Anonymous letter which shows that my boyfriend of three years is cheating on me. Should I ignore it?

[Anonymous]

To be honest it isn't going perfect between me and my boyfriend and I know I do sound jealous, but an ex of his decided to keep popping up in his life. He was very secretive about her and only told me that she pops up when she needs his help. A few months ago I started seeing more texts pop up on his phone. Each week he gotten more texts.

A few weeks ago I got fed up with her and he keeping her a secret. It was either me or her. He choose me and cut all ties with her which infuriated her. She even sended an angry text to him, which he showed me, where she was angry for unfriending her on Facebook.

Last week I got an anonymous letter with screenshots of texts between them and even texts to and from an other girl (which were very 18+). I literally got sick by reading them.

All these texts look like the screenshots were made from his point of view (on his phone). There was also a screenshot of texts between my boyfriend and me included, which I can confirm.

This all seems too real to be fake, but at the same time there is a rejected ex in play. As they say "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

[btbc92]

These days you never know. But if you feel it in your gut, it's best to not just let this sit by and investigate its legitimacy. You may need to find somebody who is willing to do this legally. But if you have to go that far and you don't trust him anymore, leave don't stay. A relationship cannot last without trust. Always remember that. You can't control what he does, but you have to seriously think about what your actions are going to mean for this relationship. Because you can only speak for yourself, and he can only speak for himself. I read in one of your other comments that he was next to you and he told you to throw it away. That is a major red flag here. There is no way of telling if he is or isn't. Anybody these days can be a hacker or something along those lines. You never know. But if you cannot trust him or his words, you don't have to stay in this relationship.

[Asker]

Thats why I have serious doubts. I already gave him an ultimatum to choose me or her. If he chose her I would have break up then.

The fact that he didn't want me to read them means that either knows what is in them or has a clue what is written in them.

If I ask him why he said that he's just going to say that it's fake and that he didn't want te see me hurt by fake texts.

I feel in my gut that there is something going on that isn't right. If he had nothing to hide he would have shown me.

[btbc92]

The fact is you shouldn't have to make him chose. If you already have to come towards that conclusion then the wise decision is to just end it and never return. Don't be with a cheater. Something is going on, and that he did things he shouldn't have. He should have been flat out honest with you and he wasn't. Even if he didn't nothing sexual, the fact is he was with somebody you would never approve of. And that is more than enough proof for you. At least it should be. Trust your gut.

[Anonymous]

I'm not saying that he didn't send them but it is possible to create fake messages online and print them out. Also there are ways to get deleted messages back it might be worth trying to get the messages back to see if they were real. If he won't let you then he must have something to hide. Did he ever hide his phone while messaging people and her when you seen her name pop up?

[Asker]

Whatsapp has a local backup for up to a week, he deleted the texts more than a week ago. That means it's not possible.

Yes, I noticed that she was texting him more than usual a few months ago. Asked him what they were talking about and then he gave the standard response "she wants my help". When I seriously started to get annoyed with her presence I put some more pressure in it and then he responded "i dont respond to her anymore". When her name popped up again I made him choose.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah sorry I thought it was normal texts.

[luvstoned4him]

Don't give into it. Dont get angry or dump it. Prob that sad ex just tryna cause turmoil in your relationship because she can't have him

[Asker]

That doesn't explain how was she able to get the conversation between me and my boyfriend.

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker well if its not you then he did it. Maybe while they hung out or what , she got into his phone.

[Asker]

The conversation between me and my boyfriend in the screenshot is real. I confirmed it with my own phone, so it must be someone who had access to his phone.

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker that's what I said above..

[Asker]

Alright

[BasicFlake]

First of all you need to show your boyfriend these screenshots and see what his response is. He will either admit it or deny it. Do the screenshots show the date and time of the texts? If so, and they align with his itemised phone bill for the same period, then you might have something more to go on. If they were whatsapp messages or similar then you wouldn't be able to do this, it wouldn't only work if they were actual text messages.

If he denies it and you are still unsure then you might have to make a decision without getting any final confirmation. You might just decide that there are too many red flags and that you can't live with all the uncertainty and the bullshit surrounding him. That would probably be my stance on this. I would most likely rather walk away than take the chance and have all the drama. I like clarity in my life.

[Asker]

He was beside me when I opened the letter and I showed it him right away. They were whatsapp texts and the date and time were shown. The one screenshot with texts to me also had the date and time. These match on my phone.

He said I should not read it at all and just trow it away. When I was still in shock he was already saying that she did this (which is a possiblity).

[Belgie]

Really? Those are your only options? Ignore it or believe it completely?

"All these texts look like the screenshots were made from his point of view (on his phone)."

How did the anonymous texter get screenshots from your boyfriends phone?
Why would your boyfriend take screenshots of incriminating messages, on his phone and send them to her?

Talk to him. Ask him to see the relevant dates on his message app. But be prepared to trust him more than you'd trust anonymous messages.

[Asker]

Ofcourse there are more options, but ultimately it all boils down to "ignore this and trust my bf" or "dig into the evidence".

