But a recent poster asked if girls should go after guys, instead.
This creates a bit of a flip. Girls seem to think guys are too insecure to handle a rejection notice, and that they should just accept it.
Well, girls, lets turn the table: hypothetically, now you get to approach a guy and ask him out, and he shoots you down. You might hear, "you're not my type," "your boobs are too small," "sorry, I just don't feel that way," etc.
How would you react to getting shot down? Especially if you thought that the guy was really interested in you, until you made a move?
And for guys: have you ever shot a girl down? How did she react?
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This is the sort of parity in the world that makes feel deeply uncomfortable when people actually choose to believe this. Nobody likes being rejected and believing men are somehow immune to the emotional heartbreak to me makes me think you are an unempathetic monster. It is one of the reasons why I believe women should make the first move and risk the turmoil of rejection as well, just so men don't have to shoulder it all. I cannot obviously control the actions of others, but I can control my own.
I can give a small anecdote. I was not actually rejected in the end, we are together, but I misread the entire thing. Anyway I was interested in someone and eventually I decided I wanted to ask if he were interested in a relationship believing that with pretty much every ounce of me that I was going to be rejected. I had spoken to our mutual friend and he also agreed that he was not interested in me.
Anyway, I asked for my own peace of mind. I basically had to carry myself and try to put on a brave face for it. And even though it didn't end up that way it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The very notion that I genuinely believed I was going to be rejected was extremely painful.
Of course, in the same light. I have also had to reject offers from people who have been interested in me. That is also a deeply unpleasant experience since you know that you alone will be directly responsible for the turmoil of another. And you need to be acutely aware of it and accept that very feeling. Don't guilt yourself over it, but I believe it still needs to be acknowledged and respected. Sometimes others must be hurt at the expense of ourselves.