But a recent poster asked if girls should go after guys, instead.
This creates a bit of a flip. Girls seem to think guys are too insecure to handle a rejection notice, and that they should just accept it.
Well, girls, lets turn the table: hypothetically, now you get to approach a guy and ask him out, and he shoots you down. You might hear, "you're not my type," "your boobs are too small," "sorry, I just don't feel that way," etc.
How would you react to getting shot down? Especially if you thought that the guy was really interested in you, until you made a move?
And for guys: have you ever shot a girl down? How did she react?
This is the sort of parity in the world that makes feel deeply uncomfortable when people actually choose to believe this. Nobody likes being rejected and believing men are somehow immune to the emotional heartbreak to me makes me think you are an unempathetic monster. It is one of the reasons why I believe women should make the first move and risk the turmoil of rejection as well, just so men don't have to shoulder it all. I cannot obviously control the actions of others, but I can control my own.
I can give a small anecdote. I was not actually rejected in the end, we are together, but I misread the entire thing. Anyway I was interested in someone and eventually I decided I wanted to ask if he were interested in a relationship believing that with pretty much every ounce of me that I was going to be rejected. I had spoken to our mutual friend and he also agreed that he was not interested in me.
Anyway, I asked for my own peace of mind. I basically had to carry myself and try to put on a brave face for it. And even though it didn't end up that way it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The very notion that I genuinely believed I was going to be rejected was extremely painful.
Of course, in the same light. I have also had to reject offers from people who have been interested in me. That is also a deeply unpleasant experience since you know that you alone will be directly responsible for the turmoil of another. And you need to be acutely aware of it and accept that very feeling. Don't guilt yourself over it, but I believe it still needs to be acknowledged and respected. Sometimes others must be hurt at the expense of ourselves.
I do. I have. I think it's more prevalent in America but the only reason I would wait for a guy to ask me out (paticularly if I like him) is if I wait to see evidence of something in his life. (eg. is he *actually* kind, or is he really selfish?) To see if, whatever it is, I'm unsure of, is reflected in his life.
But I've been turned a few times, even by a guy I really liked & yeah it stings, rejection always does, but I've gotten way more boyfriends out of going for it than times I've been rejected. You just have to know what you're looking for or the plunge isn't gonna be worth it. To have a guy, to your face, reject you because "your boobs are too small" definitely means you need to look somewhere else for a partner.
Geez, some girls reject men without compassion. I'm very compassionate when I don't feel the same way for a guy. I usually say " Aw gosh, look buddy I like you but not like that. You're a great a guy but I don't think I'm the girl for you. I'm sorry." I really do feel bad rejecting but I must be honest with my emotions towards him. So, I would hope the same from a guy. I would feel horrible and heart broken, possibly embarrassed as well. And I will never look at the man I had a crush on the same way anymore. I woud think " That's the guy that doesn't have feelings for me''.
To be honest, it sucks. I NEVER expect to be rejected, and when it's happened (once or twice) it's made me very upset. In hindsight I know it's silly, because men should be allowed to have the same standards as women, but still, it is something I never expect.
I have shot a girl down before well not directly because I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I was trying to let her down easy being polite as possible but basically letting her know I didn't like her the same she reacted by trying pressure me into a relationship she was basically borderline stalking me for a whole summer but that's not the crazy part that same summer she wound up being abducted and murder while she was walking home from work i felt so terrible after like damn maybe if I would have given her a chance she would have been with me instead that night and she might still be alive I will never forget her now because of that but who knows how it would have went maybe I would be dead and her alive or maybe we would have died I don't know it creeps out everytime I think about it I went way off topic sorry lol
@Receoso Honest to God true story brother I appreciate your well wishes it's been about 10 years since it happened so I'm ok now but it's definitely one of those experiences that sticks with you for life you know
I get a lot of attention from girls. I am very considerate and gentle when I reject a women. I find that most get very angry. Some don't. But most do. I think girls ( particularly really good looking ones) think they should just get what they want.
Tuff tits girls. You aren't as amazing as you think.
Being rejected is always hurtful, but you don't really have a choice. You have to accept it. I wouldn't go after a guy, only for an explanation, or if we had a fight or something like that and it's my fault. But mostly, girls want men to go after them, to use their sense of protection.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Women find small percentage of men truly attractive. The vast majority of men are thirsty and simps. If a guy a girl potentially liked didn't want her then she would quickly forget your ass when another guy comes along.
Only men women truly lose their shit for are the RARE Chhads and rich guys.
If a guy rejects me like this (your boobs are small or you're not my type) then it turns me off instantly, but there's a lot to do with ego as well. One thing is how the guy rejects me but what is certain is that I would never make a move on the same guy again, I'd feel lowered.
I like to think i rely more on my logical state of mind rather than my emotional one. Obviously, I'd think it would be a shame if someone rejected me because my tits seemed to be a significant factor --in what I would've thought to be a potential relationship-- but to each their own. If they don't like me, they don't like me, you can't make everyone like you.
Rejection would definitely get me down and while I would bounce back, it would get harder to bounce back after each rejection. I would have to use a less direct approach and just try smiling and making eye contact with the guy I liked. And then leave it up to him.
I've actually been rejected quite a bit. But, I think it has to do with the types of guys I was choosing. It definitely hurt a lot and I would always question what's wrong with me, but over time I realized it was their loss because I'm a catch lol
I've asked guys out, but I'm not the type of person to throw myself out there if I don't know how he's going to react either. if I were shot down, it would be disappointing but at least I had the courage to ask.
it hurts a lot. it happened to me once. I feel as though some guys have the notion that women have the upper-hand, and I won't lie in some cases it's true, but rejection hurts just a much for a woman
I get rejected going after men because most men I like are oblivious to my advances. Even when I told a guy flat out I thought he was attractive, I liked him and we should go on a date sometime; zero brain activity.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Funny you ask that question... I just recently asked the guy who I have liked for four years out he hasn't said no or he hasn't said yes he was very careful how to let me down all he said is that theirs a few reasons why we would work and also that I don't know him as well as I think I do. We are still friends not really awkward just a few tears because I don't know what to do anymore I just can't seem to get over him but I really want to let him go.
I never went after a guy, I've always waited for the guy to make the first move and ask me out but in my last relationship I made the first move, he accepted we started hanging out and dating for some months until he break up with me. So I guess I've never been rejected at first but I felt pretty rejected with the break up and other guys that ghost me… but it is what is you just have to accept when things don't go the way you want to.
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