Don't know how the person gotten the screenshots, the only thing I can think of is that someone else used his phone. I do know my boyfriend deleted all texts between him and the ex when I wanted her to stop..

My boyfriend was beside me when I opened the letter. The screenshots include dates and all. He said it was fake and told me to burn it right away and not read it at all. Also he was the one to first accuse the ex, like he knew it was her.

[madhatters4]

the fact that there are screenshots suggest someone was with him and took the screen shots from his phone. that is pretty damning. i wouldn't ignore it. perhaps i'd show my boyfriend the screen shots. then not judge just his verbal response but pay very close attention to his non-verbal reactions

[Asker]

I opened the letter while standing beside him. He asked me to not read them and trow then away.

He was also sure that it was his ex, the only possible reason why he was sure she did it would mean they met. I for one don't like that at all.

[madhatters4]

it seems to me if he asked oyu not to read them and throw them away he is trying to deny it ever happened rather than address it.

if the screen shots came from his phone and he says it was his ex who sent the letter that means she was with him... again rather damning

[Asker]

He didn't say it came from his phone, but it looks like it. That said, he was sure it was her and he must have a reason to accuse her for it...

[madhatters4]

i imagine it would be her who sent the letter as well.

[Browneye57]

You're missing the point - the texts are irrelevant.
She's still a backup plan. What's yours?

Bottom line is you simply cannot control him. Don't even try. The only thing you have control over is yourself.

[Asker]

Yea, that was also the reason why I made him chose between her and me. Seems I hit the bullseye.

Got one backup plan: break up and make him move out.

[Browneye57]

Throw his shit out on the lawn. :)

[tindo]

your gut is usually right. especially when it comes to people. you need to listen to it.

[Asker]

Guess there is a reason why I didn't trust ex with him.

[qwert1234]

Do the texts have dates? It could've taken a long time ago and kept especially for this kind of scenarios.

[Asker]

Time and dates were included. Some mention me and they all were from the time we were together.

[akadatank44]

Nope dump the bastard. One girl he was cheating on you with is one thing or could be fake being it's from a jealous ex but to go seek out another. He'll do it again without thinking.

[ValTheWolf3]

I would investigate a bit more. But but if he's cheating, DON'T STAY WITH HIM! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!

[Asker]

it's not possible to investigate without snooping in his phone or contacting said girls.

If he is cheating, I will trow him out of my life (though it will be hard as he moved in at my place, his name is not on the house).

[vadikb]

"always" is not the right word

[ValTheWolf3]

._. usually always

[Asker]

Lets just say it's more likely that cheaters will keep cheating.

[ValTheWolf3]

yeah

[Pepperjack]

Feel like we need more context and the actual evidence to tell you what to do. Im usually great and noticing small details in evidence to see frauds but if not you will have to make your best guess

[Asker]

Well as for the context, a couple of months ago she started to text my boyfriend more than usual (atleast that is what i thought at the time). My boyfriend said that he rarely talks to her., but he was getting more and more texts from her. He also didn't give me the context why she was texting him more than usual, saying he doesn't respond anymore. After a few weeks of increasing amount of texts from the ex I got fed up with her. Gave him he choice me or her. He chose me.

After a week she got very angry because she saw that he unfriended her from Facebook (very childish of her yes). Two weeks later I got that letter.

Basicaly in the screenshots they talk about how they still like each other, but that he loves me more. The fact that he is hiding it from me. Skype dates. That I didn't trust him and all (which I did at he time of the text). That he should leave me. That he still thinks about getting back with her.

[Asker]

She wanting to Skype with him on Christmas eve, while she knew he lives with me and that we would celebrate Christmas alone (side note: that Christmas was the worst one ever for me). She calling on him that he did Skype with her when I wasn't there. And more.

[John_Doesnt]

You should ignore it because nobody uses letters anymore.

[chrisbigman]

No, I wouldn't ignore it but I'd take it with a grain of salt, too. You need to investigate and confirm your boy isn't cheating.

[Anonymous]

Why would people use letters? I sent anonymous email to notify the victims of whom being cheated on and successfully caused them to breakup but a physical letter? Could be someone very old and don't know how to use computer or internet.

[Asker]

I don't know, i juist know it was printed with no handwriting at all. Meaby because the person doesn't know my email adress and you can figure out where we live. If it is the ex of my boyfriend then it might also be that she doesn't know how to do that.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, regardless. if what the letter said is true, I think confronting your man is more important then who sent that letter.

[Asker]

He was standing right beside me when I opened the letter. He said it was all fake and he was sure his ex did it

I have doubts that he is reeling the truth.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop asking us and ask your boyfriend...

[Asker]

He was beside me when I opened the letter and he wanted me to not read them and he accused hours ex of sending this.

So he's hiding something.

[Mr_Knowitall]

trust your instinct. seems he did cheat. move on and find a decent guy !

[fahadc]

breakup if its not worth it

[Anonymous]

ignore it it is already over

[Anonymous]

u should just give him a slap in his face

[userusername]

she wonts to play

[Castielle]

Break up.