Should I ask my boyfriend to stop talking to his female friend?

Question

I don't like her. Not want to go in details but there are many things. I trust him but I just don't want that girl in his life. Her presence in his life makes me uncomfortable Is it too much to ask?

lumos · Accepted Answer

It's really hard to take this questions seriously as well as respond seriously when you're not giving any details, such as why you don't like her. Do you not like her because she likes hanging with your boyfriend? Or do you not like her because she has tried to get your boyfriend to cheat on you multiple times by trying to make out with him/grab him etc? There are many reasons why you sometimes don't like a person, and I've seen some of the most dumb reasons... which is why it's hard to give an appropriate answer without any info.
My first reaction would be no. If this girl hasn't done anything that could jeopardize the quality of your relationship with your boyfriend, then I don't think "not liking her" is a good enough reason for you to ask him to cut ties with her. Like, unless you genuinely feel like her presence is directly harmful to you or your boyfriend and you feel like things could go very badly because she's a toxic person, I don't think you have the right to tell your boyfriend who he should/shouldn't be friends with.
If she is a toxic person and you think she's downright awful (not just "omg she's nice to my boyfriend I hate her") then I think you should talk to him about it and let him know that she's making you uncomfortable. Maybe don't downright ask him to cut ties with her straight away. See how he takes your reaction. If he just brushes it off and says that you're crazy or worried about nothing, he most likely won't even want to cut ties with her. But if he's worried about you and your explanation is making him think things over, I think there might be some room for him to consider not talking to his friend anymore.

BitterSweetApplePie · Accepted Answer

I know you don't want to go into any detail about why you don't like her, but ask yourself if its rational. How long have you and your boyfriend been dating, how strong is your bond with him? Asking any man to give up a friendship in his life just because you want him to is a tough call, because there is a huge chance that he won't do it and will, instead, think you have issues of your own.

I think you should talk to him about it, but don't outright tell him to remove her from his life. He'll consider what you have to say if he cares about you and how you feel, but that doesn't mean he needs to do what you ask and you shouldn't get upset over something like that.

Additional note: is she overly sexual/affectionate when she's with him? If she is, then I'm totally on your side.

If she has done nothing wrong, then you need to relax. Guys have female friends. This is coming from a guy whose boyfriend has a butt load of female friends and I'm not completely comfortable with all of them, but I know that he doesn't see them as anything more and never will. If you trust your boyfriend as you say you do, then you can find it within yourself to either bring it up to him or her and resolve the issue without making him sacrifice a friendship for the sake of your relationship.

nakesia · Accepted Answer

No, you shouldn't. That is his friend. Let him be the judge of that. It is not your choice. It is not up to you to like her. She is not your friend. She is his friend. You don't own him. He is a grown man. You don't have a say so in his life. Every time a woman gets with a man, she thinks that she has a right to control every thing in his life from what he eats to what he wears. You are not his mother. He didn't come from your womb. His mother can't tell him who to be friends with. Maybe you have a problem with it because its a woman that he is friends with. It probably wouldn't be such a big deal if he was friends with a man. I dated men who was friends with beautiful women. I didn't have a problem. You can't control people. A woman can't do anything without the man's approval. Yes, some women will try to come on to a another man. It's human nature. He doesn't belong to you. We don't belong to anybody. We are just here for the time being. Enjoy each other while you can. He is not your property and you are not his.

CZLumen · Accepted Answer

You should be able to trust your partners intentions and desires around other people. If you haven't all ready, let him know you feel insecure or uncomfortable about him talking to other girls, and open up to letting him tell you anything. There really shouldn't be any secrets between you two, and if you're approachable, he'll talk to you before anything may happen.

It will also allow him to talk to you if something does happen in hopes to save the relationship. He's choosing to be with you because he fancies you.

That said, being able to talk to other women helps me better understand different perspectives and so forth.

Prof_Don · Accepted Answer

"bros before hoes" isn't just for male friends, but for female friends as well.

She was here before you. Unless she is doing something obviously inappropriate, you're asking too much!

