Are some things better left unsaid in a relationship or is 100% transparency always the way to go?

[ghostqueen]

Some things are better left unsaid

Complete transparency is the way to go

[simplyaramdomgirl]

Personally, I think that some things are better left unsaid. A hundred percent transparency would be perfect in a utopic sense but the truth is that no one wants that in reality. We all have things that we don't confide in anyone, secrets that go with us to our death. Those secrets are secrets for a reason and I don't think that anyone wants to see the bad side of their partner. Doesn't matter how much love you have for a person, if you have any at all, there are some things that you simply can't surpass. Things that break up marriages, relationship and even friendships. To me you should be transparent in everything that concerns the relationship, but the rest is to your discretion.

[dragonfly6516]

Negative opinions should only be shared when asked for. But if it's constructive criticism, that's a different story. If it's something purely based on your own personal preference, and hey're not hurting anyone, keep it yourself.

[Logorithim]

Sure, some things are better left unsaid. I'm not to talk, for example, about my best sexual experiences with other women. She doesn't need or want to hear about that.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Somethings are definitely left unsaid. I had an ex who felt entitled to tell me anything he wanted whenever he wanted because he was being "honest." There's no reason to tell someone they look particularly ugly or that you'd think they are stupid or that their opinions are wrong because "facts." So many guys fall into this trap where they bitch about women being illogical over matters that are opinion based, NOT logically based. Example: woman wants dishloader loaded a certain way. Man will tell her that her way is wrong/stupid because logically you can "fit more" if you do it another way. In reality, you can just be like, okay this person cares more about this and has a preferred way of doing it, I can abstain from calling it stupid and respect how this person wants to be treated instead of belittling them on the grounds of "logic." Because fact: just because you can "fit more" doesn't make it easier to unload, doesn't always ensure things get cleaned better, or that you want to take the time to rearrange all of the dishes you've already put in. "Yes honey I agree" will get you very far in battles that really aren't worth it. Kids, money, family, lifestyle etc those are things you should have 100% transparency

[Browneye57]

I find it odd that this new crop of women seem to think that EVERY damn thing that pops into their head should be verbalized. It's constant chatter and drivel. Seriously, never pass up the opportunity to just STFU.

First of all there's no such thing is 'complete transparency' as each will have their own interpretation of what is said or conveyed. Some things just don't need to be conveyed. Like your sexual past - never kiss and tell. EVER. And all the gossip about everybody else isn't helpful either.

No, you'll never be respected for spilling your guts on everything you can possibly think of.

[AuroraRoseat]

I disagree. You'll be respected (depending upon the person) but it might not go as you would like.

Also, if someone's sketchy about their sexual past and someone who is thinking of them as a potential dating partner wants to know due to a deal breaker, then I wouldn't trust the person who want to hide their number.

[Browneye57]

@AuroraRoseat - Disagree all you want. Doesn't change anything. It's not about 'hiding' it's about disclosure. If you ride the cock carousel for 15 years and then tell your potential suitor you're the biggest slut in town, it's not likely to go so well. All the while he thinks he's hit gold with the quality of sex. pfft.
Never kiss and tell.

But back to this idea of things left unsaid... not everything that pops into your little head needs to be verbalized. Some things are better left unsaid.

OTOH, if you simply disrespect your man and your verbalization of your brain dump reveals that, then figure it's all going to implode sooner or later anyway.

[Blunique]

I think about it like this. If my partner asks me specific questions he wants to know I will be honest. But I won't volunteer any info he didn't ask for. Let's say he asks me how many guys I've kissed. I will tell him how many. But if I kissed women, then I won't volunteer that information because he didn't directly ask me it. If he never asks me then I'll never tell him because it's something that should be left in the past. Just like I won't ask him something I know will hurt me and he won't tell me because I didn't bring it up or he selectively doesn't want to tell me to maybe avoid a fight. I don't know if most people see this as a bad thing. Like you can be honest but you are selective to avoid a fight. Not sure if most people consider this a bad thing?

[frederik2]

I think that's a great way to see things. I've been dumped by a girl, when I first started dating, due to the fact that I was 100% transparent about things in my past, problems etc.

To illustrate this, a girl, which I had been dating for 4 months, asked about my family. I really do have a great family, and I said that, and she talked problems with her parents etc. I then mention something that had annoyed me about my parents, and as we all understand things differently, she thought it was a big problem and gave me kind of victim role, that I don't like.

So I will not express such personal feelings before I have known a girl for a year or even more - and only express them if she asks.

[Blunique]

@frederik2 You guys had some miscommunication? I'm sorry to hear that. Communication is really important.

[Anonymous]

In a healthy relationship you need Balance... You need to be open and honest with each other... But things that are not so important and may hurt the other person should be left aside.. For instance, once my boyfriend's best friend was drunk and he flirted with me (without crossing any boundaries like trying to touch me or get too close) ... I didn't respond, just told him nicely i want to be left alone... But since he never did this while sober... And he is pretty much known for being a player... I never told my boyfriend's... I knew this will affect their friendship... And since the incident didn't repeated i kept it for myself

[McKellar]

I used to think that being COMPLETELY OPENED in your communication was a good thing. To me, that just shows you are not willing to lie nor hide anything from your romantic partner. ... according to my experience,.. that was unfortunately a huge mistake which costed me to loose my relationship with my ex-fiance. Although that was an important learning lesson, it was also a costly one to just keep somethings to myself. I don't necessarily have to share everything with her.

