Are some things better left unsaid in a relationship or is 100% transparency always the way to go?

Question

simplyaramdomgirl · Accepted Answer

Personally, I think that some things are better left unsaid. A hundred percent transparency would be perfect in a utopic sense but the truth is that no one wants that in reality. We all have things that we don't confide in anyone, secrets that go with us to our death. Those secrets are secrets for a reason and I don't think that anyone wants to see the bad side of their partner. Doesn't matter how much love you have for a person, if you have any at all, there are some things that you simply can't surpass. Things that break up marriages, relationship and even friendships. To me you should be transparent in everything that concerns the relationship, but the rest is to your discretion.

dragonfly6516 · Accepted Answer

Negative opinions should only be shared when asked for. But if it's constructive criticism, that's a different story. If it's something purely based on your own personal preference, and hey're not hurting anyone, keep it yourself.

Logorithim · Answer

Sure, some things are better left unsaid. I'm not to talk, for example, about my best sexual experiences with other women. She doesn't need or want to hear about that.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Somethings are definitely left unsaid. I had an ex who felt entitled to tell me anything he wanted whenever he wanted because he was being "honest." There's no reason to tell someone they look particularly ugly or that you'd think they are stupid or that their opinions are wrong because "facts." So many guys fall into this trap where they bitch about women being illogical over matters that are opinion based, NOT logically based. Example: woman wants dishloader loaded a certain way. Man will tell her that her way is wrong/stupid because logically you can "fit more" if you do it another way. In reality, you can just be like, okay this person cares more about this and has a preferred way of doing it, I can abstain from calling it stupid and respect how this person wants to be treated instead of belittling them on the grounds of "logic." Because fact: just because you can "fit more" doesn't make it easier to unload, doesn't always ensure things get cleaned better, or that you want to take the time to rearrange all of the dishes you've already put in. "Yes honey I agree" will get you very far in battles that really aren't worth it. Kids, money, family, lifestyle etc those are things you should have 100% transparency

Browneye57 · Answer

I find it odd that this new crop of women seem to think that EVERY damn thing that pops into their head should be verbalized. It's constant chatter and drivel. Seriously, never pass up the opportunity to just STFU.

First of all there's no such thing is 'complete transparency' as each will have their own interpretation of what is said or conveyed. Some things just don't need to be conveyed. Like your sexual past - never kiss and tell. EVER. And all the gossip about everybody else isn't helpful either.

No, you'll never be respected for spilling your guts on everything you can possibly think of.

Blunique · Answer

I think about it like this. If my partner asks me specific questions he wants to know I will be honest. But I won't volunteer any info he didn't ask for. Let's say he asks me how many guys I've kissed. I will tell him how many. But if I kissed women, then I won't volunteer that information because he didn't directly ask me it. If he never asks me then I'll never tell him because it's something that should be left in the past. Just like I won't ask him something I know will hurt me and he won't tell me because I didn't bring it up or he selectively doesn't want to tell me to maybe avoid a fight. I don't know if most people see this as a bad thing. Like you can be honest but you are selective to avoid a fight. Not sure if most people consider this a bad thing?

Anonymous · Answer

In a healthy relationship you need Balance... You need to be open and honest with each other... But things that are not so important and may hurt the other person should be left aside.. For instance, once my boyfriend's best friend was drunk and he flirted with me (without crossing any boundaries like trying to touch me or get too close) ... I didn't respond, just told him nicely i want to be left alone... But since he never did this while sober... And he is pretty much known for being a player... I never told my boyfriend's... I knew this will affect their friendship... And since the incident didn't repeated i kept it for myself

McKellar · Answer

I used to think that being COMPLETELY OPENED in your communication was a good thing. To me, that just shows you are not willing to lie nor hide anything from your romantic partner. ... according to my experience,.. that was unfortunately a huge mistake which costed me to loose my relationship with my ex-fiance. Although that was an important learning lesson, it was also a costly one to just keep somethings to myself. I don't necessarily have to share everything with her.

If there are somethings that she doesn't need to know,... just keep it restricted since she or he does not need to know.

MrOracle · Answer

I'm personally in Camp B, but I'm also aware that some people simply couldn't handle the truth in all situations, and I am not cruel.

I tend to attract the kind of women who are more into harsh truth, but that's certainly not always the case, so sometimes I have to engage the "feeling filter." Still, I do my best to move people towards the truth and not being oversensitive about everything, and part of that is not being offended by the truth myself and setting a good example.

honeymoon-1 · Answer

Lol left unsaid somethings are just useless and harmful for example if your ex had a bigger dick there’s no need to explain.. if your girlfriend looking fat or ugly one day in an outfit or u say how good this one girl was in bed other she had bigger boobs than you? I mean why hurt someone when it really makes no difference and can be left unsaid

slatyb · Answer

I overheard a woman telling a friend "Jeff (the woman's husband) thinks I have ugly feet."

