Stay single or compromise?

Question

So, both genders have standards (picky if you want to call it that) and they vary from individual to individual. Are you willing to settle or would you rather hold out and reject virtually everyone in search of that one perfect person?

FWIW, you can have exceptionally high standards and still settle for someone lower down. Or you can have fairly low ones and still hold out.

redeyemindtricks · Accepted Answer

The ONLY time when I think "settling" is healthy is when the proverbial clock is starting to tick, for PRACTICAL reasons that are basically immutable.
The most obvious example is fertility -- the odds of conception plummet after a woman hits her mid-30's (give or take a few years for other factors, including race, diet, body type, and whether she has given birth previously -- women who've never given birth lose their fertility earlier).

Otherwise, I'd say "settling" is less than salubrious, because it indicates that you need to fix yr OWN life.
... like, rlly, what do you hate so much about being single, that you're willing to concede a HUGE part of yr life -- not to mention inevitably sacrificing a certain degree of yr independence -- to someone who quite literally feels, on a gut level, not good enough?

If someone is in that kind of situation, I'd say she/he needs to take long hard look at her/his own life first. Does she/he have a sense of PURPOSE? Something to live for, something to fight for? Any real goals, any real themes tying together the different things happening in her/his life? A decent (doesn't have to be particularly big) network of people she/he can actually TRUST?
... If not, then, it's a VERY bad idea to throw her/himself into a rl, REGARDLESS of whether it feels like "settling".
Even if it feels like winning the relationship lottery, it's STILL a bad idea. Because all those missing pieces of the person's OWN identity are going to depend on this new relationship -- which is an awful lot to demand from the other person, and which is going to create what seems like intolerable heartbreak if the relationship ends (even if it honestly wasn't very long or very intimate).

You need to have YOUR OWN LIFE. And then, a good rl is one that ADDS to YOUR life (... and does the same for yr partner, too).

SmartButBroke · Accepted Answer

I think people have the wrong idea about settling or compromising. Like, just for example, you only give two options. There are not just two options, and that's what I think people don't get.

I think what some people need to learn is that you can be happy, or even happiER, with someone who does not meet everything or almost everything on your checklist or who doesn't meet your ideals. You don't always have to compromise OR stay single... you can realize that many types of people may be right for you despite not having this or that.

After my last relationship ended, I started spending a lot of time thinking about my own standards, the type of people I had eliminated from them, and whether or not I'd actually be more likely to find the most essential qualities I'm looking for if I let go of focusing so much on some other ones that aren't really that important or aren't anywhere near as important. For some people, it would end up not being settling; it'd be being more realistic or more open-minded. I know now that there could easily be someone out there I could actually find and love even more and who is even better than what my ideal is.

If it were strictly a matter of settling, like I could not find anyone who met my must-haves, then, absolutely, I'd stay single. And, in fact, I am fairly sure that is what will happen for reasons that are more about other people's decisions and not mine. But, for example, if intelligence is a must-have for me and I keep running into dumb@sses, then, absolutely, I'm staying single.

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

My boyfriend and I are opposites in a lot of ways, and that can make our relationship tricky at times. We both have to compromise and make an effort to work through certain issues. But he's amazing, and our relationship challenges me in positive ways that inspire me to better myself. He makes me happier than anyone else I've ever known. Compromising and settling are not the same thing.

I've never expected to find someone "perfect". That's an unrealistic expectation. Every person has flaws or traits that you have to learn to accept. Every relationship is going to require some amount of compromise. Finding someone who makes me happy, and who can work through problems with me and find a solution, is all that I'd ever expect.

ALPHALONEWOLF · Accepted Answer

a love or relationship can only be sucessful
if you sacrifice and change yourself for each other...
but trust me ego is the biggest thing...
why should I change myself. she or he. should and have to change her or himself for me...

one more thing I seen and learnt that...
if you lose something for someone
then you don't want to lose that person...
and if both partner do this...
same feeling come from them...

today relationship are not life time
but rather long or short becuase...
just becuase of ego. if he is hurting me í should also do the same... this.. I see it as ego and. attidue problem...

no one is perfect...
even we are not perfect for ourselves...
becuase even don't know what our potential is...

there is no perfect person.
you cannot stay with a person like yourself for whole life...

single is better... ( yes and no both. ).

ak666 · Accepted Answer

I have difficulty answering the question because I'm not very picky when it comes to girls. :-D

For me "settling" wasn't about her characteristics so much as whether or not I was crazy about her and whether or not we were very compatible.

I never had a dream resume of who the perfect lover would be. The two times I fell in love with girls, it was completely unexpected and I wouldn't have been able to sum up their characteristics on paper and say, "aha, that's the one for me!"

RJGraveyTrain · Answer

You see, this is hard to answer.

I'm not the type of person with a SUPER strict, long check list, so there are things I can do without in a partner. Like, I like fit guys, my boyfriend isn't out of shape at all but he isn't super toned either, I would have never written him off for that even though the latter is what I ideally want.