-----

I have some (as said by others) attractive female friends, and yes I have had some issues with jealousy when it comes to some girls I have dated in the past. They understood and trusted me when I said "If I wanted to be with her, I would be already".

Logorithim · Answer

Does his friendship with her predate your relationship? Either way, since she is a friend you should have a concrete reason for wanting him to break off the friendship. If he values her friendship over your relationship, he may break up with you instead. Even if he goes along with it and breaks off the friendship with her, it may generate resentment on both her part and his.

Apope16 · Answer

So apparently these guys commented never read that you DO trust him. So if you trust jim you should be honest about thinking she's a bitch or whatever. Whats wrong with her? Is she better looking than you and you are jealous, but trust your boyfriend because hot chic has him in the friend zone?

Anyway, a man needs a female best friend to vent to and get relationship advice from. Respect him if you trust him. You dont have to like all his friends.

But be honest about why you dont like her.

FutureTrunks · Answer

I’ve been there and done that and I’d never do it again. It was constant arguing and nothing got resolved which obviously led to our breakup. From that situation , I discovered that I don’t want to ever be in a relationship with a guy who has a female best friend that he has to tell everything to, ask advice from, etc. There plenty of people who’d say that you can’t dictate who your partner is friends with and even though it’s true... when it comes to a women/ male friendship I have no trust for it. There are situations where 2 can be friends but there’s also a lot of situations where one of the 2 has secret feelings, used to like eachother, messed around at some point, etc.

If your relationship has gotten to the point where you need to tell your man who to stop talking to then it’s clearly not the relationship for you

James_R_G · Answer

If it makes you feel uncomfortable you should bring it up. If you don't the chances are it will come out in an argument, out of rage and that's just no good at all.

Put your cards on the table, either he understands and at least can meet you in the middle or he can't which is something you need to know

fashionguy17 · Answer

I'm sorry, but we can't really help you if you're not willing to go into details as to why you don't like her. Simply saying you don't like her is not good enough to merit him not talking to her anymore.

What are the reasons you don't like her? Name a couple of reasons, they don't have to be long and drawn out.

If you feel your boyfriend may cheat on you with her, confront him about it. If you feel that she is threat to your relationship, make your feelings known.

However, if you can't give any legit reasons as to why you don't like her, I don't think it's fair for you to say that he can't see her anymore. If you have close male friends, do you want your boyfriend to tell you to stop talking to them?

blasiangirl12 · Answer

Imagine your guy friend got a girlfriend and that girlfriend told him to cut you off. Lol how would you feel? You come across as jealous and insecure especially when you're not willing to go into detail as to why you don't like her in the first place. If you really did trust your boyfriend, you wouldn't feel this way. You would trust him enough to know that even if the friend tried to do anything, he would be tempted and would back off.

madhatters4 · Answer

without details regarding why you don't like her or don't want her talking to him i can't say that you have a good argument to make the request.

if she is actually causing an issue in your relationship aside from arousing insecurities, jealousy, etc in you then you may have an argument to be made for asking him not to talk to her... but short of a good reason i don't think you should ask him

chris1984 · Answer

talk to him. define why she makes you uncomfortable. but don't expect him to get rid of his friends just because you don't like them unless you are willing to do the same for him.

but in honesty, that kind of jealous rubbish will just destroy the relationship and make you both lonely.

Pink1996 · Answer

It depends on her behaviour. You're going to have to give more detail about the situation. Is she flirting with your boyfriend? Is she hitting on him or something like that? Does he give her more attention and ignore you for her. If she is then you should let him know whats going on and how it makes you uncomfortable.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

Yes it is to much to ask. If he has done nothing wrong, if he is not secretly trying to get with her or flirt with her and she is not actively (that is without any doubt) trying to get with him (or telling him to break up with you) then you have no reason or right to ask him not to talk to her. You can mention that you don't like her to him but do not try and ruin his friendships simply because you don't like the person yourself.