Jeff should not have said that. There's nothing she can do about it, and she will never forget it. There is no point in telling your partner something that you don't like that they cannot change.

atastychef · Answer

Being in a relationship definitely requires open communication and transparency in anything that affects your relationship or the other person, but you are also an individual. And have a right to privacy in some personal things and thoughts. There is no need to share EVERYTHING with someone else, no matter who they are.

GeekyGoof · Answer

Transparency is very important to good communication (which is absolutely critical to any healthy relationship). That said, there are some things that are better left unsaid.
Just because a thought pops into your head doesn't mean that you need to verbalize it to your partner if you know it's something that with only upset, hurt, or infuriate them. This doesn't mean that you hide things from them to make it seem like everything is perfect when it's not, but that you consider their feelings in what you say, and (more importantly) how you say it.

Drener · Answer

I would say it better not to say things because you can hurt yourself , another person , your SO, and it can end in a breakup divorce

Now if your SO tell me what on your mind or something regards to that tell Your so

But also communication is the key
If u have questions ask but don't assume

Jjpayne · Answer

I think it's less about things are better left unsaid and more about timing. Somethings I think it is worth to struggle alone with. Not everything should be this way but I think some things are better struggling out alone in meditation and prayer. I am all about being wide open but it's about when the best time should be to do that.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes transparency is always the best like for example my ex once told me how her sister and aunt were arguing over who should take care of her sick mother and she told me that her aunt hit her sister and then called the police on the two of them I thought her aunt was crazy until I learned the real truth after we broke up and the truth was her mom wasn’t sick she had gone through surgery which is worst and my ex and her sister didn’t want to take care of her because they wanted to go to the beach because it was spring break and the aunt didn’t hit the sister the sister hit the aunt and my ex told me she had joined so I’m guessing it was two against the poor women and yeah I guess I dodge a bullet there

NineBreaker · Answer

Don't be a blabbermouth.
Sharing... 100% of the time? That's not just unwise; It's damn right irresponsible. You don't have to verbalize every single thought that crosses your mind. Don't even get me started when it comes to maintaining confidentiality for professional, legal, or ethical reasons.

Johnnie1000 · Answer

if it will cause pain and is unlikely to ever come up... keep your mouth shut. Never lie to a direct question but there are things that left buried are better. Also some people like to get the guilt off of their shoulders by confession. It makes then feel good but only hurts the other person. Its selfish and cruel to do that.

MiamiMadness · Answer

Depending on your previous relationship history, you may want to leave somethings out. Some people claim 100% transparency is best and in a perfect world that would be true, but this is not and once something is said, it can't be taken back.

Somethings are better left unsaid, the past is the past.

Heartonmysleeve88 · Answer

I find that you should speak life into your significant other. Uplift them, support them and encourage them. That being said, there is a difference between being transparent out of love and just not having tact. I feel so many relationships are broken due to no tact and thus, it would crush the spirit of the other person.
There is never anything gained by being rude and learn to pick battles.

DaMack999 · Answer

Sharing too much can TMI. So best to make relationship spicy and occasionally bring flowers without her asking or pay the bill for her cellphone or her car insurance that month. Something special. Sharing too much past info can be bad as well. You will see what I mean when you have a fight with them.

Aynsof · Answer

Honesty is best in general
Concealment and lies generally cause more problems than they solve
I think in general they are born of one of two things
Narcissistic indulgence which well is bad and should be avoided
This is of course mostly when people do things for their own selfish pleasure
Then there is another reason where a person may try to conceal things often financial problems this I think stems from not feeling their partner is supportive
That of course is hard to make better

Lance1965 · Answer

Complete transparency is the way to go but you have to be brave. If the 100% truth came out in all relationships the divorce rate would be at about 95% by now. One of the reasons a lot of couples are still together are because of people keeping their mouth shut.

AuroraRoseat · Answer

It depends on the relationship. With friends, I don't say everything that I'm thinking.

In a relationship, I believe in complete honesty but there's a tactful way to bringing up a situation or answering a question.

HereIbe · Answer

I have found that women can't handle it if you dare to contradict their daffy beliefs regarding nutrition, exercise, climate, market fluctuations, or, indeed, ANYTHING AT ALL that has facts that might contradict their bizarre opinions. So I just keep reality to myself and let her jabber on.

Sbleigh · Answer

Complete honest transparency means were telling our loved ones all those nasty little thoughts that run through our head on a bad day or in a moment of irritation. That can't be helpful for fostering love & affection.

HughJass · Answer

Depending on how bad is the
" unsaid " thing is.

And in my opinion I would go for 100% transparency if i know that my secret ( if bad) may get leaked someday and then it will create problems in our relationship.

Haaps · Answer

That's a hard question because something that may not be important to you might to your SO and when it comes to lights, they'll be mad you didn't tell them. It depends on what that is really but for the most part be transparent.

Hapinus · Answer

I think truth is the best policy but you don’t have to say everything that goes on in your life If your asked then they should give a proper response

ImSoSquishy · Answer

Some things are better left unsaid depending on the person's personality. if the person always over thinks everything or is insecure all the time then i won't mention certain things.

rjroy3 · Answer

I think all things should be communicated, but not everything needs to be overtly said.
You shouldn't hide things that are bothering you, but that also doesn't mean you need to call someone names because you're feeling mad in the moment.

