Taken for granted in long-distance relationship.

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and recently our relationship changed to long-distance because of college (about 3 hours apart, road distance, so not too bad). We generally do have a good relationship and I know he loves me and I trust him 100%, but lately I've started to feel like he's taking me for granted. Usually in this scenario, I would decrease contact and not see him as much, and he usually starts to appreciate me more. But because we're doing long-distance, I'm afraid that this would have the opposite effect. How do I make him appreciate me more?

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

You can't force this. What you said is exactly what you should do - decrease contact and see if he takes the initiative.

I'm not saying you should become unavailable and ignore him. But just stop messaging him first. Don't call him and wait for him to do it. See what his reaction is. If he isn't bothered by this and goes several days without contacting you, it means he's lost feelings for you.

If he has lost feelings for you, the first thing you have to keep in mind is that it's not your fault! It's HIS fault - it's the way he is. Nothing you could have done would have made it any different. Some guys just like you while you're around, but as soon as you leave they stop caring.

Guys like that don't really love you - they're just using you to fill the void that they have when they're alone. It's NICER being with you, but they don't really care. This is a trap a lot of people fall for in relationships.

From your point of view, it might look as though it's your fault. "Oh, I should have contacted him more often. Oh, I should have been there for him. Oh, I was a bad girlfriend." NO! It's NONE of those things, OK? It's not YOUR job to continously message him, while he just waits for you to do so and never bothers taking the initiative. THAT'S what taking someone for granted is - they don't care for you as much as you do. Out of sight, out of mind. You're only important when you're there, but afterward they don't feel like making time for you until you "force" them to.

So you see, it's not your fault, and there isn't really much you can do to make him appreciate you more, besides being yourself and showing him that you care about him. If that's not enough, then you should go find someone else who actually gives a crap about you, even when you're away.