Yanika · Answer

Why dont you like her? Do you think she is into your boyfriend? Trying to get him?
Also it depends if she is just a random friend or very close friend who he had known for years.
I think you should talk these to your boyfriend. But be reasonable, if she is very close friend of him and you dont like her just because you dont (no valid reason), then that might cost you a boyfriend. And he would be right.

damnwinter · Answer

Unless you do go into detail about this, you will risk sounding nasty.
So, without further information, I would say no, you do not have the right to control which people can and can not be in your partner's life. If you love him and you know the girl cares about him (as a friend, no more!), you should encourage his friendships.

Now, this opinion could change if more information were to be added. Good luck either way!

Shreyash108 · Answer

You should not... if he is the one being inappropriate and all may be then u should talk... but if everything is normal then not at all... friendships and relationships are quite different... relationships end sometimes but friendship lives forever... and if he is happy being friends with her... and nothing is inappropriate... what's the problem?

paleguy94 · Answer

Personally, and I'm merely saying personally if it were me in your situation and I was a girl, I would explain why and ask him to stop seeing her while being upfront and civil about 'the why', that's just me. Good luck whatever you choose, not my place, merely answering a question on this site.

BigRayFromNC · Answer

Whether you like her or not he has the right to talk with her as long as that is all he is doing with her but if he is fucking her or she is giving him blow jobs then you have the right to tell him to stop talking to her or tell him you will leave him right away...

taleswapper · Answer

If "I don't like her" is the only reason, then no, you shouldn't ask. You'll come across as a jealous and manipulative gas-lighter who wants to isolate him from his friends.

If, however, you have objective, articulate reasons to think she's going to be a problem, share them with him. Her'll work out the solution on his own. In other words, share your fears, don't try to control him.

Nadia1994 · Answer

Yes it's too much to ask. It'll make you look insecure and jealous and it might turn him off. How would you feel if he told you to stop talking to a good friend of yours just because he didn't like him?

Unless she has done something serious to make you feel like she might steal him away from you or something then you really can't stop him from talking to her.

omkarkamat09 · Answer

Don't ask, it will create ur negative impression. If trust on him than its fine. Wait for that moment when they face little dispute. As a human they may have different opinion and when such point come than express your current opinion when he has negative about her.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

If you do not say why you do not like her then you come across as insecure and jealous.
Were they friends before you came along? Is she trying to take him away from you? Is she a druggie or alcoholic? Is she into doing illegal stuff or trying to get him to do illegal stuff? Is she mean towards you?

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

Sorry but please give some reasons why, otherwise people will just assume you're jealous or insecure. Is she rude to you? Is she starting to get to close to him now that he's taken? Is he giving her more attention than you?

Anonymous · Answer

It's already causing a problem in your relationship, so I'd bring it up or it will just become a bigger problem. But I wouldn't give demands or ultimatums. Just let him know why their friendship makes you uncomfortable.

El_Prez · Answer

Depending on your reason, it isn't too much to ask.

Dinnye001 · Answer

Yep. I would break up in such a case rather than abandon a true friend.

Anonymous · Answer

NOPE! She was there before you and expecting him to stop because you have issues is controlling and wrong. It doesn't matter what or why you don't like her, the issue is YOURS.

hansukota · Answer

Definitely. If u trust him and love him let him b. if u don't just break up cause breaking friends will turn u into a crazy girl friend. He will eventually start blaming u and break up.

samhradh_leannan · Answer

If you have a really solid, irrefutable reason why she’s a bad influence on him and not someone he should have in his life, then talk to him about it. If you just don’t like her, then no, it’s not your place to ask him to stop talking to her.

MLsyrup · Answer

I mean I can't give a full fledged opinion without more details. Is she flirty with him? Meh, maybe give her a warning. Does she take him out a lot which distracts him from a lot of stuff? Maybe, depends on how bad it is. If just don't like her for your own reasons? Asking a bit much. There have been friends of both mutual friends and ex-gf's of mine I did not like but you just have to soldier through it unless it *truly* is unbearable.