Dreamweaver671 · Answer

The perfect relationship is one which no one has to fear being open and honest about any subject. Secrets and hiding get discovered and lead to trust issues that dig a hole into the other's heart.

ChronicThinker · Answer

There are things not necessary to say. Like: his cum face is really fucking ugly. Not helpful, benefits no one.

ThisDudeHere · Answer

If you can't trust them enough to not overreact then is it even worth it to be together with them? Why would you want to walk on eggshells for the rest of your time together?

justsparky · Answer

People tend to overtly prefer 100% transparency. It is the more logical way of ensuring healthy relationships. However humans aren't logical. Covertly people, especially women, want that mystery factor. They want to wonder about things and they prefer to believe things have deeper meaning than they truthfully do. I only say this perpetuates itself in women especially because men biologically face problems deductively-searching out the best solution, while women are more emotional thinkers.

Stevebaur24 · Answer

Just like everything else i think relationships vary but in general "secrets" are unhealthy but some things that are superficial but potentially hurtful are better left unmentioned. I. e. "that shirt isn't your color " or "the soup is salty".

Auss_22 · Answer

Me and my girl opened up and let everything we had every done out the only problem was that her list almost never ended I came to the conclusion that I myself didn't want to know because I'd rather not know and live good then to hurt about the things she did.

vishna · Answer

Some people... can not handle the truth. I learned through the drama/trauma in the past that sometimes it's best to leave a little unsaid and white lies will not break a relationship.

summerfox · Answer

I've learned somethings are better left unsaid... especially when it comes to anxiety and depression..

Anonymous · Answer

I’m all for 100% honesty but when it comes to both of you just having a bad day, some things are definitely better left unsaid, that way you won’t live to regret them after the heat of the moment passes.

blkhermano · Answer

For me, the more serious the relationship gets the more transparency there should be. However, that's not to be confused with telling me every single thought that passes through your mind, and vice versa. Basically, use moderation.

Anonymous · Answer

There are some things I really wanted to know from my ex after we split. I was very suspicious that she was cheating on me 1 - 2 weeks before we broke up with a guy she met at work. Also she bought me a ticket to a major event and had the nerve to ask me to sell it back to her so her female “friend” could go. I think she intended to give to that other asshole.

This was years ago but it still bothers me to think about it.

ryancg · Answer

I'd be inclined to say complete transparency, but that's probably not true. It should be though. I'm always honest, brutally so, and people often think me an asshole for it. It's taught me that people love their lies and they just can't take honesty.

yucel_eden · Answer

There’s a difference between lying and keeping something to yourself.  If she wants to know I will not lie. But I won’t bring certain things up either as she might not like it.

Celq532 · Answer

Depends on your relationship. If you didn't find a good and wise spouse, then you won't do well by being 100% transparent. The less wise your spouse is, the less you will do well.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

When I withhold information, then out of respect, or to avoid unnecessary stress where there would be no reason for stress.

mishanw_1071 · Answer

depends... something NEED to be said, others not so much...

4pple · Answer

I'd prefer knowing, and telling everything. No secrets, no hiding, just pure honesty.

Caaarl · Answer

I don't think complete transparently would ever work because if you felt negatively you'd hurt their feelings.

winterfox10 · Answer

There's some dark shit in people's lives... some things are best left unsaid... especially in new relationships...

TysonZion · Answer

It's good to have complete transparency coz you don't want to have problems in the future between your relationship due to hiding some things from your partner

Sjeggy · Answer

@hellosweetie49525 openness all the way ^^ i have nothing to hide from you <3

Anonymous · Answer

Some things left unsaid. If girlfriend isn't looking super hot one day but I can see she's just having a bad day and maybe she's feeling vulnerable. Yes I'm going to call her gorgeous.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Depending on what is to be said And how it is to be said.  I advocate complete honesty, yet I advocate tact.

OnitheWanderer · Answer

Better the latter, because you made yourself clear and avoid unnecessary drama of miscommunication and misconception.

Joker8 · Answer

Only SOME things, people shouldn't use this as an execuse to hide everything... only some things that might extremely damage or hurt the other person or cause serious problems

Snakeyes7 · Answer

This is a very tough question. It all depends on how willing both of you are to accept the truth and nothing but the truth when you want complete transparency.

Chaz269 · Answer

Complete honesty is a must. Complete transparency is a mistake... in my opinion.

fueledbythc · Answer

I need 100% transparency otherwise I won't want a relationship

Juxtapose · Answer

Complete honesty is *REQUIRED* to even be my friend..

ZeussLightningBolt · Answer

Some things are better left unsaid *cough cough Trump

sp33d · Answer

Do you know how much I hate the sound how you breathe? No, you are actually kind of fat. No, this food is not delicious at all.

Are some things better left unsaid in a relationship or is 100% transparency always the way to go?

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