If there are somethings that she doesn't need to know,... just keep it restricted since she or he does not need to know.

[slatyb]

I overheard a woman telling a friend "Jeff (the woman's husband) thinks I have ugly feet."

Jeff should not have said that. There's nothing she can do about it, and she will never forget it. There is no point in telling your partner something that you don't like that they cannot change.

[MrOracle]

I'm personally in Camp B, but I'm also aware that some people simply couldn't handle the truth in all situations, and I am not cruel.

I tend to attract the kind of women who are more into harsh truth, but that's certainly not always the case, so sometimes I have to engage the "feeling filter." Still, I do my best to move people towards the truth and not being oversensitive about everything, and part of that is not being offended by the truth myself and setting a good example.

[honeymoon-1]

Lol left unsaid somethings are just useless and harmful for example if your ex had a bigger dick there’s no need to explain.. if your girlfriend looking fat or ugly one day in an outfit or u say how good this one girl was in bed other she had bigger boobs than you? I mean why hurt someone when it really makes no difference and can be left unsaid

[Dreamweaver671]

Could be the way you say it too. I have neen with women who have been with much bigger than me and they get turned on that I dont have any issues with them talking about it. I have been with all likes of "lookers" and if I meet one in passing that I had not talked about I get a lot of lips so it is always good to be honest about the past.

[atastychef]

Being in a relationship definitely requires open communication and transparency in anything that affects your relationship or the other person, but you are also an individual. And have a right to privacy in some personal things and thoughts. There is no need to share EVERYTHING with someone else, no matter who they are.

[GeekyGoof]

Transparency is very important to good communication (which is absolutely critical to any healthy relationship). That said, there are some things that are better left unsaid.
Just because a thought pops into your head doesn't mean that you need to verbalize it to your partner if you know it's something that with only upset, hurt, or infuriate them. This doesn't mean that you hide things from them to make it seem like everything is perfect when it's not, but that you consider their feelings in what you say, and (more importantly) how you say it.

[Drener]

I would say it better not to say things because you can hurt yourself , another person , your SO, and it can end in a breakup divorce

Now if your SO tell me what on your mind or something regards to that tell Your so

But also communication is the key
If u have questions ask but don't assume

[Jjpayne]

I think it's less about things are better left unsaid and more about timing. Somethings I think it is worth to struggle alone with. Not everything should be this way but I think some things are better struggling out alone in meditation and prayer. I am all about being wide open but it's about when the best time should be to do that.

[Anonymous]

Yes transparency is always the best like for example my ex once told me how her sister and aunt were arguing over who should take care of her sick mother and she told me that her aunt hit her sister and then called the police on the two of them I thought her aunt was crazy until I learned the real truth after we broke up and the truth was her mom wasn’t sick she had gone through surgery which is worst and my ex and her sister didn’t want to take care of her because they wanted to go to the beach because it was spring break and the aunt didn’t hit the sister the sister hit the aunt and my ex told me she had joined so I’m guessing it was two against the poor women and yeah I guess I dodge a bullet there

[NineBreaker]

Don't be a blabbermouth.
Sharing... 100% of the time? That's not just unwise; It's damn right irresponsible. You don't have to verbalize every single thought that crosses your mind. Don't even get me started when it comes to maintaining confidentiality for professional, legal, or ethical reasons.

[Johnnie1000]

if it will cause pain and is unlikely to ever come up... keep your mouth shut. Never lie to a direct question but there are things that left buried are better. Also some people like to get the guilt off of their shoulders by confession. It makes then feel good but only hurts the other person. Its selfish and cruel to do that.

[MiamiMadness]

Depending on your previous relationship history, you may want to leave somethings out. Some people claim 100% transparency is best and in a perfect world that would be true, but this is not and once something is said, it can't be taken back.

Somethings are better left unsaid, the past is the past.

[Heartonmysleeve88]

I find that you should speak life into your significant other. Uplift them, support them and encourage them. That being said, there is a difference between being transparent out of love and just not having tact. I feel so many relationships are broken due to no tact and thus, it would crush the spirit of the other person.
There is never anything gained by being rude and learn to pick battles.

[DaMack999]

Sharing too much can TMI. So best to make relationship spicy and occasionally bring flowers without her asking or pay the bill for her cellphone or her car insurance that month. Something special. Sharing too much past info can be bad as well. You will see what I mean when you have a fight with them.

[Aynsof]

Honesty is best in general
Concealment and lies generally cause more problems than they solve
I think in general they are born of one of two things
Narcissistic indulgence which well is bad and should be avoided
This is of course mostly when people do things for their own selfish pleasure
Then there is another reason where a person may try to conceal things often financial problems this I think stems from not feeling their partner is supportive
That of course is hard to make better