EllieAyye · Answer

You need to say why you want her out of his life. The way you phrase it, you don't sound like you have a problem with him having female friends but just this one girl in particular. However, without more detail, you just sound flat out jealous.

admelein · Answer

I'd just ask. If he says no just respect his thoughts and let him.

CoffeePossum · Answer

It's better to ask than keep quit and eventually lose trust.

bloodyrevenge · Answer

I don't think so. I an ex who was really close friends with his previous ex and I asked him to stop talking to her because it was super awkward for me. Which he did stop until we broke up.

YoungandDumb_ · Answer

No. I hate females like that. They’re probably just really good friends. Are maybe insecure? I’ve lost so many friends over the years because they got into a relationship and even offered to be friends with whoever to make them comfortable. These are people I confide in. Sorry rant over lol

AzureGirl · Answer

If you trust your boyfriend then let him have friends. You don’t have to like her, she isn’t your friend.

Anonymous · Answer

You can tell him how you feel about it, but, you can not tell him what he can and can't do. This would be the sign of a controlling girlfriend, which is often grounds for dismissal. If you don't like him being friends with this girl, while he's in a relationship, maybe it's time to start finding another bf?

Whatwhat247 · Answer

Yeah it is too much to ask. You come across as controlling and insecure. ( I'm not saying you are - with the limited info that's what it seems like)

Sara413 · Answer

You can tell him your concerns, but in the end it is his decision which friends to keep and you'd be straining your relationship by pushing the issue.

Pikachula · Answer

You could also stop dating him, look for a guy without female bffs and feel comfortable in your relationship.

lovelyhoneybones · Answer

It's better to just leave it alone. Voice your concern but don't expect him to stop being friends with her.

Canadaman99 · Answer

Do you have any male friends? Would you be willing to end those relationships?

DesiBeautyLover · Answer

No. That's horrible. It will ruin the relationship. He has a right to talk to whoever he wants. Just think of how YOU would feel if he told you to stop talking to yiur male friendd

Stamps · Answer

It's too much to ask. Just because you don't like her, doesn't mean that he should cut her off completely just because it makes you ''uncomfortable''

Pink2000 · Answer

It's not too much to ask. But if he's been friends with her for a long time it's not gonna be easy. You need to tell him why you don't like her.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

If you truly trusted him then you wouldn't feel this way.

qwert1234 · Answer

It depends on the reason. Like - if that girl is dragging your boyfriend into illegal stuff - definitely.

Novacaine · Answer

Communication is key in this situation, tell him how it makes you feel... but don't expect miracles... he may choose not to end contact and that is ok.

Yansel · Answer

Your couple is not entitled to your private life, that destrioys relationships, he's entitled to his friends and you to yours, you don't have the right to ask him to stop talking with his friend as he hasn't the same right.

MyExperience · Answer

Yes. Too much to ask. If you trust your man, nothing about this girl should matter.

Anonymous · Answer

I think every girl hates at least one of her bf's female friends. But yes unfortunately asking him will only ruin his relationship. SO you need to find some way to get rid of the bitch without him noticing it was you who had her take distances.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Depends on their relations with each other, like how good of friends they are. "Is it too much to ask?" Well... yeah, maybe.

BronsonG · Answer

Depends on his relationship with her (close or not close?).

orangecherry · Answer

maybe. I take it on a girl by girl basis with my boyfriend. some I have no prob with, others its like stay away from my man b****!

Zebadee88 · Answer

You need an honest conversation to sit your worries?

stoneroses · Answer

Not at all that's controlling him. You should have full trust in him

RobocopDeathEater · Answer

no you definitely shouldn't. if you don't trust him why are you together?

Losord · Answer

If you trust him you shouldn't have to tell him to stop talking with that girl tho.

Belgie · Answer

Yes its too much to ask.

cupidkisses · Answer

Tell him if you don't want to.

MisterSir · Answer

you could ask, just don't be shocked if he refuses

kaskas19 · Answer

No no no. Don't do that

Nina12346 · Answer

Were they friends before you guys got together?

Should I ask my boyfriend to stop talking to his female friend?

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