do I really see a long term relationship happening when I've got doubts so early?". Then I'd make a decision. She could be incredibly faithful whilst in a relationship, you never know, but this is hardly a good start for her, is it?

[Asker]

Thing is, she's incredibly shy and a bit of a recluse, but when she speaks to me its all good, and double dating doesn't seem like the kinda thing she would do. And it hasn't been a couple of dates its probably been 2 or 3 a week. I've felt I've got really close to her, she's met all my mates from where I'm originally from, and we flirt a heck of a lot. It hasn't been happening AS MUCH recently, but it's still there at the back of my mind.

[Irrelevance]

Have some time to think about it, mate. It's not a snap decision to make. The only further advice is you're going to have to be stone cold about it - when a guy tries to rationalise behaviour in order to stack the deck in his favour, he's looking for reasons to say "yes". Switch it round and look for reasons to say "no", it'll save you from heartache in the long run.

[Littletad]

If you want her all to yourself, treat her like someone who really knows what he wants. Tell her how you feel, and that you want to be her only guy. Be confident, not passive.