I think there are some things you need to let go if you want to be happy but ultimately you shouldn't settle for someone you aren't feeling deep feelings for just to avoid loneliness.

Red97u · Answer

Stay single if you want, but the perfect partner is what you make of them. There is no such thing as a perfect couple or a perfect relationship. It's a person's imperfections that make them perfect, and if you want, just ask someone for a date. Nothing serious, just two people talking to each other and learning. If they don't feel to you, then you can move on. Just be careful not to hurt their feelings.

So, no perfect human, no perfect relationship without imperfection. Go for whoever you might like.

EmpatheticLady · Answer

I'll stay single. If I settle, I'm not fully happy with the person in one way or another. I'll always question my decision on being with him, even if he's a good guy overall, and that's not fair to either one of us. Both of us should be over the moon in the relationship.

I've had a couple guys now that were very nice and had good personalities that I've turned down simply because I wasn't feelin' it totally with either one. Something about them just made me not feel that spark that I know I should feel. Why drag them along and get their hopes up more in hopes that I finally like them like I should (which I know I won't more than likely)? Nah, that's not right.

nalaa · Answer

"settle" I guess, if you meet someone that you feel is the love of your life, that's great but I think that you can also be happy with someone as long as you find them attractive (which should be most people your age), have some common interests and values and they treat you well

Katerina_Belle · Answer

I think all relationships require compromise at some point, unless your partner is you lol

So while I would settle, it would only be on certain things, and it has to be a few things, if I'm settling and it ends up changing everything I wanted then the guy just ain't right for me...

So I guess there's a limit to what you would settle on before you rather decide to stay single.

existing_not_living · Answer

I will NEVER settle. I've seen close family members who have settled for someone that doesn't deserve them and it has turned their lives upside down. I'm already screwed up enough as it is - I don't need someone I settled for to screw me up even more. I don't have super high standards. I'm not super picky. However, I do know what I want and I'm not going to settle for less than that.

xxmamichulaxx · Answer

It depends on what I'm settling for. If I dont want to date someone who has children , I'm probably not going to settle into dating someone with 2 kids just because I like them. But if its something like not wanting to date someone who has an annoying laugh , but I like someone with an obnoxious laugh, it may not be a dealbreaker

BeerFarts · Answer

I'm very picky when it comes to my partner - I never settle. I know guys who couldn't stand being single so they'll settle with anyone because they're embarrassed to be seen single.

I don't respect people like that because hey have no fucking pride.

TheLuckyPizzaDog · Answer

im still at the point where i feel i can hold out still for someone that will make it worth my while to pursue. im sure, though, that over time my tastes and expectations will change. So it wouldn't really be settling, its just that i want different things.

HyperCynic · Answer

My standards are not unreasonable. I will not settle and I dont expect my partner to settle for me. If I want her I will make sure I am the man who deserves her. It is that simple, relationships are never easy, you have to be willing to put yourself out for that person

meatballs21 · Answer

If you give yourself ridiculous standards that nobody could ever meet, then of course you're of the mindset to then call dating anyone as "settling".

It's better to get off your pedestal and see what's out there, and realise what you could have been missing out on.

SunsetLover · Answer

"Settle", if you want to call it that. Why? Simply because the "perfect" person does not exist, and I believe that if people don't try with someone else just because they're waiting for someone "better" or "perfect", they'll most likely remain single their whole lives.

Iraqveteran666 · Answer

No guarantee that "perfect" person will settle for you. Standards are important but somewhere on those standards you will compromise, but on what and by how much will be up to you. If you don't compromise you will never find anyone good enough or if you compromise too much you may nother be happy with that purpose. You also have to factor the compromises your partner makes in accepting you.

art84 · Answer

I rather be single than settle for someone I know wouldn't make me happy and doing so cause I couldn't find the right person that I pictured so I lowered my standards for someone who I don't find attractive and we don't have connection but both of us feel that we need to have someone in lives and can just go through the motions basically just on autopilot or taking it day by day.

AleDeEurope · Answer

I'll wait. I want a family, a happy one that will stay together, and not be separated by a divorce. I don't want my kids to be raised by divorced parents, and if I settle, I'd most likely either get a divorce, or live an unhappy life.

TuMeManques · Answer

I guess it depends on what you're settling on. Personality, morals, values, beliefs, respect... don't settle. But if you're like "she must be a lingerie model and drive a Ferrari," then yeah, you might want to settle.

Anonymous · Answer

Well there's no such thing as a perfect person, but if there's no physical attraction and I mean none or if we don't click in any way at all then I won't settle. While I haven't had the best luck in my dating life, I do know that settling did not make me happier.

Savatar · Answer

It's important to compromise or you will have to stay single. Best ways is to consider "What should I prioritise?"

springocelot · Answer

you should never compromise on the values/morals you like this person to have but everything else is pretty flexible

dragonfly6516 · Answer

There are standards, and then there are deal breakers. Try shaving off some of those standards and take a chance. But do NOT "settle" for someone that you won't be happy with!

Stay single or compromise?

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